irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I don't get this, there's two women I've met in person, in real life through a network of friends and events.....usually through Facebook or Meetup. I would chat with them on FB, but I'd ask about getting their phone #'s, but they're like "Sorry, we've only met twice, so if we meet sometime at an event in the future.....I'll give it to you then." Basically, they don't give out the digits unless they've SEEN you X amount of times in real life at events. Is this normal for women to be this cautious?
Radu Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Are you sure you're not actually dating women who live on a funny farm ? Seriously, how do you meet these ppl ? 2
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Are you sure you're not actually dating women who live on a funny farm ? Seriously, how do you meet these ppl ? I meet them through friends, at events, gatherings, get togethers, BBQ's , out dancing, etc. Yeah, I don't get it either, it's like they have to get to know you in a group setting before they agree to go out with you.
Radu Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I mean about your threads generally. Is your area with a lot of men and few women ? Do you live in one of those US places where everyone is a cousin of some sort ? 4
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 I mean about your threads generally. Is your area with a lot of men and few women ? Do you live in one of those US places where everyone is a cousin of some sort ? I live outside a major city that I commute to for social events.
soccerrprp Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I have to chime in and wonder the same (per Radu). Who are these ladies? EVERY lady i've dated in the past year have given me their number BEFORE (I always give/offer mine first) ever meeting face to face. I'm starting to wonder if, perhaps, it's you that is sending signals, inadvertently, that is spooking them a little? I don't know, just my thought. 1
xxoo Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I think they are just stalling. They don't really want you calling them. 6
soccerrprp Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I think they are just stalling. They don't really want you calling them. Yeah, this too.
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I don't get this, there's two women I've met in person, in real life through a network of friends and events.....usually through Facebook or Meetup. I would chat with them on FB, but I'd ask about getting their phone #'s, but they're like "Sorry, we've only met twice, so if we meet sometime at an event in the future.....I'll give it to you then." Basically, they don't give out the digits unless they've SEEN you X amount of times in real life at events. Is this normal for women to be this cautious? yes.................. After having more than one guy pester me with texts and phone calls... sometimes for YEARS after ONE DATE.... yea... I don't date strangers or give them my # anymore.
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 yes.................. After having more than one guy pester me with texts and phone calls... sometimes for YEARS after ONE DATE.... yea... I don't date strangers or give them my # anymore. Red Robin....so let's say you meet a guy at a friend's BBQ or Pool Party. After talking with them for a while, the event is winding down....he asks for your phone #.....do you give it to him? Just establishing that he's established rapport with you....usually that's the foundation of moving forward with continuing further. ? OR do you have to have more than one face to face encounter with the same guy? LOL...this is the opposite of the "cold turkey" approach thread
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 They're shutting you down. I've never delayed giving my number to a man I was interested in, especially after having met them face to face. It's easy enough to block a number if you don't want someone to call you after the fact. What you're seeing is just an evasive "no thanks". THen why did I get a, "Tell you what, we can meet up to go hiking this week, how about that?" This is after she denied giving me her #. And I'm thinking "If she wants to meet with me to go hiking, wouldn't we need to exchange phone #'s?
Geiss Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 yes.................. After having more than one guy pester me with texts and phone calls... sometimes for YEARS after ONE DATE.... yea... I don't date strangers or give them my # anymore. I hope you don't flirt with guys then or tease them only to reject them when they come over because you don't give your number to strangers. No eye contact, no smiling, nothing. I have a feeling if the right stranger came along you would revise your policy.
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 I hope you don't flirt with guys then or tease them only to reject them when they come over because you don't give your number to strangers. No eye contact, no smiling, nothing. I have a feeling if the right stranger came along you would revise your policy. Yeah, women who won't give phone # to men because "I don't know you" either have issues or they aren't interested in the guy.
