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Posted
Morgoth...what "support" are you looking for here on LS? What question do you want answered, or issue you want help addressing?

 

Reading this whole thread, I still have no idea what you you were hoping to find/learn/gain from your posts here?

 

I'm afraid you won't get an answer to that. I already asked.

 

Agreed. It seems like he's only here to brag and to torment BSs.

 

I agree. Maybe a mod can simply close the thread?

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

and say that there are plenty males who deep down are applauding him for being honest with his feelings (and not towards his wife) and doing what he needed to be happy.

 

Does his wife like sex? We know she was not "exciting" in bed or enjoying it too much. Maybe she found it a chore. We don't know the communications or the issues the two had and how much did revolve around sex. Is he a serial cheater or narcissist? We don't know. He started cheating only a short while ago and has been honest with the people he cheats with.

 

Has he taken time away from his wife and 5 children to partake in his dalliances? Some obviously, but a whole lot? I say this as someone who likes to golf, but stopped for the most part for 10-12 years when the kids were young as I didn't have 6-8 hours to be out and away playing a game I do love. Have I said no to dinner invites, going to sporting events or the movies for my family? Yes I have, but many others do not and that is no different in terms of time as going off and having sex with your mistress.

 

His wife too may have been distant or absent spending times in groups, with friends, enjoying hobbies too.

 

Heck reading these sites, there are plenty of LD women who would be thrilled that their spouse isn't pressuring them after years and years of begging and discussions back and forth, but conversely livid if the reason they are not bothered is because the need is met elsewhere.

 

Please no arguments about STD's......

 

As for 2Sure, we who've read her story knows she was up for almost anything and was very much into a loving relationship with someone who turned out to be a serial cheater & narcissist.

 

I don't condone what the OP has done, but until I know more of the story i am not painting him with the same brush.

Edited by Toodamnpragmatic
Posted
and say that there are plenty males who deep down are applauding him for being honest with his feelings (and not towards his wife) and doing what he needed to be happy.

 

Does his wife like sex? We know she was not "exciting" in bed or enjoying it too much. Maybe she found it a chore. We don't know the communications or the issues the two had and how much did revolve around sex. Is he a serial cheater or narcissist? We don't know. He started cheating only a short while ago and has been honest with the people he cheats with.

 

Has he taken time away from his wife and 5 children to partake in his dalliances? Some obviously, but a whole lot? I say this as someone who likes to golf, but stopped for the most part for 10-12 years when the kids were young as I didn't have 6-8 hours to be out and away playing a game I do love. Have I said no to dinner invites, going to sporting events or the movies for my family? Yes I have, but many others do not and that is no different in terms of time as going off and having sex with your mistress.

 

His wife too may have been distant or absent spending times in groups, with friends, enjoying hobbies too.

 

Heck reading these sites, there are plenty of LD women who would be thrilled that their spouse isn't pressuring them after years and years of begging and discussions back and forth, but conversely livid if the reason they are not bothered is because the need is met elsewhere.

 

Please no arguments about STD's......

 

As for 2Sure, we who've read her story knows she was up for almost anything and was very much into a loving relationship with someone who turned out to be a serial cheater & narcissist.

 

I don't condone what the OP has done, but until I know more of the story i am not painting him with the same brush.

 

He already said he's worried about all of them finding out..so we know that none of the OW are aware of each other.

Posted
omg! I have just now read this whole thread.:eek:

 

Morgoth since you have wanted to be single/independent for many years, why wait?:confused: Everyone in your family(especially your wife) will be fine if you leave now. The court system will not let you deprive them of their fair share of support.

 

For the person that said all states are no-fault, that is not entirely correct!

There are still 13 states here in the us that are both fault and no-fault!:)

 

my grown d just got a divorce based on both adultery and fraud! Her xh had 2 ow for 4 years. He spent lots of marital funds on both.(hidden loans, hidden credit cards, and stealing from d's personal accounts) i'm glad he got what was coming to him!:bunny:

 

Thank you!

  • Like 1
Posted
...and say that there are plenty males who deep down are applauding him for being honest with his feelings (and not towards his wife) and doing what he needed to be happy.

 

I doubt it. Not on this site. The folks here have all been burned by someone participating in similar actions.

 

Sure, he might have a fan base if/when he were to post on other forums where the target audience hasn't been through this...but here?

 

Which begs the question of why he posted his story here...and what "support" he was hoping to find?

  • Like 2
Posted (edited)

I would never in a million years go out with a (single) man who had treated his wife so terribly. I'm sorry but it just makes me sick.

