RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I regret so much... And although many people say not to regret because it makes you the person you are today, I just can't stop blaming myself and feeling regret for things I should have done. I regret not mustering up the courage to have sex with him even though we were together over a year (his new gf is open to it) I regret not telling him how I felt when he wanted to meet with me and talk to me when it turned out he told me he had nothing to say and I walked away I regret trying to be a good role model and act mature with him when he's obviously not there yet. I regret getting upset with him over the littlest things I regret getting upset with him because he wanted to go to parties without me I regret getting upset at him for liking things that I would have never imagined liking (rap,weed,etc) I regret making him cry once because I told him I felt like he wasnt trying hard enough I regret not telling him how I felt when he went into his new relationship so quickly I regret waiting too long to have told him I still loved him I regret ignoring him and pretending he didn't exist when I saw him in person which he said hurt him. And now I have to watch him be in love with someone else. When I know damn well I could be loving him the same way if not better
Sososad Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Hey don't be so hard on yourself some of those things you listed Especially not sleeping with him should be things your proud of Not things you regret. I'm pretty sure he wasn't perfect either none of us are we all made mistakes No one is 100% to blame for a breakup it takes two. Sounds to me you didn't do anything bad other than little iffy things I think you can walk away and hold your head high. Don't feel bad .. You will meet someone soon and you won't be able to resist telling this person you love them so much!! It happened for a reason don't be so tough on yourself ! 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Fine. No, what about the things you don't regret? Stop focussing on 'down'. Now turn your chin up and give the positives.
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Fine. No, what about the things you don't regret? Stop focussing on 'down'. Now turn your chin up and give the positives. Hmm the positives? Well I always reminded him how much I loved him and how I would always be there for him I told him to never be afraid to express how he felt even if it was sadness or anger Although we clashed heads a lot I still told him that although we have our issues I would never stop fighting for him. I brought him food to school whenever I could because I just wanted to haha I would always create little pieces of art for him I would try to surprise him as much as I could I tried helping out his sister with homework a couple of times We would always make each other laugh I was much more outgoing than him so I would try to get him out of his comfort zone and experience life without caring about what other people thought When he would go to practices in the hot sun I'd wait at his practices for him and buy him Gatorade.
TaraMaiden Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Interesting. Both posts focus on 'I'... I, I, I.... I did this, I did that, I didn't do this, I didn't do that..... Seems you did most of the running. What did he do/not do? I've looked - maybe I've missed something (my bad).... Ages of you both....? 1
Sososad Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Your a good person .. Sounds like you done a hell of a lot more good then Bad.. Maybe his feelings just changed and nothing you could do change that. But at least you have no shame u didnt cheat or mess him around your on,y guilty of things we all have probably done. My ex mind gamed me for years .. She wouldn't even know the word regret .. You will learn from this and take positives from all the good and bad into the next relationship I know none of us want to hear this yet but we will love again and be happy again real soon ... Sure I'd nearly take your negatives instead of my exs positives haha... Don't be sad try find things that make you smile today !! 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Interesting. Both posts focus on 'I'... I, I, I.... I did this, I did that, I didn't do this, I didn't do that..... Seems you did most of the running. What did he do/not do? I've looked - maybe I've missed something (my bad).... Ages of you both....? Yeah it did feel like that sometimes...I mean he always bought me things but his main focus was a lot on his friends (he is 16 and I am 18) but it kinda sucks now because he's actually taking his new relationship seriously than he did with me...
