Morgoth Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) I am a married man having an affair which has been going on for 4 years. I have a relationship with one woman who I love intensely, but have no desire to marry or even co-habitat with, and I have 2 other women that are mostly sex partners or FWB. All of them are single and I envy their freedom. I have never lied to any of them about my marital status. Of course none of them know about each other, we never discuss it and they never ask. My wife is a sweet, kind woman, but completely lacking in sex, common interests and pretty much anything except going to dinner and movies. We are like oil and vinegar and a lot of time like gasoline and matches, we have been married 26 years. We still have sex when she wants it, exactly the way she has always wanted it. We have 5 children; the last one is heading to college next year. I would say that the marriage was over the day the affair started. I am thinking that when I get the last one through college I will sit the wife down and hopefully end it amicably and try and stay friendly. I hope the next 4 ½ years goes by quick. I am starting to plan the end by getting the finances in order and make sure that I have resources when it’s over. I feel some guilt, but no remorse. I am not happy with my behaviors and have days that drive me crazy trying to keep up with it all, some days I want to just stop it all, but I can’t, because the sex with them all is phenomenal, it even makes me desire my wife more than I did before it all started. I found this site and just needed to let it out as the stress is unbearable at times. Edited March 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Formatting and paragraphs
JourneyLady Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Meanwhile your poor wife gets older and will have a harder time finding a suitable life partner. While you're all set, since you seem to have enough income to support other relationships. Nice. Keep her on the hook long enough to let her go when she's facing middle and old age. I can't believe how many men (and some women) justify this in the name of "doing it for the children". Oh an in the meantime, pass her an std like the others said, just to make sure she is less eligible for a remarriage with someone honest. 12
BetrayedH Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Like the others, I feel for your wife. She's invested 26 years in this relationship and had 5 children with you likely in hopes of having you as the one person she will grow old with. Now you've signed her up for another 4.5 years. Doesn't she have a right to make an informed decision about how she wants to spend her remaining years? She only gets one life to live and you will have wasted her best 30 years of it. She could have spent them on someone that would hae remained faithful. Why not let her go? It's going to take her years to recover from this. Why not let her start now? The only reasons not to do it are selfish ones; haven't you been selfish enough already? 9
waterwoman Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Why the hell did you marry her if she is so trivial and shallow and you are incompatible? I can't believe you are being so coldly calculating 4
Journee Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Do you want a pat on the back? You seem awful proud that you were able to deceive several women at a time. You are just stressed about how chaotic juggling all of your OW can be. Hopefully your wife has her own plan devised also. You may end up with something that Ajax won't take off. Your wife ,a new lease on life. At least protect yourself and your wife from disease. If you think you are all of your side chick's one and only , you will be in for a rude awakening. 4
William Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 This is an early reminder to be civil and respectful when disagreeing with a fellow poster's choices and perspectives, if choosing to post opinions. Thanks. 4
ComingInHot Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) Are you the "man" you want to be as viewed yourself, your family, your peers, yourself When you look in the mirror? Edited March 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Relevancy 4
dichotomy Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) man you are asking for it here aren't you? Take this as both pure criticism and also constructive criticism - Do you have anything or anyone that means anything to you - other than yourself and having phenomenal sex (not that great sex isn't something). You care not for your wife, nor your many partners - nor it sounds do they care much for you? Ok - I get it - what you say about your wife and your marriage - and you want out - but what truly awaits you after the divorce? Love? Respect? admiration as a man, freedom to .,,,,.???? If it all comes out - the multiple casual affairs - how will your kids think of you? What will you tell them - or what example do you set for them? Edited March 2, 2013 by dichotomy 3
stillafool Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I'm really curious as to why you chose this forum to vent your infidelity and not a cheater forum for others like yourself. Why wait another 4.5 years to divorce your poor wife? Do it now. The kids will understand. 3
Nyla Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 You sound like you suffer from sexual addiction and narcissism. Think about seeing a therapist. If you are leaving your wife, you may want to think about leaving her with resources as well and not just yourself. Remember that divorce courts don't look kindly on infidelity. 4
BetrayedH Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) Remember that divorce courts don't look kindly on infidelity. Actually, few judges care about infidelity anymore. Welcome to the world of the no-fault divorce. What they would care about is hiding assets (huge no-no). Don't screw your wife over by taking more than your share of the assets after doing all this to her. Good grief. As for the kids, there's nothing to show that waiting longer (til they are older) helps them adjust any better. In fact, research indicates that younger children adapt more readily than older children. Thus, it never makes sense to wait longer if you're doing it "for the kids." In fact, adult children tend to harbor more resentment for a longer time. Just grow a pair and release your wife. There's no excuse for keeping her trapped in a marriage when you're out playing single. Besides, this is hardly working for you as you have admitted. What is the point in keeping up this charade? Edited March 2, 2013 by BetrayedH 6
