ltjg45 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 One of my biggest issues concerning dating is that I don't even have the slightest clue what society deems as "acceptable places for singles to find other singles for companionship". So, with this thread in mind, let's get to the point. If you were to look for possible girlfriends/boyfriends, what is the 5 most likely places you would dress up and go to? If possible, give as much information as possible.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 One of my biggest issues concerning dating is that I don't even have the slightest clue what society deems as "acceptable places for singles to find other singles for companionship". So, with this thread in mind, let's get to the point. If you were to look for possible girlfriends/boyfriends, what is the 5 most likely places you would dress up and go to? If possible, give as much information as possible. what age range are we talking about?
Author ltjg45 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 what age range are we talking about? I'm 26 so between 21-28. That would be my guess. Pretty much young adults under the age of 30.
Eggplant Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Try a salsa dancing club, or swing dancing club, where there is partner dancing. Or class. Singles go there. You easily meet 10-15 girls in a night, and there is no need to invent a pick-up line. Simply, 'Wanna dance?'
Author ltjg45 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Try a salsa dancing club, or swing dancing club, where there is partner dancing. Or class. Singles go there. You easily meet 10-15 girls in a night, and there is no need to invent a pick-up line. Simply, 'Wanna dance?' Hmm.....not much of a dancer (actually, I'm completely terrible at it) but I'm pretty much open to trying it. Any clue how expensive it is to attend them?
Lonely Ronin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Hmm.....not much of a dancer (actually, I'm completely terrible at it) but I'm pretty much open to trying it. Any clue how expensive it is to attend them? Well, a lot of times salsa clubs just have a cover feel like a bar. However, don't go to a salsa club, unless you have some idea what your doing. When i took lessons, it was through a local club that had weekly classes and it was like $30 for 4 classes. Other places you are going to meet other young single people is going to be at bars, clubs, concerts, shows, social events etc.
Author ltjg45 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Well, a lot of times salsa clubs just have a cover feel like a bar. However, don't go to a salsa club, unless you have some idea what your doing. When i took lessons, it was through a local club that had weekly classes and it was like $30 for 4 classes. Other places you are going to meet other young single people is going to be at bars, clubs, concerts, shows, social events etc. Is there a certain kind of bar or club you are referring to? I have been looking around my city (Jax FL) and can barely find anything. It's a shame that it's a big city but, when you look into it deeper, it is nothing like Miami or Atlanta. Almost no information concerning this kind of stuff.
Eggplant Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Group classes aren't too bad, and you partner up with lots of girls who don't know what they're doing either. And the whirling and what not turns them on. 1
Eggplant Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Is there a certain kind of bar or club you are referring to? I have been looking around my city (Jax FL) and can barely find anything. It's a shame that it's a big city but, when you look into it deeper, it is nothing like Miami or Atlanta. Almost no information concerning this kind of stuff. It's probably out there, even in small cities they are there.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Is there a certain kind of bar or club you are referring to? I have been looking around my city (Jax FL) and can barely find anything. It's a shame that it's a big city but, when you look into it deeper, it is nothing like Miami or Atlanta. Almost no information concerning this kind of stuff. this should get you started. Salsa Meetups near Jacksonville, Florida - Salsa Meetups - Jacksonville
El Brujo Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 NOT BARS. I've had pretty good luck with gaming meets, potlucks, beach parties, business seminars, and *ahem* roundtable discussions for asexuals.
Author ltjg45 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 this should get you started. Salsa Meetups near Jacksonville, Florida - Salsa Meetups - Jacksonville That would help. Thanks. This should be interesting, to say the least.
jcrew11 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 One of my biggest issues concerning dating is that I don't even have the slightest clue what society deems as "acceptable places for singles to find other singles for companionship". So, with this thread in mind, let's get to the point. If you were to look for possible girlfriends/boyfriends, what is the 5 most likely places you would dress up and go to? If possible, give as much information as possible. Going to a church gathering is probably the most historically easy way to meet women. Then school, pub, work, party, etc.
