irc333 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It's been my experience that one thing which will melt a lot of the cold-approach ice is when you and the man or woman already both know you have something in common... i.e., you're at a party for people who all share a certain kind of hobby. That's why Meetup groups have been "stealing" so many people from OLD. Ironically, I've been seeing these same people at Meetup events as well as seeing their dating profiles online. lol And it can get awkward if one of the women you emailed online, ignored you, then you bump into face-to-face at a real life event.
StanMusial Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Ironically, I've been seeing these same people at Meetup events as well as seeing their dating profiles online. lol And it can get awkward if one of the women you emailed online, ignored you, then you bump into face-to-face at a real life event. LOL. Funny you should mention that... my very first post on LS explained a scenario similar to what you described. It's not THAT unlikely in a small to medium town, all things considered. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/336060-consolidated-discussion-online-dating-24.html#post4517135 To OP, good for you. Heck the world would be a better place if people in general were more open and friendly in public. I think the biggest problem is that there are so few attractive guys out there that women just close down so that the uggos won't pester them.
irc333 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 LOL. Funny you should mention that... my very first post on LS explained a scenario similar to what you described. It's not THAT unlikely in a small to medium town, all things considered. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/336060-consolidated-discussion-online-dating-24.html#post4517135 To OP, good for you. Heck the world would be a better place if people in general were more open and friendly in public. I think the biggest problem is that there are so few attractive guys out there that women just close down so that the uggos won't pester them. You're right, I get a kick out of how women say they love it when a men approaches, shows that they have "confidence"....don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are some women that are attracted to a man who does such an approach, but in a lotof cases....they give the the "once over" and turn into a cold-fish, not even making eye contact.
Author 2sure Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 It's been my experience that one thing which will melt a lot of the cold-approach ice is when you and the man or woman already both know you have something in common... i.e., you're at a party for people who all share a certain kind of hobby. That's why Meetup groups have been "stealing" so many people from OLD. Righto. So, I'm one of those women you guys have mentioned, who believe confidence is a priority. But you know, I have nothing but failed relationships behind me...so I can't help but think , well, the obvious. The guy is good looking , in a sportsmanish kind of way...as opposed to a suit which is all I've known for years. Genuine for sure. He was very nervous and admitted it. I thought that was going to be a problem, but he got over it. I big part of my personal and professional life involves socializing with people I don't know, so I can talk to anyone. But this man might be the only person on the planet I found no common ground with! Funny. I did open up the conversation about the whole cold approach thing, and he is definitely out there looking, so had opinions to offer. He said when he first saw me he looked for a ring, then when I seemed friendly, he approached because...he wants to meet someone. He was shocked I responded positively. He was so surprised , he didn't know what to say next. Anyway, he is definitely attractive . I'm positive I have nothing to offer him. But....I think I will see him again and let him figure that out. To be honest, I'm inclined to have sex with him. But the guys here have made me realize that...that might not be the nicest thing to do.
denxnis Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I think this is the best cold approach, leave the B.S. at home and tell them exactly what you are thinking/want.
Estate Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Must be nice to be able to just look at someone and then have things fall into place for you... So how many girls have you approached today? Less than 5 and we'll take you seriously.
StanMusial Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I think this is the best cold approach, leave the B.S. at home and tell them exactly what you are thinking/want. It's a funny practical joke, that's all. Now if they were saying, "Put my penis in your vagina" and got that sort of compliance, I'd be impressed.
Author 2sure Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I have no way of knowing if it was a coincidence that I met a guy right away or if changing my demeanor simply opened that door. I do know that I feel a bit like...being superficial and aloof got me where I am today. And I'm not unhappy, but I am alone.
Imported Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Just give him a thanks for trying blowjob, can't go wrong with that.
Green Light Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Righto. So, I'm one of those women you guys have mentioned, who believe confidence is a priority. But you know, I have nothing but failed relationships behind me...so I can't help but think , well, the obvious. The guy is good looking , in a sportsmanish kind of way...as opposed to a suit which is all I've known for years. Genuine for sure. He was very nervous and admitted it. I thought that was going to be a problem, but he got over it. I big part of my personal and professional life involves socializing with people I don't know, so I can talk to anyone. But this man might be the only person on the planet I found no common ground with! Funny. I did open up the conversation about the whole cold approach thing, and he is definitely out there looking, so had opinions to offer. He said when he first saw me he looked for a ring, then when I seemed friendly, he approached because...he wants to meet someone. He was shocked I responded positively. He was so surprised , he didn't know what to say next. Anyway, he is definitely attractive . I'm positive I have nothing to offer him. But....I think I will see him again and let him figure that out. To be honest, I'm inclined to have sex with him. But the guys here have made me realize that...that might not be the nicest thing to do. Well, overall this sounds like it has been a positive experience. You never know, could grow into something good. Did he turn out to be much younger as you expected?
