maestrok Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I have high standards and am a type of girl who practices a lot of self control. I do get asked out on dates not infrequently but I am yet to meet a guy I am seriously attracted to. I don't want to have sex with a guy I am not in relationship with, but I have been single for such a long time since my last relationship, that I am seriously about to succumb to promiscuity, i.e., just start sleeping with guys I date with even if I am not really into them (or even if I know that the guy is only interested in hook-ups). But at the same time, I don't want it to be one night stands.. If I am to go down this road, I'd prefer more consistent/exclusive hook-ups. Am I being realistic and feasible here? What do you guys say?
iKING Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 If you aren't sleeping around already and have standards there's no reason to start now. If you really want to get laid, do it once, but don't make a habit of it. Not trying to tell you what to do, but guys gossip as well and if you sleep with enough random guys you run the risk of getting a reputation of being easy that you may not want. It could hurt your chances with a decent guy you may really want.
rocketman122 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I have high standards and am a type of girl who practices a lot of self control. I do get asked out on dates not infrequently but I am yet to meet a guy I am seriously attracted to. I don't want to have sex with a guy I am not in relationship with, but I have been single for such a long time since my last relationship, that I am seriously about to succumb to promiscuity, i.e., just start sleeping with guys I date with even if I am not really into them (or even if I know that the guy is only interested in hook-ups). But at the same time, I don't want it to be one night stands.. If I am to go down this road, I'd prefer more consistent/exclusive hook-ups. Am I being realistic and feasible here? What do you guys say? how about lowering your standards and finding a guy you can be in a relationship with? you will not feel good about yourself after a few pow wows in bed. 1
sillyanswer Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 But at the same time, I don't want it to be one night stands.. If I am to go down this road, I'd prefer more consistent/exclusive hook-ups. Am I being realistic and feasible here? Sure! Lots of people have sex during the 'dating' phase even if they aren't in a relationship. Best way to avoid ONS is to not sleep with someone on the first date, but but that doesn't guarantee "consistent". Not really sure that anything guarantees "exclusive", other than being in a relationship (and even then it's only a promise).
Author maestrok Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 In life you often have moments where everything you believe in get challenged... I am also the kind of guy who does not sleep around... and I also have felt tempted to have some casual sex... sexual release is always pleasurable... but at the contrary to someone who would not posses my values I would feel dirty after the sexual contact... If you don't have that kind of problem then I don't see even why you ask... by all means go and have fun... just be aware that there will be guys with the same values you used to have who will not want you anymore in a relationship... I would love to meet someone who doesn't sleep around assuming there is no accountability in having sex! But either they are not around me, or already taken, why!
Author maestrok Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 In life you often have moments where everything you believe in get challenged... I am also the kind of guy who does not sleep around... and I also have felt tempted to have some casual sex... sexual release is always pleasurable... but at the contrary to someone who would not posses my values I would feel dirty after the sexual contact... If you don't have that kind of problem then I don't see even why you ask... by all means go and have fun... just be aware that there will be guys with the same values you used to have who will not want you anymore in a relationship... And I am seriously curious what are the qualities or demeanors that these guys would observe in a girl (not like kind, polite, etc, but more of what are the visible signals/actions/words these guys would pick up?)
FitChick Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Go on POF and find a man who is very good looking and only looking for a one night stand. Make sure he is in another city and profession so that you are unlikely to ever run into him again. You should become very clear about what you really want -- casual sex or a "real" relationship. Better yet, take a vacation somewhere you've never been. At least you'd meet the men in real life first before deciding.
outsidethebox Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I'm having a hard time making the leap from your last thread to this thread.
