A question for those of you that do not have children

[ltjg45]

I rather die alone than to put such a responsibility on my children, if I ever have any.

 

That is not their problem and I don't intend to make it their problem. They have a life to live and I intend to give it to them to do as they see fit.....

 

.....even if that means they kill me for any reason at all.

 

That is just being selfish.

[Sugarkane]

Interesting question. I have thought about this eg my aunt who is a real A type career woman, never married or had kids. And she avoids going to family things because she doesn't get along with my uncle. So we never see her. Then again my dads family isn't close at all. She is a very materialistic person which is off putting. And always asked me really dumb questions.

[Sugarkane]

Exactly. How many old folks in nursing homes NEVER get visitors because either a) their kids are "too busy" or b) their kids live across the country or c) their kids are just lazy and don't care enough.

 

I've never worried about not having kids to take care of me in old age.

 

The only reasons why i haven't visited my paternal grandmother are 1) She was never close to us to begin with. Despite living near her. 2) She was abusive to my father 3) She has bad alzeimers/ dementia. She doesn't recognize anyone and nothing she says makes any sense. 4) I wouldn't want to go without my dad, as she has gotten emotional/ violent before.

[Phoe]

No, I never thought of who would take care of me, I've always been stubbornly independent.

 

As a child, when sick, I was mostly left to fend for myself. My mom would check on me occasionally to make sure I was still breathing (thank god -.-) and I would be taken to the doctor when absolutely crucial, but I was always left to fend for myself when sick.

 

It also just so happens that the times in my past relationships that the guy cheated/abandoned me/dumped me/something similarly hurtful, it was ALWAYS when I was sick. It got to the point that I'd feel a cold coming on and automatically get massive anxiety about my boyfriend...and then like clockwork, he'd disappear.

 

I'm sick right now, sick enough that I had to call off from work. I'm sat at home slightly perturbed as to why there's never been anyone in my life who cared enough to take care of me when I'm not well. I've almost developed a bit of a complex about it.

 

If I had children, and then they did not take care of me when I was old, I would become downright depressed.

[Crusoe]

No, I never thought of who would take care of me, I've always been stubbornly independent.

 

As a child, when sick, I was mostly left to fend for myself. My mom would check on me occasionally to make sure I was still breathing (thank god -.-) and I would be taken to the doctor when absolutely crucial, but I was always left to fend for myself when sick.

 

It also just so happens that the times in my past relationships that the guy cheated/abandoned me/dumped me/something similarly hurtful, it was ALWAYS when I was sick. It got to the point that I'd feel a cold coming on and automatically get massive anxiety about my boyfriend...and then like clockwork, he'd disappear.

 

I'm sick right now, sick enough that I had to call off from work. I'm sat at home slightly perturbed as to why there's never been anyone in my life who cared enough to take care of me when I'm not well. I've almost developed a bit of a complex about it.

 

If I had children, and then they did not take care of me when I was old, I would become downright depressed.

 

I wouldn't take any of it personally. Sadly we are living in a world where people tend to only be there for the good times. I know a lot of people who have been dumped, goonered or divorced as soon as they were struck down by injury or illness.

 

When I was about eight I remember coming home from school and my parents telling me the old girl down the road was ill. My old man told it was now my job to mow her lawn every Saturday morning, which I did for about 6 months. Most people chipped in, her dogs were walked, meals were cooked, her house was cleaned, bills and paperwork taken care of. It's the way it was back then, you looked after your own, looked after those around you.

 

Last year I did some work for an old boy down the road. First day there I saw he was struggling. Turns out he'd just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. His wife left him saying she didn't want to spend her life looking after a sick old man, he hadn't seen his kids in weeks, neighbours didn't want to know and nobody visited him in all the time I was working there. Nobody wanted to know, he was just a chore to them, something that stopped them from having a good time. I drove past his house a few months later to see it swarming with people. Cars lined the street, doors wide open and were being filled with his belongings. That's how I knew he'd died. The vultures had landed. He was no longer a chore, he was something they could benefit from again.

 

Seems to be the way of the world nowadays.

[aj22one]

Me and the wife do not want children. We're not opposed to the idea of having them in principle, but we're just not cut out for parenting. If you're not gonna do a good job, you shouldn't have kids haha.

 

I wouldn't expect any children I'd have to take care of me in old age. I'd hope that I did a good enough job that they'd want to out of kindness and love. But I wouldn't expect them too haha.

 

As for what I'll do if I get sick and have no children, just do my best with what I have.

[MsSmurf]

Do you worry about who will take care of you as you grow older and inevitable health problems arise? My mom has been in the hospital recently, and it really has made me think about this. I am in my late thirties. I have never had a strong urge to have children, but always just figured if it is meant to be, its meant to be. Obviously having children just so they will be around to take care of you when you are older is selfish and the wrong reason, but I am curious as to people's thoughts on this.

 

I learned long ago that having children does not guarantee you will be properly cared for in your old age. Ever visit a nursing home? Many of the people are there because their children refuse to care for them.

