NC - Starting very cleanly.

[BarbecueMan666]

Hi,

 

I've been posting frequently, and probably will continue to do so as this website and the people on it have been great for venting to, and relieving myself of great stress and anxiety.

 

It's been 2 months since the EX and I broke up, and I've had my ups, and I've definitely had my Downs. We haven't spoke or texted since mid February, she sent me a message saying she was releasing a youtube video about a breakup, but it's of no link to me, and I should not worry - Hence the message.

 

I've been living in the past, I honestly thought we would get back together. I love her and care about her still just as much as I did the day we broke up.

While we've spoke approximately 3 times since the breakup (on different occasions, and very little messages - and me leaving voicemails - I feel pathetic about it) - I however have been checking her facebook and twitter...

 

I'm not sure how to stop.... I know it's not doing me any good, and yet I still check. I only ever find positive things about her, be it her in a gorgeous dress with a new youtube video release, winning mini-awards for her video over at USC and things like this. The hope of her coming back to me was so strong, despite her saying these exact words via text "I don't want to be with you. I've been really happy since making the decision" over a month ago.

 

How can I stop hanging on ... I just want to let go ... I loved her videos - I actually helped share them to a wider audience than she could alone and got her way more views. I became obsessed with them before I met her, and grew more obsessed with helping her show them everyone.

 

I'm at that phase where I'm so obsessed about my ex, that no one seems to compare. Even though she had her moments of being less than nice, I'm struggling, I can only seem to remember the good she brought to my life, and the depression right now is at an all time high.

[cavalier99]

Ok here is the deal. You've got a lot of good advise. You've talked about your RS, analysed everything etcetera.

 

The problem at this point is it means nothing. The only thing that matter is complete and total NC. Block her phone, email, delete everything, block or deletee twitter and Facebook.

 

This is survival time. Time for extreme measures. You need to eliminate every trace of her from your life. If you do this you will get better. You need to treat this like an addiction. Cold turkey. Think 12 step program.

 

Don't even talk about her or your RS any more. It is just about your recover in the present.

 

I mean you can say you having a tough time missing her etcetera. But don't talk about she is Ms this or MS that or her videos etcetera. It doesn't matter. She doesn't matter.

 

You do. What are you doing? That is the important question. Are u working out are you going out? Ecetera. Understand? 90 percent of you posts are about her . She is gone FOREVER and means nothing. It is over. What about you? Cav

Edited March 2, 2013 by cavalier99

[BarbecueMan666]

Thank you for the post.

I've started the insanity workout within the last 4 weeks and am noticing good results already. I'm a slim guy anyhow, but eating healthier and exercising is doing me good. I'm at Disneyland right now with my roommates, and have been since yesterday. My ex lives in la which makes it hard visiting here, but my roommates really wanted to go ( there's 6 of us ). Job is going well, I'm in a good place, and earning fairly well, becoming more popular in my industry etc.

 

Some of my roommates who are close friends with my ex went to brunch to meet her. I'm sad about it. I never got a reason for her wanting to end it really. And most likely never will. I'm not a guy with high self esteem but I am a decent catch. I just cannot rid this woman from my life it seems. My body and mind both fight to not let her go. I'm so hopeless at the moment.

[adelia]

Sending a big hug. ive been where you are and its so difficult!!! What i can say is you WILL get over this girl. it takes time though. dont be hard on yourself for feeling desperate. youre not pathetic youre a man that fell in love with someone who didnt feel exactly the same. Vent on here as much as you want were here to help.

 

[/b]

Hi,

 

I've been posting frequently, and probably will continue to do so as this website and the people on it have been great for venting to, and relieving myself of great stress and anxiety.

 

It's been 2 months since the EX and I broke up, and I've had my ups, and I've definitely had my Downs. We haven't spoke or texted since mid February, she sent me a message saying she was releasing a youtube video about a breakup, but it's of no link to me, and I should not worry - Hence the message.

 

I've been living in the past, I honestly thought we would get back together. I love her and care about her still just as much as I did the day we broke up.

While we've spoke approximately 3 times since the breakup (on different occasions, and very little messages - and me leaving voicemails - I feel pathetic about it) - I however have been checking her facebook and twitter...

 

I'm not sure how to stop.... I know it's not doing me any good, and yet I still check. I only ever find positive things about her, be it her in a gorgeous dress with a new youtube video release, winning mini-awards for her video over at USC and things like this. The hope of her coming back to me was so strong, despite her saying these exact words via text "I don't want to be with you. I've been really happy since making the decision" over a month ago.

