AlexB Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I was talking to my friends about my recent break up and 3 out of 4 admitted that they never liked her. Now i know they aren't just saying this to make me feel better, but it seemed like they were just trying to be nice to me by not saying anything this whole time. My friends and my ex hardly ever actually hung out (my ex would even complain about this fact, because she wanted to be included in my life more), but as it turns out they didn't even like her. At first i was like "oh lol ok", as they were giving me the "you can do so much better" etc talk. But now i kinda feel bad. Like, what if we never broke up? My ex would always feel like an outsider, my friends would have just pretended to like her for my sake. I feel like even if i ever was to get back with her, i wouldn't be able to now, knowing my friends don't and never did like her. Has this happened to you guys? Have your friends ever admitted something about your ex after the break up?
mcdo Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Yep I had this happen to me. I didn't really take any notice, I just think they didn't like how one of their "bros" had been taken away. I don't think it was personal. But I can do one better - my mother more or less said she didn't like her. I was quite shocked by that one!
LostOne1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 it's funny how people that care for us never tell us about what they think of our partner. Mostly, because they see us happy and don't want to see us hurt. But I suppose THEY see what we can't see since we are blinded by love or lust. But they see the real version of our partner and can tell us if they are good for us or not.. 1
Bando89 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 My friends told me the same... they hated my ex's behaviour, made of freakiness, jealousy and bad stuff..
veggirl Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Well, I had a relationship where my friends told me during the R that they didn't like my bf. It pissed me off and made me defensive---I can understand why people WOULD NOT say something while you are in the R because you aren't likely to listen to them!! After me and that bf broke up, I totally understood why my friends had said what they did! They were, of course, right!!! Now if everyone expressed concern about a bf of mine, I would pay attention!
KatZee Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 This happened in my last relationship. Except I'm the girl who everyone disliked. Well, not EVERYONE, but a lot of them. Basically, my exes friends all held "loyalty" to HIS ex girlfriend. So when he started dating me, they flat out snubbed me from day one. There was so much s.hit talk, so much immaturity and drama. This was nothing that was hidden from me. I was made to feel like an outsider every single day. I hated hanging out with his friends because I knew I could never be ME. I always had to put on this act and be so nice because I wanted to respect my boyfriend. Meanwhile, I knew the things they were saying about me. One girl made bets to see when he would dump me. I never felt included, I was always sad, I felt like crap day in and day out and I knew they only "tolerated me" because of him. The second he dumped me I got defriended on FB by a lot of people. I'm sure this is one of the reasons my ex will never contact me again, and even if he did, this is one of the main reasons I would never get back with him even if he got down on his knees and begged. I'm not going to date someone I have to be phony around, and I'm not going to have toxic, fake people in my life. I'm sure your ex never felt great within your circle of friends. I'm not sure why your friends didn't like her, but I do have to say if they made her feel like crap and never invited her around... cut the immature s.hit out. Unless she was some nasty b.itch who brought drama with her, there's really no reason for it. No one really took the time to get to KNOW ME. I fought tooth and nail to be the nicest person possible. To go out of my way to do things for them, be kind. My nose was never in anyone's business. At the end of the day, my ex let them influence him. There was one particularly nasty girl who spoke with him all night, the night before he texted me out of NO WHERE being a complete and utter a.sshole. So I KNOW she made things up, said things to him to completely wipe me out of the picture.
Poptree Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 My ex also let his friends influence him. So that definitely didn't help with the end of our relationship. I'd rather have someone who can think for themselves and isn't so easily persuaded by friends. This is your life, who cares if your friends didn't like her. They weren't the ones in a relationship with her. I think that unless your girl/boy is abusive, then friends really shouldn't have anything to say unless you ask them for their opinion. 1
mcdo Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 Oh ya, I know my ex's friends didn't like me either. She is big into art & design and they were all artsy types. I'm an engineer. They couldn't figure out how she was dating me. I do play in a band but that wasn't the kind of art they were interested in. I can be a bit of a guy's guy sometimes - a 6-pack of beers watching the game. And my ex is a real girly girl. Her friends saw me as a bit of on oaf I think. Only my ex was aware of my romantic & sensitive side. I have no doubt her friends were able to convince her that I wasn't right for her. And if she can be that easily swayed by her friends then I guess she wasn't right for me. 1
Author AlexB Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 I think my ex's friends had a part in her leaving me too. I have no doubt she spoke to them about it first and they agreed she should be with someone else. They're much younger than i am, carefree and really into going to "hip" and "indie" clubs and doing drugs and stuff. They dress like hipsters and i'm not really like that. They would often tease me about being so worrisome and uptight. Sometimes they would do really stupid, dangerous things, i was just trying to look out for them :/ Well now she can go do lines with her awesome friends in awesome clubs and not have to worry about the older boring person making sure they don't effin die!
mcdo Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 They're much younger than i am, carefree and really into going to "hip" and "indie" clubs and doing drugs and stuff. They dress like hipsters and i'm not really like that. They would often tease me about being so worrisome and uptight. Sometimes they would do really stupid, dangerous things, i was just trying to look out for them :/ Well now she can go do lines with her awesome friends in awesome clubs and not have to worry about the older boring person making sure they don't effin die! Haha ya nearly the identical situation with me. I don't think she's taking anything illegal (yet) but she is drinking way more than she used to. Tons of shots and stuff. When we were together and she would be out with her college friends I just had to drop all the worry. After all, I drank my own body weight in shots when I was in college too. Just had to tell myself that she's at that age. It worries me now though. Back then she could have called me anytime she was in any kind of trouble. She could have called me at 3am and asked me to drive into town and bring her home. She can't do that now and I've heard that on a few nights out she has been warped drunk trying to get home on her own. It's hard but I just gotta keep telling myself she's not my problem anymore and to drop all the worry. Crap I'm gone way off topic. Uh, ya, I blame her friends!
Author AlexB Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 See my ex and her friends would do really stupid things like accept cocaine from people they barely knew. I actually got really angry at her one time, then she back-peddled saying how they knew the guy and he was really nice to them etc. My ex would always text me when she was leaving a club/heading home so i'd know that she is ok and safe. Now, obviously i don't get any texts. So i still tend to worry a little because i know the crowd she hangs around and clubs that she goes to. Oh well, her dumb friends can watch her back now, if they aren't throwing up and passing out in a gutter somewhere.
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