How can I fully accept the fact that I'm unattractive.

[Sivok]

I was an ugly duckling in highschool- bad acne, overweight, very hard time gaining any sort of muscle. Towards 21/22 that all started to change. I got my first girlfriend and first kiss at 22. It's a painful process, but you're too young to give up hope. Trust me, college will be better than highschool.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yeah, I know, right! The only thing I can think of is maybe her height is too intimidating for the boys, or she gives off an unapproachable vibe.

 

Her legs are amazing.

 

I think boys are stunned into silence by her beauty.

[Tallgirl91]

You know you could actually approach guys and ask them out, and if you get rejected approach another guy and continue on.

I tried that twice.... Both times the experience was painfully painful and both times I could hardly keep the guy's attention long enough to even ask him "out"

[Tallgirl91]

Her legs are amazing.

 

I think boys are stunned into silence by her beauty.

Thanks but it's more like the opposite... I've over heard guys having discussions about how repulsive they think I am. Haha

[Tallgirl91]

You're having problems "fully accepting" because you know it's not true.

I don't think that's it...my problem is that I expected my current physical appearance to change for the better by now... So I went most of my life thinking I was going through a phase ... Now that I see that I've pretty much peaked it's hard for me to accept that new revelation.

[carhill]

When I read this thread, and remembered your early postings here, this picture came to mind, as I was struck by the clarity of the reality when recently catching up on some of my TV watching. Your life work is to fully accept yourself as a valuable human being. It's a great opportunity and you're 18, just starting out. Make the most of it. Good luck.

[Radu]

I don't think that's it...my problem is that I expected my current physical appearance to change for the better by now... So I went most of my life thinking I was going through a phase ... Now that I see that I've pretty much peaked it's hard for me to accept that new revelation.

 

If you are the tall one in that pic, i think you are lucky.

It's most likely the height, it intimidates them.

That and the fact that at that age, boys tend to be ... less smart than girls, downright cruel.

 

I'm 30 now, i was not the ugly duckling in HS but the fat ugly duckling throughout school, middle school, high school.

I hated others with succes, and only recently at 28 i started changing things, looking into why i was like that.

You have 10yrs on me [hope this makes you feel better], and from your other thread about the IVY league college, you make better decisions than i did at that age.

 

I can tell you that it does get better, you can improve yourself, you can improve how you view yourself.

Like yourself first and foremost, and others will like you to.

Ppl just plain and simple like ppl who like themselves.

Find a way for this to happen when meeting other ppl [think of a happy memory just before you meet someone ... it makes me smile kindly and makes me more approachable].

 

I still dress like crap [compared to HS], i'm probably more overweight now than i was then [3yrs ago i peaked at 170 pounds overweight], and i still get attention now mostly because of the smiling thing.

 

And there are deffinitely guys who find tall women attractive.

[outsidethebox]

ok, I found the pic. Holy cow, now I see what the one guy's comment about validating was about. How beautiful were you thinking of becoming? Is like drop dead gorgeous not enough?

 

A couple of thoughts on the height. There are several tall women in show business. Not just tall, but graceful and beautiful in their height. Back in the day Marilyn McCoo (sp? - Fifth Dimension singer) comes to mind. But height seems to go along with beauty and talent for many women. Dancers are often tall. Jenna Elfman was close to a 6' professional dancer before acting.

 

The reason I stress the dancing and show business is that in that height the women were remarkably graceful in their movements and body control. You will want to work on having that gracefulness and body control. Part of that will be exercising, perhaps dance type exercising. You are definitely not volleyball - bball type height. Too voluptuous. (Hopefully you are 18 for me to say that.)

 

What else. A couple of things. Guys acting immaturely (been there, done that, have several t-shirts) say bad things as a way of compensating for not being able to deal with a situation, the situation in this case being you are out of their league. Still it's hard for me to understand why several black guys aren't swarming all over you like bees on honey.

 

The other is the redhead in that picture doesn't appear to be that much shorter than you. Not sure what the deal is but you can see the height isn't all that out of ordinary.

