sellene Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Hello everyone! These last weeks I found myself redefining some aspects in my life. (ending college, moving away and probably growing older contributes) I’m a 23 year old med student and have a real trouble regarding relationships. I don’t have much free time to meet people, then I’m an introvert and, I started realizing now (and surprise! only at 23) that I lived in my own «Planet of Love», where special laws apply, it seems. Now that I came down to earth I’m starting to analyze relationships from a different perspective, so I would enjoy some opinions. (It may be weird for some people for bringing this subject here, maybe? Or seeming childish.. you could tell me to go talk to some friends or to a coach, psy… but those are unavailable options to me at the moment) I’ve grown up understanding relationships as they were maybe in the 1st half of the XXth century: women are passive, men are active, my mum intended to say. So women should always wait for a sign of interest from the man. Men go after the ladies, every honorable woman should only loose her virginity with her husband, and you don’t have to go after a guy you like, because the guy that destiny planned for you will somehow materialize. Etc! And I really believed in this for many years! Anyway I managed to have one boyfriend in college and many platonic relationships. I had crushes for many guys, which I realize now were not feed by the person they were but instead for the picture I made of them in my mind. I used to daydream a lot, creating scenes, futures, I idealized relationships around that person: the way they talked, they looked, they smiled, their ideas, their dreams.. Of course I felt every symptom of “being in love”: feeling great whenever I was close to “him”, living for the moment I could talk to him, be around, thinking about him all day, making plans in my mind about us.. well, you know. - But is it really love? Or is it what leads to healthy, good, stable relationships? What I think - now – is that maybe the most important thing when choosing someone to love (I’ve recently read an article that said loving is a choice) is the way you feel with/around that person. Not all those butterflies on the stomach, but rather simply well, like if everything was right. And maybe all that rush passion, to be madly in love is just a teenager thing, or a movie thing. You don’t necessarily need to feel that to be happy with someone by your side. I mean, it’s not like the movies, right? What is it to be in love? How do you choose someone to love? Because there is no Mr.Perfect outside searching for you under the rain. Though I’m not also Miss Perfect at all, I waited for a long time for him. But I think now I could have ignored many nice guys with who I could have probably have shared many happy moments if I wasn’t obsessed with “the moment I’ll see him I’ll now he’s the one I’ve been waiting for my entire life” Some advice to evolve to a next level? Did this happened to you, even if when you were younger? Really, thank you very much for reading this.
hppr Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Congratulations, you're normal. What you're talking about is lust, you're just horny for the guy and create these fantasy situations in your mind about him. Nothing wrong with that you just can't base a relationship off of it. Some boys/girls start to realize this stuff when they are 14-15, some when they are 18-19, some in their 20s, and some never do. Real relationships that last are based around common interests. Attraction is part of it but once you start to open your eyes you'll realize you can find attractive qualities in lots of people. So it becomes more about getting to know the person, their personality, and what they want out of life. When you're a teen none of this really factors in just because it's all a spur of the moment thing, part of being mature is growing beyond that and developing life goals. 1
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