2sure Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I rarely start threads, but didn't see one that really applied. I have seen plenty of threads of late, all by younger posters, debating the pros and cons and techniques of the " cold approach" and other ways of meeting women. I have always respected and admired that ...it's the guys job to approach us, and how hard it must be. I've been told over the years by men that have gotten to know me that I don't seem very approachable initially. I'm 48 now, and certainly nothing like I used to be ...I'm middle aged, slightly above average only because I make an effort. So, I decided what the hell...this morning on another thread I said I would consider being more open to the cold approach. I went grocery shopping, and just by coincidence, met a guy. it doesn't happen all the time just once in awhile. We bumped carts , laughed, and He did look surprised when I made eye contact and didnt act like he was invisible. 10 minutes later, near baking products, he said " you have a great smile, would it be creepy to go for coffee? " I gave him my cell, we are going for breakfast . Then I went to a specialty food store looking for Indian spices. I had no clue what I was looking fr but did have a list. I gave it to the guy behind the counter, the owner, and asked him to help me. He helped me look, then took the list to his mother in back . came back and said ..this is crap, here is what you need, and by the way I lost your list....If you invite me to your house I will cook this dish for your friends. I might. 4
Author 2sure Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Shoot. So, my thinking is...we're over 40....but turns out we aren't invisible..we just assume we are or that others are not interested. 2
Green Light Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Must be nice to be able to just look at someone and then have things fall into place for you...
irc333 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Yeah, you'd be surprised successful women's dating lives would be if they were open to cold approaches in public as opposed to sittin' behind the computer screen all night, scrolling through numerous emails on Match.com
Green Light Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Yeah, you'd be surprised successful women's dating lives would be if they were open to cold approaches in public as opposed to sittin' behind the computer screen all night, scrolling through numerous emails on Match.com When I'm out in public, pretty much every woman I see looks so unhappy. It is very rare to see a woman smile ever. They usually walk around with a sour looking face and all serious. However, I did talk to this really nice lady at Target last week but sadly she was married...darn...because she was the nicest, most open woman I have met in a very long time. 1
irc333 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 When I'm out in public, pretty much every woman I see looks so unhappy. It is very rare to see a woman smile ever. They usually walk around with a sour looking face and all serious. However, I did talk to this really nice lady at Target last week but sadly she was married...darn...because she was the nicest, most open woman I have met in a very long time. Yeah, married women are usually approachable and open to chatting with complete strangers, it's ironic how some unattached women have the "shields" up. 1
Green Light Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Yeah, married women are usually approachable and open to chatting with complete strangers, it's ironic how some unattached women have the "shields" up. Why is this? I know the media/news has us all frightened of one another but geez! A little smile or a nod is such a bad thing? Especially if you are single and "looking"? I guess I have to tip my hat to the OP for at least making eye contact! 1
carhill Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Good luck with your dates. I strike up conversations with women a lot when out and about but honestly often forget to look at their ring finger. Around here, 9 out of 10 are 'traditional' and wear wedding rings. I have met a few without and they generally fit their boyfriends into the conversation, even though I'm just chatting, not flirting. I mentioned in a recent thread striking up such a conversation with a lady flying home from Denver who happened to live near me and she spilled pretty much her life story on the two hour flight, so much so that her daughter was giving her the stink-eye from across the aisle. Yep, boyfriend fit in. That's pretty much how my cold approaches have gone, save for the ten years I was married, for the last 30+ years. I still chat women up, but have no expectations. Life goes on.
Author 2sure Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I completely agree that it was my conscious smile and eye contact. If I had not been thinking about it, I would have been just absorbed in other thoughts ... Again, I'm not anything special...just a woman. And this guy, I think he is attractive...but he seemed floored that I was looking at him .
irc333 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Why is this? I know the media/news has us all frightened of one another but geez! A little smile or a nod is such a bad thing? Especially if you are single and "looking"? I guess I have to tip my hat to the OP for at least making eye contact! I usually to to make the cold approaches in public around the holidays, that way you have something to break the ice with like "So you ready for Christmas?" "Got all your Christmas shopping done?" etc. Anyhow, one time I was at a bookstore, at the coffee counter and I ordered some coffee.... I was standing there waiting for my order, and some woman approaches the counter, and orders a certain blend I never tried yet...and tried to break the ice right there. I said something like "Hey, I had never tried that type of coffee before, how's it taste?" She gives me a quick look, then looks straight back up at the menu on the wall, but she already placed her order, and briefly says, "It's good" Then total awkward silence after that. Then I said, "I see, I like the <such and such> blend, that always gets me going in the morning" Her: "uh-huh" and then ignores me. Me: (Mumbles under breath....snob*) lol 2
irc333 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 generally fit their boyfriends into the conversation Also, good point....where I live, their boyfriend is usually around the corner. LOL Me and one of my single male friends that were sitting in the cafe court, would sometimes see women sitting by theirselves, and gave thought to approaching them. He'd be like, "No dude, don't do that, save yourself the embarassment, you just watch...she's waiting for her boyfriend" Soon enough, the boyfriend shows up. LOL
Eternal Sunshine Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I completely agree that it was my conscious smile and eye contact. If I had not been thinking about it, I would have been just absorbed in other thoughts ... Again, I'm not anything special...just a woman. And this guy, I think he is attractive...but he seemed floored that I was looking at him . I have the same experience. My default mode is not to notice anyone and be lost in thought. If I make an effort with more open body language, I meet men.
outsidethebox Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Shoot. So, my thinking is...we're over 40....but turns out we aren't invisible..we just assume we are or that others are not interested. If that's you in your avatar you will never be invisible. [Edit] Same for Eternal Sunshine to be fair.