Edited by Dragonfruit
  • Like 2
Posted

When I view this forum, I see this:

 

Infidelity - In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

 

The OP is sharing his experiences. They're valid. Perhaps they may rub some people in an annoying way, but that's life. People voice their concerns. The discussion ensues. Perhaps the OP can gain some insight from the sharing and the concern. That means the forum has served its purpose. In my life experience, there have been a lot of 'OP's' out there in the real world, both in the public eye and private individuals whose actions are known only to a few. His experience isn't outlier. Statistics and anecdotes support that. I may not agree with his choices, but that disagreement doesn't invalidate them nor give me the privilege to berate him for them in this forum, since that is disallowed.

 

OP, my take is you'll be around 60, have your slush fund set up, the kids will be adults and your wife will be taken care of when you 'plan' to divorce. Meanwhile, she's free to make any choice which is her best interest. She could file for divorce tomorrow and throw your whole plan off. It happens. She may have a whole separate life you know nothing about when you're out on the road. My perspective is, if it works for you and her, it works. If and when it doesn't, then deal with that. Personally, IMO, and I'm around your age, life is short. If you have wanderlust, own that, become single and enjoy every and any woman who crosses your path. Millions of people do it. Planned right, the financial downside risk is minimal. You'll work it out. Good luck.

  • Like 1
Posted
When I view this forum, I see this:

 

Infidelity - In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

 

The OP is sharing his experiences. They're valid.

 

There is a difference between sharing an experience and glorifying to a group of people who mainly come here because they have been hurt by such actions.

 

This is why there should be a BS/betrayed forum.

 

 

Perhaps the OP can gain some insight from the sharing and the concern.

 

He doesn't have a concern and isn't interested in any insight. Isn't that obvious from his post and replies?

Posted

I don't presume to make those assumptions for him. I offer insight and lessons learned from my own experiences. That's the purpose of these forums. Interesting how it gets quiet when the voice of reason shows up, eh?

Posted
I don't presume to make those assumptions for him. I offer insight and lessons learned from my own experiences. That's the purpose of these forums. Interesting how it gets quiet when the voice of reason shows up, eh?

 

No, I think most people have either just already made their statement or are asleep.

  • Like 4
Posted
I don't presume to make those assumptions for him. I offer insight and lessons learned from my own experiences. That's the purpose of these forums. Interesting how it gets quiet when the voice of reason shows up, eh?

 

My goodness..awfully arrogant aren't you? Some of us have lives outside of this forum.

  • Author
Posted
Can you expand upon this? I am trying to understand what kind of partner(s) you see yourself as - and with. What kind of relationship(s) do you see when your old?

 

I am sensing that what you wish to be is an "independent man" - that is living arrangements, financially, and emotionally... with only casual relationships with females to provide "the pleasure of their company"

 

Believe me I get the desire for fun and variety of sex....but with all these women - Wife, GF, FWB's.... I don't hear anything about love or emotional intimacy or connection or closeness with any of them. Just kind of a casual connection, no need to be loved or to love?

 

I would say my GF is more of a lover, my FWB are casual, but there is some chemistry there or they wouldn't be involved with me. When the marriage is over I would say I can find partner to live with in that stage of life. It was more a response to someone who said I will grow old lonely and isolated. Sorry, that is not my real life experience so far.

  • Author
Posted
And I'm sure she has her suspicions. I've raised our three kids while my husband has basically done his own thing for nearly 30 years. I'm not the type that follows people around - who has time for that - and like to believe that most people are basically decent. However, by pure happenstance a few years ago, I drove past a bar, saw my husband's vehicle, went in and saw him sitting there with a woman not much older than our oldest child. I won't bore people with the details except to say he claims she was only a friend. I know, ha ha. I was and am infuriated, but the whole thing has been strangely liberating as well and validated the suspicions I had.

 

Not long after that incident, we went on a preplanned ski trip with the kids. He has been skiing often over the years while I was home with the kids; I am in my mid-forties and had gone skiing once at age 19. The conditions were terrible, and coming off the ski lift I slipped and cracked my head on ice. I was okay, got up and shook it off. Later I overheard one of the kids remark that it looked like it hurt. He immediately launched into a diatribe about me being out of shape, disinterested in skiing, etc. Later, out of hearing of the kids, I told him what I thought - for all these years he never gave a damn whether I ski or not; now in my mid-forties I'm supposed to jump on skis and be an expert because it's convenient for him to have me there with the kids. This is a small example of his self-centeredness.

 

So often people don't pay attention to the damage they're causing until it's too late. There have been many other incidents in my long marriage, and my husband will have to literally live with himself. I have no illusions that I won't be gone two weeks before he'll have a woman living with him. Any man who thinks his wife is blind to what's going on is not facing reality himself.

 

Sorry to hear that. We don't talk a lot about it and she has never asked me much about it. Of course I am gone more or less 50 % of the week. I am sure that has contributed to my situation.

  • Author
Posted
A man who cares about his wife and family would NOT be carrying on affairs with other women.

 

You are using for wife while you go out and sleep with others.

 

None of your rationalizations will convince me that you care about anyone but yourself.