Estate Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 One of my biggest issues concerning dating is that I don't even have the slightest clue what society deems as "acceptable places for singles to find other singles for companionship". So, with this thread in mind, let's get to the point. If you were to look for possible girlfriends/boyfriends, what is the 5 most likely places you would dress up and go to? If possible, give as much information as possible. Simple answer is ANYWHERE! Clubs, pub, coffee shop, street, pub, subway, class, sports event... ANYWHERE! The problem is not being outcome dependant. Just chat to people everywhere. If she seems cool and is cool with talking to you then just ask for her number. If she says no or has a boyfriend then who cares.! As long as your meeting lots of people then the next girl might just be single. Don't make such big deal of it or focus on her becoming your girlfriend. If you have no girls in your life, a single interaction will feel like a huge deal. But if you just chat to lots of girls every day it won't feel like a big deal. It will feel more like "I'm chatting to this girl just to see if she's cool". and if she is, just see if she'd like to meetup again, if she says yes, GREAT, if she says no, it's no big deal... you're meeting lots of girls, everywhere! I know it seems difficult man, I've been there, but it's about meeting people, not the outcome, you'll have to meet lots of people before something sticks so just try to enjoy MEETING people and if something comes from it great, if not, there'll be other options. Please don't get down over it or anything, it's acceptable to approach people anywhere as long as you come off like a nice cool guy. Even if she has a boyfriend, the chances are... you probably made her day! If a girl approached you and asked her out but you already had a girlfriend, wouldn't it feel awesome? You already have someone you're committed to so you can't say yes but it's like the biggest compliment ever that she was interested. Just talk to people, guys and girls, anywhere you can. Don't focus on them becoming your girlfriend, just try to be social and you'll be meeting people and something will come of it when you meet the right person. All the best man, I wish you so much luck. 1
Estate Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 NOT BARS. I've had pretty good luck with gaming meets, potlucks, beach parties, business seminars, and *ahem* roundtable discussions for asexuals. That's very cynical. If someone is shy or not experienced then a bar can feel very daunting. But if you go there and just try to make an effort to get out of your shell, they can be the best places.... People are there to socialize and it's one of the easiest environments to strike up conversation.
PogoStick Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 My Greek (real Greeks, not frat) roommates would get all Rico Suave for Wednesday night church with the sole intention of pickup up girls. I'm not claiming it was ever successful but hey they went for it. 1
Author ltjg45 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Going to a church gathering is probably the most historically easy way to meet women. Then school, pub, work, party, etc. Unfortunately, I would end up getting bored (like very bored) and fall asleep for a nap during church. While I have no issues building up a relationship with the Lord, actually attending church service and keeping my interest in it is almost impossible. And I really doubt women there would be interested in a male that sleeps through it. Simple answer is ANYWHERE! Clubs, pub, coffee shop, street, pub, subway, class, sports event... ANYWHERE! The problem is not being outcome dependant. Just chat to people everywhere. If she seems cool and is cool with talking to you then just ask for her number. If she says no or has a boyfriend then who cares.! As long as your meeting lots of people then the next girl might just be single. Don't make such big deal of it or focus on her becoming your girlfriend. If you have no girls in your life, a single interaction will feel like a huge deal. But if you just chat to lots of girls every day it won't feel like a big deal. It will feel more like "I'm chatting to this girl just to see if she's cool". and if she is, just see if she'd like to meetup again, if she says yes, GREAT, if she says no, it's no big deal... you're meeting lots of girls, everywhere! I know it seems difficult man, I've been there, but it's about meeting people, not the outcome, you'll have to meet lots of people before something sticks so just try to enjoy MEETING people and if something comes from it great, if not, there'll be other options. Please don't get down over it or anything, it's acceptable to approach people anywhere as long as you come off like a nice cool guy. Even if she has a boyfriend, the chances are... you probably made her day! If a girl approached you and asked her out but you already had a girlfriend, wouldn't it feel awesome? You already have someone you're committed to so you can't say yes but it's like the biggest compliment ever that she was interested. Just talk to people, guys and girls, anywhere you can. Don't focus on them becoming your girlfriend, just try to be social and you'll be meeting people and something will come of it when you meet the right person. All the best man, I wish you so much luck. Thanks for the advice. I have a hard time doing this on a public city bus due to people being very uptight but I also seen a few females that I have got interest in. Unfortunately, it is rare that these females go solo and, even if they do, they tend to have their earplugs in listening to music and that doesn't give me a suitable opening while keeping her comfortable. I will keep trying. While I would like to find a girlfriend, I rather focus on employment first and getting back in college. I can't worry about something which is out of my control. That's very cynical. If someone is shy or not experienced then a bar can feel very daunting. But if you go there and just try to make an effort to get out of your shell, they can be the best places.... People are there to socialize and it's one of the easiest environments to strike up conversation. This is why I'm surprised I had to dig deep trying to find popular clubs here in this city. Made me wonder where else I should look as a result of this. My Greek (real Greeks, not frat) roommates would get all Rico Suave for Wednesday night church with the sole intention of pickup up girls. I'm not claiming it was ever successful but hey they went for it. No offense but that does sound a bit desperate. I don't think I got the guts to do that, esp. with just that goal in mind and nothing more.
