idontknow98 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 So me and my ex broke up about 2 months ago. We didn't talk to each other for about a week after the breakup until I contacted her again about have second thoughts about our breakup (I broke up with her). She responded to me about a week later and said that she could accept my apology but couldn't give me a second chance so easily. After a week she came to me in person and told me that she was afraid if we tried again that I would feel the same the first time. When she said this she was very kind and she made the point of how vulnerable she was at that time. It sort of felt like a final goodbye...there were no hard feelings. Well this was all over a month ago. Today I was texting one of my friends (by the way, we mainly have the same friends) and he was hanging out with a group of people..which included her. He sends me this picture of her shooting the bird and says she wanted me to have that and later he goes on telling me that she is insulting me and all these harsh things. I am really confused because she was being nice and everything before and now out of the blue one month later she is being a total b***h. What does this mean? Any responses would be appreciated. P.S. We had a wonderful relationship..it was perfect. We never had one single argument.
creighton0123 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Well... you went from being the dumper to being the dumpee. You also caught a glimpse of her in her anger phase. The seven stages of a breakup: Shock Denial Isolation Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Seeing your ex in one of these stages (even the last stage) can start the cycle all over again - hence no contact is the strongest recommendation anyone can give on this board. Given that you were initially the dumper, you went right into bargaining within a week. She was most likely still in denial or shock. Fast forward a few weeks after your talk and she's angry. After her anger settles, she might want to try again or she might jump right to accepting that it's over. You should go through the stages for yourself without reaching out to her again and starting the cycle all over again for both of you. 1
Author idontknow98 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 So I should just stay with no contact and wait till she comes to her senses?
Follower Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Yes you should stick to no contact, but realise that chances are she will not "Come to her senses" as you put it. Chances are this break up is final accept that fact and move on with your life.
Author idontknow98 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Well... you went from being the dumper to being the dumpee. You also caught a glimpse of her in her anger phase. The seven stages of a breakup: Shock Denial Isolation Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Seeing your ex in one of these stages (even the last stage) can start the cycle all over again - hence no contact is the strongest recommendation anyone can give on this board. Given that you were initially the dumper, you went right into bargaining within a week. She was most likely still in denial or shock. Fast forward a few weeks after your talk and she's angry. After her anger settles, she might want to try again or she might jump right to accepting that it's over. You should go through the stages for yourself without reaching out to her again and starting the cycle all over again for both of you. Thanks for the feedback! Now since you've shown me the "seven stages of a breakup" it kind of falls into place now. 1. Shock- When I broke up with her, she was devastated and shocked. 2. Denial- She would see me from time to time and act like everything was okay. She would smile and say something to me like normal. 3. Isolation- I went about a week without seeing her. We go to school together and she knows my schedule and I know hers. She seemed like she avoided me and would go a different way than I was going. 4. Anger- Now she seems really pissed at me..insulting me behind my back and what not. Now I can hope she will try to make a "deal" with me and try to give it another shot..but I'm not going to get my hopes up. I am willing to move on but nothing would make me happier than to be with her again.
stevie_23 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 It’s understandable that she would have SOME anger and unhappiness towards you, your actions in ending the relationship and the relationship in general. She is most likely a kind person who knows there’s no real purpose in venting those feelings directly TO you, because you’re too closely involved and it would hurt you and thus hurt her, and what point would there be to tell you the full extent of her feelings, if they include some angry ones? It wouldn’t change anything, necessarily. Wouldn’t change the fact you broke up with her. With friends, you can express yourself a bit and have it not really impact on anything. Also, take your friends’ reports of her words and behaviour and feelings with a grain of salt. They may not be accurate AND they are probably not 100% accurate as to how she actually really FEELS deep down. Why DID you break up with her? And now you want to get back together? Why? Are the initial reasons you left her no longer in existence? Or do you just miss her?
Author idontknow98 Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 It’s understandable that she would have SOME anger and unhappiness towards you, your actions in ending the relationship and the relationship in general. She is most likely a kind person who knows there’s no real purpose in venting those feelings directly TO you, because you’re too closely involved and it would hurt you and thus hurt her, and what point would there be to tell you the full extent of her feelings, if they include some angry ones? It wouldn’t change anything, necessarily. Wouldn’t change the fact you broke up with her. With friends, you can express yourself a bit and have it not really impact on anything. Also, take your friends’ reports of her words and behaviour and feelings with a grain of salt. They may not be accurate AND they are probably not 100% accurate as to how she actually really FEELS deep down. Why DID you break up with her? And now you want to get back together? Why? Are the initial reasons you left her no longer in existence? Or do you just miss her? I broke up with her because I was going through some personal issues and I felt like I needed a break..although I never even really told her why I broke up with her ...messed up huh?? And yes I want her back because I feel like we both could've gotten a lot of the relationship..possibly even marriage...who knows? And it was just thrown away for nothing.
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