nofool4u Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) I hope the next 4 ½ years goes by quick. I am starting to plan the end by getting the finances in order and make sure that I have resources when it’s over. I feel some guilt, but no remorse. I am not happy with my behaviors and have days that drive me crazy trying to keep up with it all, some days I want to just stop it all, but I can’t, because the sex with them all is phenomenal, it even makes me desire my wife more than I did before it all started. I found this site and just needed to let it out as the stress is unbearable at times. And what are you hoping to hear in a part of the site where most of us have been or are on your wife's end of the infidelity fence? So basically you are going to waste 4 more of your wife's years before getting what YOU want? But really, what is it you want us to say to you, or what is your question to all of us that have been betrayed? Edited March 4, 2013 by nofool4u 3
standtall Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Which States Have No Fault Divorce? | LIVESTRONG.COM An Overview of No Fault and Fault Divorce Law - FindLaw I'm not looking to get into an argument about this issue, because I know there are legal grey areas for no fault and fault divorce depending on the state. Thanks. There is no point in trying to talk sense into someone who doesn't care about the people around him. LS members can appeal to the OP all we want; it is not going to change his self-centred and dishonest outlook on life. I believe that nobody gets away with treating others badly for very long. Sooner or later, people get what they deserve when they are callous and horrible to others. I see it happen all the time. My uncle has SIXTEEN children and ELEVEN mothers for those kids. He rarely sees any of them and doesn't pay child support. My uncle was like a dog in heat for years and now he is a sad old man who has burned his bridges with all the women he hurt. He lives hand to mouth while so many of his kids' mothers have moved on to better men. New York was the last state to allow no fault divorce..unilaterally in 2010. You can believe what you want to believe, but the bottom line is in the US, divorce courts do not care who cheats. So many people here argue with emotions and not facts. 1
2sure Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Not for nothing...my XH was a serial cheater. We weren't married as LOng as you, had no children together, and also resided in NYS. I took most of what he had and all that he had hidden. He did really try though. Gotta give him that . 4
Furious Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Not for nothing...my XH was a serial cheater. We weren't married as LOng as you, had no children together, and also resided in NYS. I took most of what he had and all that he had hidden. He did really try though. Gotta give him that . Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!!! 2
Author Morgoth Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 She doesn't have anything to complain about because she doesn't know the truth. You've got plan A and plan B all sorted and she doesn't have any idea there's anything going on. You're kidding yourself that everything in her world is all rosey and wonderful. You're keeping her where she is, where you want her, for 4 and a half years and then you're going to rip the rug out from under her. Your are correct on one thing she does not know about the others. We have had a 3 near divorce episodes, so I am not sure she would call it rosey and wonderful, more like tense and stressful with some good days mixed in here and there. As far as I know she may be counting the days as well.
Author Morgoth Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!!! You are correct, just not sure which ones may end up being scorned. I have thought about what might happen if they all figured it out, not a pretty picture.
