How do you accept how you look?

[Aedra]

I was an ugly girl growing up and although I was never teased hugely by kids at school, my mother was extremely image conscious and a "secret" bulimic. I was pretty heavy and she constantly made me feel fat and worthless. I think I dealt with it by feeling indifferent, mostly, but I withdrew from people and became depressed and social phobic.

 

I go on facebook and see gorgeous girls from highschool get 50+ likes and endless compliments. It almost fills me with a rage, as sad as it sounds. I hardly know them, yet it makes me feel jealous and worthless. I feel like beautiful women get it far easier in many aspects of life and no matter how much work I put into makeup, hair or getting fit, I can never look that attractive and it pisses me off. I know that's not entirely true, really pretty girls have alot of issues to deal with too, but I still can't help but feel good looks gets you so much either way. One day this old man that knows my mom at work came up to us both, glanced at both of us, and told us flat out my mother was much more attractive then me. It felt so depressed and it confirmed how I felt my whole life. I also have a wonderful boyfriend yet I can't accept myself either way. If he teases me about one of my body parts, namely my super saggy boobs, I feel like somebody twisted a knife into me. It HURTS so much feeling like this, yet I know I should laugh it off because its just playful teasing.

 

I have a big masculine nose, big forehead I try to cover with my fringe and fat thighs. If I walk down the street and see a gorgeous girl, I will sometimes get a sinking feeling in my gut and seething jealousy. My skin is horrid and I binge eat constantly to deal with how crap I feel. I feel gross most days I wake up and avoid looking in the mirror as much as I can, especially in bright lighting. I have yo-yo dieted my entire life almost. I eat strictly healthy for months and get fairly fit, then it just falls apart. Over and over again. At one point I lost so much weight my spine was sticking out and my family and extended family complimented me constantly. Random strangers were nicer to me! It was absurd to me and made me feel so upset that my weight changed how people reacted to me. I felt more accepted being thinner, yet it made me kind of hate people even more because of it.

 

Anyways enough whining, I guess what I'm asking is, how do you even start to accept yourself and not care what other people think? I have tried really hard to take the focus off my looks for so many years and focus on my character and abilities, but the inadequacy I feel in terms of appearance eats at me regardless. I can't go outside without wanting to be in a different skin. =( Sorry for my annoying screwed up rant...I feel damned hopeless and just hoping somebody relates.

Edited March 3, 2013 by Aedra

[Kamille]

First, I'd say your evidence for you being ugly is scant. I've dealt with a lot more bullying in junior high and, still, most days I manage to feel like I'm cute. Some days I downright feel sexy. (And others I feel as attractive as canned tuna).

 

Your mom dealt with a body image disorder and those anxieties have been transfered on to you.

 

That (tactless) man who said your mother was more attractive? I'm guessing he was likely trying to hit on your mother.

 

As for your boyfriend: instead of trying to laugh out his jokes about your body, perhaps you could tell him that they affect you. Do it one day when you are calm and feeling good about yourself. Let him know you would appreciate it if he stopped.

 

I think one of the things that could be going on with you is that you've been so focused on trying to figure out whether or not you were attractive that you've created a negative bias. To me it sounds like you are grasping at the straws that would prove your unattractiveness. So let me ask you this: what's your counter-evidence? Make a list of all the times/events that made you feel like others thought you were attractive (I'm guessing your boyfriend will also show up in this list).

 

I don't really know what advice to give someone who is struggling with this as much as you are. Therapy would seem like a good start. What I do when I feel as attractive as a can of tuna is that I blast good tunes, pick out a great outfit, play with make up all while dancing around. I find all the time spend having fun in front of a mirror actually improves my appreciation of my own looks.

[ErosOcean]

Here are my thoughts on the matter...

 

Some people call this imagined ugliness. And it happens to everyone.

 

With imagined ugliness you link things that you think are important to be attractive. For example, when you see an ad for a new pair of shoes you see the individual looks sexy with those shoes. You link the new shoes to being attractive and sexy. So you will not feel as attractive when you don't have a pair.

