lostindreams Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Any advice... I have had an older gentleman friend for years , long distance, and i have known hes always been iterested in me, but he never pressed the issue. he is a lot older...we are talking 30 years older. I am interested in an NSA or fling with him, and staying friends regardless, and he is totally ok with that, he says hes also ok even if i change my mind and just want to be friends, or whatever happens. however society makes it seem like this type of relationship is wrong/gross/dirty/etc. Any advice from somebody whos been in an older/younger relationship thanks
outsidethebox Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 long distance? Have you met him and spent time with him?
Snow_in_April Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 (edited) I've not been in a NSA with an older guy but I have some experience in that field. It's mostly about honesty and communication. Feelings of attachment are bound to happen and it WILL put a strain on your friendship, even if that person is older. If your friendship means a lot to you I wouldn't do it. You have to decide that it's okay if it all falls apart before actually having sex so it's not as devastating if/when it happens. I do promise you it changes the dynamic. Also, forget what society says. Live your life as you please. If someone else doesn't like it then too bad for them. As long as your both 2 consenting adults what you do and who you do is no ones business but yours. Edited March 3, 2013 by Snow_in_April 1
Woggle Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 If both you and him are consenting adults then the only opinion that matters is the two of you. 2
MrCastle Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 30 years older? Lol hope you got some viagra handy. Ive never heard of such a fling age difference. If you wanted a fling...wouldnt you want a young attractive virile man? To each their own though. I think it comes down to where the gap is. If she is 18-25 and the dude is 48-55 that's weird, and a whole bunch of other adjectives I've used when similar topics have come up. If she's 30+, it has less meaning. In your 30's you are (I hope) a fully formed adult, capable of understanding the dynamics of that kind of relationship. If you're in teens/early 20's, I don't see how you're not being taken advantage of by a much more experienced man.
carhill Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 OP, you might find this thread to be of interest: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/288549-consolidated-discussion-older-younger-woman-man-age-gap-dating Biggest gap for me was thirteen years younger and she was a very mature 26. That was part of my period of international dating. She later became a friend of my wife's and myself. In that experience, synergies blurred age/generational barriers, perhaps due to cultural norm differences. My advice is to treat each person as an individual. They've been on the planet as long as they have. Work with what's in front of you today. From a young woman's perspective, perhaps the older gentleman's interest in/capability of wanting/having children might be a factor. That's all part of synergy. If it's there, it is. If not, not. Good luck.
FitChick Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Make sure he draws up a new will naming you as sole beneficiary.
ls32ssibm Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Any advice... I have had an older gentleman friend for years , long distance, and i have known hes always been iterested in me, but he never pressed the issue. he is a lot older...we are talking 30 years older. I am interested in an NSA or fling with him, and staying friends regardless, and he is totally ok with that, he says hes also ok even if i change my mind and just want to be friends, or whatever happens. however society makes it seem like this type of relationship is wrong/gross/dirty/etc. Any advice from somebody whos been in an older/younger relationship thanks Society makes it seem wrong/gross/dirty because most girls who go for a guy 30 years older it's a fetish thing, and when a guy does dates 30 years younger people assume he's creepy and getting played for his pimp wad.
coffeebean201 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 i love older men. they are just better at handling things. but sometimes they are too stuck in their ways (lazy...not atractive) some are really good cooks and like to be sort of around the house a lot. A late night is 10:30pm at night. Up at 6am (if they sleep in). Is that the lifestyle you want?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Do you get emotionally attached after sex? The reason I ask is because more men benefit from NSA and FWB than do women. Men are more sex driven, thus they will rarely turn down a chance to have a noncommital relationship. I don't want to stereotype but I have known a few men who are more welcoming to a relationship of a sexual nature than to one where they have to put in work to commit. The age difference is certainly a non-issue. The only thing I caution you is that if you settle for NSA don't develop feelings for him and do a 360 degrees about wanting a commitment afterwards.
Easyguy14 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I think it comes down to where the gap is. If she is 18-25 and the dude is 48-55 that's weird, and a whole bunch of other adjectives I've used when similar topics have come up. If she's 30+, it has less meaning. In your 30's you are (I hope) a fully formed adult, capable of understanding the dynamics of that kind of relationship. If you're in teens/early 20's, I don't see how you're not being taken advantage of by a much more experienced man. She's not being taken advantage of if she wants to do this. That meaning to me holds no water unless she was pressured and lied to about things. I went to school with a guy 38 years old dating a 17 year old. No one cared.
MrCastle Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 She's not being taken advantage of if she wants to do this. That meaning to me holds no water unless she was pressured and lied to about things. I went to school with a guy 38 years old dating a 17 year old. No one cared. These young girls serve as a trophy for the older man. Seriously, what can you possibly have in common with a person significantly older/younger than you? These young girls are getting played hard. At least when it's a young guy and a cougar he understands his role as a boy toy and doesn't try to make it into anything more. The young girls actually think there is some sort of relationship to be had. They get played.
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