 

I do care about my kids and family. I don't see how my external relationships would affect my kids. After many fights my oldest son asks me why we are still together.

  • Author
Posted
hmmm...

very much depends on where you work. My husband had an affair with a co worker, and he got a reprimand, lost out o a promotion he was due and was given a very poor evaluation for that year. It could have been worse...he could have been discharged or even put in prison ( rare, but it does happen where he works...I personally know of one situation where it did)

 

My boss is married, and has had a woman or 2 on the side for as long as I have known him. The work is kind of stressful and time consuming, I think in my field it is quite common. So, doubtful he would be overly concerned unless productivity was impacted.

  • Author
Posted
I'm sure she didn't get 100%. But most men think they are getting a raw deal when 50% is taken. Sorry, half of marital money and assets belongs to the other spouse.

 

And one can get fired for infidelity if both people work with each other and it involves a superior/subordinate relationship. i.e. manager and one of his/her employees, or manager and another subordinate.

 

I was told not to ever dip the pen in company ink. Not to mention sexual harassment, etc. I do not work with my partners.

  • Author
Posted
I told you earlier we lived in New York, I said I got most not all of his assets.

And he doesn't have an employer . I am not the director of the CIA.

 

His infidelity never came up in court, why would it? He tried to hide assets, I found them, and the court was insulted by his maneuvers enough to look favorably upon my requests. I was awarded more than most because I made sure we went to trial. It's anyone's option.

 

Glad you got what you wanted. You sound very charming.

  • Author
Posted
I'm afraid you won't get an answer to that. I already asked.

 

 

 

I agree. Maybe a mod can simply close the thread?

 

I thought I addressed this, so I will try and be more articulate. It is very stressful maintaining it all. I have no outlet, no one I can talk to really, about the whole thing, until I stumbled across this site. I really didn't plan on ending up in this situation,it kind of evolved into what it is today. I am not here to torment anyone, I thought this was a place to discuss infidelity.

  • Author
Posted
and say that there are plenty males who deep down are applauding him for being honest with his feelings (and not towards his wife) and doing what he needed to be happy.

 

Does his wife like sex? We know she was not "exciting" in bed or enjoying it too much. Maybe she found it a chore. We don't know the communications or the issues the two had and how much did revolve around sex. Is he a serial cheater or narcissist? We don't know. He started cheating only a short while ago and has been honest with the people he cheats with.

 

Has he taken time away from his wife and 5 children to partake in his dalliances? Some obviously, but a whole lot? I say this as someone who likes to golf, but stopped for the most part for 10-12 years when the kids were young as I didn't have 6-8 hours to be out and away playing a game I do love. Have I said no to dinner invites, going to sporting events or the movies for my family? Yes I have, but many others do not and that is no different in terms of time as going off and having sex with your mistress.

 

His wife too may have been distant or absent spending times in groups, with friends, enjoying hobbies too.

 

Heck reading these sites, there are plenty of LD women who would be thrilled that their spouse isn't pressuring them after years and years of begging and discussions back and forth, but conversely livid if the reason they are not bothered is because the need is met elsewhere.

 

Please no arguments about STD's......

 

As for 2Sure, we who've read her story knows she was up for almost anything and was very much into a loving relationship with someone who turned out to be a serial cheater & narcissist.

 

I don't condone what the OP has done, but until I know more of the story i am not painting him with the same brush.

 

 

All of my time away from home is business oriented. So, I mix business and pleasure and am very productive. When I am not on the road and not working I spend time with my kids, well as much as they want, mow the yard, all the normal stuff. The hardest thing is keeping up with all of them and meeting their needs, but I stay in excellent shape.

  • Author
Posted
I would never in a million years go out with a (single) man who had treated his wife so terribly. I'm sorry but it just makes me sick.

 

I have the same feeling at times about myself. Considering going to a therapist to see why it is driving it all.

Posted

Hello Morgoth -

 

I think that seeing a therapist would be a good idea as you seem to not be at peace with where you are right now in your life. I don't get the feeling from your posts that you are "a-okay" with the situations that you have created - although I do see your reasons for doing so. In this society (and on these boards at times) there is a LOT of judgment - take that with a grain of salt as you are hearing from some very hurt and angry individuals at times (IRL and maybe even here).

 

I think that therapy could help you a great deal with processing your emotions - and some of the frustrations that you are talking about. I don't know what culture you are from, but many of our cultures place these demands on us that once you are married, that's it - it's forever. Realistically, we all know that this just isn't the case in MANY situations. People change - we live so much longer now than when that idea was put into place. We also don't live in a Puritan society anymore, as we did when those guidelines were put in action.