 

Lastly look at Michelle Obama (not to inject politics). She's a couple of inches taller than you, almost as pretty as you are, and very graceful and elegant (and smart and a hard worker at getting that way). You could do worse than being like that.

 

You will be fighting off the guys for many years to come. Enjoy.

[FitChick]

Just saw in your other thread that Ford Modeling Agency wanted to represent you. Go back to them again. Nothing wrong with making money. You will also meet better quality men with careers, fame and fortune. Have you tried dating basketball players?

Edited March 3, 2013 by FitChick

[xpaperxcutx]

When I was 18, I went around looking for validation from others because it was my belief their opinions shaped who I was. I changed myself over the course of a very short time, from dyeing my hair to losing weight and dressing provocatively. Overall, I still wasn't happy about myself, because even though my outside appearances had changed, my inner low self esteem remained.

 

The same goes for you. Please stop looking for validation outside of yourself because you can never meet all their expectations. Set your own goals and meet your own expectations of who are and who you want to be as a person.

 

I went through your old threads and I found your picture. I think you are stunningly beautiful, and while you think your height is a disadvantage, I'll have you know, there aren't too many beautiful girls who can become models. Use what you have to your advantage. Do you remember Tyra Banks? She was a Victoria's Secret model and a host of a daytime talk show. I remember a tv biography of hers on VH1, and she used to say she was picked on in school because she was too tall and too skinny. Surprisingly, she had the last laugh when she went on to become a popular international model on the same par as Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell.

[IAmRobot]

Hit the gym. Learn how to make up and how to act like a classy lady.

 

Then you'll have guys at your feet.

Cheers,

[ascendotum]

Tall girl,

 

My best friend is 6'2" with a boyish build. She didn't have a bf until she was 21. She is now 27 and she gets many guys She can pick and choose now. The only thing that really changed is her confidence.

 

It also helps if you find one feature that you like about yourself. I like my eyes even if the rest of me is plain. I play them up with make up so that's what people notice first. Also, as you get older you will fill out and grow more into your looks. I found this especially true with tall girls.

 

I also knew of a girl like this except I think she was 6" or a tad over. Same story. No bf in her teens but once she got one at 20 she was was off and running. It boosted her confidence and she had a lot more guys in their 20s interested in her, and her height and thin body was not a handicap. I get the impression her change in fortunes made her so happy, that she radiated this, which helped also.

I also think you are writing the ugly duckling to beautiful swan story off to soon at 18. It still happens to people in their 20s I can assure you. For sure your pool of potential partners will be smaller due to your height, but if your basis for guys being 'repelled' is your height..you are way off the mark.

[tbf]

You're stunning. There are also plenty of men who won't care about your height.

 

If you're not holding male attention, you might be a bit shy. A way to offset shy tendencies is to start talking to as many people as you can, whether in grocery store or retail store lineups. Talk to the old, young and the indifferent until you feel at ease in conversation. This will make it easier to chat up guys who you're attracted to.

[outsidethebox]

She's already a beautiful swan. No transition to make.

 

I may have only seen Tyra Banks talking on her show one time, and happened to be one of those times she told about her HS years.

[ascendotum]

Just saw in your other thread that Ford Modeling Agency wanted to represent you. Go back to them again. Nothing wrong with making money. You will also meet better quality men with careers, fame and fortune. Have you tried dating basketball players?

 

Huh! Guys are repelled by her and she is ugly but a modelling agency want her. lol. I think she is being a bit melodramatic then. Teenage boys are a bit intimidated by her height but she wont have a lack of prospects in a couple of years. She can speed things up a little by getting out and about and maybe meeting an older guy and or being a little more forward and kick start conversations with guys she likes.

[lollipop29]

I saw the picture you posted to the old thread (as many people were referring to it). I hate to say this because I want you to stop thinking about external validation, but seriously you are one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen. I was shocked to know that this thread is coming from the girl in that picture. Honestly, SHOCKED. It's really depressing to think that you don't find yourself attractive just because idiotic boys don't approach you or ask you out. I'm really sorry to hear that. Please don't spend another second feeling sad or sorry for yourself. I, and many other women, would kill to look like you.

