What Do I Do

[Tiny Dancer Girl]

I have been reading the threads on Love Shack for awhile and decided to register. I am dating this guy. We have been together for over a year. When we first got together we could not get enough of each other. Like I mean we spent every minute together. We loved each other so much. The first week of dating we went to a bar to watch the UFC fight. I asked to borrow his cell phone because mine was dead. He let me. He had a few drinks while I had none. I went into the washroom, and could not help but look at his text messages.

 

I was stunned. About the time when we officially were a couple, he had all these text messages on his phone flirting with other women, even pictures of his private parts. I also seen text messages where he was telling his ex girlfirend that he loves her and misses her. She was saying to him that I would hurt him, and that I was no good for him. I also seen text where he was talking with this other girl but she had a boyfriend, he knew that. He kept trying to convince her to leave her boyfriend, but she sounded like she was not the cheating type.

 

I immediately felt betrayed and stormed out of the washroom. I handed him his phone. I told him that I was driving him home and that it was over. I would not tell him why till we got to his place. He bagan crying and falling all over the floor, even when I dropped him home. He fell on the floor crying like he was having a nervous breakdown. I left after I told him. He kept calling me all night long. He even offered his roomate to pay him $100 to try and get me back.

 

After 20 something voice messages later I finally picked up the phone. I had to move that day, so I said why don't you meet me and give me a hand. At this point he was so happy. So he helped me move. Then he promised me that he would never do what he did again, and that I can see his phone.

 

Shortly in the relationship his mother started to disapprove of me. She made him brake up with me after Valentines day last year. I was upset. I remember going to school feeling hurt. I called my girlfriend and stayed with her for a night to talk.

 

Then he decides to go back out with me without his mother knowing. So for a few months we sneaked around. He would have to come at my place to spend time. I can tell you up to this point that he has continued to go on chat lines and flirt with numerous women online. He tells me that he is just looking for friends, then if he is why are they all female?

 

I was invited to this concert by this rock star that I know. I told him about it. He said that he wanted to go. While he was waiting for me to meet him that day, he was on a pay phone on the chat lines. Handing out his number.

 

Shortly after like a few months the owner of the house that I moved into sold the place with no notice and I had to move. I kept looking and looking but could not find a good place. He then offered for me to stay with his mother. I kept declining it. Finally I accepted. She agreed but for a short term. So I kept looking and looking. Everyday that I was there she kept asking me when are you moving? Every day several times a day. Also she kept pointing out that I was no good for her son. That we are not a good match. I appreciate the help for a place to stay, but believe me it was living hell in a way. I think he begged her to let me stay there.

 

Around this time I caught him again with the emotional cheating. I looked at his cell phone. I found text messages to a woman that was way older. They were both saying that they liked each other. He was going out in the car to talk on his phone. So I grabbed the phone out of his hands and he was fighting me for it. They didn't end up meeting.

 

He broke up with me while I was staying at his mother's home. I kept telling him that I want to leave and he kept pressuring me to stay. I ended up getting an apartment. His ex girlfirend kept telling him to break up with me. He lied to me and said that he was going away camping. He was home the whole time but had his phone shut off. I got upset and did not answer my phone for a few days when he tried to contact me.

 

He said he would always visit me at my apartment at that time, but now never. Believe me I give him lots of space. I have been catching him on chat lines continuously. Recently we had a big fight. We went to a poker game at a bar. I guess he got out of the game so he went down stairs with this girl that is drug induced. Like she is cracked out. He was sitting beside her. He didn't even tell me anything. I came downstairs and said so you sitting with this crack whore? He got all mad and started yelling at me in front of everybody. Just like embarassed me totally. He even told the lady that was running the poker game about our personal lives.

 

I got streesed out and went to go sit in the car with my friend. While I was in the car she kept texting me threatening text. Saying that he is way better off without me. He can do way bettre than me. He still goes there to play poker. No respect for me after this woman threatened to punch my face in. She should mind her own business. I've had to change my number. We broke up that day. The next day he is emailing and flirting with a bunch of women.

 

Like how do you just get out of a relationship and jump back into the action. Doesn't a normal person take a time out and grieve. I know I do. One girl he was texting telling her whatever she wants to do they can do. But everytime I suggested something to do we never do it. He waits till last minute and it's too late. Whatever he wants to do we do it.

 

This is just not fair. He says that I control him, but every two months he is flying and traveling somewhere, while I sit at home watching the walls. He stopped me from going to California. I'm not allowed to have any emotions. If I get upset or anything he walks away. Like I am supposed to be a robot.

 

We are sort of back together. He told me that the crack girl was asking if we are still together and that she was sitting on a married man's lap. By the way since August of last year he stopped having sex with me. Yep. It has been months. I don't think when he flirts with these women that he would have sex with them, but still.

 

I don't know what to do. This guy don't show respect. He thinks every woman wants him when they don't. I am attractive and fit and I don't deserve this. Makes me feel like low life when somebody is emotionally cheating on me.

