Gottabestrong Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I was with my boyfriend for six weeks, everything seemed to be going well. From the start he told me he really liked me, asked me to be exclusive after a week, told me he loved me after three, made plans for our birthdays months away, etc. 2 days ago we went out for dinner and a movie and during dinner he revealed that he booked a weekend getaway for us in a few weeks from now. Today he was supposed to come over for lunch. An hour before, he calls and says he just wanted to hear my voice, we talk for a few minutes about what we did last night, say goodbye and "see you in an hour". An hour later he calls and says: "I am sorry, but I am not coming to see you today. I have not been feeling it for the last week or so. It's not you, you are a great woman. I just don't feel the same way about your that you seem to feel about me." I was very shocked so did not say much but "ah, ok. Take care." 3 minutes later I called him back because I wanted to talk about it some more. He did not pick up. I texted asking if we could talk about this for a minute, no reply. I also sent him an email saying that I am not trying to change his mind or wanting to make a scene, I am just a little shocked by how things changed so quickly. And for him to please tell me the reason for the breakup again. No reply. It's been 6 hours and he has not replied to anything. I just don't understand what happened or why he is totally ignoring me. I am really hurt, I thought we had a good thing going. Has anyone had something similar happen to them. Or does anyone have any advice for me? Thank you!
Compromize Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Did he just get out of a relationship or talk about a recent ex? It sounds like you might be the victim of a rebound. 1
cavalier99 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Hi gottabestrong. Sorry about most recent BU you'll be fine. Sounds like it was still in sorta dating stage. Did you recover 100 percent from the other BU in Nov? Cav
Neffer Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) Had a similar thing happen to me years ago (much longer relationship 2.5 yrs I think) where I was dumped, abruptly out of the blue. Also over the phone (tacky, cowardly and callous method) and really, take it from me, you just dodged a bullet. He may have been rebounding, he may have been dating more than one woman - you may never know, and really it isn't important. He was willing to hurt you and lose you. You may never get an answer and that is ok. It hurts, but he was not worth your time, seriously. Breaking contact and removing him and reminders of him from your life is the way to handle this. It will get better. Read up on no contact and get healing. I wish I had known how to handle it back then. There are better men and soon you will be happy that you only wasted 6 weeks. Don't doubt yourself or go over your actions trying to see flaws. This was his decision. Really not about you. I am sorry for the pain you will go through, no one deserves the feeling of being dumped. It will get better though - take care. Edited March 4, 2013 by Neffer 1
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Hi everyone, thank you for your replies. He finally got back to me 6 hours later with a short email saying that he had a few doubts last week and his feelings had gotten weaker. He said it was nothing I had done, and that I was a great person and would meet the perfect guy, it just was not him. Ouch. I still don't understand how it ended so quickly. During the last week, when he supposedly started having doubts, he told me a few times that he loved me, sent me sweet emails, spent hours holding and kissing me, etc. He also talked about what we were going to do for our birthdays a few months down the line and on Thursday he revealed a weekend getaway he had booked for us. It seems like he turned from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde in an instant. He did not give me any indication that something was wrong. How am I supposed to ever trust a guy again if they can turn on you from one moment to the next without warning?
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Did he just get out of a relationship or talk about a recent ex? It sounds like you might be the victim of a rebound. Not really. I asked him about his exes and he said that his last relationship ended 6 months ago and that he has been over it for a while. It lasted for two years and they had been living together. She ended it and he does not really know why. He also said that he does not dwell on relationships when they end, but assumes that they ended for a reason.
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Hi gottabestrong. Sorry about most recent BU you'll be fine. Sounds like it was still in sorta dating stage. Did you recover 100 percent from the other BU in Nov? Cav Hi Cav, how are you doing? Are you over your ex? The relationship was still relatively new, dating for 2 months, bf/gf for 6 weeks. But he told me he loved me three weeks ago and made plans for our future. He also told his family and friends about me and had me speak to his mother on the phone one time. All his actions indicated that he was serious about us. I have not recovered 100% from my previous BU, but being with my new guy definitely helped. It showed me that there were other guys out there who I could love and who loved me. Now that it is over, I feel like I am back at square one and have to cope with the pain of two breakups now.
