egalew Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 FYI - One of the many things I've struggled with in the aftermath of the affair is the fun, loving, caring guy I fell for in the beginning had radically changed by the end. And, two his lying. I know that everyone says any married man who cheats is comfortable lying. True. But this guy highly exaggerated and told tall tales about everything! "My daughter-in-law modeled for Victoria Secret....." "My son just signed a million daughter contract for a job......" "I graduated with one of the highest GPAs at that institution ever....." "My wife and I owe a lot of property together," when they have no joint assess. And three, how swiftly I was dumped, without any warning, in the end. I would never contact the ex wife. However, I often wish she'd reach out to me so I can sort out what was real and what was not.
underwater2010 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 The bubble burst and you just realized that a married man that lies to his wife about you will lie to you about things also. Sorry....Please do call his wife. It would be nice to know what she has to say to you....also you can blow up his story to her.
Author egalew Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 She threw him out and when we parted ways they were in the process of divorcing. It was a totally co-dependent relationship between them: she the scolding mommy, he the naughty little boy she was always rescuing. In the end I learned that he was a totally "kept man." I often feel like if I talked to her it would give me closure, because it would learn more about the depth and width of his lies. However, I guess I'm afraid of her reaction to me (she has been painted as a hot headed Italian). I am also afraid of what else I might learn.
MissBee Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) FYI - One of the many things I've struggled with in the aftermath of the affair is the fun, loving, caring guy I fell for in the beginning had radically changed by the end. And, two his lying. I know that everyone says any married man who cheats is comfortable lying. True. But this guy highly exaggerated and told tall tales about everything! "My daughter-in-law modeled for Victoria Secret....." "My son just signed a million daughter contract for a job......" "I graduated with one of the highest GPAs at that institution ever....." "My wife and I owe a lot of property together," when they have no joint assess. And three, how swiftly I was dumped, without any warning, in the end. I would never contact the ex wife. However, I often wish she'd reach out to me so I can sort out what was real and what was not. I can totally relate to how you feel. It's normal in a breakup, even in non-As, depending on how it ended and especially if the person seemed to do a switch, to try to figure out what was real from fake. It seems like only by doing that can you have closure and move on. However, with time those feelings dissipate and you no longer need to find out the "truth". I have an ex whom I have no clue what was true from false or the "real him" and I can say, I do not care. We broke up 3 years ago and life is great and I have closure and I didn't get it from figuring out the "truth" about him and his behavior and feelings. Processing can be so painful sometimes and frustrating but you'll eventually get to a stable place and believe it or not, no input from them or people who know them is required. This man sounds like a pathological liar smh. Some MM lie circumstantially, to keep the A going, to keep their M and A separate and in tact etc. but this guy seems like lying for the purposes of self-aggrandizement is his normal way of being. Be glad you are done with him! Edited March 4, 2013 by MissBee 1
LadyGrey Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Ega.........I get it, as xmm was similar in his lies. It was more than just the usual lies, pathological I think some people, truly are. I was privy to a lot of it because I did talk with the BS. You think it would settle your mind to speak with her and confirm what is true and what isn't...........it wouldn't really. He is what he is.......
stevie_23 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I also wouldn’t want to discuss anything with my ex-MM’s wife. Mainly because I don’t think he lied to me, BUT if I found out he did, I’d be crushed. Absolutely devastated. Beyond belief. BUT I would also be forced to finally see that he is who he is. And who he is…is NOTHING to do with ME. 2
Author egalew Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 LadyGrey - What happened when you talked to the BS? Did you find out more lies? Bring closure? Help you move on?
Pierre Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I also wouldn’t want to discuss anything with my ex-MM’s wife. Mainly because I don’t think he lied to me, BUT if I found out he did, I’d be crushed. Absolutely devastated. Beyond belief. BUT I would also be forced to finally see that he is who he is. And who he is…is NOTHING to do with ME. Stevie You are so innocent that it is actually pretty. And once you lose innocence you never get it back. Stay innocent.
stevie_23 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Hmm. Well, ok. lol. I lost part of my innocence a very long time ago, Pierre. 1
Author egalew Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 LadyGrey - What happened when you talked to the BS? Did you find out more lies? Bring closure? Help you move on?
