DirtyDancing Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I'm not talking about a long term relationship where a person feels they aren't attracted to their partner anymore. Based on some recent experiences of mine, I'm wondering if it's possible to turn off physical attraction to someone if you once felt that way. Example: two people are mutually very attracted to each other. Outside circumstances prevented them from ever fulfilling it or really exploring that attraction. Sex may or may not be involved. Time goes by, things change, different circumstances. When they are around each other again, is the attraction strictly by nature still underlying? I think the basic human instinct is not something that can be turned on and off like a switch. If you were once attracted, then it will always be there. Again, I'm not talking about running into an ex and wondering if there's still an attraction. What do you think?
todreaminblue Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I'm not talking about a long term relationship where a person feels they aren't attracted to their partner anymore. Based on some recent experiences of mine, I'm wondering if it's possible to turn off physical attraction to someone if you once felt that way. Example: two people are mutually very attracted to each other. Outside circumstances prevented them from ever fulfilling it or really exploring that attraction. Sex may or may not be involved. Time goes by, things change, different circumstances. When they are around each other again, is the attraction strictly by nature still underlying? I think the basic human instinct is not something that can be turned on and off like a switch. If you were once attracted, then it will always be there. Again, I'm not talking about running into an ex and wondering if there's still an attraction. What do you think? Pondered this yesterday,i cant turn attraction off when i feel it, i agree with teh light switch analogy, as far as my ex goes i wouldnt do anything with him........he is with another.......but i havent seen him in over seven years...since we split........when we used to be in the same room there was always a spark......sexual tension....excitement...other people said they coudl feel it...i dont feel my heart racing or anything while i am writing this so i feel from my side the spark is not there anymore.......but i dont think i will push it and see......i talk to him on the phone and dont feel anything....but my thoughts are on someone who i have become attracted to....my heart races when i see him, i feel this spark a bit like a magnet for me....lol...unfortunately he doesnt feel it.....sort of irony......its not a sexual thing.....its a complete package thing.....and i cant really describe why it developed...his voice his smile.....a combination ...i am tryign to break that connection i feel so i can be his friend...and not have my heart go spastic....makes me feel like a teenager.....i dont like not being in control of what i feel....although i do maintain my dignity...i hope..i would hate to make him uncomfortable that just isnt me....so yes i agree attraction cant be turned on and off like a light bulb...i do hope however after years that it might short out of its own accord when you walk into that unlit room and flick the switch with an ex.......not testing it ill stick to distance......as i said i dont feel anything my attraction is redirected, cant be sure he wont though and he is with soemone else that wouldnt be fair on her.......deb
Estate Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I'm not talking about a long term relationship where a person feels they aren't attracted to their partner anymore. Based on some recent experiences of mine, I'm wondering if it's possible to turn off physical attraction to someone if you once felt that way. Example: two people are mutually very attracted to each other. Outside circumstances prevented them from ever fulfilling it or really exploring that attraction. Sex may or may not be involved. Time goes by, things change, different circumstances. When they are around each other again, is the attraction strictly by nature still underlying? I think the basic human instinct is not something that can be turned on and off like a switch. If you were once attracted, then it will always be there. Again, I'm not talking about running into an ex and wondering if there's still an attraction. What do you think? I think it expires based on lots of factors. Have you ever had a crush... but years later run into them with your current partner and compared to this person you're wondering what you ever say in that crush? There's lots of factors... I mean, maybe a girl is a complete 10, fantastic looking, I'm in love... but she becomes mean or self depricating or way too clingy or controlling, you begin to see past the looks and your feelings are supressed. Same with time... often time makes the heart grow fonders but there's a limit... if it goes too long, that person can just begin to fade into a memory and things currently in your life become more attractive. 1
ls32ssibm Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I'm not talking about a long term relationship where a person feels they aren't attracted to their partner anymore. Based on some recent experiences of mine, I'm wondering if it's possible to turn off physical attraction to someone if you once felt that way. Example: two people are mutually very attracted to each other. Outside circumstances prevented them from ever fulfilling it or really exploring that attraction. Sex may or may not be involved. Time goes by, things change, different circumstances. When they are around each other again, is the attraction strictly by nature still underlying? I think the basic human instinct is not something that can be turned on and off like a switch. If you were once attracted, then it will always be there. Again, I'm not talking about running into an ex and wondering if there's still an attraction. What do you think? Made me think of; "Well, I would say love is blind, but we both know that isn't true. My love for Enid falls a percentage point with every pound she gains. Since our wedding day I am 136% less in love with her." - Dr. Kelso, Scrubs I imagine it isn't a whole lot different with attraction either.
