aussie sam Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Here is an update for those of you starting NC and struggling. I have just completed week 5 and It DOES get easier! I went no contact a few days after my ex girlfriend broke up with me and I am sure that was the best thing I could have done. I wish I had of done it from the start but I only came across the concept in the days after the breakup. It has been hard and I'm definitely not over her but it has given me control and a new sense of power over MY new life. I have made so many new friends and done so many fun things that I was scared to do before and am growing into a person I like... slowly It hasn't been easy but here are SOME of the things that have worked well for me: Cut them out: This isn't a malicious action but more a healing action. Delete or block them from your life and reclaim your own space. When you give them a window into your life, you feel like you always have to be presentable and show them how your doing... I'm glad she wasn't able to see "how well" I was doing. Let it out: Do this sooner rather than later. Tell all your close friends and just cry cry cry. Feel angry, helpless, in love, sad, energetic, loved. I went through many many emotions but I'm glad I got them out so that I can move on now. If you're on this forum then you are already one up on a lot of people who are too scared to let it out and feel vulnerable. Give back: Allow your friends to be there for you but be there for them! Do nice things for them and everyone else in your community. Give to someone else what you are missing the most in your life (strangers too). For me the big ones are were love, value and belief. Forgive: This one takes time. Forgive them and forgive yourself! I still don't know all that was going on for her and I probably never will (In fact I'm not even sure that she understands everything that she was feeling either) but she is human and probably never meant to be hurtful in the way she ended it. Do stuff: Try new things and be adventurous. I have forced myself to do so many things that I was scared to do before with amazing memories and results. Naturally there are some THINGS I HAVEN'T REACHED YET: Stop wishing for breadcrumbs: I haven't received a single crumb in the 5 weeks that we have been NC, and whilst it is actually a blessing that she is respecting my request to go NC.... I naturally want them! I want her to send me an I miss you email or something to show she still cares and that I was of value in her life. But I KNOW that we added value to each others lives and so should you guys. I am trying to be thankful for no crumbs! Stop hoping for reconciliation: I know deep down that we couldn't be together again unless she was willing to make compromises anyways, but it's still a feeling I can't shake. I am happy with NC though as it acts like a filter against false hope. I can confirm my decision to stay NC is the right one by knowing that the ONLY way we could ever be together is if SHE were to make a huge effort to get in touch and want it to work.... this HASN'T happened and WON'T happen. Moving on: I am blessed to be surrounded by so many beautiful people who show interest in me, but I'm still not ready to move on with someone new. Everyone has their own ideas about the best way to move on, but for me I think it is to fix yourself first. I know a lot of people who put a band aid on the wound by seeking self worth from sex and flings soon after a breakup but I don't think that this helps you to grow independent during this time. You'll find yourself in a better relationship if you are in a place where you can focus on what you can GIVE to someone else rather than what THEY GIVE YOU. I still love her so much but I know one day that love will be built with someone else. Love you all and thanks for the support! xo 2
gravi1 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I am really glad, I am happy to have read this. I have spend more time trying to understand why she didnt love me enough not to cheat than I am NC with her, now 13 days. I couldnt understand why she was so cruel and this while she said she loved me and did not want me to leave her, she is even pregnant, it was confusing and made me feel asif I owed her somthing. I couldnt imagine going NC, I felt like if only I can say something to make her stop hurting me or care for my feelings and I could be with her. I was afraid of the pain that I feel now ironically.I couldnt imagine life without my queen,it felt maybe best to take the torture than to be without her, but it was just not there. I had to run away with my heart quick, not even to fight another day. NC is now the safest I feel,I can feel myself breath normal again. Yes like you said its hell daily,moods etc. I generaly cope and its very encouraging to see that there are others who have walked here before.
Author aussie sam Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 I have spend more time trying to understand why she didnt love me enough not to cheat than I am NC with her, now 13 days. I couldnt understand why she was so cruel and this while she said she loved me and did not want me to leave her, she is even pregnant, it was confusing and made me feel asif I owed her somthing. Keep strong Gravi and remember that her cheating is absolutely no reflection on you or anything you have done. She is the one with problems and you probably feel like the one left with the problems. Focus on yourself first, she doesn't deserve your energy right now. YOU do!
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