newlife26 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Ok.... so here goes. I got on this site during my first marriage. I posted about my husband and everyones remarks were right on point. Now that we're divorced im back in the dating field..... Uugh and does it suck!! My issue.... I recently started talking to a guy I went to high school with. He'd always liked me, but I never paid too much attention to him, because he is 2 years younger. We started hanging out.... texting daily and he took me on a date. We spent time to get to know each other.... Then we just kinda.... stopped. I have a tendency to be flaky.... I know I do. Because im single and have been for a while, I dont feel the need to push for a relationship or anything. Even if I do really like the guy!! So needless to say the guy and I stopped texting for a couple of weeks... then we resumed. Then we hung out..... then we had sex. And it was great. But with the sex now comes questions. And I know i should be more mature about it, but once I had sex with him.... I assumed it would help move us faster to a relationship. But it hasnt. In fact he was supposed to come hang out last night but he didn't come o r text why he wasnt coming! I guess I just need to know what's happening. We both said we really like each other. We've been hanging out on and off since christmas. We only had sex just this past weekend. In fact we spent the night together just holding each other before we even decided to have sex! What is going on here?
carhill Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 What is going on here? What kind of emotional involvement has been demonstrated? I saw one date, some hanging out, some texts, and sex this past weekend. Sounds casual. Combined with you admitting to 'flaky' behaviors, perhaps further clarity would be helpful. What's your goal? You mentioned this 'guy from high school' 'always liked you' but you didn't notice him back in the day. How about today? Does he really flip any switches for you? If you didn't know him, didn't know he had always like you, etc, etc, would you have dated him? Found him attractive, etc, etc? Who else have you dated lately and how would you compare to this experience? If few/none, I'd suggest going on more dates with other eligible gentlemen. This 'experience' doesn't appear to be exclusive, so no moral imperative attends. Enjoy being single. Good luck.
Keenly Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Well wait a second. You said you are flaky. and you acknowledge that your flaky. He flaked once and now thats not okay? How long has it been since you guys said anything to each other?
rocketman122 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 He's giving you a taste of your own medicine. youre flaky, so he's just passing the favor right back at you. you dont seem like youre too into commitment and im guessing he sees this and is just enjoying the ride till you decide what you want. maybe show him you are and he will too. Thats how I would do it. but then again, I would catch it right away that youre a flake and walk away. you also seem like you dont know what you really want. you want but dont want. like most of the women I dated on OLD.
Author newlife26 Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 @rocketman122 I have no choice to agree with what you say..... I do flip back and forth between wanting something more and just enjoying the casualness. So I can see that he may notice my flakyness. I really have no clue as to show him I want more. Guys tend to get nervous when its time to have The Talk. @Keenly This isnt the first time he didn't come or text. He did this previously, then he later apologized. He said he sent me a message but I didn't get it. My flakyness is sometimes I dont respond to his texts, and I never initiate conversation with him. Oh and when he does the no call no show thing I really dont address it with him. Would that be considered flakey. We just talked yesterday, when I invited him over and he didnt come. I haven't talked to him since. @carhill You're right. ... there isnt really any emotional involvement. We are casual. I really like hik though. I just have no idea how to show him because idk how he feels about me. We just keep saying we like each other. I like this guy enough to be in a relationship with him soon. That is my goal. How to move it to that point? Idk
carhill Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I like this guy enough to be in a relationship with him soon. That is my goal. How to move it to that point?When opportunities come, present consistent behaviors and words which foster/support/empower this path and goal. What he does is outside of your control. If there is synergy, there is; if not, not. Remember, consistent. Generally, men are sensitive to and often annoyed by inconsistency/flakiness/manipulation, etc, etc. Keep it consistent. I'd still date other guys unless/until this becomes exclusive and/or sexual involvement continues, if that is a boundary. Good luck. 1
Feelin Frisky Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Sorry you're not getting the outcome you'd hoped. Usually a man in that position doesn't flake unless there's a real reason. If I speculate on those, they may be unflattering and untrue so I won't. But prepare yourself for the reality that it just isn't gonna happen with him and you may have to live with not understanding why. Life sucks that way. Don't take it too hard and keep trying to be discovered by someone who'll appreciate you.
Soxfaninfl Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Ok.... so here goes. I got on this site during my first marriage. I posted about my husband and everyones remarks were right on point. Now that we're divorced im back in the dating field..... Uugh and does it suck!! Yup I know that. I was married for 11 years. It sucks being single and dating again. I miss being married. I've dated 4 women so far and haven't found a new spouse yet.
hppr Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It sounds to me like you approached the whole thing as if it was just casual and non-committal so you can't really fault the guy for not calling you the next day, or flaking on a date. Are you still on a speaking basis with him? Ask him what he's feeling, not us.
hppr Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Generally, men are sensitive to and often annoyed by inconsistency/flakiness/manipulation Definitely, tons of women don't get this though. I meet women all the time who have all sorts of flaky behaviors and then they freak if their boyfriend doesn't call until 4 days after a sexual tryst. Unless the guy is obsessed with her a girl needs to be really consistent about calling, keeping dates, being available otherwise guys will figure that they aren't being taken seriously.
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