 

Right now he is away and said when he gets back that he problaby won't be able to see me. He does not spend real time with me. Like if he does he comes over late at night and leaves at the crack of dawn. I don't understand.

 

What should I do? I feel like walking away. He thinks by throwing money at me that I am happy. I want love I don't care about his money.

 

Sorry for the long post.

[iKING]

Run as fast as your feet will allow you to. You can stay if you want, but nothing about what you said says healthy relationship in my eyes. At all. You can do better.

[SarcasticAbby]

I don't mean to sound rude but are you seriously asking for advice? I think you know the answer...

[Tiny Dancer Girl]

I know that I can do better. Every man I have always cheats on me. Is it always going to be like this? Oh yeah and he was nasty looking when I met him. Gross. I gave him a makeover because I am a cosmetologist by trade. I cut his hair and showed him how to dress. Now he looks half decent. But I guess I did all that for the next hoe. Oh well. Life always kicks me in the ass. Guess that's the way it has to be.

[iKING]

I know that I can do better. Every man I have always cheats on me. Is it always going to be like this?

 

That's not good, I'm sorry to hear it. No, it won't, but you're going to have to change the type of guys you go for. You don't have to go for Mr. Nice guy waits at your hand and foot for his next order, but you don't have to go for a jerk bad boy who's going to treat you like trash either. Try to find someone who's in between. Or at the very least, one with good morals that knows respect and human decency. You will find better if you look for better, but if you look for the same thing over and over, you're likely to find more of the same. Keep your chin up, hope is foolish, but it keeps us looking forward. Not all men are like that, at all.

[Sporty Girl]

Flirting with other people is just as bad as having an actual affair. Sounds like this dude is bored of you, but sounds like he was bored with you in the beginning. I don't think he knows what he wants. I don't think he even wants to be in a relationship, more he wants to play the field. He sounds like he is displaying some sort of anti-social or sociopathic behaviours. He doesn't care who he is hurting.

 

By the sounds of it he is shelfish. Going everywhere, not wanting to do the stuff that you want to do. How could you have even stayed so long with somebody like that? There are plenty of good guys out there. About the woman at the poker game, I agree with you. If this woman has threatened you, then it is very disrespectful for him to continue engaging with her or having any communication.

 

If he is hanging out with a woman that is using drugs, then you know what will happen. Don't you? Eventually they will be together and do things behind your back. I think you need to sit and make notes. Write down all the bad, and all the good. Compare your notes. If there is more bad, which it sounds like then use that as a guide.

 

Honestly if I were you I know what I would do the minute I first caught the cheating. I would change my number, and never speak to him ever again. I don't think this guy really loves you by the sounds of all the things that he has done or that he is doing. RUNAWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!

[veggirl]

Your boundaries are JACKED UP. This guy has def physically cheated, there is no way he hasn't.

 

The thing is, the FIRST TIME you caught him you should have been OUT. There was no excuse for staying, period. You end up with cheaters because you accept that behavior!

 

I mean my god a guy who is cheating in the first few months of the relationship? Obviously not that into you, no matter how many crocodile tears he cried (what a freakin WUSS btw).

 

How long do you date/get to know someone before you jump into a relationship with them?

 

Please ditch this loser, omg.

[Tiny Dancer Girl]

I think it's safe to say that this relationship is dead. If somebody is flirting and treating all these other women better than me, what am I? Like he will call them before he even calls me. He is forcing himself to be with me. He really dosen't want to be in this relationship. Believe me he isn't all that attractive. I never seen any girls or women looking at him, just one old lady in a grocery store one time. As for the crack girl she just wants money from anybody. If somebody deosn't like spending time with me, then I don't want to be with them. It's true. I don't know what can happen between him and the cracked out girl, because I am not going to the poker games anymore.

 

If I can't trust anybody then it's no good. He says that I am jealous and controlling. I let him go where he wants. I don't know. When I am around him I am not allowed to speak my mind, I have to keep my mouth shut. When that fight happened at the bar where the poker was guys were telling me what am I doing with somebody so nasty looking. He thinks that he is all that and that every woman wants him. They don't believe me. before he left on his trip he was begging me to do his hair but I never did. I'm not stupid.

 

He keeps going to poker talking to the women that threatened me that I had to change my phone number. About him saying that I am jealous. Maybe if he never cheated on me I would have no reason to be. Like everybody said runaway, don't worry it's coming. I can find a man out there that will really love me. I'm not going to go out looking either. I will let love find me in it's own time. I'm not like him just jumping into flirting and getting as many men as I can.

 

I have been trying to be nice to him for the last few days. One minute he likes me the nest he doesn't. He has mood swings some kind of mental illness. Thanks everybody for the advice.