 

How can I stop hanging on ... I just want to let go ... I loved her videos - I actually helped share them to a wider audience than she could alone and got her way more views. I became obsessed with them before I met her, and grew more obsessed with helping her show them everyone.

 

I'm at that phase where I'm so obsessed about my ex, that no one seems to compare. Even though she had her moments of being less than nice, I'm struggling, I can only seem to remember the good she brought to my life, and the depression right now is at an all time high.

[Granin]

Keep sticking to NC mate, it's the only way.

 

 

Try meeting other women too. I'm not suggesting you hook up like you did before, but just try and be more social than normal and go out and meet people. I know it's probably the last thing you want to do; no other women interest you right now and you don't see the point. I'm feeling that way myself right now but trust me it does help.

 

 

Be as productive as possible. Imagine in a few months time when you're finally feeling better and you look back at all the productive changes you made to your life to get through feeling so bad. It'll make you appreciate the experience despite the pain you went through, whereas wallowing can only be looked back on disdain.

 

 

I've applied to university and got in, I've joined the gym and I swim every day, I'm going to China for a month in August, France in a couple of weeks, New York in June, I'm eating healthier and taking on more hours at work. I'm reading more and trying to get more social.

 

 

It's kind of like going to the gym, you rip your muscles and they grow back stronger. Your heart has been ripped, but it will grow back stronger too.

[BarbecueMan666]

Hey, really appreciate your posts.

 

Haven't checked up on her fb/twitter the last few days, and while I'm curious it's certainly not costing me sleepless nights and what have you.

 

So this weekend something pretty cool happened. My roommates who are also my work colleagues (we all work for the same organization - be it Camera crew, web team or Progamers) - went to disneyland for the weekend.

We initially left in 2 groups, myself and my housemate Mr X who's really cool, and a separate car with my team captain, his wife and his younger brother in the other car.

 

It was a 6 hour trip, but it was fun, since the breakup I've got much closer to friends and family, and in turn Mr X is becoming one of my closer friends, which makes me feel way less lonely.

We arrived at Disneyland, met up with the team captains younger sister who's 24, and 2 of my female housemates friends who live in California.

Despite being surround by happy folk, I was a little down. The last time I went there was with the ex, we had a nice time - unfortunately we had an argument about money in which that little story went something like so:

I paid to go to LA, met up with her, Paid for our tickets, I was going to be in LA for 4 days with her, and she wanted some clothes from Disney, I didn't want to spend that much, as I'm there for a week already so said go easy, she got upset. We then had the talk that - I pay a lot already, and she doesn't pay anything - "That's how it's supposed to be, as I don't have any money and you do" Talk. Was silly.

I had mixed emotions while there and I guess was relatively quiet. (that along with only having 3 hours sleep the night prior).

 

Next day happens, My roommate and his family had a hotel at Disney, while my friend and I slept at one of his friends apartment whom also lives in LA, but is also a Disney Fanatic, so it was lovely spending time with him, he made the experience very bright through sheer enthusiasm.

 

Anyhow, we Arrived at the park around 11:00am, And I messaged the other party and said Hey we're here! Where abouts are you guys. They said they were going to get brunch, but they'll meet up with us later. I knew they were out to see my Ex, and I must admit I was a little bit like "oof" but I acted really well despite it. I kind of had mixed feelings about wanting to see her, one part of me wanted to, the other didn't at all - Was pretty weird, usually I'd have jumped at the occasion but yeah, I'm A) - not ready and B) - I'm starting to realize she isn't truly the girl for me (despite my thoughts and dreams being plagued by her) - Anyhow, the group re-meet after a couple of hours, and we're back to having a really good time, though I'm a little more lively. A few hours pass by, we had some beers and what not, but I realize I lost my ticket, in which the Younger sister (whom is still a tad older than me) says she'll take me, and so we went.

We walked, had a little banter, and eventually I asked about the brunch. She was pretty open and made it clear she didn't know how I felt about the situation so initially didn't want to open up and offend me. They went to brunch without me, as it could have been awkward us meeting and they didn't want that for either of us or the group. She's met my ex before at her brothers wedding, so she knew who she was before.

