Regretting a lot

March 2, 2013

Darling.... honestly?

It's awful.

It sounds pathetic, and really, beneath your dignity to send it.

And you are at loggerheads with yourself, so mostly, it's a lie, because if he were to come back to you, after having seen it, and say "so, you don't want to try again?"

You'd go,

"Oh yes, YES! YESSSSS!!!"

Your head wrote one thing.

Your heart says quite the opposite.

Frankly, you don't mean a word of it.

It's not a closure letter, it's a letter you want to send to make sure you don't drop off his radar.

You want him to notice you.

You WANT him to want you back.

Don't send the letter, because all that will do is keep you praying for a reply.

And if he crushes you, you will just regress.

March 2, 2013

Darling.... honestly?

It's awful.

It sounds pathetic, and really, beneath your dignity to send it.

And you are at loggerheads with yourself, so mostly, it's a lie, because if he were to come back to you, after having seen it, and say "so, you don't want to try again?"

You'd go,

"Oh yes, YES! YESSSSS!!!"

Your head wrote one thing.
Your heart says quite the opposite.
Frankly, you don't mean a word of it.
It's not a closure letter, it's a letter you want to send to make sure you don't drop off his radar.
You want him to notice you.
You WANT him to want you back.

Don't send the letter, because all that will do is keep you praying for a reply.

And if he crushes you, you will just regress.

I know I felt like I contradicted myself. I'm stuck between knowing what has to happen and what I want to happen. I know I haven't fallen off his radar since he sees me at school sometimes...and I'd hate to send him the letter and feel like a pathetic person. I'd rather be my true confident self in front of him instead and I wrote this at 1am when I woke up and couldn't sleep :/ the night time hours seem the worst

March 2, 2013

They are.

Jut as a bad cold is always worse in the evening, so a healing heart hurts most in the dark hours.

But it will get better.

March 3, 2013

I know I felt like I contradicted myself. I'm stuck between knowing what has to happen and what I want to happen. I know I haven't fallen off his radar since he sees me at school sometimes...and I'd hate to send him the letter and feel like a pathetic person. I'd rather be my true confident self in front of him instead and I wrote this at 1am when I woke up and couldn't sleep :/ the night time hours seem the worst

You want to write a letter to him? Go right ahead - pour it all out. And, then tear that sucka up! Show him who's the best around here!

March 3, 2013

Any chance of reconciliation disappeared the moment he dumped you.
He will not want to go backwards.

How old is his latest 'squeeze' by the way? Closer to his age, I suspect....
You do know that won't last either, don't you?

But that's not to say that you should hang around and wait to jump back in.
If you do, and you succeed in going out with him - again, that too will end, because as he grows, matures and evolves, he will out-grow the things of his youth.

You need to consider the worst to have already happened.

Get your head around this fact.
It's over.

You need to make sure it's over.
he's too young to consider anything long-term, and frankly, if he were here, I would strongly advise him against rekindling anything with you, precisely for that reason.
He's not fully cooked yet, as Judge Judy would say!

You need to let this go and move on.
He has.
Time you did too.

If supposedly they won't last then how is it that many highschool relationships can end in marriage?

And I know I would be able to fix the issues of our relationship...as for him I can't speak for him but If he were to return I'm sure he would try as well...that's if he ever realizes he loves me which I know isn't going to happen. He's way to prideful and his ego is huge :/ I knew that from the beginning...he will never tell me personally about how he feels. Only he knows

March 3, 2013

Your letter is wrote very well and I feel your pain.
I personally wouldn't send it I know your giving it a last shot,
I get that but it's kinda giving him free reign and kinda saying
Look take ur time if it doesn't work out I'm here .
You don't want him to feel sorry for you or come back out of pity.
You want him to come back cause he loves you and only his mind can do that .
Leave the post run let others see it and see what they say.
It will get easier in time tho and sounds like your a great catch for some guy!!