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Your a good person .. Sounds like you done a hell of a lot more good then Bad.. Maybe his feelings just changed and nothing you could do change that. But at least you have no shame u didnt cheat or mess him around your on,y guilty of things we all have probably done. My ex mind gamed me for years .. She wouldn't even know the word regret .. You will learn from this and take positives from all the good and bad into the next relationship I know none of us want to hear this yet but we will love again and be happy again real soon ... Sure I'd nearly take your negatives instead of my exs positives haha... Don't be sad try find things that make you smile today !! Yeah I think his feelings changed too. Even though he had many excuses to break up with me. A mutual friend told me one day that he said he just didn't want me anymore and I couldn't grasp onto why? But I could spend a lifetime trying to explore his mind and finding out why that's why I decided that I had to stop the begging and show him that if he wanted me out of his life I'd stay out. And no I would never cheat in my life or play games. I can't do that to a person. And yeah my friends tell me I actually have it easy haha they said my break up could have been way worse so I send my highest respect to those who have it much more difficult to me. He didn't cheat on me he just left and he was set on staying single until this girl showed up telling him she liked him and I guess she cheated emotionally on her ex for him..which dissapoints me to see that he's get with someone who had cheated to be with him rather than be with someone who stayed loyal all through out, but I guess that shows I deserve better And you will find better too
TaraMaiden Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 - 16 - ?! OMFG, you do realise that at his age, his frontal lobes haven't even joined up yet - ? he hasn't even finished developing mentally - and that's a biological fact! WTH are you doing, wasting your time thinking about a guy who's not even out of puberty yet?? Jeesh, honey - I really thought you might have been in your mid-20's but he's just a child!! 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 - 16 - ?! OMFG, you do realise that at his age, his frontal lobes haven't even joined up yet - ? he hasn't even finished developing mentally - and that's a biological fact! WTH are you doing, wasting your time thinking about a guy who's not even out of puberty yet?? Jeesh, honey - I really thought you might have been in your mid-20's but he's just a child!! This actually made me laugh haha Yeah I know....people tell me I shouldn't waste time on a guy who doesn't even know what he wants yet and is just testing what's out there...I actually feelkinda pathetic thinking about it lol, this actually made me feel a ton better. I didn't know about the frontal lobes though. I know he's still in that puberty age..he seems more mature than most boys his age though. But I see what you mean. No more wasted time on him right? :/
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I shouldn't send a letter to him either huh? :/
Minneloa Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 No. If you need inspiration and support for keeping No Contact, read some of the other threads here. This is the most recent: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/377056-listen-everyone-who-says-no-contact-works You can do it! You are worth it! 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Thank you very much But I don't know, for some reason I feel like I can't move on unless I tell him how I feel one last time and just let go completely...
Minneloa Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 How about this: write the letter, but don't send it. Vent & rant & rave, and then put in a drawer for two weeks, at which time the urge may well have passed.
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I have done that already unfortunately and the urge comes back, but I'll try again I suppose 1
Amelie1980 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 All I did were little iffy things too. 99% of the time I was fine. I'm not a damn saint and neither are you. They didn't love us enough...... 1
Sososad Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I defo don't think you should do that He's 16 at that age I wouldn't expect to Much maturity other than showing his mates and having a laugh at you Boosting his ego .. Try let it go if you wanted post the letter here Let other people give you a genuine opinion and at least you fully know The possible effects one way or another But be prepared most will say don't send ! The other thing I heard people say on here Was write the letter and if u feel like posting it 2 weeks from now Do it ... As your mind is clearer or may have changed .. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I'm just in a lot of pain now...I went on her Instagram (bad mistake) and she has pictures of him and her all over the place calling him her savior and her knight in shining armor..and him....telling her the same things he told me...it's incredibly painful. How could someone love another person so easily? I wish he would have came back when he was second guessing himself...but she...I know I can't blame her, but she's just taken up his life completely...I feel like she's manipulated him or not forced, but in a way made him fall in love with her by doing so many things for him and creating such a loving atmosphere. Damn...she's younger than me too... My friends call it puppy love, but I feel like it could be more
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Here's the letter I wrote...I wanted to write more, but I was hurting Dear M, It has been this long and I still find myself thinking about you and about us. It makes me feel pathetic sometimes to think if someone who obviously probably hardly thinks of me, but I guess I can't stop myself. I've always wanted to confront you and straight up pour all my feelings out, but I realize it would have served me no use or no good no matter what...but just know this...I loved you with everything I had and I honestly saw a future with you. I would think about it so much it made me smile, but now it seems I have to recreate that future I planned out. I don't know if you understood how much I truly loved you, but I did and up until now I still find myself in love with you, but sadly I have to let go. I have been trying to let go all this time and trying to give myself hope you'd want to try again, and I feel that I cannot truly let go until I tell you everything I've always felt and thought. I don't want to let go honestly, but it hurts too much to keep trying to hold on when it isn't working. I wanted a second chance so badly because I knew what you wanted, I knew how to fix the problems we ran into, but I also now know that it takes "two to tango" and although I wanted to fight for what we had you made it clear to me that you didn't. I don't know what caused you to want to leave, but I felt like we could have pushed through this. I told you I was always there for you and wanted to face your fears and problems with you. I would have always had your back. I heard that you became hurt when I started to ignore you, but know that I never wanted to hurt you. I had to ignore you because the pain was just too much, and you pushed me away each time I tried talking to you. I am open to having a second chance someday because I know my love was and still is real, but know that I cannot wait any longer and I have to let go because I'm tired of feeling this way. Although I was hurt badly for some reason I could never bring myself to hate you or resent you. I will always love you and I hope one day you understand my love. -S.R.