Author 2sure Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 No, he is 44. Right on target for me. This is going to be a positive thing for me. If I'm nicer, I meet nicer people.
denxnis Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It's a funny practical joke, that's all. Now if they were saying, "Put my penis in your vagina" and got that sort of compliance, I'd be impressed. That's what I don't get, how is it a joke? He is getting all these numbers by waiving his phone lol...
Green Light Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 If I'm nicer, I meet nicer people. I like this! However the jury is still out here on LS whether or not it's a good or bad thing for a guy to be "nicer". But I do think it was nice of you to give the guy the benefit of the doubt when he admitted to being nervous.
iKING Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 That's what I don't get, how is it a joke? He is getting all these numbers by waiving his phone lol... A long time ago my friends and I would do that sort of thing, go to the mall, hit on a bunch of attractive women, get 3-4 numbers each, then text them and go to parties/houses for the rest of the night. It works, but from experience nothing serious comes of it. It's more for hooking up. The girls had to know we were players. If you're going to cold approach in a serious manner, have a conversation with them, be sincere and don't act like you do it all the time. The LTR/marriages I've seen that started from a cold approach were at the book store/grocery store/gym and weren't planned. It was more serendipity. 2
Green Light Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It was more serendipity. The older I get the more I realize how much everything really relies on luck. Sometimes we can help luck along with effort but good luck is what opens the door in the first place. It's hard for someone who is not superstitious to say this, but when something is meant to happen it will come easily. There may be effort involved but it won't feel like trying to push a 1 ton boulder all by yourself. 2
iKING Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 The older I get the more I realize how much everything really relies on luck. Sometimes we can help luck along with effort but good luck is what opens the door in the first place. It's hard for someone who is not superstitious to say this, but when something is meant to happen it will come easily. There may be effort involved but it won't feel like trying to push a 1 ton boulder all by yourself. Agreed. It's easy to say this, but if/when It's meant to happen it will. You have to put yourself out there but you don't have to try really hard to find "the one". There's a song by Lights that's called "timing is everything" she met her husband at the gym completely coincidentally.
denxnis Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It was more serendipity. I like this. A few months ago I came out of a long-term relationship and am trying to get back in the game, I'm pretty eager to test whether or not the "hey can you put your # in my phone" really works just for kicks. If they say yes/no you can turn that into a conversation and they will know you don't like to BS If a girl approached me I would much rather have them get straight to the point than try and small talk about the weather or something frivolous.
StanMusial Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 That's what I don't get, how is it a joke? He is getting all these numbers by waiving his phone lol... More of a stunt really than a joke. I remember going to the mall with my brothers and some friends, this was before everyone had cellphones, walking up to girls and pretending like we knew them. LOL. Anything to catch them off guard... you're well into a conversation before they know what hit them. Of course some of them would just say "No I'm not Brandi" and walk off quickly.
Imported Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Weird. I was at a store and was heading out, a girl...nice face, great body... was behind me and I opened the door to let her through before going through myself. She said "thanks", smiling. I get in my car and start driving off and she is ahead of me turning onto the two lane road. I get on as well and of course speed right on by her not thinking of anything. At the red light, she pulls up beside me and rolls down her window honking at me, so I roll down mine. Tells me she just wanted to say thanks again and it was really gentlemanly of me, while giggling a little looking down, obviously shy. I knew where this was going and usually women will beat around the bush forever waiting on me to take the lead even though they are the ones that came up. I was attracted to her, so I asked her, "how many doors do I have to open for her to invite me back to her place for a home cooked meal?" (I am always pushing for girls to cook for me, it's like a fetish) She laughs, light turns green so I tell her to let me get in front and we'll park somewhere. We park, talk, I get her phone number. Parting ways, I grab her hand firmly and bowed down a little to kiss it. She seemed thrilled and was a bit ditzy getting back in her car and driving away. This is going to be fun. Now the weird part. It happened again sort of. Almost home, stopped at the light, another car pulls up besides me with two girls in it. They roll down their window and start waving at me to roll mine down. I look at them and they are like high school girls maybe....definitely not over 21. Complete no go for me. They asked about my car, how fast it can go and they'd like to go for a ride (my car is very nice). Luckily the light turns green, so I tell them maybe another time and to have a nice weekend and raced the **** away. This kinda stuff happens to me every so often, but rarely is it two in such a short amount of time.