 

Aside from that, stop worrying about looks at all. You're young and have so much to look forward to. I also struggle with validation issues from time to time, but you have to realize that your brand of beauty won't attract EVERYONE but will attract MANY!!!!!!!! Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and there is NO woman in the world who is physically pleasing to every single man. We all have our own preferences. So build yourself from within and don't worry about the outside anymore. But truly, you should know that you are drop dead gorgeous.

[todreaminblue]

Hi,

I'm 18 years old and I have come to the brunt realization that I am unattractive. I've gone through various stages of how I viewed the world and my niche in it. When I was a freshman I convinced myself that the reason why guys never asked me out was simply because I was tall (6ft). When sophomore year came around and guys were still repelled by me I told myself that in college it would be different and that high school guys didn't understanding my "kind" of beauty. By junior year I was convinced that I was an ugly duckling just waiting to blossom into a thin of beauty. Now I'm a senior and I've never been asked out on a date, never been kissed, never had a boyfriend. And it ****in sucks. I've now realized how ugly I am and the implications that fact will have on me for the rest of my life. I'm so bitter about this but also grateful that I realized this before college so that I won't go into it with too high of expectations. My question is how do I let go of all my resentment and just accept being an ugly woman?

 

 

if you concentrate more on what you hold inside you others will see that......i play up my eyes mainly because i want to draw attention away from another feature.,......i dont consider myself to be beautiful at all, i dont know if i would call myself ugly...because i know i attract men.....what i do have is big blue eyes ......and a good heart...that is attraction enough ro should be for the right guy.....my eyes to see me at my most passionate and my heart which if you truly know me...shows through my eyes ...i am short and i am overweight.......not for long i am a work in progress....but it doesnt seem to make a difference.......i get attraction...just not the kind i really need....so....ill wait fro the right kind......having guys attracted to you can sometimes be not so good......

 

 

 

 

how i let go of resentment is i dont have any in the first place....everyone is unique, beauty to people is unique what i find beautiful is a jellyfish wrapped in newspaper to show my girls...lots of people wouldnt see the beauty in that ...i think ...how can you not......i see beauty in married people touching each other saying they love each other and holding hands...and yes sometimes it makes me sad...i dont feel like a freak because i dont have that...its not my fault i dont.......i feel more like a freak when guys assume i am sexual...when i am celibate.......so thats my unique perspective....

 

 

 

i also find my own beauty in men .....just as they would find it in me i guess.......i find it in their smile, their eyes , maybe the way they look at the world and people,their faith, if they rock a white shirt, if they have passion and compassion,the way they stand even, i find things attractive other women might not...where i see a strong handsome man they may not...blind women...smilin......or lucky me.....its all perspective and everyone is unique...

 

 

 

dont ever hold onto resentment...it can change beauty into ugliness...resentment is jealousy and envy all rolled into one and behind resentment there is normally sadness so deal with that sadness and resentment, jealousy or envy wont have anything to hold onto...this song is for you its one of my faves

 

 

 

 

 

 

hugs..deb

[Zed]

Hi,

I'm 18 years old and I have come to the brunt realization that I am unattractive. I've gone through various stages of how I viewed the world and my niche in it. When I was a freshman I convinced myself that the reason why guys never asked me out was simply because I was tall (6ft). When sophomore year came around and guys were still repelled by me I told myself that in college it would be different and that high school guys didn't understanding my "kind" of beauty. By junior year I was convinced that I was an ugly duckling just waiting to blossom into a thin of beauty. Now I'm a senior and I've never been asked out on a date, never been kissed, never had a boyfriend. And it ****in sucks. I've now realized how ugly I am and the implications that fact will have on me for the rest of my life. I'm so bitter about this but also grateful that I realized this before college so that I won't go into it with too high of expectations. My question is how do I let go of all my resentment and just accept being an ugly woman?

 

I remember you also from the other thread and frankly you outshone the girls in the photo. I remember also suggesting that modeling for a bit can be helpful or to wait until you really hit college where you will hardly be able to keep the guys off you.

