Even if I know them for real, they won't give me their #

[RedRobin]

OP, I'm going to agree with some of the other posters... the fact that they are giving you other opportunities to get to know them is actually a compliment.

 

... and I agree with Kamille about giving them your number and leaving it up to them to contact you.

 

You'll have to accept that not every woman wants to get on the 'dating' treadmill that lots of people have that starts with phone, then get asked out on a date, 3-10 dates then f*ck that passes as getting to know someone these days.

 

I realize it is frustrating for guys who are looking for a relationship. It is frustrating for me too. It has taken me 10 years to develop my network... and while it isn't perfect.... I have much more hope of finding someone I'm compatible with this way than taking chances on random strangers. Been there, done that.

 

... and yes, I'm a member of some activity groups. One of them is a running group. The last time I went last summer, some guy glommed on and followed me around the whole evening after the run.

 

My good friend who is also a member of the organization told me that guy does that to all the new women. Good thing for me, it was the last run of the season.

Edited March 3, 2013 by RedRobin

[irc333]

OP, I'm going to agree with some of the other posters... the fact that they are giving you other opportunities to get to know them is actually a compliment.

 

... and I agree with Kamille about giving them your number and leaving it up to them to contact you.

 

You'll have to accept that not every woman wants to get on the 'dating' treadmill that lots of guys have that starts with phone, then get asked out on a date, 3-10 dates then f*ck that passes as getting to know someone these days.

 

I realize it is frustrating for guys who are looking for a relationship. It is frustrating for me too. It has taken me 10 years to develop my network... and while it isn't perfect.... I have much more hope of finding someone I'm compatible with this way than taking chances on random strangers. Been there, done that.

 

... and yes, I'm a member of some activity groups. One of them is a running group. The last time I went last summer, some guy glommed on and followed me around the whole evening after the run.

 

My good friend who is also a member of the organization told me that guy does that to all the new women. Good thing for me, it was the last run of the season.

 

 

LOL....I think men are more on the prowl than women are to be honest. It's just a fact of life.

 

Sometimes after those activities, some people are like "Hey, want to get something to eat at that place on that highway?"

 

Then some guy would try to go out of his way to sit next to the woman he's into. What's funny is, she's still standing, and waiting for her to sit down first, but she's still talking with others....or he sits down, and tries to wave her over next to him.

[Estate]

I don't get this, there's two women I've met in person, in real life through a network of friends and events.....usually through Facebook or Meetup.

 

I would chat with them on FB, but I'd ask about getting their phone #'s, but they're like "Sorry, we've only met twice, so if we meet sometime at an event in the future.....I'll give it to you then."

 

Basically, they don't give out the digits unless they've SEEN you X amount of times in real life at events.

 

Is this normal for women to be this cautious?

 

You already have an identical thread for this exact same thing!?!?!

Look, what are you not getting.... they obviously don't want to date you.

 

You asked a girl for her number... now you're acting obsessive about not getting it, looks like she was right not to give it to you, she wasn't interested and doesn't need a guy pestering her.

 

What were you going to do with her number that you couldn't do over facebook considering dating is out but you "might hang out sometime"....

 

You're being creepy man... "Oh, I'll just act like her concerned friend but all I want is to get in her pants"... Girls aren't stupid, she sees through it a mile away. At least be a man and ask her on a date if that's what you wanted.

[irc333]

"Oh, I'll just act like her concerned friend but all I want is to get in her pants"

 

Ah, one of the "PUA's" of the Love Shack. lol.....Never said anything about that, not my goal to get a one night stand.

[RedRobin]

Ah, one of the "PUA's" of the Love Shack. lol.....Never said anything about that, not my goal to get a one night stand.

 

You realize, I hope, that is what some of them are trying to sift out?

 

No need to take some guys 'word' for what they are looking for. Easy enough to observe them in a group setting over time with stuff like Meetup and other activity groups open to the public.