Nyla Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Actually, few judges care about infidelity anymore. Welcome to the world of the no-fault divorce. What they would care about is hiding assets (huge no-no). Don't screw your wife over by taking more than your share of the assets after doing all this to her. Good grief. As for the kids, there's nothing to show that waiting longer (til they are older) helps them adjust any better. In fact, research indicates that younger children adapt more readily than older children. Thus, it never makes sense to wait longer if you're doing it "for the kids." In fact, adult children tend to harbor more resentment for a longer time. Just grow a pair and release your wife. There's no excuse for keeping her trapped in a marriage when you're out playing single. Besides, this is hardly working for you as you have admitted. What is the point in keeping up this charade? It depends on whether or not a state is a no fault divorce one. I agree with adult children harbouring resentment. My father and I are close, but when he has tried to question my sexual morals in the past, I would verbally assault him. Parents who cheat don't have a leg to stand on when talking about morals to their adult children. It is like a drug addicted mother trying to lecture her son about the evils of smoking weed. We all know what the point of keeping up the charade is....the OP wants to have his cake and eat it too. He clearly only cares about himself. 3
Author Morgoth Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 I am thinking maybe about seeing a therapist, not sure what good it will do. Sex addiction, not sure. People addiction maybe. I practice safe sex with my FWB partners, the longer term realtionship with my GF and wife is all natural. I do not worry about STD's with either of them. I think getting my youngest through college would be the best and see what happens then, maybe it will all be out of my system by then. I am not interested in getting divorced anytime soon. My wife is happy today, she doesn't have anything to complain about, I mean I take care of her needs. When if/we get divorced, I will agree to a mostly equitable split, though she hasn't contributed much to building it.
standtall Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 (edited) It depends on whether or not a state is a no fault divorce one. All 50 states are no fault. End of story. Edited March 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Oberfeldwebel Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I am a little confused on this thread. You say you have been having sex with multiple women for an extended period of time and you felt the need to vent. What are you venting? Next you complain that she has added little to this home. A woman that raised 5 children while you were out chasing other women added little to the home. I see nothing that you added to the home except money. While I don't mean to belittle the financial support necessary to a home, there is a heck of a lot more to a home than money. Additional you complain she is not fun and only wants to go movies and dinner. It seems she may be a little tired raising children to go drinking and dancing all night long. What have you done to try to do things that she might like to do together. I would be very surprised if she doesn't know that something is up. This would obviously cause her not to want to be intimate with you. I don't know this woman, so there may be more to the story than you have shared, but with just the information here, I'm not sure what you are venting about. It would seem more appropriate for your wife to share her story on this forum. Still I would recommend that you go ahead and confess your infidelity and complete the divorce. Your wife has raised your five children, I think that should stand for something. Please give her the courtesy of being honest with her and terminate the relationship. 2
Bittersweetie Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 When if/we get divorced, I will agree to a mostly equitable split, though she hasn't contributed much to building it. So your wife may not have contributed much financially for the past 26 years, but are you implying she has not contributed anything at all? Did she bear your five children? Take care of them? Feed them? Clothe them? Comfort them when they were sick? Drive them around? Did she ever do something around the house to make you and your children happier, more comfortable? Obviously you're so generous that you'll "take care of her needs," but I have a hard time believing she hasn't contributed anything at all to your marriage in 26 years. 4
Nyla Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 (edited) It depends on whether or not a state is a no fault divorce one. All 50 states are no fault. End of story. Which States Have No Fault Divorce? | LIVESTRONG.COM An Overview of No Fault and Fault Divorce Law - FindLaw I'm not looking to get into an argument about this issue, because I know there are legal grey areas for no fault and fault divorce depending on the state. Thanks. There is no point in trying to talk sense into someone who doesn't care about the people around him. LS members can appeal to the OP all we want; it is not going to change his self-centred and dishonest outlook on life. I believe that nobody gets away with treating others badly for very long. Sooner or later, people get what they deserve when they are callous and horrible to others. I see it happen all the time. My uncle has SIXTEEN children and ELEVEN mothers for those kids. He rarely sees any of them and doesn't pay child support. My uncle was like a dog in heat for years and now he is a sad old man who has burned his bridges with all the women he hurt. He lives hand to mouth while so many of his kids' mothers have moved on to better men. Edited March 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 3
BetrayedH Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 My point is that the OP likely has little to fear from the judicial system regarding a divorce unless he is trying to furthe screw over his wife. What I would love is an answer to my questions. 1
William Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 After some editing, I'll remind members to use the 'alert us' button to advise moderation of potential links to past banned members, or any other member. Discussion of and/or naming of such members on-forum shall cause those involved to be suspended for ten days. Now, back to the topic.