kaylan Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 (edited) I have high standards and am a type of girl who practices a lot of self control. I do get asked out on dates not infrequently but I am yet to meet a guy I am seriously attracted to. I don't want to have sex with a guy I am not in relationship with, but I have been single for such a long time since my last relationship, that I am seriously about to succumb to promiscuity, i.e., just start sleeping with guys I date with even if I am not really into them (or even if I know that the guy is only interested in hook-ups). But at the same time, I don't want it to be one night stands.. If I am to go down this road, I'd prefer more consistent/exclusive hook-ups. Am I being realistic and feasible here? What do you guys say? Lol Welcome to adult life. What you want in an exclusive FWB. Plenty of people do that when they cant find the right person for an LTR but dont want to be celibate. Nothing wrong with it OP. Just find a decent dude whos honest about what he wants, and will be responsible with his health and yours.if you are truly a lady you'd resist your urges. the best ladies have self control. Oh gimme a break. Lets not continue with the typical shaming of women for daring to have sexual urges. I say let people embrace their sexuality, although within reason, and responsibly.I'm having a hard time making the leap from your last thread to this thread. Me too. I thought OP didnt want men to view her as merely someone to have sex with. Edited March 3, 2013 by kaylan 3
Shardish Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 If you want to sleep around, then go ahead and do what you feel is best for you.
outsidethebox Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 ok, OP, I've segued from previous thread to this thread in my mind. Here's what I suggest. When a second date (not first!) is talking sex, rather than being offended by the direspect use it for your (and his) pleasure. Tell him to describe the sex. Ask him for more details, what if's. Have fun with it. If he doesn't please you describing what you would do, he won't be a very good lover anyway, probably selfish, in and out, who needs that. Get all the pleasure you want out of talking about it. After all, he wanted to talk about it. Then if turned on and you like the guy, do some of the interesting stuff you've talked about and enjoy it. My guess is that won't happen as often as you think. But the experience will be enjoyable.
todreaminblue Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I have high standards and am a type of girl who practices a lot of self control. I do get asked out on dates not infrequently but I am yet to meet a guy I am seriously attracted to. I don't want to have sex with a guy I am not in relationship with, but I have been single for such a long time since my last relationship, that I am seriously about to succumb to promiscuity, i.e., just start sleeping with guys I date with even if I am not really into them (or even if I know that the guy is only interested in hook-ups). But at the same time, I don't want it to be one night stands.. If I am to go down this road, I'd prefer more consistent/exclusive hook-ups. Am I being realistic and feasible here? What do you guys say? i think when you have been in a relationship and know the pleasure of intimacy with another it becomes hard when you are ready to have another relationship because you miss what you know....... casual sex to me doesnt fit the bill,dont get me wrong i actually miss the intimacy, that physical contact, i would go as far as to say i wouldnt date someone and put myself in a situation where i could be overly intimate with them because i do value intimacy and i dont want it to be the case of just having intimacy......because i want to maintain my self control i am aware that i could lose it quite easily,that is if i was attracted to them and interested...sex otherwise to me is a waste of time...... the intensity and how i love someone i have isnt for just anyone......you are probably the same......you have to really love the person to have that mutually deeply satisfying pleasure of making love......i have had that....lol a long long time ago.well over a decade actually..thats why casual sex to me...is just nah........so hold off show restraint when you decide to date, go public or invite friends to keep you honest and i hope you find happiness in love and life stay true to who you are what you value and you will find that deeply satisfying relationship....deb
outsidethebox Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 And OP, I put some thought into that, so if it works out I want to hear all the details.
FitChick Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 you know you deserve more than just being used by a guy and left back like a used piece of meat... But she would be using him. This would be her choice. I personally think she doesn't know what she wants.
Author maestrok Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 I'm having a hard time making the leap from your last thread to this thread. Thanks for your responses in both posts. And I do owe all of you an explanation I guess. It is true that I don't feel comfortable when I am pursued only for the purpose of hook-ups. And I definitely am looking for a stable relationship. But that would take time, possibly and likely a long time. Not only in building the relationship itself but even just finding a right guy will take a long time. And of course as a human being, I do have sexual needs, which at this point, really not only gets in the way of exercising my patience for that right guy, but would make me look desperate and drive the right guy away. So I was considering just letting it loose before I refocus. Hope this filled in the gap. But she would be using him. This would be her choice. I personally think she doesn't know what she wants. Maybe she's right. I may just well be hell confused about what I actually want to do.... 1
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