 

Whether one has children or not one should have adequate long term care coverage, a medical power of attorney, a will, a trust, and anything else that might need to be set up that will dictate elderly care and end of life care. This is exactly what I will begin doing soon as I don't want to assume any of my relatives will take care of me and I will not have children.

[Sugarkane]

My dad also used to mow the lawn etc for a friends mother. Us kids used to go when we were young. The old woman became like a third grandmother to me. She was so much more friendlier and warmer than my own grandmother! I have fond memories of visiting her. When she died her son didn't even invite us to her funeral. Her son had cut her off and I don't think he even invited anyone to the funeral. I wish she was still around, she was a very nice lady and I have good memories. When she died it was like one of my grandparents had died.

wouldn't take any of it personally. Sadly we are living in a world where people tend to only be there for the good times. I know a lot of people who have been dumped, goonered or divorced as soon as they were struck down by injury or illness.

 

When I was about eight I remember coming home from school and my parents telling me the old girl down the road was ill. My old man told it was now my job to mow her lawn every Saturday morning, which I did for about 6 months. Most people chipped in, her dogs were walked, meals were cooked, her house was cleaned, bills and paperwork taken care of. It's the way it was back then, you looked after your own, looked after those around you.

 

Last year I did some work for an old boy down the road. First day there I saw he was struggling. Turns out he'd just been diagnosed with a terminal illness. His wife left him saying she didn't want to spend her life looking after a sick old man, he hadn't seen his kids in weeks, neighbours didn't want to know and nobody visited him in all the time I was working there. Nobody wanted to know, he was just a chore to them, something that stopped them from having a good time. I drove past his house a few months later to see it swarming with people. Cars lined the street, doors wide open and were being filled with his belongings. That's how I knew he'd died. The vultures had landed. He was no longer a chore, he was something they could benefit from again.

 

Seems to be the way of the world nowadays.

[Sugarkane]

We visited her way more than get own family did. Her own family very rarely saw her.

[ceres12]

for those of you who mentioned nursing homes to look after you mind you i have seen and experienced others been cared for in nursing homes and they dont give a rats behind about you. You get all sorts of bed sores because they dont turn you when they are supposed to, some of them dont even bathe you. A stranger is looking out for you who only sees you as a budget and a paycheck you have to keep this in mind and it is no different. Also giving you nonstop drugs to shush you from getting all aggressive and what not. So those of you who said nursing homes ummm yea good luck with that i wouldnt do that to my parents no matter how hard i had to. I will take care of them myself full time if i had to. It is sad, i have seen so many elderly who have no families and it is just sad nobody really cares for them very few nurses do but its sad. At the end of the day on your worst regardless of what you say now eventually you will want to see at least one face that truly cares about you in your bedside trust me i have seen it.

[Sugarkane]

Well why are The nursing home employees allowed to get away with it?

for those of you who mentioned nursing homes to look after you mind you i have seen and experienced others been cared for in nursing homes and they dont give a rats behind about you. You get all sorts of bed sores because they dont turn you when they are supposed to, some of them dont even bathe you. A stranger is looking out for you who only sees you as a budget and a paycheck you have to keep this in mind and it is no different. Also giving you nonstop drugs to shush you from getting all aggressive and what not. So those of you who said nursing homes ummm yea good luck with that i wouldnt do that to my parents no matter how hard i had to. I will take care of them myself full time if i had to. It is sad, i have seen so many elderly who have no families and it is just sad nobody really cares for them very few nurses do but its sad. At the end of the day on your worst regardless of what you say now eventually you will want to see at least one face that truly cares about you in your bedside trust me i have seen it.

[Sugarkane]

Sorry if I sound harsh, but I also think it gies both ways. I wonder why I should look after my parents when they get elderly when they think it's ok to disown me over something as trivial as getting pregnant out of wedlock. Which is odd considering we're Anglo Saxons and not religious.

[sb129]

Do you worry about who will take care of you as you grow older and inevitable health problems arise? My mom has been in the hospital recently, and it really has made me think about this. I am in my late thirties. I have never had a strong urge to have children, but always just figured if it is meant to be, its meant to be. Obviously having children just so they will be around to take care of you when you are older is selfish and the wrong reason, but I am curious as to people's thoughts on this.

 

I am going to answer this even though I am a parent.

 

When I decided to become a parent, having someone to look after me in my old age was the furthest thing from my mind.

 

There are no guarantees that your children will be able to look after you when you get old- you might outlive them or they may not be capable or able to do so.

 

My plan is to raise two independent, kind daughters who can live their own lives first and foremost.

I also have a good retirement scheme and a good health insurance policy to cover all bases.

[Leegh]

Do not worry. There are many, many children that do not help with their aging parents, and some do not visit them more than several times a year, even if they live in the same city. There is a new law in China which makes children visit their elderly parents. Of course, there are many great children who do care for their elderly parents, but many children do not, so it is not a guarantee that children will take care of their elderly parents.

[ffw]

If had kids, I wouldn't want them to look after me in old age because I don't think it'd be fair, especially if I got ill. I choose to have kids, so they shouldn't have to pay me back for something they technically didn't ask for.

 

Additionally, interms of nusing home, makes me wonder which is worse: being in nursing home & regretting you didn't have children or being there because you had children?