peace frog Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I am having trouble coping with the end of my recent (gay) relationship. We were only together a few months, but we seemed to enjoy each other's company a lot, and when I looked into her eyes I could tell she was falling in love with me as I was with her. We had fun together, fantastic sex, could talk for hours, and very similar life wants/goals. 2 weekends ago we hung out for the last time.It was a mixed weekend...we had a lot of fun, but also a couple small spats...incidents that left us both feeling hurt, and we didn't properly communicate about it in the moment, which wasn't good. Afterwards we didn't talk for a few days...and when we did on the phone she broke it off. She stated we were incompatible, she didn't see a long-term future with me, said I didn't "get" her, didn't understand her, she had started feeling that way the last 2 times we hung out, that she liked me a lot, was very attracted to me and had fun with me, but just didn't see it happening long-term. She didn't want to keep going to see if her feelings changed, she didn't want to be friends or keep in contact, and was very cold. When I asked if it was because she liked me a lot but didn't see herself falling in love she became angry and told me "relationships are about more than that,____ (my name)." She said she was at the age where she knew what she needed from relationships and her last ex had been guarded and she needed someone that could get her out of her shell because she was guarded, too. That if she didn't like me a whole lot she wouldn't have continued to keep seeing me. But because of her past experiences she knew where this would lead. But if she didn't see it working out long-term she saw no reason to go on. I said to her she wasn't giving us a proper chance, and she responded with maybe she wasn't. I told her kind of angrily that I wasn't her ex. (Her last two LTR's ended badly...the last they dated for 3 years and her ex basically picked up and left for another city without telling her. The one before that was on/off for 5 years but had cheated on her. After the last ex she took a year off from dating, a couple of months after she started dating again we met on an online site.) I opened up about a lot going on with me, that I liked her a lot, had seen a future with her, and was guarded because I had been scared, dumb **** left over from my old ex, that I had realized it in our time apart, and also apologized for my part of things that happened last time we had hung out. Before we hung up the phone she changed her tone to "let's talk in a week". I gave her a week other than a text I sent a few days after that I missed her and was thinking of her a lot, and that I didn't expect her to respond. So we talk after a week and she said she hasn't changed her mind. I had already made up my mind that if this was what she said this time I wasn't going to fight it, just validate her feelings and keep things cordial, no pleading or telling her how much i liked her etc. So I did exactly that. We talk about a few other things, and she reiterates that I didn't do anything wrong, and got angry with me when I tried to understand things from her end a little more, "this is not a puzzle for you to figure out, like I'm a textbook" and "sometimes things just are". We talked about both being very logical people and I was just trying to logically look at things just to understand, even though I go with my gut instinct more as I've grown older and honed it. She understood that and has been the same way, we talked about that for a while and being okay with not having our **** figured out in our late twenties, because no one ever gets their **** figured out, haha. I talked about our problems with communication and she said "somehow our ingredients didn't mix to equal good communication" which I didn't quite agree with, but whatever. I ask what her plan is going forward, if she was seeing other people or planning to. She told me no, she hadn't been and wasn't planning on seeing anyone, and was in fact taking a break for a while. I asked why but she wouldn't tell me "I just need one". She asked me the same and I said I was probably taking a break for a while myself. She asked why and I said I felt like I had stuff I obviously needed to figure out. She said she didn't think so, and that I was fine and just needed to get out there. That I needed to do "less thinking and more doing"...because I had said earlier I felt I overthought things instead of doing them in our relationship, too. At the end of our conversation she said to give it some time but she would like to meet up again (I hadn't planned on asking), but responded that I'd like to. But she reiterated "give it some time". I miss her like ****ing crazy but I want to respect she needs time, and to move on with my life. It doesn't seem like GIGS but that maybe she has personal issues to sort out? Even when things were going great in our relationship she alluded to feeling down or not like herself, and apologizing a lot for not being fun etc. which wasn't the case at all. I can see why she might have felt we were just incompatible, but really it was only in that miscommunication we experienced, we were extremely compatible in other ways and it left me confused. She would look me in the eyes and tell me how much she liked me, etc. I definitely felt the feelings were there. I'm wondering if she's thinking I might hurt her like the other exes and is just protecting herself? I know there's nothing I can do now but stay NC, and maybe she'll come back around. I don't fall for people easily at all, and I really fell for her, this just hurts like a bitch. My friends keep telling me she obviously has a lot of issues and I should just move on. Any thoughts?
Author peace frog Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 well I wrote a long letter I'm mailing off tomorrow. Mainly my thoughts and feelings, validated where she was coming from but my stance on things too. Wished her well and that she finds what she's looking for etc. Not sure what she'll think, but things I had to say for me. Still sucks, but spent the last two evenings having fun with friends, which has helped. I have really amazing friends, I love them more than anything. The old ex (before the last one) keeps poking around because she heard I was having a rough time in my new relationship. Her tone quickly and dramatically changed when she realized I was the dumpee, and broken hearted; not that I broke it off with recent ex realizing that she (old ex) was actually The One for me. so now she is acting cranky and passive-aggressive rather than supportive. some things never change... good thing i give zero ****s what she thinks now.
Author peace frog Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 had second thoughts about the letter and never wrote it. probably a good thing. I now am just feeling angry. she left before even giving our relationship a chance. she expected me to be some kind of mind reader and be able to comfort her through every emotion without even communicating her needs. i was supposed to GUESS?? we may be lesbians, but good luck finding a woman our age wanting to put up with that BS. I know psychologically I seem to think like more of a dude, but I don't think many women will put up with that. It's like I can't ****ing win. good riddance. I may have dodged a bullet here. I'm sure I'll still have my moods, and missing her, but I think I'm finally healing. (Too bad I was soooooo ****ing attracted to her though, oh my god. aren't the crazy ones always the hottest, though?)
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