Echo000 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 People who have said this are right..there is NO SUCH THING as "positive contact" with a recent ex. Even them wishing you a happy birthday messes with your mind. You either think about what they said, or what you should say back, or not say, or whether you should respond at all...etc. Then you wonder if they will respond, what they will respond with, how you will feel based on what they say, how you will feel if they dont respond back. You will get nothing but heartache and anxiety if you get contact from your ex, even though I know so many of us want that. But its like an alcoholic thrown into a bar--even if you dont drink, that temptation makes you feel sick. Damn. 8
cavalier99 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Yup. This is the conclusion we all come to. Easy way or hard way. Cav 1
lovnlost Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 seriously....My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I am nervous I am going to get some kind of recognition from her. I have no idea what I would say. Thank you? Or is that validating that I am here for her still.....LMAFO.....it gets so damn crazy in the head spinning over this crap. I hope she doesnt say a word. I plan on doing a half marathon that day and well.....thats about it. Dont expect to do much else. Began running again because of the hurt I felt....and to just run again....but the hurt helped me run longer and faster that is for sure.
Sososad Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It's so true I remember only a week or two Thinking all the people on here getting bread crumb Texts how I so wanted drunk texts off her or whatever. But your dead right your never gonna get the "Oh thanks for texting I missed you so much lets try again" It doesn't work like that . You either get no reply and u spend days watching your phone Right back to the start again or A real short reply like "thanks" and your kinda is that it ?!? It's horrible and the hurt isn't nice. And to some people it's a game like Oh he text again ... Ego boost I still have him ill let him hang some more Have to say after healing no contact has allowed me to keep my dignity And I'm quite proud that I asked/tried for another chance but walked away ok (heartbroken but she didn't need to see that) I really think we float there egos to much . Reject me once shame on you Reject me twice Shame on me !!!!!
cavalier99 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 The nice birthday email i got over 2 months ago set my recovery back weeks. And i didn't even respond. (I wrote a thread about it). The next email I get I'm deleting without even reading it.. Lol I remember posting just like you are now about being worried. I was right. 2
lovnlost Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It's so true I remember only a week or two Thinking all the people on here getting bread crumb Texts how I so wanted drunk texts off her or whatever. But your dead right your never gonna get the "Oh thanks for texting I missed you so much lets try again" It doesn't work like that . You either get no reply and u spend days watching your phone Right back to the start again or A real short reply like "thanks" and your kinda is that it ?!? It's horrible and the hurt isn't nice. And to some people it's a game like Oh he text again ... Ego boost I still have him ill let him hang some more Have to say after healing no contact has allowed me to keep my dignity And I'm quite proud that I asked/tried for another chance but walked away ok (heartbroken but she didn't need to see that) I really think we float there egos to much . Reject me once shame on you Reject me twice Shame on me !!!!! your so right on with this.....Its just like....blah. Nothing. Its been 3 weeks NC with me....and I still find myself starring at my phone and willing it to ring or text even though she is rebounding and Im nothing more than a fleeting thought.
Thunderchild Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 The nice birthday email i got over 2 months ago set my recovery back weeks. And i didn't even respond. (I wrote a thread about it). The next email I get I'm deleting without even reading it.. Lol I remember posting just like you are now about being worried. I was right. My ex broke up with me 2 days after my birthday. She 'forgot' to bring my card over the weekend before and 'forgot' to post it when she was in Glasgow for her work. Says it all, really! 1
cavalier99 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 My ex broke up with me 2 days after my birthday. She 'forgot' to bring my card over the weekend before and 'forgot' to post it when she was in Glasgow for her work. Says it all, really! Ha bet it wasn't like that the prior year. Yup, says it all. She has her baby that is all she cares about. Not that it matters now. Has she tried to contact you? 1
lovnlost Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 My ex broke up with me 2 days after my birthday. She 'forgot' to bring my card over the weekend before and 'forgot' to post it when she was in Glasgow for her work. Says it all, really! That is some BS. not much I can say to that. 1
Thunderchild Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Ha bet it wasn't like that the prior year. Yup, says it all. She has her baby that is all she cares about. Not that it matters now. Has she tried to contact you? Morning Cav - how goes it, big man? How are you holding up? Nope, not a peep. Then again, it's only been two weeks. And, tbqh, if she can't accept responsibility for her actions then there's no point in any contact. Keep smilin'
Author Echo000 Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I am on day 39 of no contact, and my birthday was six days ago and I got a nice, short email from her wishing me the best and hoping work and school was going well. It honestly set me back. I spent the whole day getting more and more anxious waiting for some contact..and when i got it..it simply gave me more anxiety. I emailed her back telling her I appreciated her email and that I delayed in responding because my grandmother had recently passed away. I wished her the best and that was it. Very short, nice email. She did not even respond- not even a condolence. So that set me back too. Haha you see..any contact is negative contact. Does you no good. Dont wish for it, and just recognize that it is negative when (or if) you receive contact from your ex. It will set you back a little, but that is okay if you keep moving forward. Its just crazy how a person that once brought you happiness now brings you nothing but pain and heartache. How things change. 2
Sososad Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 But to anyone sitting there during no contact staring and wishing your phone To ring/text I waited 3 weeks in nc thinking she will come back.. I got scared and panicked sent a text ended up meeting to get my stuff back Was told shes happy and doesn't miss me!! Sent me right back to the start.. As I said that hope is a real killer !! No contact must be done to heal..... It's a rough road but when we get back to where We should be in life it will be there loss !!! This will make you stronger !