 

Imagined ugliness can be linked to your past. Having a past of being bullied, or someone telling you that you are ugly, can cause someone to live all their life believing that. For example, if an individual is told at a young age that he has a big nose. That person will link his big nose to being unattractive and will validate it when he sees couples together that look "normal". Or if someone rejects him, makes a dumb comment, if someone who gets more attention than him, etc. He will see it as validation that he is ugly because of his big nose, when it is not true at all.

 

The idea of what is attractive will vary with individuals. And that same person could find a person attractive one time but at another point in life will find them completely repulsive. Some find a person attractive because they were in a good mood. Some might find a person attractive because of their personality. Others might find that same individual to be ugly because they remind them of someone they disliked.

 

If we simplify it, attractiveness is just the association of your beliefs.

 

Someone could be looking at you and thinking that you are the most gorgeous woman ever. But your belief of what is beautiful and attractive would differ from their view so you wouldn't see it. You will be blind to anything that would validate the fact that you are beautiful. You will see that you are ugly because of certain qualities that you think are important to you. Which you confirm by seeking out in any form of validation, ie facebook likes...

 

I went through the imagined ugliness phase. It had to do with my past and for years I didn't think I was attractive at all. I had a hard time looking at myself in the mirror without thinking that I was ugly.

 

In my imagined ugliness phase, I was sitting with the "hot" girls at work. My girl friends would tell me that a lot of the girls at my work liked me. I was told I was a pretty boy, the most attractive man ever, very handsome, etc. I have had girls follow me and ask me out. It sounds incredibly stupid, but I still felt insecure about my looks and thought I was ugly. In my mind when women looked at me, I saw them looking at me because they thought I was ugly and not because I was handsome.

 

So the thing is, it doesn't matter what others think. It only matters what you think. What you believe. People can say that you are beautiful or ugly, but none of it will have any meaning unless you believe it.

 

To break down what a belief is, it is merely a story that you affirm to yourself over and over again. So your belief about how ugly you are is merely you telling yourself the same story over and over again about why you are ugly. So change your story, and you'll change how you see yourself.

 

To get over my insecurities, I actually just sat in front of the mirror and began talking to myself. I just reasoned through why I wasn't ugly, why I was attractive, and how it would be stupid to believe that I was ugly. For starters I reasoned that I had all functioning limbs and I wasn't completely deformed. Next I reasoned that everyone has a unique look and my unique features made me attractive. Next I just began saying things like, "You know, you actually are a handsome guy." I just repeated a lot of positive things to myself while looking in the mirror. I also made dumb faces to crack myself up...

[Aedra]

Thanks for the responses, I really do appreciate it alot. I've been mulling over it quite a bit. To frank though, I don't believe I'm imagining my ugliness whatsoever. I think my mind has exaggerated it to a point, but I don't believe by much. I'm not so ugly people will run away screaming lol, but I'm nothing great. I fall short of what is considered attractive and the multitude of negative experiences over my looks I've had over my life confirm this. I was even rated 3rd ugliest girl in class =( And I did get called ugly a few times in school but I withdrew to the point people forgot I even existed so the remarks pretty much stopped. I've only ever gotten complimented when I had dieted so much I was drinking nothing besides diet shakes. And of course my boyfriend.

 

I'm sort of getting to the point where I think I just need to let it go and stop obsessing. I wasn't born genetically blessed in that area and should accept it. At least my partner thinks I'm alright even if he keeps saying I have manly features =( Short of plastic surgery, I just won't be all that attractive and I think I should start caring less about something I don't have much control over even though its hard as hell.

Edited March 8, 2013 by Aedra

[hppr]

When I was a teen I felt the same way, I had tons of zits and was a really skinny guy, like 5'11 and 140lbs. I thought all the other guys were bigger than me/better looking, that all of them were getting laid, and I was this pimple farming loser.

