thewrongonee Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Hello fellow LS users! I am glad that i have someone to talk to during this emotional period. I'm a 20 year old male who broke up with his gf about a month ago ( i am the dupee). During the initial period I thought i would be okay with it and everything would be fine. But not soon after the break up i stated feeling lonely and sad, which i do not want because its making me feel worse and worse. I made amateur mistakes when we broke up, started off agreeing with the break up, then because of the 'emotional roller coaster' phase, asked her to come back and said things that made me seem needy. She wanted to be friends still, which i turned down and said i still have feeling for her and that i cannot fake a friend ship. However, after that I did go on no contact to get my self together, emotionally and i can truly say it did help a lot. Problems with the relationship: I did not put too much effort into it, and i hate my self for that. Made mistakes and caused her to feel insecure and hurt her. I lost attraction towards her which caused this spiral of events to come down. ( all of these are issues I've acknowledged and worked on, and i want to become a better person). Today will be day 30 of my no contact, and I want to start initiating with my ex to see how shes doing. Game plan: Send a quick brief text, something that will make her laugh and send me a text back. ( she always texts me back, regardless off the break up). Then hopefully talk for a bit and end the conversation, and the next time i talk to her ill ask her to go for coffee.
benice Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 You should feel proud of not contacting her for a month, some people flip out and text, and go crazy. The only thing is men and women and made up differently, so as a woman, if I still had feeling for someone, I would love the fact that he texted or called. Coffee is a good idea, or dinner. If she accepts, and it goes well, try flowers, Im not sure if it will work but most women like flowers. women are more willing to accept and reconcile than men. Go for it..Good luck
Author thewrongonee Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) You should feel proud of not contacting her for a month, some people flip out and text, and go crazy. The only thing is men and women and made up differently, so as a woman, if I still had feeling for someone, I would love the fact that he texted or called. Coffee is a good idea, or dinner. If she accepts, and it goes well, try flowers, Im not sure if it will work but most women like flowers. women are more willing to accept and reconcile than men. Go for it..Good luck Thanks for the response! It honestly helps a lot getting a viewpoints from a womens prospective. Edit: Yeah, even after the break up, we talked.. we would talk for hours. I don't think we wanted to be separated but that that time it was necessary. Funny story: After the breakup, i drunk dialed her ( idiot mistake) apologizing. she found that cute and the next day she went out with her friends and got drunk ( had couple of shots) and called me at 12 saying she loves me and stuff ( ahaha, wierd right?). funnny things we did, but i hope we can still work. Edited March 2, 2013 by thewrongonee
benice Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It really seams like you two can work this out. I just think that you should take it one step at a time, do not try to get back together, just be friends, but also seam busy. This will get her thinking that she dont want to lose you.
Author thewrongonee Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 I couldn't get my self to send her a message, I have too many questions that are bugging me. such as, what if shes moved on ? or seeing someone else, i haven't even touched twitter, facebook, or other social media websites. Should I wait a bit longer? its amazing i was doing fine until it came to the actual moment, made me think of questions that i honestly was afraid of. anything helps guys, just point me in the right direction.
Treasa Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 If she broke up with you, then you should let it go. It doesn't matter if she told you she loves you while she was drunk. The bottom line is that she broke up with you and hasn't contacted you in a month. She knows you still like her, because her went through that needy stage. Leave it be. Find someone who wants to be with you and shows it in no uncertain terms. 1
Skalabanan Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 The fact that your posting this here answers the question for you. Text when you feel right and more importantly comfortable, if your texting her solely with the aim of getting her back your in for a second period of grieving. Be patient, you'll know when your ready and that could be never.
TaraMaiden Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 As far as I am concerned, breaking No Contact will be counter-productive and set you back to square one. You need to get your head round the fact that you guys are broken up - and if her lack of trying to get in touch, is anything to go by, she sees this as a permanent situation. There IS no going back, trying again, sending hearts and flowers, touching base. She may not respond, or if she does it will be either with disinterest, or even hostility. If you re-establish contact and she does agree to see you again, it will be still too close to when you broke up - and 'being friends' is all she will offer you. And you cannot be a simple friend to someone you still care for deeply. Can't be done. you'll always be wanting something more.... My advice would be to continue with No Contact. Read the Updated 2013 Guide in my signature - and read all the posts which follow, from people who thought it would be okay to break No Contact. And were sadly, very wrong. 1
Author thewrongonee Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the reply guys, Tera i know what you mean by staying no contact. I just need to know there is hope, I was the one who ruined the relationship, she has a hard time realizing that, i just want to prove her wrong. The reason why she diden't contact me yet is because the last conversation was with with saying i cannot be friends with her and we should stop this fake friendship we have and move on. I think i said it in a way where she found it very upsetting and got possibly mad, but i know she still cares for me, thats why i love her. ( it was a day after her b-day ) Shes not the most attractive girl, but she makes me feel as if i matter, and i want that back in my life and I want to prove her wrong that i did change and love her. I personally need to know if there is a chance, if not, I will gladly move on. You could say she was my first love, i cannot believe i ****ed it up, i hate my self for that. Edited March 5, 2013 by thewrongonee
TaraMaiden Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 (edited) Thanks for the reply guys, Tera i know what you mean by staying no contact. I just need to know there is hope, I was the one who ruined the relationship, she has a hard time realizing that, i just want to prove her wrong. You're not listening. There is no 'chance to prove her wrong'. The time to have done that would have been while you were still going out with her. She is now not going to hang around and wait for you to prove yourself - because she believes there's a heavy risk involved. That risk is, that once you have won her back, you will just revert to type. And that's not a risk she is prepared to take, no matter how much you may protest the contrary... The reason why she diden't contact me yet is because the last conversation was with with saying i cannot be friends with her and we should stop this fake friendship we have and move on. I think i said it in a way where she found it very upsetting and got possibly mad, but i know she still cares for me, thats why i love her. ( it was a day after her b-day )Oh I'm sure she cares. But she doesn't care enough to want to make this work. If she did she would have told you. Have you actually Read the Guide yet? By the sound of your post, I think not.... Shes not the most attractive girl, but she makes me feel as if i matter, and i want that back in my life and I want to prove her wrong that i did change and love her. Too little, too late. The ship has sailed my friend. You can't breathe life into something that has died. It's not up to you to offer. It's up to her to open that door. And she hasn't done so, has she? I personally need to know if there is a chance, if not, I will gladly move on. You could say she was my first love, i cannot believe i ****ed it up, i hate my self for that. You would have known there was a chance, if she had signalled that there was a chance. Now? That moment has passed. There's no point in you 'hating yourself' for anything. It's all experience. If she was your First Love, she will not be your last. The next will be better, and you will be the improved version... This is way too soon to contemplate trying to be the Comeback Kid. Give it more time. A lot more time. You'll only get burned right now... and that would hurt - and doubly so. Edited March 5, 2013 by TaraMaiden
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