Geiss Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I don't get this, there's two women I've met in person, in real life through a network of friends and events.....usually through Facebook or Meetup. I would chat with them on FB, but I'd ask about getting their phone #'s, but they're like "Sorry, we've only met twice, so if we meet sometime at an event in the future.....I'll give it to you then." Basically, they don't give out the digits unless they've SEEN you X amount of times in real life at events. Is this normal for women to be this cautious? If you ask for their number and they don't give it to you move on. These girls must have watched Serendipity or something.
xxoo Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 You can make arrangements for the hike through your current communications (fb chat). She doesn't give you her number because she doesn't want you to have it. Most likely because she doesn't want you to use it--texting or calling to chat. FB chat is "removed" from my life. It's like email--I'll get to it when I get to it. But the phone demands. It chimes and I look--because maybe it is something important. You aren't important enough yet. 4
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Red Robin....so let's say you meet a guy at a friend's BBQ or Pool Party. After talking with them for a while, the event is winding down....he asks for your phone #.....do you give it to him? Just establishing that he's established rapport with you....usually that's the foundation of moving forward with continuing further. ? OR do you have to have more than one face to face encounter with the same guy? LOL...this is the opposite of the "cold turkey" approach thread Depends on how he made it to that party or event. There are certain parties I'm invited to that have a pretty high price of 'admission'. In other words, the everyday joe isn't getting invited. Just the fact he made it there would be enough to effectively filter out 99% of the guys I'm trying to avoid. Meetups are not much different than online dating to me. So no. I would not give out my number to someone I came across in a Meetup or random activity group unless it were a valid business contact... and I have ways of screening them too.
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Well you may be getting a "wobbler", a person who isn't quite sure where to put you in her/his life. I'm an avid hiker and I'll hike with just about anyone, short of a serial killer or rapist, but most of the men I hike with are pretty firmly in the friend zone. I don't care if these guys see me at my sweatiest and dirtiest, because they're not romantic considerations. Obviously, anyone I go on to have a relationship with will see me in this condition as well eventually, but that's not usually how I like to present myself initially. So, anyway, I think you may be getting "friendly" consideration...or perhaps she really is just a slow study. It's hard to say, but the refusal to give out a number isn't usually a sign of romantic interest. How is she expecting you to go hiking if you can't contact her? Actually, I"m a part of hiking group in my area, a lot of people have dated each other through these meetups and they have no qualms about "how they look" to dating prospects among the group, but more over that they find that having such common interests is what took priority with them dating. Not sure how caring about how you look, because your "sweaty" has nothing to do with it, it's just not realistic. I see sweaty dudes trying to chat up a woman for a full mile, LOL, and ask for their # to go out to dinner.
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Meetups are not much different than online dating to me. So no. I would not give out my number to someone I came across in a Meetup or random activity group unless it were a valid business contact... and I have ways of screening them too. "High price of 'admission'"? Define that please. lol. "Mucky Mucks" Hmm. I see your social circles are in a different classification altogether. The High Society types, yes? No offense Robin, that being said, and no offense....but I'm starting to figure out why you have been single for so long. Not making fun, but seriously....you might want to ease up on your conditional methods of making new friends or dating partners. Because a stranger is a friend you haven't met yet.