Thunderchild Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 That is some BS. not much I can say to that. Morning Lovenlost - thanks for the reply. It just confirms that she was already disengaged from the relationship long before she actually broke up with me. It further reinforces my suspicions that her Xmas party 'fling' was more than that and may have been going on for months before hand.
cavalier99 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) Morning Cav - how goes it, big man? How are you holding up? Nope, not a peep. Then again, it's only been two weeks. And, tbqh, if she can't accept responsibility for her actions then there's no point in any contact. Keep smilin' Doing quite well recently. Thanks for asking. 5 months NC. I seem to have also hit a new mental milestone recently. I can now truly say I'm WELL on my way to getting over this. Doesn't hurt much anymore. PS your posts have given me strength. I'm a lot more focussed on emotional fortitude and just saying F*ck it. Not worth my thoughts. I was getting there anyway but it was a good kick in the butt to see how a newbie could foster the right attitude so quick! Lol thanks! Edited March 2, 2013 by cavalier99 1
lovnlost Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Morning Lovenlost - thanks for the reply. It just confirms that she was already disengaged from the relationship long before she actually broke up with me. It further reinforces my suspicions that her Xmas party 'fling' was more than that and may have been going on for months before hand. well....A confirmation is crappy. Sometimes I wonder if it is best to stay in the dark on certain things. We as men we always want to know the truth of things but when we do.....its often the hardest concept to grasp. That logical concept Ya know...there wasnt this many relationship problems in the 1950s following WW2. Women seem to have realized since then that men have balls and we men have realized that we have them to lose. Society has made us....different......Not sure if its weaker. Voicing our concerns and issues is a positive way to push forward......not being silent and holding back as my grandparents once did was good for moving forward. But it seems that feelings just got more sensitive over time and now we feel we must cater to every little need. 2
Thunderchild Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Doing quite well recently. Thanks for asking. 5 months NC. I seem to have also hit a new mental milestone recently. I can now truly say I'm WELL on my way to getting over this. Doesn't hurt much anymore. PS your posts have given me strength. I'm a lot more focussed on emotional fortitude and just saying F*ck it. Not worth my thoughts. I was getting there anyway but it was a good kick in the butt to see how a newbie could foster the right attitude so quick! Lol thanks! Good for you, Cav!! Everything changes in life, no matter how hard we try to resist it. I'm already starting to genuinely believe that I have dodged a bullet. If you're on Facebook, my pen/author name is William Benning. My avatar is a Yorkshire Terrier, drop in a friend request.
Thunderchild Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 well....A confirmation is crappy. Sometimes I wonder if it is best to stay in the dark on certain things. We as men we always want to know the truth of things but when we do.....its often the hardest concept to grasp. That logical concept Ya know...there wasnt this many relationship problems in the 1950s following WW2. Women seem to have realized since then that men have balls and we men have realized that we have them to lose. Society has made us....different......Not sure if its weaker. Voicing our concerns and issues is a positive way to push forward......not being silent and holding back as my grandparents once did was good for moving forward. But it seems that feelings just got more sensitive over time and now we feel we must cater to every little need. Lovnlost - I think we need to understand what happened to learn what went wrong from our perspective. No relationship is wholly one partner evil/one partner innocent. I'll take away lessons from this experience - and won't repeat the same behaviours or mind set again. but, we need that clarity to understand and move on. I suspect that relationship issues were no different back in the day than we have now. It's just that no one talked about them then.