Mr_Flay Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Going to a church gathering is probably the most historically easy way to meet women. It must be cool to be a Protestant, then. The Roman Catholic Mass is not a very social affair. Sure, there's a crowd of people in a single room, but they all just mutter prayers into their beards and don't talk to each other. I had a thread here asking where to meet girls other than in bars or clubs. Didn't get many answers, so I suppose that if you're not into bars/clubs, you don't have many chances.
carhill Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 In retrospect, here are my top five, based upon actually interacting with self-professed single women, a relative rarity in my area, over the decades. 1. Zoo 2. Concert 3. Car show 4. Garage/Yard/Estate sale 5. Weddings I would agree that church gatherings would be a great place to meet women but the thought of church turns my stomach so that's just an incompatible dynamic. Too much hypocrisy and too many brothers copping a feel. Bad memories. Pass. 1
Estate Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Unfortunately, I would end up getting bored (like very bored) and fall asleep for a nap during church. While I have no issues building up a relationship with the Lord, actually attending church service and keeping my interest in it is almost impossible. And I really doubt women there would be interested in a male that sleeps through it. Thanks for the advice. I have a hard time doing this on a public city bus due to people being very uptight but I also seen a few females that I have got interest in. Unfortunately, it is rare that these females go solo and, even if they do, they tend to have their earplugs in listening to music and that doesn't give me a suitable opening while keeping her comfortable. I will keep trying. While I would like to find a girlfriend, I rather focus on employment first and getting back in college. I can't worry about something which is out of my control. This is why I'm surprised I had to dig deep trying to find popular clubs here in this city. Made me wonder where else I should look as a result of this. No offense but that does sound a bit desperate. I don't think I got the guts to do that, esp. with just that goal in mind and nothing more. Too many excuses man... People are you are uptight? So what, they only wish something exciting happened, they can go home and tell their story of how this charming guy on the bus was so confident he just walked right up to this girl and asked her out. (In reality they're in their own world and not even noticing). She's with friends? Talk to them both, be friendly, then you can always grab the number of the girl you like before you have to run. Clubs? I don't know where you live, clubs vary between cities but there must be SOME, or just a pub, bar, lounge, or whatever is the "social" scene in your area... don't fool yourself, you know where it is. I can't tell you about your own town. Church? Well, that's not MY scene, I wouldn't think it's a pickup joint but if it's girlfriend material you want then I guess getting involved in the church community would let you get to know someone... if you like that stuff great, if you don't, there's other options. I'm kinda harsh on some people here but you seem genuine... I and others offered lots of suggestions but you have an excuse not to try any of them. See? The problem isn't lack of place, we told you where they are... the problem is you don't want to take a risk or do whats hard... Where do you think the rest of us meet women? We're not keeping any secrets. We meet them in all the places we just listed, and yes, we have to deal with friends and nosey people, her being distracted, listening to music, place being too loud, etc, etc, etc.... but you have to do it! 2
antineutrino Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Too many excuses man... People are you are uptight? So what, they only wish something exciting happened, they can go home and tell their story of how this charming guy on the bus was so confident he just walked right up to this girl and asked her out. (In reality they're in their own world and not even noticing). She's with friends? Talk to them both, be friendly, then you can always grab the number of the girl you like before you have to run. . . . I don't want to hi-jack the thread, but b/c my question is relevant I figured I'd throw it in here. For inexperienced guys in particular, is it better to go based off of situational cues or be direct? I imagine it doesn't matter once you get better at it. You did mention that it's not about becoming outcome dependent, but about socializing and becoming comfortable. Would that mean the former is better?