 

Now that I look at my pics from high school I realize that I looked like everyone else, they weren't any better looking or much bigger than me and for the most part weren't getting laid either.

 

I'm willing to bet that you're normal, average, and when you diet you probably look pretty damned good. But you're unable to realize it because you're all mixed up on the inside, you're depressed, and you've been given all sorts of bad advice/feedback by people who should know better than to speak to you that way (IE, your mother).

[spiderowl]

I think you've had the kind of background that would make any woman feel self-conscious. Your mother, instead of being encouraging, loving and accepting, ran you down. Your mother had a very tainted view of bodies and looks and unfortunately, because you were impressionable, she's affected you with her views.

 

Firstly, start from scratch and don't believe a word of what any critical person said about your looks. What kind of person criticises another's looks so insensitively? An insensitive idiot, that's what. Are you to take the opinion of someone already determined to be an idiot, and insensitive, just like that? No, of course not. Dismiss these people and their stupid, thoughtless views. Who are they to decide who is beautiful and who is not? It's a pointless exercise anyway because there will be guys out there who find you beautiful. Attraction is not logical, it is a feeling, an impulse, and while there may be stunning beauties out there who generate this feeling more than the rest of us mere women, there will be men who are drawn to you too, who find you compelling and interesting. They will like your looks, your skin, your shape and your natural personality. You won't need to try hard to please them - this kind of instinctive attraction is just there.

 

If you feel depressed about your looks, it is easy to assume everyone else feels the same way about you as you do. This colours the way you interact with people. If you feel unworthy because of your 'grey'-tined spectacles (as opposed to rose tinted ), then you are more likely to mix with the kind of people who behave badly towards you, you are more likely to tolerate their ignorant and unkind behaviour, you are more likely to put up with a boyfriend who does not treat you with respect and is crappy enough to make negative comments about your looks. I shall give you an example. Once, I was with a new boyfriend. I knew I was a bit overweight and wasn't happy about it. He commented jokingly that I was 'getting a bit of a tummy'. He thought it funny. I thought it rude, inconsiderate and none of his business. I also thought he wasn't the kind of guy who deserved my love and attention, so I said goodbye to him. I think he genuinely wondered what had gone wrong (how stupid can someone be?).

 

The point I'm making is that when you feel you are worth something and you KNOW you are attractive to some and, well, to hell with the rest, you don't put up with this kind of crap. At one point in the past, when I was very lacking in confidence, I would have thought (a) that they had a right to comment, after all I was ugly/spotty or whatever; (b) that they were experts in who was attractive or not. Now I realise how distorted that idea was.

 

Treat yourself how you want to treat yourself in terms of health/wellbeing and then ignore critics and treat them as the self-appointed bullies they are. Be kind to yourself and realise that you are just as lovable as anyone else. You have some considerable brainwashing to overcome, but it can be done. Cats don't look in mirrors to see how attractive they are to the opposite sex or their peers, yet they still end up with mates. Why should we be so obsessed about it?

Edited March 10, 2013 by spiderowl

[Els]

I can relate to you, especially with the anorexic mother! God, that's horrible.

 

Having read your previous posts, I think one thing you want to do is to prioritize moving out, as suggested to you in another thread. I find the times that I'm most insecure about my appearance is when I'm talking to my mother. So, when you manage to distance yourself from a major trigger of your body image anxiety, you may find it gets better.

 

And as K suggested, yes, tell your bf that you'd rather he not joke about your appearance because it is a sensitive point for you. Does he show you that he cares about you, in other ways? If he does, chances are he really does find you attractive as a whole (personality, appearance, and all), and is really just being a bit of a dork and not understanding that he's hurting you. If he cares about you, he'll stop if he knows how much his joking is affecting you. If he doesn't, well, maybe time to remove this trigger too.

