4 months NC but not 100 % there yet

[notsosuperman]

Okay I wanna start out with saying I am proud of myself. I have maintained NC in 4 complete months. Not LC and definitely no facebook looking. Pure NC.

Anyways.. I've decided to come here since I have started to feel a little bit confused and I am not really sure why and I hope you can help me with that.

I got dumped 6 months ago, by the girl I loved and the one I hoped should be my first girlfriend. It was my kirst kiss and blah blah..'

 

 

Back then, she said it would be best if we were not in contact for some time. I was devestated and all I wanted was contact. But I talked to my father before that and he convinced me to NOT contact her and why.

In the start I would google a lot of break-up stories, see if I could relate anything to make myself feel better and realise that I was not alone.

She would contact me after a week asking how I was and saying that she missed me. Stupid as I was, I replied that I missed her too. Did I get an answer? Noooo.. BOOM, instant ego-boost for her.. This is when I started to get a bit mad.

 

A month after that she contacted my again asking how I was, but this time I was cold and just answered "Really great, thanks". (If you wanna see the whole conversation, let me know).

I then told her that she was the one wanting zero-contact, so I just sticked with that. Then she replied and I quote:

Yeah, and that you should text me when you were ready, because I wanted to keep our friendship.

 

 

Today I still think "WTF". How could SHE dump me, and expect ME to contact her? Like the friendship is something she is offering and I have a 30-day mark to accept her offer.. I mean, she did not treat me bad in anyways and she did not cheat.. She treated me really well and was so sweet, but form this very moment I started getting mad at her, because I thought that was/is utterly unfair and I did not like to be played with.

I go the same school as this girl so seeing her almost every 2nd or 3rd day is hard and not good for the healing.

 

 

I just had enough and I started "ignoring" her. Well, ignoring would be her talking to me and me not replying, but I am pretending she is not existing, because I find that the easiest.

Several times at school I have been walking right past her, without even looking at her. I have turned my head a few times and noticed her looking at me.

When going out with friends to local parties etc, I have been ignoring her, walking right past her.. I really dont want anything to do with her. I cant see how that would benefit me in anyway.

 

A month ago I had some kinda hatred against her.. I started to feel mad and I all I wanted was to yell her in the face with the strongest and hardest words, why I would not talk to her.. That faded away rather quickly and I ahve forgivinen her.

 

I hold no grudge towards her. She can f*ck and kiss whoever she wants, I really dont care anymore.. I just dont feel 100% over this yet, because I see her so often..

I really don't know if I am doing the right thing my ignoring her, I mean.. She and her friends might think I am behaving childish because we only went out for 2 months.

But is it so wrong and childish to stay away from something that hurt you when you really put your heart into it? I don't want to feel sad when I can feel good!

 

Anyways.. This kinda got on a sidetrack, I had something else I wanted to write but I've forgot. I'll write it if I remember it. I guess it finally rewards me that I can be a cold sh*thead.

 

EDIT: As said I don't hate her, but at the same time, I don't really wish her well in life? I don't care about her.. I don't wish a stranger well in life, because I don't know them.. Am I weird?

[na49]

Get on board dude. I go to the same school as my ex too, I don't run into her much but I've been NC for almost 5 months (unless you count me telling her to leave me alone as breaking NC in which case I'm 2 months)

 

You're doing well, God knows if you checked up on her, you'd be opening 4 months worth of wounds that you have tried to heal.

 

We're a lot alike in that I don't care who my ex f*cks nowadays either. I just don't want to know about it. I don't want to know anything about her life, because seeing anything relating to her makes me sick. You're not weird, you're angry at her. Why would you want someone who hurt you to be happy? Do they wish us happiness? Probably not.

 

I don't necessarily believe that the length of your relationship had anything to do with it. Sure 2 months isn't a very long time, but your feelings for her were real if you're still having trouble getting past this 100%. Also it doesn't matter what her friends think. They probably think you are pouting like a baby, you're the only person who knows that you're ignoring her for your own benefit. She's probably offended that you don't want to be friends, but the reality is you can't be friends with someone you have feelings for. The only person friendship will help is her. and it won't even "help" her that much. It will only hurt you.

 

Try to show her how much you love life without her even if you fake it. It pisses us off to see them happy without us. We can get them back by showing our happiness without them. Showing them that we aren't defeated and we are still going to keep living even though they don't want us.

[lovelifexx]

You are doing the right thing. I think since she didn't reply after you told her that you missed her too that first time, then she deserves that you are totally ignoring her. You really sound like a strong person. I was together with my ex for a year and then he broke up with me and he totally ignores me like I don't exist. It hurt so bad since I never did anything wrong, we never fought or anything and I also have to see him at school every few days. I wish I could be like you and not really care. But my heart is still so broken. Good on you! You do what you need to do to heal. xx

[notsosuperman]

Thanks for your replies! I am glad that you think I am doing the right thing!

 

@na49 exactly, we are a lot alike. I don't want to know anything about her life. What I don't know can't hurt me. That is why I dont wanna check her facebook, and why should I? I dont feel the urge to check up on her anymore at all.

I am not mad at her at all, maybe a bit bitter, but not mad. I have chosen to forgive her because it doesn't feel good to be mad in the long run, but that doesnt equal friendship.

Haha yeah. I also wanted her to show how "great" I felt without her, but that has faded too, and I don't really care anymore..

 

@lovelifexx Thank you! I am glad you see me as a strong person! In the beginning I felt incredibly week and this is what I have tried to achieve! And about your ex bf, f*ck that guy.. I mean, if you were the one to break-up I could see why he would ignore you, but dumping you and ignoring you? He is a douce.. You hold your head high and go!