creighton0123 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Last week was great. Granted I was home sick from work, but everything was great. For some reason, I began thinking of the ex last night and had a dream where he tried to get back together with me only to leave again. That left me shaky today with a bit of negative emotion returning. For those experienced with a similar, mature breakup after 2 years (no begging, no pleading, no maintaining unnecessary contact), about how long did your ups and downs (ebbs and flows) last? I'm 3 weeks NC right now. I just hate the feeling of the monkey mind: spontaneously snapping back to thoughts of the breakup two or three times a day. I'm looking forward to moving on with my life since I'm currently not sad or depressed. Just... anxious about the whole thing. 1
cdt76 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 TELL ME ABOUT IT! It freaking sucks. I tend to hold onto love longer than I should because it has come about so rarely in my life that letting it go once I find it, is almost like allowing myself to die. Inside, the hardest thing to do is forgive and let go. These two things you will see on this site a lot. However, there are people like me, who can neither forgive those that don't ask to be forgiven, nor want to do so and therefore letting go of hate and anger and rejection is somehow impossible. It's the hate, anger and rejection that cause me to keep the feelings alive inside because I want her to hurt just as I do. I was just thinking the other day, why is it ok for people to hurt me and I have to turn the other cheek? Why do I have to take the high road and just walk away from it? What is so wrong with lashing out with viscious hate and spite and letting it loose on the people who have done me wrong over the years? What is so wrong with that? And maybe that's why I keep the hate and anger. Because I'm done with people screwing me over. But then I don't heal. I don't know how long it takes to "get over" someone. All I know, is it takes me a lot longer than most.
Author creighton0123 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 It's more the dreams that I've having the hardest time with. I went the entire week without dreaming about him, but this weekend I did on both Saturday and Sunday night: Saturday night about him wanting to get back together only to use me for quick sex and leave again. Sunday night was more intimate with a mutual desire to get back together. I know in real life, though, if he were to come back despite it being a good relationship and a mature BU, I would not take him back simply because he chose to spontaneously end the relationship instead of working through whatever problems or qualms he was having. I want someone who will be able to recognize relationships, like life, have ups and downs and will work with their partner to collectively get out of a down time instead of cutting and running for the hills.
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