[Aedra]

@spiderowl Yeah, my mom has definitely screwed me up more then I'd like to admit sometimes. I'm kind of tired of figuring out how much is distortion, what's genuine reaction to my looks and just my mom's behavior rubbing off on me. Trying to take the focus off my looks and focus on other things, I'm really afraid of turning 40 or something and having no personality and achievements because I spent too much time obsessing. =( Starting to work out more again too to help with all the anxiety I'm feeling with other things, but trying not to go overboard...I hate that cycle I keep putting myself in.

 

@ Elyswyth My boyfriend is wonderful in just about every other way and he is like my best friend. He's really supportive and I feel he understands me too. He's definitely insensitive here and there though. I feel like I put up with it more then I should though and I really don't know how to assert myself properly. He's my only real friend too, which makes it so hard. I got the social anxiety going on so for me I feel like I have to cling onto *any* person who gets along with me. I guess its unhealthy, yet I feel I'd be an even worse trainwreck otherwise. I don't know, I feel pretty messed up in alot of ways.

Edited March 14, 2013 by Aedra

[Els]

@ Elyswyth My boyfriend is wonderful in just about every other way and he is like my best friend. He's definitely insensitive here and there though. I feel like I put up with more crap then I should and I really don't know how to assert myself properly. He's my only real friend too, which makes it so hard. I get really lonely if I complain to him and he doesn't talk to me as much. I'm in no shape to move out right now but its a definite long-term goal.

 

I think it's good for your bf to be your confidante, but there's such a thing as too much of a good thing. Definitely not a great idea to be relying solely on him for venting purposes - it would be a little exhausting for the person on the receiving end. I'd sincerely recommend friends, but I know that's easier said than done. So in the meantime, try other venues for your venting - LS is a good start.

 

The best way to assert yourself, to start with, is to do so nicely. Be serious about it so he doesn't know you're joking, but tell him gently that you'd appreciate it if he didn't joke about this one topic in particular, because of the self esteem issues you're currently dealing with.

 

Also, I don't know if you've tried, but a wardrobe can really help a person's appearance and self esteem. It takes some time, effort, and money, but if it gives you confidence it's well worth it. Most of the issues that you mention - skin, thighs, etc, can be tastefully covered with clothes if they bother you.

[BehindBlueEyes]

I could accept it, but being reminded of it even in adult hood, by morons into your 30's....makes it quite difficult.

 

People tell me to accept it and be happy, blah blah.. I say have someone calling you sh*t and see how you feel going home to the wife....kids....be happy? Nah....you turn into a miserable bitch that hangs out on LS all day getting himself all f'cked up thinking about how he could never be "good enough" or "pretty enough" to be in a relationship, because of his uber hate toward idiots and fear of them reminding him of his shortcomings in his looks....constantly....even as an adult. All while seeing hot guys taking showers with their GF's and having said GF's loving them and holding them close as their "man" While I go piss off outside becoming a jealous stalker, moronic, beast of a fiend while saying f'ck the world.

[USMCHokie]

I debated how I would word my response to your title question without being insensitive...but I can't.

 

How do you accept how you look?

 

You don't accept it. You do something about it.

[BehindBlueEyes]

One day this old man that knows my mom at work came up to us both, glanced at both of us, and told us flat out my mother was much more attractive then me.

 

 

I would of literally smacked that guy in his face if it happened in my current state of mind. I have NO, absolute 0 zilch tolerance for that BS anymore...I have even less tolerance for those who have no ****ing clue how it feels...to sit there telling me I'd be the crazy, out of control one that needs help, for smacking an old guy in his face.

 

I got fired at work for this exact type of thing. For days I brushed off his fly-by comments and ugly jokes, but one morning on the job he mad one comment first thing... I snapped in half and I dropped him hard for it. You'd think people around me would kinda feel me a bit? no.... they just smirked and looked at me as if I was some sort of out of my mind sociopath....that pissed me off even more and I ended up damaging some equipment.

 

Just a couple of guys had sense enough to see I was having some mental difficulty and they promptly took me and rushed me out of there and down the ladder. I sat a the picnic table below to gather myself up and I was told by the foreman to go home.

 

I was called into the office the next morning where I was discreetly fired.