Author Morgoth Posted March 5, 2013 Author Posted March 5, 2013 Not for nothing...my XH was a serial cheater. We weren't married as LOng as you, had no children together, and also resided in NYS. I took most of what he had and all that he had hidden. He did really try though. Gotta give him that . Nice, so you wanted him broke, destitute, maybe fired and homeless? 2
2sure Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 Nice, so you wanted him broke, destitute, maybe fired and homeless? Absolutely, his money and career were very important to him. Our marriage was very important to me. He threw away what was important to me. I took what was important to him. 12
stillafool Posted March 5, 2013 Posted March 5, 2013 I am venting it here becaue I know it's wrong on many levels, and I have no outlet to talk to anyone about it. Yes "we" raised the children together and we have nothing in common anymore. Sex is uninteresting, but since I have more options it made it slightly more interesting. We have sex on a regular basis. I travel for work and have for many years. The addition of the other partners is not even noticeable, so it's just another day to her. I don't feel that the timing is right for a divorce yet. And even when that time comes my other activities will not surface. Well there are sites for cheaters like you who want to remain in affairs. Your wife is middle aged and may want some fun and excitement as well. Why don't you tell her what you are doing so she can have an affair to spice up her life as well. 4
BetrayedH Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 You've once before mentioned the possibility of coming clean with your wife and recommitting to your marriage. You seemed fearful of her throwing in the towel once she knew of your infidelity. May I ask, where are you on that concept today? 1
dichotomy Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 (edited) I doubt I will grow old alone, there are an infinite number of women looking for partners at all ages. Some just aren't as hung up about marital status. Can you expand upon this? I am trying to understand what kind of partner(s) you see yourself as - and with. What kind of relationship(s) do you see when your old? I am sensing that what you wish to be is an "independent man" - that is living arrangements, financially, and emotionally... with only casual relationships with females to provide "the pleasure of their company" Believe me I get the desire for fun and variety of sex....but with all these women - Wife, GF, FWB's.... I don't hear anything about love or emotional intimacy or connection or closeness with any of them. Just kind of a casual connection, no need to be loved or to love? Edited March 6, 2013 by dichotomy 1
carhill Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 You are making a large leap to say I don't care. I care about everyone, I do admit to being slefish however. Just find myself in middle age and wanting to experience life a little. And we when the divorce comes we will both have resources and I doubt I will grow old alone, there are an infinite number of women looking for partners at all ages. Some just aren't as hung up about marital status. OP, you apparently admit to feeling 'stress' about this dynamic and coming to this forum to 'vent'. Have you identified the source of your stress? If so, can you clarify that? If you can clarify, what is your near-term plan for resolving it? Relevant to growing old alone, being most of the way there and now living alone, I can see your perspective as one potential path. I'm routinely amazed by how many women in my generation are indeed very casual about both their and my (back when I was married) marital status. It appears there is a subset which tend to 'live in the moment' and enjoy those moments and then move on to the next moment and perhaps the next person. That used to seem 'shallow' and 'disengaged' to me but it's become so commonplace, especially the 'live in the moment' and blurred boundaries, that I'm beginning to rethink my own perspective as the one being outlier. I'm comfortable with that now and mention such perspectives as an observer rather than as a prior participant. Each of us has our own path. I hope you can resolve yours and walk it with authority and without stress or the desire to vent about it. Own it, walk it and enjoy your brief appearance on the planet. Good luck.
nofool4u Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 absolutely, his money and career were very important to him. Our marriage was very important to me. He threw away what was important to me. I took what was important to him. i like it!!!! 2
Mr. Lucky Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I don't feel that the timing is right for a divorce yet. Having seen this thought or similar posted by many WS here, I'm always struck by the same contradiction. How can your marriage be so lacking it compels you to stray but so rewarding it makes you stay? How can your financial status be such that it needs time to collect resources but be sufficient that you'd risk the hit of being divorced now if found out? How can your relationship with your kids be weak enough that you want to protect them from this but be strong enough that you'd risk their judgement if discovered? In short, how does one set of life circumstances serve two such contradictory roles ??? Mr. Lucky 5
nofool4u Posted March 6, 2013 Posted March 6, 2013 I don't even know why people are still responding to this "man" 2
Nyla Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 You are making a large leap to say I don't care. I care about everyone, I do admit to being slefish however. Just find myself in middle age and wanting to experience life a little. And we when the divorce comes we will both have resources and I doubt I will grow old alone, there are an infinite number of women looking for partners at all ages. Some just aren't as hung up about marital status. A man who cares about his wife and family would NOT be carrying on affairs with other women. You are using for wife while you go out and sleep with others. None of your rationalizations will convince me that you care about anyone but yourself. 6
Author Morgoth Posted March 7, 2013 Author Posted March 7, 2013 Absolutely, his money and career were very important to him. Our marriage was very important to me. He threw away what was important to me. I took what was important to him. Do you live in the US? I am pretty sure one spouse doesn't get 100% of the assets or that employers fire people for having an affair unless you are like the director of the CIA, which he resigned and didn't get fired.
Finally Settled Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Morgoth, I believe you're making me look like a choirboy.