Conversation goes pretty smooth, the brunch wasn't that cool, my Ex was kinda bragging about herself and what she's done in the last few days (I saw it a few days prior and that was one of the reasons I was silent) - I thought it was a big deal, turns out she won some plastic award and nothing else of significant value. For some reason I felt relieved - but have learnt looking at her FB or Twitter definitely makes my mind jump to conclusions in which I don't want to have. I opened up and talked about my breakup abit, just said yep it happened 2 months ago, wasn't too clean and it was my first very serious relationship, and I'm definitely hurt by it, but I'm getting better. Turns out she came out of a 5 year relationship 5 months prior and went through the same stuff, so could talk to me very plainly and clearly about it, and could totally sympathize as to what I was going through.

 

Obviously we talked a fair bit, and it was pretty much the first time I opened up about it to someone who seemed to genuinely care, and it hit me in the most pleasant way ever. From my brain not being able to shut off at all, I started realizing wow I'm actually in a really fun place, with really nice people, and I have a lovely job to go back to.

She told me "I've met her before, and I don't want to be mean, but I've always kind of known what she was like, very self centered and self absorbed. At the wedding she was meant to help the Bride with her makeup, but focused on herself the whole time and barely helped. She only cared about herself really. - I didn't know that.

She brought up a few other things like, She was very surprised this woman even had a boyfriend because of how she was, and when she found out it was me was even more surprised, as I can do way better. (this was before she even knew me!)

I'm making this woman sound super bitchy, but she wasn't at all, These few sentences came out over a long span and I guess I kinda got them out of her, the final one was that she didn't like her new haircut. - And the fact my ex got her lips slightly enlarged and it just shows her true self through and through.

 

Anyhow - We got really close, and even though I'm oblivious to it she was definitely flirting with me, and I suppose I was flirting back - (I'm naturally pretty flirty I suppose with ladies.)

After spending quite a few hours together, along with the rest of the pack - about 8 of us, we definitely had a real good time and kept each other smiling.

 

The next morning I woke up and checked my FB, and got a friend request from the sister. She then sent me a message a bit later and said how she had a lovely time meeting me, and if I ever would like someone to talk to feel free. I wrote back something of similar fashion and she gave me her number.

 

On the journey back from disneyland, we were texting pretty frequently, and she even asked me to visit. It's been a pretty weird experience, and definitely been a good one. I still love my ex, but this has been the first time in 2 months I've even looked at another girl and communicated with them on a totally similar keel. It's been a torturous, uplifting and darn right bouncey weekend in which I won't forget it anytime soon.

 

She's asked me to visit her actually, and now I'm left with 2 dilemmas. 1) - I'm still very emotional - She's very nice, and attractive - but my ex still plagues my brain which she's aware of. I should probably just take things slowly, and see how they go.

2) - Her brother my teamcaptain is very huge.

 

Anyhow, thank you for reading.

[adelia]

I'm so excited for you! This is something positive keep it light and see where it goes. It could be a great friendship or more but most importantly it's making you smile and move in a good direction and one that's about- you

 

 

Hey, really appreciate your posts.

 

Haven't checked up on her fb/twitter the last few days, and while I'm curious it's certainly not costing me sleepless nights and what have you.

 

So this weekend something pretty cool happened. My roommates who are also my work colleagues (we all work for the same organization - be it Camera crew, web team or Progamers) - went to disneyland for the weekend.

We initially left in 2 groups, myself and my housemate Mr X who's really cool, and a separate car with my team captain, his wife and his younger brother in the other car.

 

It was a 6 hour trip, but it was fun, since the breakup I've got much closer to friends and family, and in turn Mr X is becoming one of my closer friends, which makes me feel way less lonely.

We arrived at Disneyland, met up with the team captains younger sister who's 24, and 2 of my female housemates friends who live in California.

Despite being surround by happy folk, I was a little down. The last time I went there was with the ex, we had a nice time - unfortunately we had an argument about money in which that little story went something like so:

I paid to go to LA, met up with her, Paid for our tickets, I was going to be in LA for 4 days with her, and she wanted some clothes from Disney, I didn't want to spend that much, as I'm there for a week already so said go easy, she got upset. We then had the talk that - I pay a lot already, and she doesn't pay anything - "That's how it's supposed to be, as I don't have any money and you do" Talk. Was silly.

I had mixed emotions while there and I guess was relatively quiet. (that along with only having 3 hours sleep the night prior).

 

Next day happens, My roommate and his family had a hotel at Disney, while my friend and I slept at one of his friends apartment whom also lives in LA, but is also a Disney Fanatic, so it was lovely spending time with him, he made the experience very bright through sheer enthusiasm.