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Had a similar thing happen to me years ago (much longer relationship 2.5 yrs I think) where I was dumped, abruptly out of the blue. Also over the phone (tacky, cowardly and callous method) and really, take it from me, you just dodged a bullet. He may have been rebounding, he may have been dating more than one woman - you may never know, and really it isn't important. He was willing to hurt you and lose you. You may never get an answer and that is ok. It hurts, but he was not worth your time, seriously. Breaking contact and removing him and reminders of him from your life is the way to handle this. It will get better. Read up on no contact and get healing. I wish I had known how to handle it back then. Hi Neffer, thanks for your kind words. I have already deleted his number, texts, pictures, threw away the gifts he gave me etc. It felt a little empowering, which is good. I am actively choosing to move on and heal and not keep hoping that he will change his mind. My big problem is that I did not see this coming at all. When we were together he was the perfect boyfriend; loving, supportive, affectionate, etc. My PC crashed a week after we started dating and he lend me his till I got a new one. I had some issues with my water and he sorted them out for me. I had a bad day at work and he came over and comforted me even though he had previous plans. Do you see what I mean? There were no signs that he was not feeling it anymore and that is what scares me. I have no idea what happened or how I could have know I was about to get dumped. Worse of all, I have no idea what to change in the future so I know it won't happen again.
Own Worst Enemy Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (unless it's someone you already know well). they fall in so quickly, they fall out quickly too. he sounds like he was very much in love with the idea of being in love, and then changed his mind. dragging you along on his rollercoaster. it sucks a LOT, but ultimately he sounds a bit emotionally immature, and you are better off without that sort of messing around.
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 (unless it's someone you already know well). they fall in so quickly, they fall out quickly too. . I realize what you say, but it is difficult to say stop when you are caught up in the emotion and everything feel so right. Btw, I sent him an email this morning telling him that he really confused and hurt me by dumping me so suddenly and over the phone. I have not received a reply and don't expect one. It still sucks so much though. All day I was thinking about him and about how yesterday morning when I woke up I still had a boyfriend and was happy and looking forward to spending the day with him. And now he never wants to see me again.
KatZee Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 it is difficult to say stop when you are caught up in the emotion and everything feel so right. The thing though, is that it wasn't "right." You jumped in and on that bandwagon purely out of co-dependence. You already say that you weren't over your last ex and you were using this guy as a boost to move on. Anything that moves THAT fast, is a red flag. No one falls in love with anyone in a matter of mere weeks. This is why you need to pace relationships. You can't just zoom ahead speeding along at light speed.
StraylightRun24 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) Hi Neffer, thanks for your kind words. I have already deleted his number, texts, pictures, threw away the gifts he gave me etc. It felt a little empowering, which is good. I am actively choosing to move on and heal and not keep hoping that he will change his mind. My big problem is that I did not see this coming at all. When we were together he was the perfect boyfriend; loving, supportive, affectionate, etc. My PC crashed a week after we started dating and he lend me his till I got a new one. I had some issues with my water and he sorted them out for me. I had a bad day at work and he came over and comforted me even though he had previous plans. Do you see what I mean? There were no signs that he was not feeling it anymore and that is what scares me. I have no idea what happened or how I could have know I was about to get dumped. Worse of all, I have no idea what to change in the future so I know it won't happen again. I'm pretty much in the exact same boat as you Gottabestrong. I was also in a short relationship (3 and a half months) and everything seemed to be going great. While "I love yous" weren't said I definitely had fallen for her and I was positive she was falling for me. I mean the weeks leading up to the blindsided BU she took me to her niece's 1st birthday party and introduced me basically to the entire family, took me to a co-workers/friends Christmas party, and spent the night with me and my parents on Christmas Eve. She had even invited me to visit a museum with her and a few of her family members in the upcoming weeks. The Friday after Christmas she comes over to hangout and unexpectedly tells me she lacks a "spark" for me and she can't be my gf any longer.... 2 months later I'm still here scratching my head wondering what the heck happened and to be honest it could be a number of things. She plans on moving across the country this upcoming summer so maybe she felt it was better to end things with me now instead of getting more seriously involved and possibly hurt when she actually does move (wishful thinking, I know). Or maybe she realized she still had feelings for her ex that she works directly with and actually saw more than me when we were dating? Hell maybe she was actually telling me the truth and she just didn't have those sort of feelings for me after the initial first few dates excitement ran out (which to me ARE the sparks ). All that matters is it's in fact over and what we have to try our hardest to remember is that they ended things for their own reasons and as long as we gave the relationship our all we have nothing to regret/feel guilty of/or be ashamed of. It is scary as hell when you think that everything is going great and then BOOM the person breaks up with you without any indication that anything was wrong. It can really shake your faith in entering into another relationship but I guarantee once we both do and we feel comfortable enough with this new person that all those "fears" will go away....at least I hope! Edited March 4, 2013 by StraylightRun24
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Hey Stray, thank you for your post, it is comforting to know that other people are in the same situation. Even though it still sucks as hell. I keep going over everthing I said and did last week which would have made him change his mind. On Tuesday I complained about the fact that he often goes a whole day without texting or calling me, even though I have asked him repeatedly notto do that. Do you think that might have been a reason he decided he did not want to see me anymore? As in I am too demanding and pushy? On Thursday we went to a French restaurant and when he sat opposite of me instead of next to me I said something like 'I see the honeymoon is over'. Do you think that might have been something that made him mad? And on Saturday, when we did not see each other, because he went out with his friends, I sent him a text around 6pm asking him when he was coming over on Sunday and that I was looking forward to see him. Do you think I sounded too clingy or needy? I keep going over everything but still can't come up with an explanation for why he decided that he did not want to be with me anymore.