PogoStick Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 100% the best is coed volleyball. Even if you don't know anyone, you can always get put on a random team. I did this and every person on our team joined alone. Then someone will say, hey we're having a party next week...I asked the cutest one on our team to a concert...and she said Yes, OMG! Crazy how that works isn't it? She baked and brought cookies, how sweet. All kinds of similar leagues like kickball (sloshball), bowling, softball. And then often teams go for drink or food after they play. Rock climbers are really welcoming. I've met some awesome girls rock climbing. They're strong and fit too. Find an indoor climbing wall and go every single week. In winter you can always find groups doing day or weekend trips for skiing/boarding. Hiking groups are doing snowshoeing now. It's going to snow here the next 2 days. Hell just ask some girls to go sledding. So easy, wrap your arms around one and ride double. Gonna have to warm up afterwards too right? The local cycling group does pub crawls where they get drunk riding to 5-6 bars in a night. It's not like you have to stay the whole time. Make the first 2-3 and call it a night if you want. I organize groups to watch UFC about once a month at a sports bar. Yes, even women show up. The next one is March 16, start asking people NOW! A girl already told me she will come and she doesn't even like UFC. What does that tell you? Women want an excuse to meet guys too. What's the problem? Get off your ass! Start DOING things, stop sitting in your basement playing WOW. 1
Estate Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I don't want to hi-jack the thread, but b/c my question is relevant I figured I'd throw it in here. For inexperienced guys in particular, is it better to go based off of situational cues or be direct? I imagine it doesn't matter once you get better at it. You did mention that it's not about becoming outcome dependent, but about socializing and becoming comfortable. Would that mean the former is better? I know this will sound counter intuitive because I said not to be outcome dependant but... It depends on what outcome you want But seriously... both work. If you just want to help yourself to be a bit more social then just use any situational thing to start talking to guys and girls. Even just say "Hi" or comment on the Spring weather coming in... anything. It just helps to get you more in the mindset of being social by talking but where the conversation goes just doesn't matter so don't worry about it. Just talking is your success. If you really want to pick up a girl though, why not be direct? You need to be confident in how you say it though, not shy. And be prepared for some girls to brush it off or not be interested but again, you shouldn't care, the next girl might love it! Going direct is a bit more advanced I guess, you need the confidence to have to come off well. But even if you DON'T go direct and want to get a girls number, don't you have to be direct at SOME point, and if you spend 10 minutes looking for ways to talk to her before telling her WHY you're talking to her, it just gets weirder... she'll ask "Why is this guy still talking to me?"