Author Echo000 Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 hope one day she realizes god damn i lost a really good one..but thats just the selfish ego in me (and in all of us).
Sososad Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 hope one day she realizes god damn i lost a really good one..but thats just the selfish ego in me (and in all of us). Maybe not.. Maybe it's you just realizing Your true worth even if she can't see it!! That's a positive step for sure ! 1
lovnlost Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I think that holding on to a bit of that selfish ego right now is essential while we go NC or wait for our ex to comeback and worry. It helps us concentrate on us more and improving. Towards the end of my relationship I had NO time for myself anymore....not one bit. So I would stay up late after everyone my girl and daughter went to bed just so I could have a few moments to myself and unwind. I got flack from the ex for doing this. She just couldnt get it. Now I have all this free time because im not in a relationship.....and all I want is to have her back so I can put more on my plate again . LOL I kill me. But I loved the way she loved me.....just wish she could have been more supportive of me in the way I needed it and I also wish I was capable of communicating better at the end what I wanted. It was a fail on both sides.....and here I sit in this pain waiting for it to go away so I can remember what its like to be free again. With my luck.....That is the EXACT moment she will come back into my life. 1
Author Echo000 Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Sososad I think thats really deep--you may be right. lovnlost-- yea I hear you. You see, its a tough paradox because on the one hand you want to move on..but another part of you is almost shocked at the idea that your ex will not contact you sometime in the future. You know?
lovnlost Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Echo000, Ya it really is a shock. I want so bad for her to call me so we can work things out.....But I know if she came back at the moment I would be in a weird mental state while trying to move forward and forget. Also, need to reinvent myself a bit more as nothing can be the same in a relationship if it starts again. Things must be different. period. I almost dont want her to call because I am not well yet. I am hurt, lost, confused, angry, confident, losing weight and its just roller coaster. But I feel like she would help ground me some. SO....thats why we have to heal ya know. I hope she calls again one day. Especially with the quality of go nowhere in life kinda guy she is now with now. But....she made her choice....and I will honor it. Even if it makes me want to vomit lol.
Author Echo000 Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 part of me wants to hear from her one day...and another does not at all. There are so many people out there..why try and re-do a relationship? it ended for a reason and sometimes the pieces are best left where they fell. In my case..i am actually the one who has my life set up pretty well. I am in great shape, go to a top university, and work as a personal trainer on the side. Yet, she is a beautiful looking girl and society seems to give a lot for that (even if other things arent there...) But I understand you and where you are coming from. I read a good quote that said "Today's pain is tomorrow's strength". Fantastic.
lovnlost Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 that is a good quote. I understand what you saying about society standards. That me part of my issue. This girl I was with was one of the more attractive I have been with. But, I also noticed that she knew that and feeded on it. Not in a horrible way, but made her somewhat shallow at times. And also, her whole family making her out to be the golden child all the time and spoiled doesnt help her at all either. She did have a hard childhood, but now its time to grow up and face the life a bit more. And so far, she is off to a real rough start....I guess thats partly do to me. I should not have left her so fast. But I cant change that now. I was so stressed and just in a meltdown. I needed room from everyone. SO I made a mistake. Realized it to late. She also lacked in emotional maturity where I needed her to have it most. But, those things could be learned over time. Anyway....such is life sometimes huh.
Coping Vortex Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 It's so true I remember only a week or two Thinking all the people on here getting bread crumb Texts how I so wanted drunk texts off her or whatever. But your dead right your never gonna get the "Oh thanks for texting I missed you so much lets try again" It doesn't work like that . You either get no reply and u spend days watching your phone Right back to the start again or A real short reply like "thanks" and your kinda is that it ?!? It's horrible and the hurt isn't nice. And to some people it's a game like Oh he text again ... Ego boost I still have him ill let him hang some more Have to say after healing no contact has allowed me to keep my dignity And I'm quite proud that I asked/tried for another chance but walked away ok (heartbroken but she didn't need to see that) I really think we float there egos to much . Reject me once shame on you Reject me twice Shame on me !!!!! Well I got a text from my ex last week that said "I'm not giving up on us" even though she is sleeping in her new guys bed every night. I haven't from her since.
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