Serial Monogamy to Casual Dating

[a-golden-bird]

Hey all - newbie here.

 

I ended a 3.5 year long relationship in January. Met a guy online in February and we've been dating ever since. He's known before we met that I am planning to move away in April.

 

I've put myself in a situation for sure. I somehow thought that my emotional self could be OK with not only dating someone new but also maintain an emotional distance and avoid attachment before I moved away. He's better about it than I am. He has made his hopes and expectations clear. He wants to enjoy the time we have together before I move, but try not to get too attached.

 

I'm struggling with my own expectations and hopes for this. The serial monogamist in me wants to pin him down and do whatever is necessary to make it work, even with me moving. The young 20-something wants to be able to let go of all the thoughts in my head and just enjoy dating, because I do really like and enjoy the guy.

 

I guess I'm asking what other's opinions might be of the situation. I'm thinking about telling him straight up, I want the same thing but I can't guarantee that I won't get emotionally attached. It's just not who I am. Or just riding it out and hoping I can keep it together enough to not scare him off and really enjoy him.

 

I struggle with basing too much of my own self-worth on who I'm dating or if I'm dating, if they call or text me, if they initiate something. I'm trying to be open to dating because I know jumping from relationship to relationship usually only hurts everyone in the end.

[iKING]

Enjoy it while it lasts, and then move on. If you seriously fall for him, you can try to pin him down but it may not work very well. Long distance can be very difficult and usually doesn't last very long unless both parties are seriously committed to making it work and have made arrangements on being together again in the future. You'll have new opportunities when you move so that's something to keep in mind. If you really want it to work, go for it, but there's going to need to be seriously effort on both ends for it to last.

[carhill]

Given the circumstances, this guy's perspective sounds like the healthy solution. There's companionship and sex without strings and emotional attachments, which fits in with your plans to move. Since you ended a 3.5 year LTR in January and are already this far along in the next deal, it's unlikely any interactions with this man would survive your move; you'd most likely move on to the next companion, consistent with your style.

 

My advice would be to respect your 20-something relationship style and enjoy this dynamic until moving and then enjoy another dynamic at your destination, moving on to another relationship when that appears to be the healthy choice.

 

I presume you suffer no loss/grief/ill effects from the ending of your last LTR. If you do, that may have bearing on advice. Your posting's tone indicates that it is squarely in the past but I ask the question anyway, as most people do experience some effects from LTR's/M's ending.

 

Good luck and welcome to LS

[a-golden-bird]

Thanks guys for your responses.

 

Long distance definitely is not something I'm sure I want to do. My last relationship was spent 75% of the time LD. We were only an hour and a half apart but it was not something I'd like to do again any time soon. I know knowing this guy for only 2 months before a move is not a solid enough foundation to make something work. I guess the only option would be for him to make a move or me to somehow change my plans. These options are, of course, very extreme and not something I'm planning on occurring.

 

I started distancing myself in my last relationship probably back in November. I gave him chances to make the changes I wanted to see and he failed. He's still in my life right now because he's realized what he's lost and is dealing with me no longer being there. Its been rough dealing with those feelings on top of all the confusion I've felt dating someone new. I guess that's the only sort of overlap I see.

 

I am feeling fairly vulnerable however. Emotionally. I like the guy but I don't want to put too much out there since he's very much into keeping me not too close to stay unattached.