Author ltjg45 Posted March 6, 2013 Author Posted March 6, 2013 Too many excuses man... People are you are uptight? So what, they only wish something exciting happened, they can go home and tell their story of how this charming guy on the bus was so confident he just walked right up to this girl and asked her out. (In reality they're in their own world and not even noticing). That's sounds like a long shot, esp. considering I'm average-looking at best. I'm sure, to most females, I'm not as attractive as I would think I am. In a way, I have to agree that I'm not that attractive. I'm sure I will give off the "creepy" vibe if I went for something bold. She's with friends? Talk to them both, be friendly, then you can always grab the number of the girl you like before you have to run. To actually get such a positive response that allows me to even get that close would be a miracle unto itself. After all, I do look similar to Necris. Clubs? I don't know where you live, clubs vary between cities but there must be SOME, or just a pub, bar, lounge, or whatever is the "social" scene in your area... don't fool yourself, you know where it is. I can't tell you about your own town. I know they are out there. Just the matter of finding them. Jacksonville doesn't do a good job of making that info insanely obvious like other big cities would. No wonder the city got such a bad rep during the one (and perhaps only) Super Bowl it has hosted. Church? Well, that's not MY scene, I wouldn't think it's a pickup joint but if it's girlfriend material you want then I guess getting involved in the church community would let you get to know someone... if you like that stuff great, if you don't, there's other options. If I could do that WITHOUT the praying and the actual "going to church" phase, I would be content. But it's not like this so scratch that off. I rather take a nap and I hate taking naps. I'm kinda harsh on some people here but you seem genuine... I and others offered lots of suggestions but you have an excuse not to try any of them. See? The problem isn't lack of place, we told you where they are... the problem is you don't want to take a risk or do whats hard... Where do you think the rest of us meet women? We're not keeping any secrets. We meet them in all the places we just listed, and yes, we have to deal with friends and nosey people, her being distracted, listening to music, place being too loud, etc, etc, etc.... but you have to do it! That's fine. I'm sure I earned the harsh responses more times than I realize so no need to hold back if necessary. My biggest issue is the city bus transportation. I can't stay for anything late-night and I have no access to a vehicle of any kind (and I don't know anyone close enough for me to ask for car rides so that's out of the question) so anything after 8 PM is off-limits until I get one myself. With that said, unless I start being brave and walking across major bridges, I can't go to most of them unless I accept being stranded until the next day.
Estate Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 That's sounds like a long shot, esp. considering I'm average-looking at best. I'm sure, to most females, I'm not as attractive as I would think I am. In a way, I have to agree that I'm not that attractive. I'm sure I will give off the "creepy" vibe if I went for something bold. To actually get such a positive response that allows me to even get that close would be a miracle unto itself. After all, I do look similar to Necris. I know they are out there. Just the matter of finding them. Jacksonville doesn't do a good job of making that info insanely obvious like other big cities would. No wonder the city got such a bad rep during the one (and perhaps only) Super Bowl it has hosted. If I could do that WITHOUT the praying and the actual "going to church" phase, I would be content. But it's not like this so scratch that off. I rather take a nap and I hate taking naps. That's fine. I'm sure I earned the harsh responses more times than I realize so no need to hold back if necessary. My biggest issue is the city bus transportation. I can't stay for anything late-night and I have no access to a vehicle of any kind (and I don't know anyone close enough for me to ask for car rides so that's out of the question) so anything after 8 PM is off-limits until I get one myself. With that said, unless I start being brave and walking across major bridges, I can't go to most of them unless I accept being stranded until the next day. Man.... I'm sorry to rag on you, but it's just more excuses! You have to just DO IT! Can I be honest? Until my early 20's I hardly ever dated anyone. I hated how I looked and I was cripplingly shy. I was like all the guys here, I thought NOBODY would like me. But it got to a point where I was like... to hell with it... I don't care anymore if approaching a girl doesn't work because NOT approaching them sure as heck isn't working... I might as well fail trying something else! And you know... it takes some experiences to acclimatize to things, but you learn and you get better and now I can and have dated and met so many lovely and beautiful women. I'm no stud, I know I'm not anywhere near a 10 but if I act shy and keep to myself I get nowhere... VERY often the guy who's even a 5 or 6 makes up for it with huge personality and braveness and women often respond to it. Try not to keep focusing on the outcome.... next time you see a cute girl on the bus, say to heck with it... talk to her... just try to have a 2 minute conversation, make that your success... Next time, make it 5 minutes... once you're good at that, start working up to asking for a number or a coffee date or something. You won't get it done with just 3 girls... do it repeatedly and you'll notice trends and how they react to certain things you do and then see how to overcome that next time until you're eventually comfortable doing it and asking them out. I know it's hard man but it so easy to make excuses.... it's hard to start doing this stuff but if you want it, you've got to start doing what other guys out there are doing. You'll get it eventually... it might not be the first girl you approach but it's all about learning.
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