Cam116 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I was healing so well. Ex has been adamant about remaning friends, either now or down the road. We have contact with one another maybe a few times a month (3 months post BU). I've gone on a few dates, doing well moving on. Had a few drinks in me last night, and found out he was hanging out with the girl I suspected had something to do with him breaking up with me. He denies and denies and denies that he has any romantic interest in her (even though he slept with her after we broke up....they're "just friends".....). I got emotional, and told him I didn't think I could be friends with him because I'm having a hard time believing him about her. I can't be friends with someone who would lie to me. I don't want to lose him completely, he doesnt want to lose me either. He really wants to remain friends.....I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid to say good bye forever. I want to make this work.....I just keep having doubts about his honesty with the BU. He said he would call today so we can talk about all of this....and part of me just wants to not answer and block him out completely. I don't know what to do
hidden_ua Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 give him a chance my ex-gf ain't even trying to hear (forget understanding) and trust me it hurts a lot, therefore, just give him one single chance and then think over it and decide
TheBladeRunner Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 My SBXW was dead set on staying friends as well, I feel she is doing this because she feels that if we are still friends, what she has done really wasn't that bad. I tried being friends with my dumper for 4 months and I finally figured out that the only person it was helping was her. It wasn't until I told her that I do not want to be friends that my own healing could start. I cannot do no contact as we have a child together, but whenever I deal with her it is very short, cold, and business like. A friend of mine told me (she went through the same thing) "Don't try to be friends with your assailant". 1
Author Cam116 Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I truly DO want to be friends with him. I still care about him, he still cares about me. The relationship ran it's course, he lost feelings and I was starting to also. I'm also afraid that he's only wanting to be friends to alleviate his guilt. Why is it so hard for me to just trust his intentions?
gravi1 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 You suspected him cheating on you with a lady, he denies but still hangs out with her. He wants to be just friends. Well that is extremely selfish.I know the feeling of wanting to believe your perpetrator(I use this term because he is the source of pain and restlesness for you). The truth I think is that, he wants to justify what he does and did with that lady by staying friends with you, that way he does not feel awfull and it partly means you approve and its not so bad. The only person that will carry the cross here is you. If he cares and knows about your suspicion, then why does he still hang out with her-there is no such thing as a platonic relationship between a man and woman- Get rid of the hope that eats at you, stay away from him remain no contact, and keep no contact. How can you really be friends with someone you totaly cant trust. Deal with your pain and emotions one at a time, however long it takes stick it out. How long will this go on.That question of wether they did s... or not will haunt you forever and being around him will rub it in every single b.... time. He lies to you and thats the most single definate way you know that it will never work whatever you feel. 1
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