Thank you yeah I don't want him to come back out of pity. It would make me feel worthless....it would be nice of him to have an epiphany of some sort, but of course that's just wishful thinking and having high hopes....they always say what goes around comes around, but in his case I can see him getting the easy way out. I mean look. He has a new gf who has so many similar qualities I do and I swear the exact same interests and hobbies...it's kinda scary. But I'd never compare myself to her on a personality level way. She is much more arrogant while I choose to stay humble. But it's whatevs I guess. God works in mysterious ways

March 4, 2013

Hey guys....I thought I was doing fine, but I had another break down today....

I can't stop thinking about him. It's been freakin 5 months already and he still goes through my mind. I can't stand watching him love another girl. Saying the same things he told me doing the same things with her like he did with me. I can't stand how she is so similar to me. It's unbearable. I wish she was the exact opposite so I could stop comparing myself.

I don't know what to think anymore. She hurts emotionally sometimes I know that much. I mean is it possible to reminisce and hurt and yet be in a relationship with someone and call it healthy?

Is she using him as an emotional crutch? Are they using one another? I have so many questions and I wish I had a crystal ball that will tell me what's gonna happen so I can stop thinking so much.

I gotta say I feel proud of myself for being able to stay single and not jump to a new relationship, and I'm used to the single life, but it hurts when the one you want leaves.

March 4, 2013

Yeah.

Remember his frontal lobes are still not talking to one another.....

And neither, for that matter, are hers.

Or yours, either.....

You're way too intense about this.

you need to chill and relax.

Way too highly strung up over this....

It is thus, and thus, it is.

March 4, 2013

Yeah.

Remember his frontal lobes are still not talking to one another.....

And neither, for that matter, are hers.

Or yours, either.....

You're way too intense about this.
you need to chill and relax.

Way too highly strung up over this....

It is thus, and thus, it is.

Yeah. I'm more calm now...

Thanks for the frontal lobe reminder.

What is with the frontal lobes anyway? If they aren't meeting yet does it mean decision making isn't well thought out?

March 4, 2013

Read the article.

Basically, it means that a brain the frontal lobes of which, are not properly connected, will make hasty, snap, knee-jerk decisions, which are not well-thought out or even logical.

My opinion is that unfortunately, children do not have a childhood. Kids nowadays are thrust into an adult world, by the world around them.

The technological accessories we are dominated by, are as familiar in a child's hands as they are in those of an adult.

It's irreversible, but to give 2 illustrations, when I was a little girl, I was dressed as a little girl, not a miniature adult. The clothes I wore as a child, were designed purely for a child. Nowadays, children are simply dressed in precisely the same trendy "cut-down-to-size" clothes as people 3 or 4 times their age are.

And I can assure you that, had such a thing existed, I would never have been allowed to own an expensive mobile phone at the age of 10!

So - thrust into this adult world prematurely - kids also enter into fields and areas which they are completely un-equipped to cope with.

Like relationships.

And sexuality is awoken at a much earlier stage too....

But really, people beneath the age of 20 really shouldn't consider the parameters of a close, intimate relationship.

It's just all too much.

You're really, emotionally and mentally not ready for it.

This is sometimes why I'm sure, adults here see posts written by teenagers which desperately reach out for support and help, and very probably simply roll their eyes, and think "Huh, kids! It will pass, they'll grow out of it, it won't last....."

All of which are, sadly, true.

But that doesn't diminish the fact these kids hurt - and more importantly, really shouldn't be feeling this way yet. Too much, too soon, too painful to handle.

March 4, 2013

Read the article.

Basically, it means that a brain the frontal lobes of which, are not properly connected, will make hasty, snap, knee-jerk decisions, which are not well-thought out or even logical.

My opinion is that unfortunately, children do not have a childhood. Kids nowadays are thrust into an adult world, by the world around them.

The technological accessories we are dominated by, are as familiar in a child's hands as they are in those of an adult.