 

Then you have people telling yo uyou need help, you need to let go of grudges and all that crap... Oh I could and have, but the BS always comes back and I can't deal with it! You try being reminded you're ****ing ugly even as an adult....it won't stop and I too have become a huge sociophobe....People scare me and I am scared someone will talk about my looks... "Say?....you get in a car accident as a young guy? your nose looks a bit off." That was actually asked.

 

I feel you, OP.....it sucks.....

[BehindBlueEyes]

I debated how I would word my response to your title question without being insensitive...but I can't.

 

How do you accept how you look?

 

You don't accept it. You do something about it.

 

 

Do what about it? plastic surgurey?

 

 

pffftt f'ck that....I'm not ruining my given face to just shut some dic-head up.

 

Kill all ass mouthed morons would be my cure.

[ScreamingTrees]

Here are my thoughts on the matter...

 

Some people call this imagined ugliness. And it happens to everyone.

 

With imagined ugliness you link things that you think are important to be attractive. For example, when you see an ad for a new pair of shoes you see the individual looks sexy with those shoes. You link the new shoes to being attractive and sexy. So you will not feel as attractive when you don't have a pair.

 

Imagined ugliness can be linked to your past. Having a past of being bullied, or someone telling you that you are ugly, can cause someone to live all their life believing that. For example, if an individual is told at a young age that he has a big nose. That person will link his big nose to being unattractive and will validate it when he sees couples together that look "normal". Or if someone rejects him, makes a dumb comment, if someone who gets more attention than him, etc. He will see it as validation that he is ugly because of his big nose, when it is not true at all.

 

The idea of what is attractive will vary with individuals. And that same person could find a person attractive one time but at another point in life will find them completely repulsive. Some find a person attractive because they were in a good mood. Some might find a person attractive because of their personality. Others might find that same individual to be ugly because they remind them of someone they disliked.

 

If we simplify it, attractiveness is just the association of your beliefs.

 

Someone could be looking at you and thinking that you are the most gorgeous woman ever. But your belief of what is beautiful and attractive would differ from their view so you wouldn't see it. You will be blind to anything that would validate the fact that you are beautiful. You will see that you are ugly because of certain qualities that you think are important to you. Which you confirm by seeking out in any form of validation, ie facebook likes...

 

I went through the imagined ugliness phase. It had to do with my past and for years I didn't think I was attractive at all. I had a hard time looking at myself in the mirror without thinking that I was ugly.

 

In my imagined ugliness phase, I was sitting with the "hot" girls at work. My girl friends would tell me that a lot of the girls at my work liked me. I was told I was a pretty boy, the most attractive man ever, very handsome, etc. I have had girls follow me and ask me out. It sounds incredibly stupid, but I still felt insecure about my looks and thought I was ugly. In my mind when women looked at me, I saw them looking at me because they thought I was ugly and not because I was handsome.

 

So the thing is, it doesn't matter what others think. It only matters what you think. What you believe. People can say that you are beautiful or ugly, but none of it will have any meaning unless you believe it.

 

To break down what a belief is, it is merely a story that you affirm to yourself over and over again. So your belief about how ugly you are is merely you telling yourself the same story over and over again about why you are ugly. So change your story, and you'll change how you see yourself.

 

To get over my insecurities, I actually just sat in front of the mirror and began talking to myself. I just reasoned through why I wasn't ugly, why I was attractive, and how it would be stupid to believe that I was ugly. For starters I reasoned that I had all functioning limbs and I wasn't completely deformed. Next I reasoned that everyone has a unique look and my unique features made me attractive. Next I just began saying things like, "You know, you actually are a handsome guy." I just repeated a lot of positive things to myself while looking in the mirror. I also made dumb faces to crack myself up...

