JdK Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I'll try to keep this as short as I can so I don't lose too many readers/advisers; The girl I'm with now is great, family is great, we get along well, we've been together for 8 years and she moved in to my house 1 year ago. Obviously after this length of time people have started to ask when I plan to ask her to marry me so it has really got me to seriously think about it...and sadly I just don't have that feeling that she's "the one". It's like I'm no closer than the day I met her. I want to, but I just don't and I feel like the biggest a-hole now...I'm now 28, and she's 27...have I ruined her life if I end it?? I feel like I have wasted so much of her time and feel so horrible about it! I know some people will say to give it some more time but really? after 8 years and still don't have that feeling? What's wrong with me? To make matters worse I know for sure that she's still fully head-over-heels and ready to get married and have kids. Any help I can get I appreciate. Thanks! Joe
denxnis Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) I was with my ex for 6 years and I felt EXACTLY like you. As time progressed I found myself pushing her away without even knowing it. I would get cold and only do things with her if I had no other plans. Take a trip, minimum 1 week, with a relative or friend and cut off all contact with your gf during said trip; believe me when I say this will be an eye opener. I wouldn't jump ship unless you were absolutely sure you don't want to marry this person, sometimes we take things for granted because we think they will always be around. Just my 2 cents. Edited March 4, 2013 by denxnis
stevie_23 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I feel for you, man. And no, I certainly will not advise you to give it more time. You had probably the first 5 or so years to feel that “feeling”. If it wasn’t there then, it sure as hell isn’t gonna arrive now! She sounds like a nice person and you obviously love her very much. Some people can live happily with that kind of relationship, but not everyone can. Some people NEED that “spark”, that just head over heels, infatuated love feeling. And they cannot be with someone they don’t feel that with. However, as you would well know, that feeling does tend to fade and change over time, change into more what it sounds like you have already with your girlfriend. So I don’t know. You could risk breaking up with her to try and find that “feeling” with someone else, but there’s no guarantee that even if you do find it, that it’ll last. You may end up where you are now again, further down the track. Or you may be one of the rarities whose “feeling” lasts forever. Ultimately though, if you’re not happy, you have to do something. And I know you care about devastating your girlfriend, but…you can’t live your life for someone else. If you do leave her, try to make it clear that she is wonderful but you can’t help how you don’t feel. You don’t want to waste her…not her time necessarily, but also HER. She can find someone who is truly, amazingly head over heels in love with her, which is what she (and everybody) deserves to have for themselves and to give to their partner as well. Good luck.
soccerrprp Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Don't give it more time. Do her a favor and let her off so she can rebuild and find someone who is willing to marry her. I'm sorry, but after 3 years of feeling no more than day one, you should have let her go. Heck, after 1 or 2. That is water under the bridge...
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