 

Anyhow, we Arrived at the park around 11:00am, And I messaged the other party and said Hey we're here! Where abouts are you guys. They said they were going to get brunch, but they'll meet up with us later. I knew they were out to see my Ex, and I must admit I was a little bit like "oof" but I acted really well despite it. I kind of had mixed feelings about wanting to see her, one part of me wanted to, the other didn't at all - Was pretty weird, usually I'd have jumped at the occasion but yeah, I'm A) - not ready and B) - I'm starting to realize she isn't truly the girl for me (despite my thoughts and dreams being plagued by her) - Anyhow, the group re-meet after a couple of hours, and we're back to having a really good time, though I'm a little more lively. A few hours pass by, we had some beers and what not, but I realize I lost my ticket, in which the Younger sister (whom is still a tad older than me) says she'll take me, and so we went.

We walked, had a little banter, and eventually I asked about the brunch. She was pretty open and made it clear she didn't know how I felt about the situation so initially didn't want to open up and offend me. They went to brunch without me, as it could have been awkward us meeting and they didn't want that for either of us or the group. She's met my ex before at her brothers wedding, so she knew who she was before.

Conversation goes pretty smooth, the brunch wasn't that cool, my Ex was kinda bragging about herself and what she's done in the last few days (I saw it a few days prior and that was one of the reasons I was silent) - I thought it was a big deal, turns out she won some plastic award and nothing else of significant value. For some reason I felt relieved - but have learnt looking at her FB or Twitter definitely makes my mind jump to conclusions in which I don't want to have. I opened up and talked about my breakup abit, just said yep it happened 2 months ago, wasn't too clean and it was my first very serious relationship, and I'm definitely hurt by it, but I'm getting better. Turns out she came out of a 5 year relationship 5 months prior and went through the same stuff, so could talk to me very plainly and clearly about it, and could totally sympathize as to what I was going through.

 

Obviously we talked a fair bit, and it was pretty much the first time I opened up about it to someone who seemed to genuinely care, and it hit me in the most pleasant way ever. From my brain not being able to shut off at all, I started realizing wow I'm actually in a really fun place, with really nice people, and I have a lovely job to go back to.

She told me "I've met her before, and I don't want to be mean, but I've always kind of known what she was like, very self centered and self absorbed. At the wedding she was meant to help the Bride with her makeup, but focused on herself the whole time and barely helped. She only cared about herself really. - I didn't know that.

She brought up a few other things like, She was very surprised this woman even had a boyfriend because of how she was, and when she found out it was me was even more surprised, as I can do way better. (this was before she even knew me!)

I'm making this woman sound super bitchy, but she wasn't at all, These few sentences came out over a long span and I guess I kinda got them out of her, the final one was that she didn't like her new haircut. - And the fact my ex got her lips slightly enlarged and it just shows her true self through and through.

 

Anyhow - We got really close, and even though I'm oblivious to it she was definitely flirting with me, and I suppose I was flirting back - (I'm naturally pretty flirty I suppose with ladies.)

After spending quite a few hours together, along with the rest of the pack - about 8 of us, we definitely had a real good time and kept each other smiling.

 

The next morning I woke up and checked my FB, and got a friend request from the sister. She then sent me a message a bit later and said how she had a lovely time meeting me, and if I ever would like someone to talk to feel free. I wrote back something of similar fashion and she gave me her number.

 

On the journey back from disneyland, we were texting pretty frequently, and she even asked me to visit. It's been a pretty weird experience, and definitely been a good one. I still love my ex, but this has been the first time in 2 months I've even looked at another girl and communicated with them on a totally similar keel. It's been a torturous, uplifting and darn right bouncey weekend in which I won't forget it anytime soon.

 

She's asked me to visit her actually, and now I'm left with 2 dilemmas. 1) - I'm still very emotional - She's very nice, and attractive - but my ex still plagues my brain which she's aware of. I should probably just take things slowly, and see how they go.

2) - Her brother my teamcaptain is very huge.

 

Anyhow, thank you for reading.

[Granin]

I'm really pleased for you, keep forging positive relationships with people. I've grown closer with some of my friends through tough times, my best friend is generally useless when it comes to emotional support, but my close circle in general has been really positive and understanding.

 

 

And yes! Meet new women and just have positive relationships. Cut away at anything toxic and negative and surround yourself with positive, productive things. It seems to me like your relationship with your ex had a lot of toxic elements anyway.

[fabulousgal]

Block her phone, email, delete everything, block or deletee twitter and Facebook.

 

Cav

 

How do you block someone's phone? Please let me know, this will come in handy for me.