StraylightRun24 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 As the self-proclaimed King of Over-Analyzing trying to figure out "the reason" for the breakup is completely normal, but you really should try not to over-analyze it that much. I fall into that trap all the time and it doesn't help us move on/heal. Hell I'm still doing it and I'm over 2 months NC! Like I said above as long as you gave him 100% then you should try and not to be so overly critical about yourself and why he ended things. Most likely it really had nothing to do with you and all to do with him and even if you did know the exact reason it probably wouldn't make you feel any better. In fact it might make you feel worse! I know that's not comforting (trust me I do!) but it is what it is.
cavalier99 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Hi Cav, how are you doing? Are you over your ex? The relationship was still relatively new, dating for 2 months, bf/gf for 6 weeks. But he told me he loved me three weeks ago and made plans for our future. He also told his family and friends about me and had me speak to his mother on the phone one time. All his actions indicated that he was serious about us. I have not recovered 100% from my previous BU, but being with my new guy definitely helped. It showed me that there were other guys out there who I could love and who loved me. Now that it is over, I feel like I am back at square one and have to cope with the pain of two breakups now. Hi. I'm doing really good. I'm 5 months NC and WELL on my to getting over my 8 years RS. Thing really seemed to click the last couple weeks. The tears are gone. When i think of things it doesn't hurt much and I'm also spending a lot less time thinking about it. NC works! Maybe you need to be single for a few months. NC both the EXs and start a project or something. I don't know. Hope you feel better. Ps his reasons doesn't matter. He got cold feet and didn't want to get in too deep ...period. Rock on! Cav 2
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Hi. I'm doing really good. I'm 5 months NC and WELL on my to getting over my 8 years RS. Thing really seemed to click the last couple weeks. The tears are gone. When i think of things it doesn't hurt much and I'm also spending a lot less time thinking about it. NC works! That is great! I am really happy to hear it. :-) Rock on! GB 1
cavalier99 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 That is great! I am really happy to hear it. :-) Rock on! GB Hey that's my line! I though you usually responded with Yay! (I remember the last breadcrumb you got about the football team your ex rooted for winning..and your response) lol Cav
Author Gottabestrong Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Hey that's my line! I though you usually responded with Yay! (I remember the last breadcrumb you got about the football team your ex rooted for winning..and your response) lol Cav Lol. Good memory! Wanna know something stupid I did today? I contacted my old ex. Don't ask me why, I guess I just wanted to forget about my most recent ex by reminding me of the old or something. Well, turns out he is seeing someone new. What a surprise! Well, it stung for a minute, but I could not really fault him for it because up until yesterday I was seeing someone else as well. So in a weird way my most recent breakup got me closure for my last one. I did not break down crying when he told me about his new girlfriend and I still thought about my most recent guy and wished he was here. Lesson learned: If I meet someone new who captures my heart, I will be over this guy as well. Though I will probably take your advice and stay away from dating for a little while. 1
Neffer Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Hi Neffer, thanks for your kind words. I have already deleted his number, texts, pictures, threw away the gifts he gave me etc. It felt a little empowering, which is good. I am actively choosing to move on and heal and not keep hoping that he will change his mind. My big problem is that I did not see this coming at all. When we were together he was the perfect boyfriend; loving, supportive, affectionate, etc. My PC crashed a week after we started dating and he lend me his till I got a new one. I had some issues with my water and he sorted them out for me. I had a bad day at work and he came over and comforted me even though he had previous plans. Do you see what I mean? There were no signs that he was not feeling it anymore and that is what scares me. I have no idea what happened or how I could have know I was about to get dumped. Worse of all, I have no idea what to change in the future so I know it won't happen again. I had no warning either, so I do know how you feel. No signs at all. It was like rounding a corner and getting hit with something heavy - complete sucker punch. It did take me a long while to even want to date anyone afterwards. There are nice guys out there though. Not sure what to tell you, it just took time for me to get back on the horse so to speak. You can't know that it won't happen again, but the probability is low. You don't have to change a thing - this was nothing you did.
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