 

But that takes time.

[Estate]

Ah, one of the "PUA's" of the Love Shack. lol.....Never said anything about that, not my goal to get a one night stand.

 

How is that in any way a PUA tactic? Or are you calling me a PUA?(which I am definitely not interested in being called).

 

But why would a PUA do that? A PUA or ANY guy who gets girls will let her know he's interested if he wants to ask her out and will then just ask her out...

 

... it's the shy creepy guy thinks he'll act like her "friend" when he really has no interest in being friends with her, he just wants to get in her pants...

The problem is... girls see it MILES away and it's so creepy... like, some gy always around, always texting, calling, facebooking, but he never asks her out, just acts like this timid "nice guy" looking out for her. But why is he ALWAYS around this girl if he never asks her out?

It comes off creepy!

 

What's worse is that if he actually just asked her out in the first place, she might have said yes, he was confident, direct and maybe she liked him.... but instead he just got creepy.

[irc333]

Me asking for her number to make arrangements FOR the activity IS asking her out. I'm not one to rush things though, but I don't move to slowly either, I give women a certain amount of time until I realize she just has no romantic interest in me, then I move on.

 

I had to cut off ties with a woman that toyed with me on this, even removed her from FB, and the funny thing was, she got ticked off that I removed her, and she wanted to be added back (major blow to her ego)....we talked it out...she was trying to explain to me, quite desperately, why she was blowing me off.

 

Then after that, when things died down, she started ignoring me, again.

 

So I removed again, this time she might not even notice.

 

 

 

How is that in any way a PUA tactic? Or are you calling me a PUA?(which I am definitely not interested in being called).

 

But why would a PUA do that? A PUA or ANY guy who gets girls will let her know he's interested if he wants to ask her out and will then just ask her out...

 

... it's the shy creepy guy thinks he'll act like her "friend" when he really has no interest in being friends with her, he just wants to get in her pants...

The problem is... girls see it MILES away and it's so creepy... like, some gy always around, always texting, calling, facebooking, but he never asks her out, just acts like this timid "nice guy" looking out for her. But why is he ALWAYS around this girl if he never asks her out?

It comes off creepy!

 

What's worse is that if he actually just asked her out in the first place, she might have said yes, he was confident, direct and maybe she liked him.... but instead he just got creepy.

Edited March 3, 2013 by irc333

[irc333]

Speaking of going out in groups....I know of this guy that will try to pay for a woman's dinner separate of everyone else if it's a group outing. Apparently, he invited her to join him, and she brought a married couple with her.

 

He tried to pay for her dinner, and she was like "No, that's fine, I can pay for my own dinner"

 

Rejected obviously. But I have seen some men do this.

[jcrew11]

I don't get this, there's two women I've met in person, in real life through a network of friends and events.....usually through Facebook or Meetup.

 

I would chat with them on FB, but I'd ask about getting their phone #'s, but they're like "Sorry, we've only met twice, so if we meet sometime at an event in the future.....I'll give it to you then."

 

Basically, they don't give out the digits unless they've SEEN you X amount of times in real life at events.

 

Is this normal for women to be this cautious?

 

LOL, they are just being nice and letting you down easy without straight rejecting you.

 

They don't give you their phone numbers because they are not physically attracted to you.

 

Of course, if you see them again and make a better impression, then they might change their mind.

[Estate]

Me asking for her number to make arrangements FOR the activity IS asking her out. I'm not one to rush things though, but I don't move to slowly either, I give women a certain amount of time until I realize she just has no romantic interest in me, then I move on.

 

I had to cut off ties with a woman that toyed with me on this, even removed her from FB, and the funny thing was, she got ticked off that I removed her, and she wanted to be added back (major blow to her ego)....we talked it out...she was trying to explain to me, quite desperately, why she was blowing me off.

 

Then after that, when things died down, she started ignoring me, again.

 

So I removed again, this time she might not even notice.

