MissingMW Posted September 4, 2004 Posted September 4, 2004 Has anyone been through something like this? How'd you deal with it? did you end up together? He's 32, I'm 24. He's from the west coast and i'm on the east coast. He was raised Mormon, but is not religious, is quite shy and conservative. I'd answered his online ad looking for a platonic dinner partner. He was in town for business and we talked on the phone and emailed and went out a few times. And that's really all I thought it would be, just hanging out and making a new friend. He even made it a point to say he really was just looking for a platonic thing and he wouldn't switch. We're both pretty shy but we got along really well. We laughed a lot and just really clicked. I really liked him, but since he'd made such a deal about being platonic I figured I'd leave it at that. I never said anything about it and always kept things on a friendly, non-flirtatious level. But somehow the night before he left we met up again and towards the end of the evening things changed. He started things and we ended up spending the night together. None of it was planned. Next day, when he was set to leave, he was still very affectionate but a little awkward. He seemed sad, even disturbed. He said he was thinking about 1) the distance, 2) that I was still a little hung up on someone from before and so was he, 3) he felt bad that we ended up sleeping together, he wasn't really clear why but he mentioned something about he was leaving and it would be hard. I tried to make light of it, so it wouldn't feel so weird, but now I'm wondering if my bravado made him think I didn't want more? Or, is he just not that interested? He left yesterday. I sent him an email just saying thanks for a wonderful time and that I was a little sad he was gone and I'd miss him. Nothing too mushy. But he never wrote back and didn't call. I know it's only been a day, am I being too impatient? I'm confused. He wanted platonic then he expressed interest in more. Then now, nothing. I really wish he'd say something, even if it was just to say it was fun but he wasn't really into it, so I can stop wondering. Should I try to contact him, or should I just forget about it and chalk it up to experience?
uriel Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 He insisted on the platonic thing because there are real factors against a relationship, especially the distance. He was tempted to give in all along -- and he did on the last night. Now, he's feeling confused and guilty. He'll take your note as a sign that you'd like further emotional connection. He probably doesn't feel ready for that. Whether he'll change his mind or not, I don't know. If he doesn't contact you within a week or especially two, assume it's over. For now, just give him some space to think things through. If the man thinks he might be falling for you, he'll contact you. -- uriel
MissingMW Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 Uriel, Thanks. I'm tempted to try and call/write again but it'd probably scare him away. I appreciate your level-headed advice. You theory sounds plausible. I'm just hoping that he'll come to his senses and realize that I'm worth it despite the distance!
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