 

Telling myself a story, that I'm "attractive" over and over again, is like trying to believe in religion when I know it's an attempt at garnering fact from fable. If I don't see it, and I see a nose that is bulbous and shapeless, with two flaring nostrils, one bigger and set higher than the other, an underdeveloped jaw, and a lumpy caveman-like forehead.. There's no use in trying to convince myself otherwise, aside from injecting me with chemicals to alter my perception via hallucinogens.

 

And most people, at least not myself, have not had the luxury of having sunshine blown up our asses despite how we feel. The only people who've said anything nice to me were either people who didn't want to hurt my feelings (over the internet, it's easy to just lie and avoid unpleasantries) or blood relatives.. Ever heard of the expression "a face only a mother could love"? I've never had any girls who actually wanted to date me.

 

The closest candidates live(d) thousands of miles away or were/are too old, so there's no commitment in them giving the whole "wow, I don't get how you are single! you need to change your 'tude!" ... Of course, the girls who ARE around my age, who DO live within a reasonable distance, do not see me. I'm invisible. I would have to scream and have a seizure around the opposite sex for them to even notice that I'm alive.

 

You can force feed yourself all sorts of fairy tales, lies, and bull****, but if you're alone with no luck at the end of the day for years, you're probably seeing yourself for what you are, a genetic **** up.

[Aedra]

I debated how I would word my response to your title question without being insensitive...but I can't.

 

How do you accept how you look?

 

You don't accept it. You do something about it.

 

I appreciate your bluntness. I presume you mean getting some plastic surgery or makeover or some kind. I consider plastic surgery an extreme last resort, because I don't think it would actually change how I truly feel about myself but its on the list.

[Kamille]

Do you ever feel pretty?

 

When you look at pictures of yourself from 2 or 3 years ago, what do you think?

 

What would happen if you spent a week thinking to yourself "there are some things that are pretty about me?"

[Forever Learning]

I read recently in a book by Oprah I got at the library (don't have the title in front of me, sorry) that after 40, and when you are chasing kids, at some point, you just don't worry about it anymore, other things really take priority. I am so happy to have reached this stage in life. It feels good. Positive attitude is everything, and loving yourself.

[anna121]

I appreciate your bluntness. I presume you mean getting some plastic surgery or makeover or some kind. I consider plastic surgery an extreme last resort, because I don't think it would actually change how I truly feel about myself but its on the list.

 

I can't speak for the poster, but there are LOTS of things you can do to improve your appearance short of plastic surgery.

 

Do you like the ordinary ways to do that (clothing, skincare, hairstyling, makeup) or are you frustrated/bored by it? If the latter, try to appreciate their utility. There are some good books about how to dress for your shape. Find someone whose hairstyle/color you admire and ask who they go to.

 

I'm not ugly, but if I did nothing on a day-to-day basis to capitalize on what works, I'd be very unhappy with my looks too.

[Aedra]

Again, thanks to all for your advice and responses.

 

@Kamille Okay this isn't something I'm proud to admit, but I have edited virtually every single picture over the last 2-3 years that's gone online. =( I'm definitely always unhappy with my unaltered pictures but am comfortable with my edited ones. Anything that shows my profile especially I make sure I make my nose is less prominent. Only on edited images do I ever get compliments...it's pretty lame but it makes me feel a little better when people say I'm photogenic, even if its a lie. I guess I see it as cheap plastic surgery lol. I think I have okay eyes. I think a physical attribute I'm okay with come to think of it. I'm not sure what that makes me...I hope I'm not the only one *this* obsessed. =S

 

@Forever Learning Yeah, I'm actually looking forward to children and that older stage of life! I just don't want to pass on my horrible self image to them so I'm hoping that'll be something that helps me put things in better perspective and making me care a whole lot less.

 

@anna121 I've changed my hairstyle four times past year. It boosted my confidence a little, but it never really lasted. But better then nothing! Clothes never really make me feel any better, since I'm eternally frustrated I cannot wear the clothes that I actually like due to my weight problem and feeling too afraid to show much of my body most of the time. It drives me crazy I just can't say "hey you made some progress." I'm constantly sabotaging myself, something my boyfriend has helped shed light on. So I'm working out alot more but I'm rarely any happier. I can just never seem to be happy with supposed improvements. I do use skincare products but i have alot of very bad acne scars that will take years to show any signs of improving.