 

I still don't get where you're coming from...

You didn't "ask her out" like on a date... you asked her to do some activity like a friend... so you're coming off weak... she probably knows you were fishing for it to be a date but weren't confident enough to actually ask for one so she probably just doesn't want to go.

 

Look, at the end of the day... if you want to ask a girl on a date just ask her on a date. If she says no, just leave her alone..

 

The way your going about this is lame. And she's not interested.

 

Also, why all these presumptions about her and her life? It sounds like you don't even know her much... you seem to think you are being this awesome guy to ask her out, why would she say No?

How do you know? She probably has TONS going on in her life that you don't know about... why act the martyr.

[xxoo]

Look, at the end of the day... if you want to ask a girl on a date just ask her on a date. If she says no, just leave her alone..

 

I agree.

 

Asking someone to go hiking, and not qualifying that it is a date, but both of you knowing that what you want is a date....it's awkward. It makes it hard for her to say "no" without being very firm: "I don't want to go, even as friends" . Which is probably why you do it that way, but it is also the reason you get the "mixed signals" that confuse you so much.

 

Ask her on a date.

[irc333]

I agree.

 

Asking someone to go hiking, and not qualifying that it is a date, but both of you knowing that what you want is a date....it's awkward. It makes it hard for her to say "no" without being very firm: "I don't want to go, even as friends" . Which is probably why you do it that way, but it is also the reason you get the "mixed signals" that confuse you so much.

 

Ask her on a date.

 

Actually, I have people telling me the contrary, real life male friends, both male and female...to not be as blunt, but to do it as I stated, it eventually transitioned into a dating relationship.

 

Some people just prefer to get to know each other in a GROUP setting before they start singling each other out, coupling up, and going at it on their own.

 

Most women don't prefer to be bluntly asked out.

[Estate]

Actually, I have people telling me the contrary, real life male friends, both male and female...to not be as blunt, but to do it as I stated, it eventually transitioned into a dating relationship.

 

Some people just prefer to get to know each other in a GROUP setting before they start singling each other out, coupling up, and going at it on their own.

 

Most women don't prefer to be bluntly asked out.

 

Are you kidding man?

So you truely believe that this girl is really into you? Ugggh... why are the guys on here so freaking clueless!?!?!?!?!?!

[xxoo]

Actually, I have people telling me the contrary, real life male friends, both male and female...to not be as blunt, but to do it as I stated, it eventually transitioned into a dating relationship.

 

Some people just prefer to get to know each other in a GROUP setting before they start singling each other out, coupling up, and going at it on their own.

 

Most women don't prefer to be bluntly asked out.

 

When women want to date you, they prefer to be bluntly asked out. Charmingly, if possible

 

But it isn't either/or. Get to know her in the group, and then ask her out. But why do you need her phone number in between?

[irc333]

When women want to date you, they prefer to be bluntly asked out. Charmingly, if possible

 

But it isn't either/or. Get to know her in the group, and then ask her out. But why do you need her phone number in between?

 

Because that's how it's done.

[xxoo]

These meetups could be only once a week. You could get to know someone better in the meantime through texting/chatting.

 

He's doing that through FB. He doesn't need their phone numbers for that.

 

Because that's how it's done.

 

If you feel you are at the point of asking for her phone number, why not ask her out instead?

 

If you aren't at the point of asking her out, keep getting to know her through meetups and FB chat until you are. When you schedule a date, you'll get her phone number. Until then, you simply don't need it.

[StanMusial]

My instinct is that these women just don't like you as a romantic partner.

 

However, I once met a girl in a bar and hit it off but she refused to give me her number. I sort of took it as a blow off and wrapped up the conversation to get back to my friends. But as I walked away she asked for MY number. So I said OK and gave it to her. I pretty much forgot all about it after that.

