zt89 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Hey guys, My ex and I broke up about 3.5 months ago due to her sleeping with a guy she met at a bar. I had a lot of anger after finding out, but held my composure and when confronting her just wished her the best and left. The first month was absolute hell for me, but it slowly started getting easier for me. Suddenly the past week I have started thinking about her every day and wondering what she is up to and have even debated calling her. We have been no contact since the break up, minus her few texts asking if I am still mad at her and her appreciating everything I did for her. Hopefully this phase goes away because it really sucks, I thought I was pretty much over her.
lovnlost Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Hey guys, My ex and I broke up about 3.5 months ago due to her sleeping with a guy she met at a bar. I had a lot of anger after finding out, but held my composure and when confronting her just wished her the best and left. The first month was absolute hell for me, but it slowly started getting easier for me. Suddenly the past week I have started thinking about her every day and wondering what she is up to and have even debated calling her. We have been no contact since the break up, minus her few texts asking if I am still mad at her and her appreciating everything I did for her. Hopefully this phase goes away because it really sucks, I thought I was pretty much over her. I think some of that current feeling is born out of being lonely. Its a hard spot to be in. The facts....she did not consider you enough before she made her choice. Which leaves the question....What was happening in the relationship prior to this occuring? What influences does she have in her life that this would be possible? For example, my ex has a negative influence from her mother who taught her to stonewall, cheat and otherwise maintain control at all times in a relationship so as not to get hurt....But it has only caused her children more pain as my ex is now doing what she hates most in her mother. When in doubt and hurt, go back to what you know. I commend you on how you handled it. That is the right way despite wanting to show anger and hostility. You would be justified in doing so. But keeping your composure is always best. She will remember this I think and realize that you are indeed a catch. The next step is realizing your goals for her. Reconciliation? If so, you must forgive at all costs and not hold this over her head. But comunication needs to take place at the deepest level. And you must decided whether or not if you believe her and if she will attempt anything like this again. Has she done this before someone? What are your ages? sometimes reconnecting can bring back all that pain like it was yesterday and cause us to stir.....and not in their favor. Find out what her intentions are for saying these things if you are even contacting her back. Cheating is a different kind of beast. Its dangerous. Because sometimes people think they can do it again and that you will be a safe harbor while they play their games.
Author zt89 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Thank you for your response, I greatly appreciate it. I am 24 she is 22. About 2-3 years before we met, she had been raped and never talked to anyone about it, but bottled it all up. She cheated on her previous boyfriend right before me, and they eventually worked it out and got back together. One night he hit her at a bar and that ended their relationship. Coming into our relationship she had been through a lot, and I had the "It won't happen to me" mentality. During our relationship I pushed her to go to counseling and therapy for the rape and abuse. She ended up going to counseling and it dredged up many bad feelings, which started to put some distance between us. Finally she said she wanted to take a "break" and focus on getting better for each other. The next weekend I went to get some things from her apartment and found that she had slept with a guy she had been talking to for a few weeks. When I confronted her, she wasn't very sympathetic and said "**** happens" and didn't seem to care too much. Following this she started tearing up and trying to hold back her tears but couldn't. I packed the rest of my things and left. About a month and half later, she sent me a text saying that she continued with a more advanced therapy which has been working wonderfully and she has never been so happy in her life. She thanked me in this text for everything I did for her and encouraging her to get help rather than hiding it like she had been for years. She also wished me the best and hoped that I find happiness.
lovnlost Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 If that is what she said to you when she contacted you....then I might just leaver her alone. It sounds like she needs the time and space to find her healing and understand who she is while doing so. Being in a relationship while dealing with such a huge ordeal I think would take away from what she needs to be experiencing for herself right now. I know you may not be fully over her, but you must be completely supportive of her and take any needs of your away from her so she can heal. Her experience was huge and if she is cheating on others.....then she does not know how much it hurt her or affected her. At this point I would say be supportive only if you are in any capacity able to do so. If your not around her or talking to her, then you are by not being around and talking with her. I do not want to seem rude or come accross as an a-- but this kind of thing carries ALOT of emotional baggage. ALOT.....and for years to come. You might be better off seeking someone else. You have to heal too man. Best of luck.
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