Edited March 17, 2013 by Aedra

[Els]

Aedra, I think one of the things you need to accept is that it's fairly normal for most young women (and even some men or older women, I wager, but mostly young women) to suffer from body image insecurities. It's just that you're reacting to this a fair bit more strongly than most women do, and that's probably your anxiety at play. I don't know many women who think they look amazing, even if others think that they do. Plenty of famous celebrities get photoshopped in pictures all the time. Sure, most of them pay someone else to do it, but it's really the same thing.

[FitChick]

How do you accept how you look?

 

You don't accept it. You do something about it.

 

You've gotta work with what you've got. If you are too lazy, then don't whine about it. Diet and exercise isn't easy for anyone but we do it. It's a lifestyle choice.

 

Since you have a boyfriend, why don't you take ballroom dancing lessons together? Lots of fun and burns calories. Watch the DVD Shall We Dance with Richard Gere and Jennifer Lopez to get you both in the mood.

Edited March 17, 2013 by FitChick

[anna121]

Ok, I don't edit my photos individually, but I TOTALLY screen what goes up. I remove tags of myself all the time!

 

Curious about the multiple changes in hairstyle that "it didn't last". To me, that indicates that you need to find a better stylist who can work with (not against) your hair to find something that looks great and is achievable BY YOU, every day. Trust me, it is possible!

 

I understand the frustration about clothes. Are you in a major centre? Many department stores have personal shoppers that can do a really good job at picking out flattering clothes. You're not obligated to buy stuff, either (tho, hopefully, you will).

 

I know it sounds very rich and of course it's dependent on your financial means, but it really doesn't have to cost very much. I think finding clothes that you like make such a HUGE difference to how you feel about yourself. Does for me anyway. You don't even need that many - say, 3 good outfits to start, then maybe something new every couple of months.

 

I'm sorry about the acne scars. I think there are techniques for making them less noticeable, but of course good make-up can be on the pricey side.

[camillalev]

1. You need get away from your mother. Like someone else said, remove the trigger. My mom is also very unhealthy and projected a ton of negative ideas onto me at a very young age. Now I limited speaking to her to 2 times a month.

 

2. Your unhappiness is clearly very internal but...

 

3. You are clearly unhappy about your weight. It seems a lot of your worries about appearance revolve mainly around that. You need to improve your health and your weight through working out, and stick with it. Get a personal trainer. When/If you dip in productivity, don't beat yourself up. In fact, plan it in. Expect a week or two where you KNOW you'll eat some unhealthy food or whatnot. Sounds ridiculous but trust me EVERYONE goes through those periods when adopting a new habit, we're just human. Then when when expected happens, get back on the health kick and go strong. Go to lifehacker.com and search 'new habits' or 'working out', they have a ton of great tips. Being healthy and looking healthy can do wonders for self-esteem and appearance.

[amazingdrummer]

Me too. I always feel being uglier than others. I don't know why, but I just feel most of girls I see on the street are prettier than me (although they might be not, who know), that is why I never feel confortable with my appearance.

For the last 5 years, I have tried to lose weight since my mom told me that I looked fat. But no success till now, I'm still struggling, looking at myself in the mirror everyday and "OMG, I see fat everywhere".

too much worrying about my weight also makes me feel hard to love and establish relationship with others.

[Roadkill007]

I can relate to you, especially with the anorexic mother!

 

 

I don't mean to be a pedantic nag, but bulimia is not the same as anorexia. Bulimia has more to do with needing some form of feeling of control over oneself, resulting in overeating/throwing up as forms of coping. Anorexia has more to do with negative body self-image. While some anorexics may use binging and purging techniques, it's rather uncommon. Also bulimics tend to SEEM more normal in terms of weight and appetite. They're different psychological issues at the core that share similar social outcomes.