 

Well about a week later she called me on a Sunday afternoon and left a message asking if I wanted to go to the park with her and walk her dog around. I literally missed the call by moments, I was putting up groceries and was walking back and forth from my car. She did NOT leave her number and the caller ID showed it was a blocked number. LOL. I never heard from her or saw her again to this day.

[dasein]

Didn't read whole thread. No it's not normal for women to do this, especially if they are FB friends and contemplate activities with you.

 

"We can go hiking, but you can't have my phone number until we do?" No those are just idiots with a princess, privileged mentality. Simply move on. They are f-cked up in many other ways you can avoid finding out about and suffering from by moving on.

[grkBoy]

I don't get this, there's two women I've met in person, in real life through a network of friends and events.....usually through Facebook or Meetup.

 

I would chat with them on FB, but I'd ask about getting their phone #'s, but they're like "Sorry, we've only met twice, so if we meet sometime at an event in the future.....I'll give it to you then."

 

Basically, they don't give out the digits unless they've SEEN you X amount of times in real life at events.

 

Is this normal for women to be this cautious?

 

I more think they simply do not want to let you into their personal life.

 

Nothing against you. I just see them as women who think you're not "worthy" to get into their personal life. That on Facebook or in some public event they can fathom you, but they do not want you knowing how to reach them in person outside of the public event.

 

I also think these women aren't as interested in dating the way you are. Like they're waiting for some tall, dark, handsome guy who sets their hormones on fire, and you just make them feel "eh".

 

Don't feel bad and please don't think I'm attacking you. I know how you feel because I've been in the same boat, and would probably still be in that boat if I was single now. Women always saw me as "eh" or "just a friend" or even didn't want me knowing them beyond the pubic event or online.

 

Maybe the ones inviting you hiking next week are unsure about you, and thus want more risk-free meetups to get to know you more. "Risk-free" as in where they can vanish after and you'll never be able to reach them. It does mean you have a shot.

 

I used to take it personally when women saw me as "eh" and friendzoned or shut me out. However, I still notice how most of those women then tend to date and roll with men and women who more or less make their lives miserable. So I call it dodging a bullet and seeing this is someone I would not really want in my life.

 

Rejection sucks when you think in terms of lonely nights, no date on your arm at events, etc...but in my past I've learned to see many of them as bullets dodged. I still see many women who rejected me now online either proclaiming how happy they are to be single and how men suck, or crying/complaining how there's "no good men". I see it as they dug their own hole and made their own bed.

 

In any case, I agree with others who say "move on". If she's going to play this game, then she can join the many others who cry later how they can't meet any "decent men".

[Estate]

Because that's how it's done.

 

No it's not!!!!!!

 

Jeeeeeeeeeeez.... I don't know why but it's soooooooo frsutrating listening to someone so clueless yet not taking peoples advice here!

 

You are ALREADY in contact with her by facebook... ask her out THAT way... getting her number makes NO difference!!!

 

And with ALL that said... she won't give you her number anyway... SHE'S NOT INTERESTED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T JUST ASK HER OUT IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!

[xxoo]

You are ALREADY in contact with her by facebook... ask her out THAT way... getting her number makes NO difference!!!

 

That's how I would feel, anyway. I don't need texts from casual friends I can communicate with on FB.

 

Poop or get off the pot.

[RedRobin]

I more think they simply do not want to let you into their personal life.

 

Agree.

 

That on Facebook or in some public event they can fathom you, but they do not want you knowing how to reach them in person outside of the public event.

 

One meeting in a public place is hardly enough to decide if someone is worthy of being in your personal life.

 

I also think these women aren't as interested in dating the way you are.

 

Obviously. I know that the minute I give MY number to a guy and accept a 'date'... he's got his hand on the f*cking stopwatch. How many dates till we f*ck?? How bout now?... or NOW? and there goes any real opportunity to see what a guy is REALLY like when he's not putting on the dating act.

 

Like they're waiting for some tall, dark, handsome guy who sets their hormones on fire, and you just make them feel "eh".