It's irreversible, but to give 2 illustrations, when I was a little girl, I was dressed as a little girl, not a miniature adult. The clothes I wore as a child, were designed purely for a child. Nowadays, children are simply dressed in precisely the same trendy "cut-down-to-size" clothes as people 3 or 4 times their age are.

And I can assure you that, had such a thing existed, I would never have been allowed to own an expensive mobile phone at the age of 10!

So - thrust into this adult world prematurely - kids also enter into fields and areas which they are completely un-equipped to cope with.

Like relationships.
And sexuality is awoken at a much earlier stage too....

But really, people beneath the age of 20 really shouldn't consider the parameters of a close, intimate relationship.
It's just all too much.
You're really, emotionally and mentally not ready for it.
This is sometimes why I'm sure, adults here see posts written by teenagers which desperately reach out for support and help, and very probably simply roll their eyes, and think "Huh, kids! It will pass, they'll grow out of it, it won't last....."

All of which are, sadly, true.
But that doesn't diminish the fact these kids hurt - and more importantly, really shouldn't be feeling this way yet. Too much, too soon, too painful to handle.

yeah I see what you mean :/ it is true. A lot of peers have this mentality that this is the way things have to be if you want to be happy, blah , blah , blah. if you dont have this or if you dont do this you aren't cool...

And the kids in his age group think sex is so important and that having relationships are a big deal, and have to be taken seriously. I mean I take them seriously, but like you said I'm not mature enough yet.

Would it make a huge difference for him since he grew up with no father? He told me his father walked out on his family and he was raised by his mother and grandmother.

March 4, 2013

Upbringing has an impact on anyone, no matter what the circumstances - but it's not what happens to you, it's how you handle it.

Look at Jack Nicholson...

The girl Nicholson thought was his sister was actually his mother, who had become pregnant in high school. The woman he thought was his mother was really his grandmother. And in a heart~wrenching twist to the tale, Nicholson says he never knew any of this until he became famous -- after both women were dead -- when Time Magazine published an exposé of his past.

There are are countless permutations on how to go through and handle stress, and your abilities as a child, to cope with such matters, hinge on the attitudes of adults around you.

So perhaps it could well have something to do with his experiences. But it also hinges on how he decides to handle matters in which he is enmeshed.

And as someone with a brain that is not completely developed, he's handling it in the only way he can; as he sees or knows best.

At the end of the day, you can see reasons and logical explanations for why some things happen the way they do.

But also bear in mind that what it boils down to is that people do what works for them best. Ultimately, we want to be happy. And we do what we believe will make us happy.

And sometimes, that involves pain for someone else.

But he didn't decide to deliberately hurt you, or to do something purposely because he knew it would be painful for you.

He did it because he thought it would make him happy.

March 4, 2013

Upbringing has an impact on anyone, no matter what the circumstances - but it's not what happens to you, it's how you handle it.
Look at Jack Nicholson...

There are are countless permutations on how to go through and handle stress, and your abilities as a child, to cope with such matters, hinge on the attitudes of adults around you.
So perhaps it could well have something to do with his experiences. But it also hinges on how he decides to handle matters in which he is enmeshed.
And as someone with a brain that is not completely developed, he's handling it in the only way he can; as he sees or knows best.

At the end of the day, you can see reasons and logical explanations for why some things happen the way they do.
But also bear in mind that what it boils down to is that people do what works for them best. Ultimately, we want to be happy. And we do what we believe will make us happy.
And sometimes, that involves pain for someone else.

But he didn't decide to deliberately hurt you, or to do something purposely because he knew it would be painful for you.
He did it because he thought it would make him happy.