Boohooey Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 And I'm sure she has her suspicions. I've raised our three kids while my husband has basically done his own thing for nearly 30 years. I'm not the type that follows people around - who has time for that - and like to believe that most people are basically decent. However, by pure happenstance a few years ago, I drove past a bar, saw my husband's vehicle, went in and saw him sitting there with a woman not much older than our oldest child. I won't bore people with the details except to say he claims she was only a friend. I know, ha ha. I was and am infuriated, but the whole thing has been strangely liberating as well and validated the suspicions I had. Not long after that incident, we went on a preplanned ski trip with the kids. He has been skiing often over the years while I was home with the kids; I am in my mid-forties and had gone skiing once at age 19. The conditions were terrible, and coming off the ski lift I slipped and cracked my head on ice. I was okay, got up and shook it off. Later I overheard one of the kids remark that it looked like it hurt. He immediately launched into a diatribe about me being out of shape, disinterested in skiing, etc. Later, out of hearing of the kids, I told him what I thought - for all these years he never gave a damn whether I ski or not; now in my mid-forties I'm supposed to jump on skis and be an expert because it's convenient for him to have me there with the kids. This is a small example of his self-centeredness. So often people don't pay attention to the damage they're causing until it's too late. There have been many other incidents in my long marriage, and my husband will have to literally live with himself. I have no illusions that I won't be gone two weeks before he'll have a woman living with him. Any man who thinks his wife is blind to what's going on is not facing reality himself. 5
beenburned Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 OMG! I have just now read this whole thread. Morgoth since you have wanted to be single/independent for many years, why wait? Everyone in your family(especially your wife) will be fine if you leave now. The court system will not let you deprive them of their fair share of support. For the person that said all states are no-fault, that is NOT entirely correct! There are still 13 states here in the US that are BOTH fault and no-fault! My grown D just got a divorce based on both adultery and fraud! Her XH had 2 OW for 4 years. He spent lots of marital funds on both.(hidden loans, hidden credit cards, and stealing from D's personal accounts) I'm glad he got what was coming to him! 4
nofool4u Posted March 7, 2013 Posted March 7, 2013 Do you live in the US? I am pretty sure one spouse doesn't get 100% of the assets or that employers fire people for having an affair unless you are like the director of the CIA, which he resigned and didn't get fired. I'm sure she didn't get 100%. But most men think they are getting a raw deal when 50% is taken. Sorry, half of marital money and assets belongs to the other spouse. And one can get fired for infidelity if both people work with each other and it involves a superior/subordinate relationship. i.e. manager and one of his/her employees, or manager and another subordinate. 2
2sure Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Do you live in the US? I am pretty sure one spouse doesn't get 100% of the assets or that employers fire people for having an affair unless you are like the director of the CIA, which he resigned and didn't get fired. I told you earlier we lived in New York, I said I got most not all of his assets. And he doesn't have an employer . I am not the director of the CIA. His infidelity never came up in court, why would it? He tried to hide assets, I found them, and the court was insulted by his maneuvers enough to look favorably upon my requests. I was awarded more than most because I made sure we went to trial. It's anyone's option. 3
nofool4u Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 I told you earlier we lived in New York, I said I got most not all of his assets. And he doesn't have an employer . I am not the director of the CIA. His infidelity never came up in court, why would it? He tried to hide assets, I found them, and the court was insulted by his maneuvers enough to look favorably upon my requests. And you probably got more than half the marital assets in case there was more he was trying to hide that you might not have found. Good for you. He deserves to have him hit where it hurts.
Owl Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Morgoth...what "support" are you looking for here on LS? What question do you want answered, or issue you want help addressing? Reading this whole thread, I still have no idea what you you were hoping to find/learn/gain from your posts here? 2
ThatJustHappened Posted March 8, 2013 Posted March 8, 2013 Morgoth...what "support" are you looking for here on LS? What question do you want answered, or issue you want help addressing? Reading this whole thread, I still have no idea what you you were hoping to find/learn/gain from your posts here? Agreed. It seems like he's only here to brag and to torment BSs.
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