McDonald Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Its been 3 months since the Bu, 2 month of complete NC. I run into her and her new boyfriend on campus... I run into them when I am out.. It does not bother me that much anymore.. Recently I would walk by her place to see what she was doing (I know, creepy).. but I stopped because I just end up getting hurt.. 4 Im able to go out, and talk to other girls... Im working out everyday.. Im doing everything I did before the relatiionship. I just dont feel 100% happy though. I am much happier, but I dont feel completely happy with myself. Im afraid that it wont get better because Im now doing everything I wanted to do... I dont know if I miss her... or miss the idea of her... or that Im sad because Im just lonely now. ITs all so confusing at times..I hate waking up and feeling terrible.. but then fine later on.. then over it... then missing her.. then angry... then over it... you get the point. So whats next? Do I just let time pass? Im not going to break NC though I do have urges at times... Losing your girlfriend/best friend/ first person you met at your college just seems too much. But it happened. Im not sure what else I can do to get her to leave me head... or to get me to 100% let go.
cavalier99 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You just keep on going bro. That's it. Just stop walking by her place. If you stop it the urges get less just like maintaining NC. By the way what that is called is "searching" behavior and it is part of the grieving process. It is not stalking. I had urges to drive by my exs work just to see her car and did it twice the 1st weeks of the BU. I used to bring her coffee there in the morning often. It is very painful that part. You should stop. Not that it is stalking but because it is very painful for you. Stalkers stop and stay and follow. That being said being seen walking by there often could be interpreted in a very bad light.
Author McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Thanks Cav for the response. I know I must stop, I believe I have.. we will see in time. Its funny, I feel like I have been moving on and letting go but a part of me doesnt want to.. but cant stop it. Its really no longer fighting to hold on, but it feels defeated. I feel defeated in a way. Everyone says "You are better off without her". I mean, I can see that as being true, but when will it become, real? If I text her.. I know she will reply as a friend... beucase she doesnt hate me.. as she tried reaching out to me last month after I went NC and she told me never to talk to her again lol. But I cant give her the satisfaction of having me as her friend... and this new boyfriend. Its like in that scenario I have the sh*t end of the stick.
CudLRoo Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You sound like you've got over most of the pain now. No point being friends when the boyfriend's there, it will only cause trouble for all three of you and probably won't end up nicely, esp. as girls switch off so quickly when a new sun enters their cosmos, and she'll only be having eyes for him for the time being. If she texts you, just be courteous and don't take it further.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 It is impossible to do NC in your situation, that sucks. Try to take up a Martial Arts. If you haven't. That will help workout more of that pain, then you think..
cavalier99 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 You got it man. It is just time. Your thoughts are very familiar to me. It is like reading self post 2-3 months ago. You just keep on doing the right things like you are. Thats it. There will be lots more ups and downs. Feeling fine anger, depressed, realization she is NEVER coming back and it is all on you now ecetere. You just keep on marching on and then it sorta ends or at least gets so it isn't a big deal any more. You start to feel normal again. But it takes time. You just need to accept that you will have the ups and downs.
Author McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Thanks guys for the responses but something just happened. The 1st day I tried to avoid her.. I run into them. This was about 10 min ago. I went out to go get food and there they were. They didnt see me, but ugh the feeling when your hands and feet tingle. it just sucks. It makes me feel like I havent made any improvements. I was just replaced. I think that hurts the most. How can I keep up with this? How can I move foward..
Author McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 ugh Im starting to lose it. See, these are the things that make me want to send her a message. That make me want to say.... "You know Im still kinda hurting right?" It wont help though. I can only help myself... it just sucks, becuase that was me... and I worked to get there and this guy just comes in and takes it.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Then...why don't you go and take something? Take another girl. I don't care what that girl is or who she is(as long as she's single) and go and have some fun, relax. Stop your thinking, and have fun...You may have built years or months with her, but she tore it down. Now someone else has that chance... It is cruel...But they may not even last..
Author McDonald Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Then...why don't you go and take something? Take another girl. I don't care what that girl is or who she is(as long as she's single) and go and have some fun, relax. Stop your thinking, and have fun...You may have built years or months with her, but she tore it down. Now someone else has that chance... It is cruel...But they may not even last.. I do have to just let lose I agree. Im making it really hard on myself. Like last night.. some girl wanted to dance with me and I just walked away. I know crazy
CudLRoo Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 ugh Im starting to lose it. See, these are the things that make me want to send her a message. That make me want to say.... "You know Im still kinda hurting right?" Trouble is, they don't wanna hear, see or KNOW about that, men aren't allowed to hurt. A woman catches you crying over her? It seems to sicken them. It's terrible, a double whammy of pain because you're not supposed to reveal stuff, and have to keep it in or drink to escape caring. Gah, I just depressed myself there. Not in the highest of spirits!
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