LadyGrey Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 LadyGrey - What happened when you talked to the BS? Did you find out more lies? Bring closure? Help you move on? Both of us got the truth that he wasn't giving. So many lies it was mind boggling, the main one being he lied about being separated, he wasn't. Yes it helped me move on..because I got a clearer picture of who he really was, and none of it was good. When I said in my prior post, I didn't convey what I meant, as I was just speaking to the part about helping you understand him more. Personally I can't ever fathom how someone could lie to that extinct. To me it's unforgivable. I'm glad I spoke with her, no regrets at all, and bonus, I apologized to her.
LadyGrey Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Stevie You are so innocent that it is actually pretty. And once you lose innocence you never get it back. Stay innocent. I wouldn't call it innocence......I would call it denial and not wanting to face the truth. I'm not being snarky stevie, just my 2 cents. 1
stevie_23 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Heh, that's ok LadyG. I was going to say that myself to Pierre, but then I decided I don't have the energy to get into that at the moment. Am having an extra "weak" day today and not feeling so good. I noticed you said "Personally I can't ever fathom how someone could lie to that extinct" instead of "extent". lol. Freudian slip maybe? You wish your ex to become extinct? (or he already is to you) But thank you Pierre, for saying my "innocence" is pretty. lol.
Author egalew Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Stevie - If I remember correctly, your relationship was all online. That in and of itself provides a huge opportunity for lying. I know a lot of people who've ben duped by online relationships. Just saying........ Lady in Grey.... Curious is the BS was receptive to you. Did you call? Write?
stevie_23 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Stevie - If I remember correctly, your relationship was all online. That in and of itself provides a huge opportunity for lying. I know a lot of people who've ben duped by online relationships. Just saying........ Oh, I know this for sure.
Spark1111 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 FYI - One of the many things I've struggled with in the aftermath of the affair is the fun, loving, caring guy I fell for in the beginning had radically changed by the end. And, two his lying. I know that everyone says any married man who cheats is comfortable lying. True. But this guy highly exaggerated and told tall tales about everything! "My daughter-in-law modeled for Victoria Secret....." "My son just signed a million daughter contract for a job......" "I graduated with one of the highest GPAs at that institution ever....." "My wife and I owe a lot of property together," when they have no joint assess. And three, how swiftly I was dumped, without any warning, in the end. I would never contact the ex wife. However, I often wish she'd reach out to me so I can sort out what was real and what was not. The lies or exaggerations he told are just all further proof of how much he needed to impress someone, you, unfortunately. How low was his self-esteem? Pretty damn low, I would say. wouldn't you? And how fast he dumped you speaks directly to his cowardice. he may have been a nice, caring guy, but he was ALSO a low, self-esteem, conflict-avoider like MOST cheating MAPs sorry to say. 2
LadyGrey Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 :laugh:, well when your spelling sucks as bad as mine, spell check sometimes doesn't know what the heck I'm talking about. Could have been Freudian.......indeed. Heh, that's ok LadyG. I was going to say that myself to Pierre, but then I decided I don't have the energy to get into that at the moment. Am having an extra "weak" day today and not feeling so good. I noticed you said "Personally I can't ever fathom how someone could lie to that extinct" instead of "extent". lol. Freudian slip maybe? You wish your ex to become extinct? (or he already is to you) But thank you Pierre, for saying my "innocence" is pretty. lol. 1
stevie_23 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I like Freudian slips. Many years ago when I worked as a legal secretary, I meant to type "essential oil" (it was for a patent specification) and accidentally typed "essential OWL". Not exactly Freudian, but definitely a slip nonetheless. 2
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