SadSouls Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Hey guys, I've been with my current girlfriend for the best part of 6 months, everything is going great and we've even recently spoken about engagement and moving in together in the future. However I'm fixated on her sexual past, since she is my first I've slept with (probably makes it worse) and I'm the fourth guy she's slept with. I understand my over thinking this is totally irrational and only occurs in those who haven't fully emotionally matures and understand most (if not all girls) will come with a history. How do I begin to get over this, what advice or words of wisdom can you helpful bunch give me? Thanks in advance!
carhill Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Your girlfriend and erstwhile fiance is human and apparently your loving partner. How about asking her about her experiences and how she processed emotions of retroactive jealousy or other concerns about her partner's sexual past? Since you've both been open about your sexual histories, IMO it's a fair subject to broach. Seeking insight from one's partner and acting on it can increase intimacy for people who are well-matched. If you're looking at her as a marital partner, something I would advise taking your time with at your age (presuming young), these synergies are important moving forward. You're a team. Good luck. 1
veggirl Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Why did you exchange numbers? Is this for your first relationship? Don't move in until you've been together at least a year. 4 is nothing....her # is probably waaay lower than most other girls (well depending on your ages). In the future, "don't ask, don't tell"....no good comes from it as you see When I was young, the guy I was with when I lost my virginity had been with 5 others, I was #6. I just wished he hadn't told me, but I don't remember being too bothered by it.
jusdidit Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Two things... 1. No matter what number she tells you, never fully believe it. That's just the 4 that she counts. And 2. Like the great Chris Rock said, "Just be happy you're f*cking her now"
outsidethebox Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 You expect everyone to be a virgin like you? And if this doesn't work out because you act like an idiot over it, then what does that make you? A guy with a sexual history. And what, virgin girls will decry your sexual history, won't be able to get over it? We had a guy post something like this a few weeks ago but he was almost traumatized about it. Can't say I understand this line of thinking.
aed Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Those feelings are normal and most guys deal with this. Most girls don't mind this but on the otherhand, your gf might not like the idea you only slept with one girl. But focus on your relationship and if everything is (really) perfect, talk about it that it makes you insecure, but dont become obsessed with it. Just accept that you have those feelings. maybe meditation or something like that can help you.
ls32ssibm Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Not caring about this stuff, and having the discipline not to ask, all comes with maturity. I guess you have some growing up to do, which I suggest you do before you run off getting engaged. No offense. 2
Author SadSouls Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Not caring about this stuff, and having the discipline not to ask, all comes with maturity. I guess you have some growing up to do, which I suggest you do before you run off getting engaged. No offense. Exactly, I have some maturing to do. No doubt about it, I'm no in denial about how stupid and impractical it is to feel this way.
ls32ssibm Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Exactly, I have some maturing to do. No doubt about it, I'm no in denial about how stupid and impractical it is to feel this way. How old are you both? Just wondering.
charlietheginger Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 4 ? some women have sex with 4 guys in one weekend 4 serious ?
Author SadSouls Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 How old are you both? Just wondering. We're both 20.
2.50 a gallon Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) Age 20 and only 4 partners that is good in this day and age Consider this. Should you end up marrying her, had she not had these experiences when she hits middle age, 35 -45, when it clicks in that her youth is behind her, it almost guaranteed that she would begin to wonder what she has missed by only having had one sexual partner. That would be followed with her cheating on you while you are trying to raise a family of teenagers Marrying a virgin in todays world, it is a given that a divorce will be in the future. See modor's thread on good girls going bad Edited March 4, 2013 by 2.50 a gallon Added a sentence
foreverandalways Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 4 doesn't really mean 4. Sorry. I usually "forget" the one night stand or the guys that mean nothing when calculating and telling people my "number". Expect it to be really 6, or 8.
iKING Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 4 doesn't really mean 4. Sorry. I usually "forget" the one night stand or the guys that mean nothing when calculating and telling people my "number". Expect it to be really 6, or 8. Seriously most chick friends I've had that told me everything, and I mean everything(including all sorts of stuff I really didn't even need to know), have said that most girls tend to lie about the number of people they've had sex with. Mainly to exclude occasions they didn't feel were serious.
foreverandalways Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Seriously most chick friends I've had that told me everything, and I mean everything(including all sorts of stuff I really didn't even need to know), have said that most girls tend to lie about the number of people they've had sex with. Mainly to exclude occasions they didn't feel were serious. With my current BF, I did tell him the exact number. He really wanted to know, so I really told him the truth. So there are times when they are really telling the truth. 1
todreaminblue Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Hey guys, I've been with my current girlfriend for the best part of 6 months, everything is going great and we've even recently spoken about engagement and moving in together in the future. However I'm fixated on her sexual past, since she is my first I've slept with (probably makes it worse) and I'm the fourth guy she's slept with. I understand my over thinking this is totally irrational and only occurs in those who haven't fully emotionally matures and understand most (if not all girls) will come with a history. How do I begin to get over this, what advice or words of wisdom can you helpful bunch give me? Thanks in advance! you try and see the woman that she is with you......not with someone else,whatever has happened to her or whoever she has been with has made her the person she is today ....that includes experience and history...if she didnt have those partners ...say she never met them ...how can you be sure she would have met you her life would have taken a completely different path......she wouldnt be standing beside you but someone else......if you look at it that way and thank god for the blessing that put her on your path.......you can forget how she got their in the first place, look deeper than who she was physically with before you.....look at the ripples adn appreciate that woman in front of you dont just see the lake, see the ripples that bought her your way...... start swimming and enjoy it...deb
foreverandalways Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 I think it's because guys feel "studly" when they've slept with a lot of girls. But girls are viewed as tramps or sluts if they've slept with an equal number of men. So to avoid this, they usually cut the ones out that meant nothing. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I never once thought of a girl as a tramp because of the number of partners she had had. And in fact, I found that by talking to them I learned a lot of new ideas to try with future girlfriends.
CudLRoo Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 If you ask too much, you *seriously* get to the point where you never wanna ask again. Makes life easier.
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