RomanceLow Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 My ex cheated on me. He said he loved me, yet he could never justify his answer for cheating on me, but he wanted to let me know he did care for me. I gave him a second chance. He does the same thing. Does a cheater ever forget an ex and is possible for him to have actually loved me?
iKING Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Could he love you? Yes, he could think he loves you. But if that's his definition of love, and It's not yours, look elsewhere. It sounds as though he's not going to change. At least he let you know and he's giving you the opportunity to leave. 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 This is a very interesting question! I often question what a man who is truly in love can and cannot do. Perhaps it is possible that some people cannot feel love as strongly as others - and therefore, maybe guys like your ex DID really love you (as much as THEY are able to love a person) I doubt MOST men who are truly, completely in love, to the fullest extent that they ARE able to love, would be able to cheat.. However, there are always exceptions! Maybe some men can cheat, no matter how in love they are? Personally, cheating is also a deal breaker to me and therefore the fact they love me would be irrelevant.
loversquarrel Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 He wasn't in love with you. If he was, he wouldn't have cheated at all, let alone a second time. 1
carhill Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Does a cheater ever forget an ex and is possible for him to have actually loved me? Only time will tell on the 'forget' part. IME, people with such psychologies tend to circle back around to opportunities they've enjoyed in the past, especially if the behavior is a habit. Did he ever love you? Yes, likely he did, when he pulled out the 'love and you' box. In those moments, it's entirely reasonable that he did love you. Perhaps moments are all he's capable of. Apparently, you and he were incompatible in that area so it's healthier now to be ex'es. If this man is the topic of your first posting on LS: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/339208-s-over-but-i-m-still-crazy-over-him which unfortunately received no replies, that explains a lot of his behaviors and ostensibly why you 'fell' for it all. Given the timeline, it's a bit concerning that you haven't progressed further towards disinterest. Hopefully that will come. Good luck.
Darren Steez Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 No, love should absolutely preclude the act of cheating, and we're talking about the events leading up it let alone the actual physical acts. Maybe you can love someone without respect. But it's not love then is it. 1
crude Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Love and sex are 2 different things. A man can love a woman and still have sex with other women. One has nothing to do with the other. If a woman was a HUGE fan of Robert Downey Jr for example, if she was on a business trip in Cali and had the chance to go to a party with him and bang him, her doing so doesn't mean she doesn't love her husband, it just means that life is short, she had an opportunity, and it was an offer she couldn't refuse. Just like a man. You can love someone deeply without agreeing to every stipulation society throws at you, like you mustn't have sex with others or else.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Love..... Infatuation.... Lust... There is no deceit in pure love. Infatuation ends...Love shall never end. Lust, a wanton desire, sexual, the enemny of love. Willing to lie, willing to destroy to get what it wants. He may love you...but it's no better then lust...when deceit is involved.
Darren Steez Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Love and sex are 2 different things. A man can love a woman and still have sex with other women. One has nothing to do with the other. If a woman was a HUGE fan of Robert Downey Jr for example, if she was on a business trip in Cali and had the chance to go to a party with him and bang him, her doing so doesn't mean she doesn't love her husband, it just means that life is short, she had an opportunity, and it was an offer she couldn't refuse. Just like a man. You can love someone deeply without agreeing to every stipulation society throws at you, like you mustn't have sex with others or else. Of course you can love someone and have sex with someone else. That depends entirely on what values you have and what your expectations are in a relationship. For me that's exclusivity. If I'm in love then it's because I respect the woman I'm with, she can expect my loyalty and trust. It's mutuality in terms of I expect to be shown the same values as I show her. Whether the opportunity to bang the hottest woman comes up when we're talking then it gets no further if flirting ensues because I respect my woman wherever she is. Different people have different value systems. It's not societies rules. It's your personal standpoint on what's right and wrong. If your partner is ok with you having sex with someone else while you're together then fine. If you know it will tear her heart out and you still do it and claim to love her then that's something else entirely isn't it?
William Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Before this goes off on a cheating-focused tangent, I'll ask the thread starter to alert moderation if they would like to add more or solicit more comments, as they have not returned to this thread. Thanks. Use the 'alert us' button on this post if desiring to re-open the thread.
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