 

Not at all. Some of us don't want to be pressured and want off the stupid 'dating' treadmill. It's not that complicated.

 

But you are right, it isn't personal.

 

Maybe the ones inviting you hiking next week are unsure about you, and thus want more risk-free meetups to get to know you more. "Risk-free" as in where they can vanish after and you'll never be able to reach them. It does mean you have a shot.

 

Absolutely, he still has a shot!

 

In any case, I agree with others who say "move on". If she's going to play this game, then she can join the many others who cry later how they can't meet any "decent men".

 

I disagree with this one..

 

She DID ask HIM out, or so it appears.

 

OP, Why not just go on the hike? You have other ways to get in touch with her if you need to.

[samsmith]

I got to know a nice woman on FB. She loves travel and showes lots of photos about her wonderful travel. She is a divorced woman with one kid. I think that I have loved her. I asked her to tell me her phone number and would be ready to ask her out. But she refused me twice. I don't give up and keep contact with her for over one month. I believe I need her.

[irc333]

I think they do it, because they anticipate seeing you again, and so the half-hearted rejection they've been making....there won't beany sour grapes.

 

Friend of mine has this issue with women, they even contact HIM to go out....then later cancel because they're "too tired" to do anything......later that night he spots their picture on Facebook out at some event (without him of course)....he even caught one in the act in PERSON at a venue, when she blew him off.

 

 

Iget a kick out of how they see you again and say, "OH, I'm sorry I MEANT to call you, but something came up".....let's try again next weekend, shall we? (Wash, rinse repeat)

 

And have the satisfaction of not even saying a word.

 

OP, I think we're in the same age group.

 

Number one, Facebook is LAME, and while I like a lot of what Estate is saying, people over 40 aren't used to using something that pitiful to make romantic connections. The younger set sees nothing wrong with this socially stilted method of connecting because most of them have lost the fine art of REAL communication, but we haven't. Talking on the phone and then making plans for a date is how we've always done things and it's much more personal than writing some feeble message on Facebook, for the love of God.

 

You don't have to be like the rest of the sheep. I'm curious to know how the youngin's freakin SURVIVED before Facebook and texting, though.

 

So wanting a woman's number and calling her to ask her out does NOT make the OP clueless.

 

Unfortunately, I think the OP just isn't reading the signs of disinterest in the women he's been hoping to date. When I haven't been interested in a man and didn't want to give him my number, rather than outright rejecting him, I'd give him a lame excuse just like the OP is getting from various women now. The bottom line is that these women are NOT interested in continuing the conversation privately after the meet-up/hiking group/barbecue is over - and they don't want to be put in the position of having to turn you down yet again when you call.

 

Don't be chasing these women down via Facebook, chatboxes, or any other form of online communication. They've made their disinterest extremely apparent, OP.

[grkBoy]

I disagree with this one..

 

She DID ask HIM out, or so it appears.

 

OP, Why not just go on the hike? You have other ways to get in touch with her if you need to.

 

If it were up to me, I'd go...but with ZERO expectations. I'd only go to spend time with a female, but not expect, hope or even try to "make something happen".

 

That's how I approached dating after my MGTOW thing. I think it helped mainly because then I only saw women socially and didn't try to get them into a dating thing...thus they ended up chasing me.

 

I think many women in social situations like this get turned off when the guy is going all out of his way to make an impression and push her on the idea of him as her boyfriend. The women I notice who like that are those who already have signed this guy as "boyfriend material" and thus now want to be romanced and courted. The women who put guys in the "maybe" pile are more looking to feel comfortable with the guy before fathoming chemistry.

 

 

My "move on" answer is simply along the lines of not accepting games. If IRC333 wants to go, then he should...but he should "move on" in the sense of "trying to get her on dates". Just go, have fun, be sociable, etc...but not try to get a number or set up a dinner/movie date. Let her chase him.