Author DirtyDancing Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 I don't mean someone you were in a serious relationship with, or any person who could be considered an ex. I'm talking about the relationship that never happened but you once wanted it to. I think there's a big difference. If there were no negative factors that interfered with it, don't you think that it would always be there? Or at least for a solid amount of time? 1
Shardish Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Yes attraction does fade. There's a girl who liked me and I liked her but I was too scared to ask her out around five years ago now. Well I saw her a few months ago and I still felt an attraction to her. My ex-girlfriend who got back into contact with me after two-and-a-half years is a prime example of my attraction fading. I felt no attraction towards her at all.
Author DirtyDancing Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Yes attraction does fade. There's a girl who liked me and I liked her but I was too scared to ask her out around five years ago now. Well I saw her a few months ago and I still felt an attraction to her. My ex-girlfriend who got back into contact with me after two-and-a-half years is a prime example of my attraction fading. I felt no attraction towards her at all. Well, this confirms my point. It seems from the answers I'm reading that attraction only fades with an ex, not 'the road not taken'. ? 1
Shardish Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Well, this confirms my point. It seems from the answers I'm reading that attraction only fades with an ex, not 'the road not taken'. ? It seems that way with me. There's another girl who I never managed to date have a relationship with and I saw her last summer and still felt an immense attraction towards. So you do have a point as far as I am concerned. 1
CudLRoo Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I don't know, I still think my ex is a bit of a stunner, maybe it's because there were no childish games played when we split, we were fair with each other, we still chat from time to time. If she'd have cheated on me, maybe I wouldn't feel the same way?
Estate Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I don't mean someone you were in a serious relationship with, or any person who could be considered an ex. I'm talking about the relationship that never happened but you once wanted it to. I think there's a big difference. If there were no negative factors that interfered with it, don't you think that it would always be there? Or at least for a solid amount of time? Already covered that. Answer is No.
todreaminblue Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I don't mean someone you were in a serious relationship with, or any person who could be considered an ex. I'm talking about the relationship that never happened but you once wanted it to. I think there's a big difference. If there were no negative factors that interfered with it, don't you think that it would always be there? Or at least for a solid amount of time? i think you are right.....because there is no negative thoughts or actions i think attraction can flame for quite a while...which sort of depresses me......because when i have that attraction for someone.....other guys dont have a chance...not even exes it seems...i think no contact is the only way to go even then...maybe move into the mountains would be better interstate move.........smilin...i am kidding ...maybe not..i have felt that dating another guy might help me to redirect and focus ......but then that doesnt seem fair on the guy...and i have that situation at the moment.....so yes the road not taken, is a road that you will think about ......deb
snowflakes88 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I won't bring in any of the details of your situation since you haven't, but I think there are some issues in your situation that could very well have killed his attraction. I hope you can move past this someday.
Author DirtyDancing Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I won't bring in any of the details of your situation since you haven't, but I think there are some issues in your situation that could very well have killed his attraction. I hope you can move past this someday. I'm really not referring to that situation; if I was I would've put it in that thread. I have recently encountered this question among various individuals that have come in and out of my life and it's certainly not limited to a particular person or even my situations that I've discussed on LS. Thanks anyway.
carhill Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I think the basic human instinct is not something that can be turned on and off like a switch. If you were once attracted, then it will always be there. Again, I'm not talking about running into an ex and wondering if there's still an attraction. What do you think? IMO it's entirely possible. I noted it markedly in circumstances of 'unfinished business'. However, as my impetuses for sexual attraction have proven to be somewhat outlier to normal males, perhaps such observations should be discounted. As an example, and perhaps this is a uniquely male perspective, as males of my generation generally approach women and act upon their sexual attraction to them, if I find myself attracted to a lady and approach her and am rejected, as the rejection gets processed so does the attraction, hence I can interact with her in the future and feel nothing. She blends back into the fabric of life and has no meaning beyond that of any other person. So, hence, such women and I can 'cross paths' later and, even if her sentiments have changed, the moment is gone, for me. We missed. YMMV.
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I am in this situation with my boss. I can say that it has faded somewhat, in the sense that I am not thinking about him as much....but when he looks at me, all I want to do is touch him and kiss me and well :S
chrisftw Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 if it was with an ex. and that ended attraction went away. at least after the recovery time. but if i see a crush or past crushes. i always find them attractive.
Author DirtyDancing Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 if it was with an ex. and that ended attraction went away. at least after the recovery time. but if i see a crush or past crushes. i always find them attractive. This is exactly what I mean. I feel the same.
Disillusioned Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I say yes... nothing can make attraction fade faster than finding out the person you're attracted to turns out to be selfish, mean-spirited, or dishonest on the inside.
charlietheginger Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) Eddie vedder wrote a song about this. elderly women behind the counter in a small town. Man leaves a small town to come back he sees a women Behind a counter. She sees his face cant remember how then She relizes he has changed. She older and lived her Whole life in a small town. No one married her and she never Saw the world. She wants to say hello we know each other But then relizes its been so long. Her life is almost over And her chance for love with the gentleman is gone. Hearts and thoughts fade away. Edited March 4, 2013 by charlietheginger 1
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