[Sporty Girl]

It doesn't matter what kind of cheating he did. Emotional or physical. With the emotional cheating that he is doing he is projecting some kind of emotion, or feeling for other women. It's strange how you mentioned that he is telling you that he is looking for friends, and they are all women. You know he is looking for more then just friends. He sounds like a scum bag piece of ****. Excuse my language. You have every right to be paranoid, you don't know what he is doing when he is not around you. Who knows what he did behind your back.

 

This is not a healthy relationship that you are in. He sounds more bad then good. Sounds like he is more into that game then you. Sounds like he might hook up with the girl that plays there. Give it time you will see them together. I honestly don't know how you could put up with all that, and you are not even doing any cheating like you said. Get rid of that loser like Veg Girl said. You will get better out there. Trust me!

[Tiny Dancer Girl]

Well when he was talking to these other women, he was telling them that he is single and that he is looking for a relationship. He definately is a psychopath, that does not care about emotionally hurting other people. He thinks that I want his money. He thinks by throwing money at me it gives him the lee way to go out and what he wants.

 

Yes I do believe that he has a thing for the crack whore. Let me explain why. He always freshens up. Takes showers, dresses in good clothes, splash colonge all over himslef, shave, wear his hat backwards like he is 20 years old. They are always at the same table playing. Sitting face to face across from each other. I even saw him looking at her.

 

After all this he still talks to her. Came back last time drunk from the game. Even though the game was done he stayed longer to hang out. He never did that when I went. Something is wrong with this picture here. This is only making me very angry and upset. I can't open my mouth up and express to him anything because he automatically gets mad. I bet if he saw me walking down the street holding hands with a hot guy, how would he feel, and when we are still together. How would he feel? If I can't get my feelings out, and say what I think I don't want to continue this. He will always flirt. Always.

 

It's not fair to me because I am not doing it. And yes Sporty Girl, give it time he will be with the crack whore. Anybody that can still talk to a woman that threaten me is not worthy of me. They do not have any respect for me, and they do not care. Regardless if somebody is in a relationship, they should not look elsewhere. He wants every woman in this world. Something is wrong with him.

 

It's just angering me so bad. I am so pissed off right now. I feel like life was **** to me, and always will be. Feel like running miles and miles away, and never looking back!

[outsidethebox]

If you're attractive and fit you can have get another guy any time.

 

Why fret over losing the drama?

[xpaperxcutx]

Tiny Dancer Girl, you sound very intelligent but I think this relationship has done its fair damages on you. Its safe to say he's a terrible person and staying with him will only, only hurt you, but I think it's harder for you to leave than it is to want to stay.

 

Yes, you are hurt and walking away from a relationship that you invested time and emotions is very hard. However, you need to remember that what love you have had for him is wasted on someone who cannot cherish or appreciate it. So yes, be angry but don't do anything irrational because showing him or telling him you're hurting won't earn any sympathies from him.

 

So hold your head high, and walk away from him. Don't look back and certainly don't let him watch you cry. Then you give yourself time to heal, to rebuild your self-esteem, and live better than he has ever seen you life.

 

If you contemplated hurting him,the best revenge is having him know you're living better without him.

[ChessPieceFace]

About the time when we officially were a couple

 

"About the time"? Surely you can see the important distinction to be made there. If it's the case that this stuff was before you were a couple, and that he's been loyal to you while you have been a couple, it's out of line for you to react this way. I can't tell from your wording.

 

I immediately felt betrayed and stormed out of the washroom. I handed him his phone. I told him that I was driving him home and that it was over. I would not tell him why till we got to his place. He bagan crying and falling all over the floor, even when I dropped him home. He fell on the floor crying like he was having a nervous breakdown.

 

Interesting. My sister dated a cheater and he did exactly that when she found him out. I've heard that from others also. Maybe cheaters do that because they know the floor is where they belong.

[Sporty Girl]

He still emotionally cheated on her all through her relationship. If I have it correct? I think if people are going to flirt or play around don't get attached to somebody. A person that engages in that kind of activity is a player and should stay single so that they can play the field all they want that way nobody get's hurt.

[Tiny Dancer Girl]

I think that I have made my decision today. I did some hard thinking over the weekend. I thought about everything that I mentioned on here and much more. The poker games is what really pisses me off, especially the crack whore that plays there. Also all the flirting and emotional cheating. I can't take it anymore. He has left for a trip and not contacted me once.

 

I think this relationship is taking a toll on my health, and it is stressing me out big time. I do not think any counselling will help. Even if we talk it out he will go back to his old ways. Just him staying after the poker game getting drunk with the crack whore, disrespecting me by still talking to the woman that threatened me, never considering what I want to do, his mother and family hates me, he travels everywhere, he spends little to no time with me. All these are factors.

 

I have left today and ran very far away. Miles and miles away. I will never look back. I think that I have wasted too much time with this person. He wants to be with other women. He wants to spend time with other women. I had to come on here and get advice. Everybody told me to run, and I have done just that.

 

It was in my best interest to leave and I have done just that. Thank you so much to everybody that have given the advice I needed to hear.