Kamille Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 THen why did I get a, "Tell you what, we can meet up to go hiking this week, how about that?" This is after she denied giving me her #. And I'm thinking "If she wants to meet with me to go hiking, wouldn't we need to exchange phone #'s? Hey IRC, imagine this scenario. One day, at one of this bar-b-q, your friends introduce you to a guy. He's new in town, he's heterosexual but he's looking to make new friends. You guys chat a little, you're being your usual self. Then the guy says: 'hey, we should (do xyz) some time". This is when you realize that, well, you thought the conversation was kind of boring and you don't really feel like including him in your network. How do you answer his offer to do something? Believe it or not, scientists have studied how Americans reject each other. The overwhelming majority of them, guy or girl, do not directly reject the other person. They'll tell a white lie ("I have something else to do that day"; "I'll give you my number next time") rather than say: "Oh you know what, I think you're kind of boring." And we don't do this because we're defective, we do it because we're humble: really, even though I found someone boring it doesn't mean they actually are. Most of the time, in most conversations, the rejectee can read through the lines and live with the possibility that perhaps they are being rejected. More often than not, the rejectee will answer something like: "Oh I understand, Well if you ever want to do something, let me know" and then leave the ball in the rejecter's court. Then, because most people have some self-esteem, the rejectee is free to move on and find people who will find him interesting. So all we have here is someone (you) who either willingly chooses to ignore social cues or doesn't know how to read them. Which one is it? 3
Geiss Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Depends on how he made it to that party or event. There are certain parties I'm invited to that have a pretty high price of 'admission'. In other words, the everyday joe isn't getting invited. Just the fact he made it there would be enough to effectively filter out 99% of the guys I'm trying to avoid. Meetups are not much different than online dating to me. So no. I would not give out my number to someone I came across in a Meetup or random activity group unless it were a valid business contact... and I have ways of screening them too. Who on earth are you? You don't give your number to strangers. You go to some kind of messed up parties where the average joe isn't allowed. What kind of parties are these? You sound like way too much work. Do you really think that highly of yourself? Like I said you better not be sending out signals to these average joes that seem beneath you. I don't know why this makes me angry but it does. Maybe it's because I'm an average joe and a stranger to almost everybody.
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 So all we have here is someone (you) who either willingly chooses to ignore social cues or doesn't know how to read them. Which one is it? I would say, I do not know how to read them, usually it's because they give mixed signals or wind up contradicting themselves. I recently had a woman, that I spent a good amount of time with at an art festival with a small group of friends. I added her on FB, but I found out from a friend that she won't add people on FB unless she's met them X amount of times, or had spent a certain amount of time with them in person. WE did add each other, only because she took photos of me, and tagged me in them...so that was my "in" there. We had been chatting quite frequently, and she's originally from Europe.....I asked her how long she's been living in my state and she goes, "Why?" And I said, "Well, I was just curious about when you came over." She said, "I'll tell you when we meet again" And I'm like "Oh okay", and this wasn't even a phone # exchange, but more about getting to know her personally. WE get to talking today (this is the non-hiking woman), and she said she went to church, and I asked her what denomination she is...she told me...and said, "Hey, I should've invited you! It's located in (gave me the location) I was like "Okay, cool....here's my phone #....let me know when you go next weekend, okay?" Put the ball in her court.
RedRobin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 "High price of 'admission'"? Define that please. lol. "Mucky Mucks" Hmm. I see your social circles are in a different classification altogether. The High Society types, yes? No offense Robin, that being said, and no offense....but I'm starting to figure out why you have been single for so long. Not making fun, but seriously....you might want to ease up on your conditional methods of making new friends or dating partners. Because a stranger is a friend you haven't met yet. I'm not talking about $$. The 'price' I'm talking about is the price of investment. They must be sincerely invested in whatever activity it is (usually volunteer or professional organization) in order to be included... and they have to have demonstrated their personal qualities over a seriously long period of time. Yes, I'm aware I've set a very high bar. That is what is required around here. The demographic is very bi-modal.
Author irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Who on earth are you? You don't give your number to strangers. You go to some kind of messed up parties where the average joe isn't allowed. What kind of parties are these? You sound like way too much work. Do you really think that highly of yourself? Like I said you better not be sending out signals to these average joes that seem beneath you. I don't know why this makes me angry but it does. Maybe it's because I'm an average joe and a stranger to almost everybody. Yeah, highly agree. "Meetups" are even beneath her, you know that says a lot about that.
Kamille Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Well done with the non-hiking woman. The ball is in her court, now you are free to move on with your life. If she calls she calls, if she doesn't, no big deal. The thing about the ways in which our society handles rejection is this: there's also a chance that the person is being honest (that they do have something to do that day). That's why you feel you're getting a mixed message. What I'd say is this: when you feel that way, try to accept the ambiguity. It's part of everyone's social life. When you feel you are receiving a mixed message, plant the ball in their court and move on. It's the best you can do. (Heck, we don't even reject people outright in the job application process... We say "you were good, but someone else was even more qualified").
Imported Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 How is she expecting you to go hiking if you can't contact her? You can't get there from here. By design. 1
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