Yeah...and I guess in the end he is happy. from what I can see. I know he didnt mean to hurt me...he knows damn well he did, but at the same time he's one who lets his pride and ego get in the way...

he doesn't like to admit when he's wrong and he doesn't open up easily to anyone..not even his own mother..I was fully aware of this and tired my best to have him open up to me, but in the end it backfired..we would argue a lot, I would cry a lot because some days he would be upset and I didn't know why because of his suppressed emotions and feelings...

yet those days seemed to happen near the end of our relationship, and during the end he told me he felt stressed, and I guess the only way to relieve that stress was to relieve me...told me himself the weight lifted off his shoulders..which hit me right in the chest

I felt like such a bad person..I felt like I didn't appreciate him enough and felt as if I was too caught up and 'in love' to notice anything wrong.

March 4, 2013

And honestly...I felt the stress too, but I still wanted to keep what we had going...I wanted to work through our issues, and he knew that. However, I thought the only way we would be able to work though them would have to start with him opening up fully; and then we could get places, but yet that was the main challenge.

March 4, 2013

No.

You were - and still are - more mature than he is.

If he represses his emotions and refuses to open up, he may believe that it's the better, more 'manly' thing to do.

It may be misguided, but it's how he operates.

It may well count against him in time when some lady in the future, dumps HIM because he's unable to be expressive with his emotions to the point of being anal - but that will be his issue to resolve.

And doubtless, it will happen.

Sometimes, when a character is flawed, no amount of good and common sense will prevail against that.

The person has to see it for themselves and deal with it as appropriate.

March 4, 2013

No.
You were - and still are - more mature than he is.

If he represses his emotions and refuses to open up, he may believe that it's the better, more 'manly' thing to do.
It may be misguided, but it's how he operates.

It may well count against him in time when some lady in the future, dumps HIM because he's unable to be expressive with his emotions to the point of being anal - but that will be his issue to resolve.

And doubtless, it will happen.

Sometimes, when a character is flawed, no amount of good and common sense will prevail against that.
The person has to see it for themselves and deal with it as appropriate.

Yeah..I've taken the time to realize that as well...that you can't always teach something to someone..that they need to experience it for themselves. He feels what he's doing is right, but must learn to cope with the stresses of a relationship..

I also feel that the stress caused him to 'fall out of love' with me and made him not want me anymore, but in reality don't most if not all relationships lose their spark? At first its butterflies and rainbows but after that wears off you are faced with a long term friendship fillled with love..at least that's what makes sense to me...

I feel like he has to believe that relationships are always butterflied filled and happy, but they are stressful and require a lot of energy to hold/maintain.

March 4, 2013

I've come to good terms with myself and I am glad I didn't decide to have sex with him if that was the reason he wanted too stay then he can stay with new girl of his because she is far more than willing to give herself to him, but I'm gonna wait for that special person

I wanted to wait with him because I wanted to see if he could commit, and by the time out second year came around I would have (I never told him this) and he ended up breaking up with me before so I am at no loss

March 4, 2013

I was just curious...

Is it really HIS loss? I mean he seems a million times happier without me...so wouldn't be my loss instead? It makes me feel like trash knowing I did the best I could and yet he still left and is now happier...

March 4, 2013

Yeah..I've taken the time to realize that as well...that you can't always teach something to someone..that they need to experience it for themselves. He feels what he's doing is right, but must learn to cope with the stresses of a relationship..

I also feel that the stress caused him to 'fall out of love' with me and made him not want me anymore, but in reality don't most if not all relationships lose their spark? At first its butterflies and rainbows but after that wears off you are faced with a long term friendship fillled with love..at least that's what makes sense to me...

I feel like he has to believe that relationships are always butterflied filled and happy, but they are stressful and require a lot of energy to hold/maintain.

unfortunately too many people believe that relationship is always happy and butterflys and when they dont feel this they feel that they are 'in a rut' and want out.

people fail to put i the work for the relationship. a very funny thing well i find it funny now, and ex told me when i said we could work on things was 'im not your wife'

the fact she thought the only time to work on your relationship was only when you are married showed how immature she was.

how was i going to marry someone who did not show the qualities or the ability to work on a relationship?