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I can't help but feel angry at myself for letting this happen to me.
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I also fear that if I don't leave my last impression on my feelings he'll never know and my chances for reconcilliation will lower and the worst will happen
Sososad Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Your letter is wrote very well and I feel your pain. I personally wouldn't send it I know your giving it a last shot, I get that but it's kinda giving him free reign and kinda saying Look take ur time if it doesn't work out I'm here . You don't want him to feel sorry for you or come back out of pity. You want him to come back cause he loves you and only his mind can do that . Leave the post run let others see it and see what they say. It will get easier in time tho and sounds like your a great catch for some guy!! 1
TaraMaiden Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I also fear that if I don't leave my last impression on my feelings he'll never know and my chances for reconcilliation will lower and the worst will happen Any chance of reconciliation disappeared the moment he dumped you. He will not want to go backwards. How old is his latest 'squeeze' by the way? Closer to his age, I suspect.... You do know that won't last either, don't you? But that's not to say that you should hang around and wait to jump back in. If you do, and you succeed in going out with him - again, that too will end, because as he grows, matures and evolves, he will out-grow the things of his youth. You need to consider the worst to have already happened. Get your head around this fact. It's over. You need to make sure it's over. he's too young to consider anything long-term, and frankly, if he were here, I would strongly advise him against rekindling anything with you, precisely for that reason. He's not fully cooked yet, as Judge Judy would say! You need to let this go and move on. He has. Time you did too. 2
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Your letter is wrote very well and I feel your pain. I personally wouldn't send it I know your giving it a last shot, I get that but it's kinda giving him free reign and kinda saying Look take ur time if it doesn't work out I'm here . You don't want him to feel sorry for you or come back out of pity. You want him to come back cause he loves you and only his mind can do that . Leave the post run let others see it and see what they say. It will get easier in time tho and sounds like your a great catch for some guy!! That's the thing...I want to let him know that Im letting go. That it's way to painful for me to continue trying to hold on when he's now in love with someone else. I want the door open for a second chance, but at the same time I need to desperately move on and find my happiness again. Even if it means dating a new guy. To show him that I can't wait any longer. I'd love to get other people's opinion on my letter. Man I feel so young compared to so many people that come on this forum haha
Author RiceaRoni Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Any chance of reconciliation disappeared the moment he dumped you. He will not want to go backwards. How old is his latest 'squeeze' by the way? Closer to his age, I suspect.... You do know that won't last either, don't you? But that's not to say that you should hang around and wait to jump back in. If you do, and you succeed in going out with him - again, that too will end, because as he grows, matures and evolves, he will out-grow the things of his youth. You need to consider the worst to have already happened. Get your head around this fact. It's over. You need to make sure it's over. he's too young to consider anything long-term, and frankly, if he were here, I would strongly advise him against rekindling anything with you, precisely for that reason. He's not fully cooked yet, as Judge Judy would say! You need to let this go and move on. He has. Time you did too. His new girl is 15 and a half and he will be turning 17 in April so he is a little bit closer to my age...and like I've said before she apparently dumped her ex for him and is madly in love with him. I find it foolish, but I guess I can also call myself a fool for pinning over someone younger lol. Yeah many adults in my life tell me it won't last between the both of them, but it doesn't help me at all haha. Yep it's over for sure and I feel like I know too much about him and his new gf to want a another chance, I just get set backs sometimes and when I do I come on here and vent out what I can
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