miss_jaclynrae Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 So, he contacted me and I'm leaving to meet him for coffee and crepes. I'm not nervous or anything but I am kind of thinking I might be older than he thought and he might be younger than I thought...eh. And to be fair, it's probably a lot easier to do this when you're older, like me. I'm not looking for something important, I have plenty of experience with all kinds of rejection via life and work, and I know that meeting anyone new is at the least learning something. I think most men in my age range are on the same page. I am interested in learning from him, if I have the opportunity...why he looked so genuinely surprised when I looked up and smiled , made the contact. It might just be his natural expression, which would be...bizarro. I just hope he is nice, that's all I really want myself. He looked pretty good too. I am going to try to leave all "networking" type talk out of it...Which is something it is my habit to focus on. I'm awful really. I am only 22 and I have only dated men through cold approaches, both from me doing the approaching and them approaching. I am super friendly though, even when I have a boyfriend, I'll talk to a stranger, I am completely guilty of slipping him into the convo usually though! Cold approaches should be easy, I blame people who automatically think that just because someone is POSSIBLY [not even 100% sure] hitting on them who they are not interested in, means that they should act like an a-hole. That person is still a person, I feel flattered when I get hit on, and even if I have to turn them down I am always nice about it. I think it is brave of any man to approach. Hell, you never know. One of the guys I dated was 23, and a virgin. Not that attractive, but he was sweet and we had a few good dates... not to mention he lost his virginity. 1
irc333 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 that's nice to hear, MUST be a regional thing, because most women around here look at you like you're about to mug them or shove them in a car trunk. LOL Weird. I was at a store and was heading out, a girl...nice face, great body... was behind me and I opened the door to let her through before going through myself. She said "thanks", smiling. I get in my car and start driving off and she is ahead of me turning onto the two lane road. I get on as well and of course speed right on by her not thinking of anything. At the red light, she pulls up beside me and rolls down her window honking at me, so I roll down mine. Tells me she just wanted to say thanks again and it was really gentlemanly of me, while giggling a little looking down, obviously shy. I knew where this was going and usually women will beat around the bush forever waiting on me to take the lead even though they are the ones that came up. I was attracted to her, so I asked her, "how many doors do I have to open for her to invite me back to her place for a home cooked meal?" (I am always pushing for girls to cook for me, it's like a fetish) She laughs, light turns green so I tell her to let me get in front and we'll park somewhere. We park, talk, I get her phone number. Parting ways, I grab her hand firmly and bowed down a little to kiss it. She seemed thrilled and was a bit ditzy getting back in her car and driving away. This is going to be fun. Now the weird part. It happened again sort of. Almost home, stopped at the light, another car pulls up besides me with two girls in it. They roll down their window and start waving at me to roll mine down. I look at them and they are like high school girls maybe....definitely not over 21. Complete no go for me. They asked about my car, how fast it can go and they'd like to go for a ride (my car is very nice). Luckily the light turns green, so I tell them maybe another time and to have a nice weekend and raced the **** away. This kinda stuff happens to me every so often, but rarely is it two in such a short amount of time.
Author 2sure Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Met the grocery store guy for a quick dinner. It just isn't going to work. I make him nervous and I can tell. I felt like telling him I was high maintenance and a little dicey and really not very smart...just so he would realize , I'm just not worth that kind of stress...who is? He might actually be one of those nice healthy guys that ends up here. Im going to continue smiling and being approachable, I guess...but I don't know, maybe I'm just not.
ja123 Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 Your thread is very encouraging, 2Sure. And, hey, you had a date with someone ... just like that! ...even if it didn't work out. But do you think he could get over his nerves? I look forward to hearing more about your smiling. What about spice guy? Are you going to go back?!
MrCastle Posted March 4, 2013 Posted March 4, 2013 What about spice guy? Are you going to go back?! Once you go Pak.. 1
Author 2sure Posted March 4, 2013 Author Posted March 4, 2013 Ha, you know I'm kind of thinking I will. I think he is a lot younger than me though. Maybe 10 years. But you are very astute to bring it up. My reason is poor though, but related to LS... I've never dated an Indian guy. I know plenty, but they are all married or way too young. I don't know, is that stupid? Is that wrong? I love the accent, and the Indian people i know are hilarious. I've read of some Indian men here complaining they couldn't get dates, hy should I not be open to that? Or, maybe he was just looking for a cooking gig. Thats entirely possible. I'm open to that too. 1
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