March 4, 2013

Here's the letter I wrote...I wanted to write more, but I was hurting

Dear M...

-S.R.

given how long it has been i say do not send the letter.

i sent a letter to my ex i dont regret it but i did not plead with her in it. also i made it clear that even though i will like to get back with her i will not be just sitting around waiting.

it maybe an ego boost to them but then again will you like someone who will use that to boost their ego? you dont really know how someone is until you try.

March 4, 2013

unfortunately too many people believe that relationship is always happy and butterflys and when they dont feel this they feel that they are 'in a rut' and want out.
people fail to put i the work for the relationship. a very funny thing well i find it funny now, and ex told me when i said we could work on things was 'im not your wife'
the fact she thought the only time to work on your relationship was only when you are married showed how immature she was.

how was i going to marry someone who did not show the qualities or the ability to work on a relationship?

I wish I could have told him this sooner after the BU...that he shouldnt expect all relationships to always be this way. and that if he was in a rut we could have worked things through, but he has a new gf so I can't say anything anymore..

today is actually their 4/5 month anniversary together, and he seems extremely happy...also known to the fact that she's as sexually active as he is..while I wanted to wait before we did anything.

March 4, 2013

I wish I could have told him this sooner after the BU...that he shouldnt expect all relationships to always be this way. and that if he was in a rut we could have worked things through, but he has a new gf so I can't say anything anymore..

today is actually their 4/5 month anniversary together, and he seems extremely happy...also known to the fact that she's as sexually active as he is..while I wanted to wait before we did anything.

thats why i always advice to do whatever you feel you have to do or say sooner after the break up. that way you can go no contact with the peace of mind that you have said all you can.

but as you said you cant say anything anymore. its best to accept that he is into something new now for however long it lasts. i believe you have the energy to more forward

March 4, 2013

thats why i always advice to do whatever you feel you have to do or say sooner after the break up. that way you can go no contact with the peace of mind that you have said all you can.

but as you said you cant say anything anymore. its best to accept that he is into something new now for however long it lasts. i believe you have the energy to more forward

I know..it came as such a shock to me I didn't know what to say...I tried apologizing, fixing, wondering and asking why? told him why communication was important, but nothing seemed to work.

March 4, 2013

I know..it came as such a shock to me I didn't know what to say...I tried apologizing, fixing, wondering and asking why? told him why communication was important, but nothing seemed to work.

Level of maturity and their mindset at the time was what made all what you did in vain.

see my ex was willing to put the energy into dating someone else after 2weeks of us breaking up rather than working on us. see i would have no problem with this but what got to me was that, i was there for her when she needed me the at her lowest moment but at my lowest moment she could not care less

March 4, 2013

Level of maturity and their mindset at the time was what made all what you did in vain.
see my ex was willing to put the energy into dating someone else after 2weeks of us breaking up rather than working on us. see i would have no problem with this but what got to me was that, i was there for her when she needed me the at her lowest moment but at my lowest moment she could not care less

well he is only 16 going on 17 and I am 18, so yes maturity has much to do with it, but even so. why leave and then make another effort with someone else, when you already had someone willing to be there for you at all times? why start over instead of fix what you already have? it's so frustrating and it makes me angry being thrown away like that. so easily, and effortlessly

Sign In

Regretting a lot

Recommended Posts

TaraMaiden

RiceaRoni

TaraMaiden

Thunderchild

RiceaRoni

RiceaRoni

RiceaRoni

TaraMaiden

RiceaRoni

TaraMaiden

RiceaRoni

TaraMaiden

RiceaRoni

RiceaRoni

TaraMaiden

RiceaRoni

RiceaRoni

RiceaRoni

marklarsson

marklarsson

RiceaRoni

marklarsson

RiceaRoni

marklarsson

RiceaRoni

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...