unknown249 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Hi all, I'm currently on day 24 of NC. It was quite a horrible break up - he lied to me and told me he couldn't deal with the distance between us (I'm at uni), when really he had another girl waiting on the side for him to finish with me. The first week was hell, sleepless nights, crying a lot, unable to get through anything...But it did get easier as the days went on. However the last few days I've felt so down, almost as much as I did at the start when we broke off contact. I think it's because it's been the weekend and I know he'll be spending it all with the girl he dumped me for, and he hasn't been in contact at all or changed his mind. Although I've felt a lot better in myself, knowing that I can move on eventually, these horrible thoughts won't leave my head. I have wanted to contact him so many times the last few days but I have been strong and stopped myself. Anyone else in a similar situation or can offer any help? I just want to get back to where I was last week and not be having dreams/thoughts of us together again, or feel so heavy when I think about him. These experiences and thoughts aren't helping me move on at all. Thanks for your help xx
Sheilalou008 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Hi all, I'm currently on day 24 of NC. It was quite a horrible break up - he lied to me and told me he couldn't deal with the distance between us (I'm at uni), when really he had another girl waiting on the side for him to finish with me. The first week was hell, sleepless nights, crying a lot, unable to get through anything...But it did get easier as the days went on. However the last few days I've felt so down, almost as much as I did at the start when we broke off contact. I think it's because it's been the weekend and I know he'll be spending it all with the girl he dumped me for, and he hasn't been in contact at all or changed his mind. Although I've felt a lot better in myself, knowing that I can move on eventually, these horrible thoughts won't leave my head. I have wanted to contact him so many times the last few days but I have been strong and stopped myself. Anyone else in a similar situation or can offer any help? I just want to get back to where I was last week and not be having dreams/thoughts of us together again, or feel so heavy when I think about him. These experiences and thoughts aren't helping me move on at all. Thanks for your help xx It will pass. Keep busy. Go and have coffee or dinner with someone. Just think of it this way, If you do hear from him or contact him it will set you back even farther. There is always a brighter day around the corner. I have been dreaming of my ex a lot, too. It always leaves me feeling off but I press through it. It is always in the back of my mind but I do not let it control me. Who cares if he is with her or not. It is self defeating to think like that. I am sure that she will be gone in time as well.
Thunderchild Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Hi all, I'm currently on day 24 of NC. It was quite a horrible break up - he lied to me and told me he couldn't deal with the distance between us (I'm at uni), when really he had another girl waiting on the side for him to finish with me. The first week was hell, sleepless nights, crying a lot, unable to get through anything...But it did get easier as the days went on. However the last few days I've felt so down, almost as much as I did at the start when we broke off contact. I think it's because it's been the weekend and I know he'll be spending it all with the girl he dumped me for, and he hasn't been in contact at all or changed his mind. Although I've felt a lot better in myself, knowing that I can move on eventually, these horrible thoughts won't leave my head. I have wanted to contact him so many times the last few days but I have been strong and stopped myself. Anyone else in a similar situation or can offer any help? I just want to get back to where I was last week and not be having dreams/thoughts of us together again, or feel so heavy when I think about him. These experiences and thoughts aren't helping me move on at all. Thanks for your help xx Let's get you a different mindset and turn this negative into something positive! I assume you are from the UK (you use the word 'Uni'), so you must have quite a high degree of intelligence. Your logical mind should be able to work it out and turn things around. Firstly - if he doesn't want to be with you - his loss. Someone with that depth of feeling (passion and sincerity) deserves better than a two-faced lying cheat. [Do you really want him back?? Or, be in any part of his life??] There are guys out there who will appreciate those qualitries in a woman. God, I would kill for a woman like that in my life. Second - you've been 24 days of No Contact. You are a helluva lot stronger than you may actually imagine. You have character, strength and dignity. You don't learn those things. You either got 'em or you don't. Someone esle on these boards made an analogy with being an Eagle or a Chicken (or something). Do you take control of your life - be an Eagle, or