I lied and messed up a really long relationship, any chance of love or friendship?

[imessedupbad]

I am having some problems with my ex girlfriend and I am hoping you can help. She and I have been together for 2 years, and have been really close friends for 6 years. We have travelled around the world and I also lived with her sister. So her family and I are very close. About 12 weeks ago she started saying she was becoming unhappy. I was not being a good boyfriend because I was starting to get a bit nervous about the whole thing. We got in a few fights about stupid things that generally highlighted a lack of maturity on my part. So, she decided she would go to California (we are both in New York City) for 6 weeks. After the fights we broke up but met up and decided that we would try to work things out. I tried to tell her that I wanted the 6 weeks to stop talking and she told me she didn't want to let go. So she said we would see what happened when she came back. Over the 6 weeks she called, texted, and emailed without me contacting her. I tried to go no contact till she got back. Her sister would also contact me etc.

 

My ex was upset that I was being generally lazy, was not taking care of myself, was being a bit immature about a few things. She is a bit conservative religiously and she was also a bit upset that I was not taking things seriously on that front.

 

Between you and I, I was smoking marijuana multiple times a day and it really was killing my personality. I essentially told her I Had not been smoking for about 8 months, while I actually was smoking everyday. I just became a bad person essentially.

 

I started to change all those things, changed my wardrobe, got a six pack at the gym, went to temple every week, went to therapy to try and fix myself, and I quit marijuana. I have been doing that for now about 8 weeks.

 

When she came back she had been contacting me a lot during my time away and I guess I thought she would want to hang out. So after a few days of her return, I decided maybe we should hang out. I guess I pressured her to hangout a bit more because she said "We aren't together, and I want to see you too, but you have to relax about it..." Basically I seemed overly eager and it pushed her away. Well she then told me that she had fun being alone in California and she wasn't sure about our relationship any longer.

 

I was surprised and then I told her I had made all these changes...but then I came clean about the marijuana smoking. I figured it would show her that now that I am sober we could have a healthy and good relationship. Instead she GOT PISSED! She hung up and told me not to contact her. So, I wrote an apology, and after a few days she responded. She said that she really disappointed that I could lie to her for this entire time. She said that I needed to stop talking to her sister (even though we were friends), and that she thinks maybe we aren't romantically compatible. We aren't a good romantic match. She then told me she is done with the relationship for now and in the future. She just seemed really upset about how I could lie to her, and she said she wants me to not contact her - for awhile but that she respects me. She said she will still be keeping track on the sidelines but that it is out of "potential" friendship, but ultimately she can't trust me and she thinks we now had a bad relationship (but a good friendship) after ALL THAT TIME!

 

We had such a good friendship and we were really close, and I can't help but feel that I blew things really badly by telling her about the lies. Now I don't know what to do, should I leave her alone and give her time? How much time should I give her? Should I let her come to me? She obviously remembers how ****ty I was in the relationship because I was so high from marijuana. I am a new man, and sadly I didn't get to see her when she came back because she got so mad about that. Now I leave for Latin America from the 3rd to late March and I'm wondering what should be my game plan? Is it impossible for us to reconnect? Is she pissed and not thinking straight? Will we be able to be friends again? How about romantic? She never let herself see the new man I have become!

 

I could send the letter she sent me if you want to read it, because it might give more insight. Anyway, thank you so much for your time