 

Either way, the only other problem I can forsee, since it is most defnitely not your looks is the possibility that you do not attend a racially mixed school or live in a diverse area. If you are interested in different types of guys, but they are afraid of dating the black girl, especially if she is tall, that may be where your problem lies. High school is still filled with people who care a whole bunch about what people think about them. As I said, forget about them and focus on your future and learning to like and appreciate who you are.

 

Lastly, if you get nothing else from this post, being ugly is certainly a trait you do not need to accept or worry about in the slightest.

[ChatroomHero]

I'm usually only attracted to white women but your looks are not a problem, I'd definitely date you.

 

I think your height might limit you but I think there would be a alot of guys that would like that. Relax, guys will be after you.

[outsidethebox]

I hear you, but tallgirl91 is a pretty sweet poster. It is hard to believe though, but innocence like that is hard to fake.

[ShannonMI]

I hear you, but tallgirl91 is a pretty sweet poster. It is hard to believe though, but innocence like that is hard to fake.

 

Oh I'm sure she is a sweet girl. I just don't think that girl in the photo is her. And like I said if it is, I'm sure she gets attention from males. Size can be intimating but boys are REPULSED by her? Looking like she does?? I don't believe it. Not for a second. She's not this ugly duckling she claims to be unless of course the girl in the photo is not her.

[Tallgirl91]

Oh I'm sure she is a sweet girl. I just don't think that girl in the photo is her. And like I said if it is, I'm sure she gets attention from males. Size can be intimating but boys are REPULSED by her? Looking like she does?? I don't believe it. Not for a second. She's not this ugly duckling she claims to be unless of course the girl in the photo is not her.

 

That photo is of me at homecoming.. There isn't much of a height difference because my friend...the red head is about 5"8... And one of my taller friends. I appreciate that you find it hard to believe that guys are repulsed by me but I can assure you it's very true. If you were to ask the typical guy at my school if he would date me you would most likely be told " umm that tall black chick? no!" Haha it sucks but is very true. I didn't post a photo on this thread because I wanted completely objective advice but stupidly forgot about the photo I posted in an earlier post. -_-

[ShannonMI]

That photo is of me at homecoming.. There isn't much of a height difference because my friend...the red head is about 5"8... And one of my taller friends. I appreciate that you find it hard to believe that guys are repulsed by me but I can assure you it's very true. If you were to ask the typical guy at my school if he would date me you would most likely be told " umm that tall black chick? no!" Haha it sucks but is very true. I didn't post a photo on this thread because I wanted completely objective advice but stupidly forgot about the photo I posted in an earlier post. -_-

 

Well then those highschool boys are fools. Look to date OUTSIDE of school. I never dated anyone in highschool because I couldnt stand any of the guys. They were all immature and unattractive. My first boyfriend was 20 and I was 17. I met him in the mall. Start looking outside lame @ss highschool.

[NYC-BigKat]

Hi,

I'm 18 years old and I have come to the brunt realization that I am unattractive. I've gone through various stages of how I viewed the world and my niche in it. When I was a freshman I convinced myself that the reason why guys never asked me out was simply because I was tall (6ft). When sophomore year came around and guys were still repelled by me I told myself that in college it would be different and that high school guys didn't understanding my "kind" of beauty. By junior year I was convinced that I was an ugly duckling just waiting to blossom into a thin of beauty. Now I'm a senior and I've never been asked out on a date, never been kissed, never had a boyfriend. And it ****in sucks. I've now realized how ugly I am and the implications that fact will have on me for the rest of my life. I'm so bitter about this but also grateful that I realized this before college so that I won't go into it with too high of expectations. My question is how do I let go of all my resentment and just accept being an ugly woman?

 

I know how u feel OP I really really do . I'm overweight & its so hard for me to lose much weight. Maybe a pound here & there but not enough for a girl to like me u know. My coworker thinks becoming a jerk will work. Not sure though.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I never dated anyone in highschool because I couldnt stand any of the guys. They were all immature and unattractive. My first boyfriend was 20 and I was 17. I met him in the mall.

 

Laugh Out Loud.