do you let an idiot control you - a Chicken. If you are an Eagle soar above him. Third - I suspect that you were faithful to this individual during the relationship. Then, you have integrity - a concept that I doubt he would even understand. Fourth - you are grieving the loss of your relationship - not him!! It's like a small death. What you are feeling is entirely normal, it's nothing to be ashamed of, there's nothing wrong with you. Embrace what you feel - don't try to hide from it (you can't, it will eventually catch up with you). Best to go through it, learn from it and move on to something much better. You'll be a better more rounded human being, whilst he will still be a cheating wretch. Remember - once a cheater, always a cheater. Here's an article on the mindset of a cheater, it helped me understand the situation I was in a great deal: The Rationalization Behind Cheating | The Thought Refuse Fifth - going No Contact gives you the power in this situation. You can excise him from your life entirely. If you want to contact him in the future (although, for the life of me, I can't imagine why you would want to) then make sure it is on your terms. Remember, all you have to do is get through it until tomorrow - all the other tomorrows will look after themselves! Keep the Fath! 1
Author unknown249 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate them. It is such a roller coaster as I'm sure you're aware. Some days I think "my god, I don't want him back at all, I don't ever want to see his face after what he's done to me", but others, especially after the dreams, it only feels like yesterday when we were together and happy and I miss that. You are right though- it is the relationship I am missing and not him. The security of being with someone and knowing you mean the world to them. All the little things you do in a relationship like text them as soon as something small happens that you want them to know, or having the little 'I love you' texts - it's so hard to adjust to all that not being around. I think the whole 'he hasn't contacted me' thing is just an ego boost on my side really. I would love him to text me and ask how I am and then I just ignore it completely so he feels rejected. I've already vowed that I will never reply to him if he texts. Honestly though, those who haven't done NC yet, you NEED to do it. because you will never realise that you can't live without them, and you just become an annoyance to them. It is always a mystery if you disappear and I'm sure I speak for a lot of people, the thrill of the chase and mystery is always somewhat alluring. I have learned from previous relationships that being clingy and needy is completely unattractive and in fact makes them feel they are having an easy escape. I realise that he's changed. He is not the person I loved, because that person wouldn't have put me through what he did. He told me before I went NC that he wanted to be friends one day and that he will allow me time to heal, but I don't want a friend like that. I am in the frame of mind to be over him, but my heart isn't letting me. I hope my heart will follow suit and get in the real world, sharpish. 3
jovan Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Thing is you do not want to let your self obsess. Every time you think about him imagine a hammer and smash that thought like a picture or a glass. he left you from another woman, nothing you can do about it, so just let it go. His not worth it, trust me. Go out there and enjoy your self for a while.
Author unknown249 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Thing is you do not want to let your self obsess. Every time you think about him imagine a hammer and smash that thought like a picture or a glass. he left you from another woman, nothing you can do about it, so just let it go. His not worth it, trust me. Go out there and enjoy your self for a while. That's a good image, would love to smash things with a hammer sometimes lol. It is true. The only thing I can control now is myself. Cannot control what he does and his thoughts so there is no point pondering over it I suppose
Bigcitydreamer Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Hey, I'm new to this forum, have been creeping on it since by breakup 2 weeks ago. I just wanted to let you know that the way you feel is similar to how I'm feeling. This site has taught me that I'm not alone! This breakup was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced an like you I have good days and bad days.. I've read somewhere that the 2-4 week mark is the hardest when it comes to NC. But I believe that once you get through this you will be greatful that this person is out of your life. Those nagging feelings you most likely had during your relationship where you felt like maybe just maybe this wasn't quite the person for you will turn out to be true. There is someone out there that will give you the fairy tale you want! This is what I tell myself every day. I wish you luck with this whole process and I truly hope that you won't feel this way for much longer. One day at a time.. Keep your head up girl!
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