 

You have to make the decisions that are best for you and your children. Your wife is a grown up and has to make her own decisions. Ideally, you would discuss this with her so that there was no dishonesty - but I understand your very human need to protect yourself (we all have that selfishness, it's called survival instinct). Your children's welfare is important, but it also sounds like they are grown ups too - and sometimes, life is tough and they can handle it if you have given them the tools they need to make it through life. Also, as they get older, and have their own relationships, they will be able to better understand your own choices in your relationships.

 

I say, definitely do the counseling - it's not going to hurt anything for sure. It may even help you develop some strength to do what you need to do (and I think in your heart of hearts, you know what that is regarding your dead marriage). If not that, at least it will help you understand yourself better, maybe have a better grasp regarding your emotions and hopefully learn some self-care techniques. If your wife is unhappy, she can seek counseling for herself too - she has just as much right to leave the relationship as you do if she so chooses due to unhappiness (I think you said she was also experiencing that in the relationship?).

 

It's not easy to commit to something only to later find out that it is wrong for you - and to feel stuck there - especially with a partner that you now have no interest in continuing with. But, it happens every single day. I believe that we all do the best we can with what we have - and I think that right now, you really are doing the best that you are capable of at this moment - in time, you will be able to do more I think as you come to terms with exactly where you are and why.

 

Good luck with it - it's not an easy place to be, for sure. And just as an aside - this is exactly why I disagree with marriage. If I want to leave a relationship, for whatever reason, I should not have to hand over half (or more) of my life to the other person. It's a "leave at will" situation imo, bc when we place legal restrictions on it, we force people to remain in unhealthy situations for fear of other issues - and I have no patience for that. Imo, there is no room in a voluntary relationship for legality - it causes far more problems than it solves.

Posted

morgoth;

I one day hope you are treated in the same manner of which you bestow.

 

Do you believe you are a man of honor?

  • Like 4
  • Author
Posted
Hello Morgoth -

 

I think that seeing a therapist would be a good idea as you seem to not be at peace with where you are right now in your life. I don't get the feeling from your posts that you are "a-okay" with the situations that you have created - although I do see your reasons for doing so. In this society (and on these boards at times) there is a LOT of judgment - take that with a grain of salt as you are hearing from some very hurt and angry individuals at times (IRL and maybe even here).

 

I think that therapy could help you a great deal with processing your emotions - and some of the frustrations that you are talking about. I don't know what culture you are from, but many of our cultures place these demands on us that once you are married, that's it - it's forever. Realistically, we all know that this just isn't the case in MANY situations. People change - we live so much longer now than when that idea was put into place. We also don't live in a Puritan society anymore, as we did when those guidelines were put in action.

 

You have to make the decisions that are best for you and your children. Your wife is a grown up and has to make her own decisions. Ideally, you would discuss this with her so that there was no dishonesty - but I understand your very human need to protect yourself (we all have that selfishness, it's called survival instinct). Your children's welfare is important, but it also sounds like they are grown ups too - and sometimes, life is tough and they can handle it if you have given them the tools they need to make it through life. Also, as they get older, and have their own relationships, they will be able to better understand your own choices in your relationships.

 

I say, definitely do the counseling - it's not going to hurt anything for sure. It may even help you develop some strength to do what you need to do (and I think in your heart of hearts, you know what that is regarding your dead marriage). If not that, at least it will help you understand yourself better, maybe have a better grasp regarding your emotions and hopefully learn some self-care techniques. If your wife is unhappy, she can seek counseling for herself too - she has just as much right to leave the relationship as you do if she so chooses due to unhappiness (I think you said she was also experiencing that in the relationship?).

 

It's not easy to commit to something only to later find out that it is wrong for you - and to feel stuck there - especially with a partner that you now have no interest in continuing with. But, it happens every single day. I believe that we all do the best we can with what we have - and I think that right now, you really are doing the best that you are capable of at this moment - in time, you will be able to do more I think as you come to terms with exactly where you are and why.

 

Good luck with it - it's not an easy place to be, for sure. And just as an aside - this is exactly why I disagree with marriage. If I want to leave a relationship, for whatever reason, I should not have to hand over half (or more) of my life to the other person. It's a "leave at will" situation imo, bc when we place legal restrictions on it, we force people to remain in unhealthy situations for fear of other issues - and I have no patience for that. Imo, there is no room in a voluntary relationship for legality - it causes far more problems than it solves.

 

What you wrote really resonates with me. Thanks for taking the time to write it.

  • Author
Posted
morgoth;

I one day hope you are treated in the same manner of which you bestow.

 

Do you believe you are a man of honor?

 

You mean my wife having an affair? She may be for all I know. Not sure what a man of honor is exactly. I would say I am a normal person with the exception of my interpersonal relationships in the context of my marriage. I have fudged a bit on taxes, but who hasn't? If I was a Christian I might say to you, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. But I am not.

Posted

Why did you choose this site and not a site for cheaters like yourself who will support each other? What advice are you looking for here?

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