Author Morgoth Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 I am a little confused on this thread. You say you have been having sex with multiple women for an extended period of time and you felt the need to vent. What are you venting? Next you complain that she has added little to this home. A woman that raised 5 children while you were out chasing other women added little to the home. I see nothing that you added to the home except money. While I don't mean to belittle the financial support necessary to a home, there is a heck of a lot more to a home than money. Additional you complain she is not fun and only wants to go movies and dinner. It seems she may be a little tired raising children to go drinking and dancing all night long. What have you done to try to do things that she might like to do together. I would be very surprised if she doesn't know that something is up. This would obviously cause her not to want to be intimate with you. I don't know this woman, so there may be more to the story than you have shared, but with just the information here, I'm not sure what you are venting about. It would seem more appropriate for your wife to share her story on this forum. Still I would recommend that you go ahead and confess your infidelity and complete the divorce. Your wife has raised your five children, I think that should stand for something. Please give her the courtesy of being honest with her and terminate the relationship. I am venting it here becaue I know it's wrong on many levels, and I have no outlet to talk to anyone about it. Yes "we" raised the children together and we have nothing in common anymore. Sex is uninteresting, but since I have more options it made it slightly more interesting. We have sex on a regular basis. I travel for work and have for many years. The addition of the other partners is not even noticeable, so it's just another day to her. I don't feel that the timing is right for a divorce yet. And even when that time comes my other activities will not surface.
Author Morgoth Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Like the others, I feel for your wife. She's invested 26 years in this relationship and had 5 children with you likely in hopes of having you as the one person she will grow old with. Now you've signed her up for another 4.5 years. Doesn't she have a right to make an informed decision about how she wants to spend her remaining years? She only gets one life to live and you will have wasted her best 30 years of it. She could have spent them on someone that would hae remained faithful. Why not let her go? It's going to take her years to recover from this. Why not let her start now? The only reasons not to do it are selfish ones; haven't you been selfish enough already? Yes I admit to being selfish, but would also say that we all have one life to live. So should I have divorced her when our kids were little and dumped her on the street? No I stayed and took care of them and her. I would say I am preparing for an exit, just going to be a while.
Author Morgoth Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Which States Have No Fault Divorce? | LIVESTRONG.COM An Overview of No Fault and Fault Divorce Law - FindLaw I'm not looking to get into an argument about this issue, because I know there are legal grey areas for no fault and fault divorce depending on the state. Thanks. There is no point in trying to talk sense into someone who doesn't care about the people around him. LS members can appeal to the OP all we want; it is not going to change his self-centred and dishonest outlook on life. I believe that nobody gets away with treating others badly for very long. Sooner or later, people get what they deserve when they are callous and horrible to others. I see it happen all the time. My uncle has SIXTEEN children and ELEVEN mothers for those kids. He rarely sees any of them and doesn't pay child support. My uncle was like a dog in heat for years and now he is a sad old man who has burned his bridges with all the women he hurt. He lives hand to mouth while so many of his kids' mothers have moved on to better men. You are making a large leap to say I don't care. I care about everyone, I do admit to being slefish however. Just find myself in middle age and wanting to experience life a little. And we when the divorce comes we will both have resources and I doubt I will grow old alone, there are an infinite number of women looking for partners at all ages. Some just aren't as hung up about marital status.
Summer Breeze Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) I am thinking maybe about seeing a therapist, not sure what good it will do. Sex addiction, not sure. People addiction maybe. I practice safe sex with my FWB partners, the longer term realtionship with my GF and wife is all natural. I do not worry about STD's with either of them. I think getting my youngest through college would be the best and see what happens then, maybe it will all be out of my system by then. I am not interested in getting divorced anytime soon. My wife is happy today, she doesn't have anything to complain about, I mean I take care of her needs. When if/we get divorced, I will agree to a mostly equitable split, though she hasn't contributed much to building it. She doesn't have anything to complain about because she doesn't know the truth. You've got plan A and plan B all sorted and she doesn't have any idea there's anything going on. You're kidding yourself that everything in her world is all rosey and wonderful. You're keeping her where she is, where you want her, for 4 and a half years and then you're going to rip the rug out from under her. Edited March 4, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 8
SmokeRat Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 (edited) What is this......I don't even.... I strongly believe you feel no guilt at all, and get some kind of sick pleasure out of telling the interwebs your exploits. Good for you, sleeping with all those women. Wow, you have great sex, good for you. Rarely do I ever wish to see, or hear about violence, but when your wife finds out (and she will), well Hell Hath no Fury like a Woman Scorned. Edited March 4, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 4
CarboniteCammy Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Morgoth, huh? I'm re-reading the LOTR series, starting with the Hobbit and ending with the Simillarion. I can never spell that. lol. Morgoth is kind of the equivelant to Lucifer; a fallen angel of sorts. Is that how you see yourself? Basically, you're a slave to your own desires. What you want trumphs any kind of morality that you have. As long as your needs are met, nothing else matters and no one else matters. Do you think that you somehow deserve to be able to cheat on your wife? That you've earned it some how? 4
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