Author 2sure Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Oh, we're all invisible after a certain age. Because we assume each other are married, or divorced for a damn good reason, or have six cats, or ED, or OCD, or ... But we're not, we're still here and were not even old...we're just not looking at each other any more. Plus, I get more interaction from men grocery shopping in my daughters Uggs and no make up than I do in a cocktail dress and heels...I don't look great, but I look approachable?
Green Light Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I usually to to make the cold approaches in public around the holidays, that way you have something to break the ice with like "So you ready for Christmas?" "Got all your Christmas shopping done?" etc. Anyhow, one time I was at a bookstore, at the coffee counter and I ordered some coffee.... I was standing there waiting for my order, and some woman approaches the counter, and orders a certain blend I never tried yet...and tried to break the ice right there. I said something like "Hey, I had never tried that type of coffee before, how's it taste?" She gives me a quick look, then looks straight back up at the menu on the wall, but she already placed her order, and briefly says, "It's good" Then total awkward silence after that. Then I said, "I see, I like the <such and such> blend, that always gets me going in the morning" Her: "uh-huh" and then ignores me. Me: (Mumbles under breath....snob*) lol See now that sucks! And you don't forget things like that either. If I could wave a magic wand and change one thing about the female gender is would be for them to loosen up a little bit. I'm not talking about sexually, just socially. I'm also not talking about being the "life of the party" just a little bit more open. The women I see walking around here look like they are on their way to a funeral either that or they are looking at their phones. I have never in my life seen women as a gender more detached in America than they are now. 1
Author 2sure Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Nicer in general. Polite. Friendly. A cant believe It took me until today, plus LS, to just smile and be nice. I'll probably be kidnapped at breakfast..just assuming. But you know, I've never done that. 2
Green Light Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Nicer in general. Polite. Friendly. Yes, I can't tell you how many times I've held doors for women at stores/restaurants and they not only do not say "Thank You" but don't even acknowledge that I'm there. A few weeks ago I was walking out of a store behind a woman and her very young daughter. Not only did the woman not try to hold the door open for me but she slammed it on both me AND her daughter and then just kept walking to the car. We just stood there for a second in disbelief and then I opened the door for the poor little 4 year old girl because she was too young to open it herself. Now this is an extreme example but I see this kind of oblivious attitude everywhere I go. I'll probably be kidnapped at breakfast..just assuming. But you know, I've never done that. I think you will be fine. I know that the media has us all scared and that's too bad because I'm tired of living in an uptight society that is afraid of everything. Hats off to you for taking the "risk"!
carhill Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Save for exactly two instances in 53 years, I've *never* been substantially attracted to any woman prior to/upon a cold approach where I would feel the desire to ask them out on a date. I tried to change that style over the years but was unsuccessful so now accept it and respect it and that most women in my demographic don't respond in a positive way to such a style. Hence, I enjoy them in the style which is natural to me and leave life to work out the details. I admire people who can do cold approach dating with ease and feel immediately drawn sexually or romantically to others. That must be wonderful.
irc333 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Save for exactly two instances in 53 years, I've *never* been substantially attracted to any woman prior to/upon a cold approach where I would feel the desire to ask them out on a date. I tried to change that style over the years but was unsuccessful so now accept it and respect it and that most women in my demographic don't respond in a positive way to such a style. Hence, I enjoy them in the style which is natural to me and leave life to work out the details. I admire people who can do cold approach dating with ease and feel immediately drawn sexually or romantically to others. That must be wonderful. Yeah, male friend of mine that considering the media and what's HAS eriously been going on lately, that women do have a right to be cautious....it's unfortunate, because they're always on high alert with the cold approaches and mistrusting
Woggle Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I would say that 90% of the dates I have been on were cold approaches. Only once did I really get a hostile reaction and I wasn't even approaching the woman. I was signaling to the bar tender for another drink and she told me to get out of her space. 1
ltjg45 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Plus, I get more interaction from men grocery shopping in my daughters Uggs and no make up than I do in a cocktail dress and heels...I don't look great, but I look approachable? Would that be due to the fact that there is more males along your age range being found grocery shopping as opposed to going out to a club or bar? And, for what it is worth, when a female does dress up like that, she does look like she is stricter when it comes to males who is worthy of her attention so it is possible that males just don't bother in fear of rejection. So, yeah, I would agree that you are more approachable when you are wearing nice clothes and bedroom shoes than when you are dressed up especially to shy males.
Author 2sure Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 So, he contacted me and I'm leaving to meet him for coffee and crepes. I'm not nervous or anything but I am kind of thinking I might be older than he thought and he might be younger than I thought...eh. And to be fair, it's probably a lot easier to do this when you're older, like me. I'm not looking for something important, I have plenty of experience with all kinds of rejection via life and work, and I know that meeting anyone new is at the least learning something. I think most men in my age range are on the same page. I am interested in learning from him, if I have the opportunity...why he looked so genuinely surprised when I looked up and smiled , made the contact. It might just be his natural expression, which would be...bizarro. I just hope he is nice, that's all I really want myself. He looked pretty good too. I am going to try to leave all "networking" type talk out of it...Which is something it is my habit to focus on. I'm awful really.
irc333 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 I would say that 90% of the dates I have been on were cold approaches. Only once did I really get a hostile reaction and I wasn't even approaching the woman. I was signaling to the bar tender for another drink and she told me to get out of her space. Funny you mentioned that, me and a male friend were standing near each other, and I think I moved over a tad.....then these 2 women had come between us......they were ordering drinks, and I thought they were leaving, because they were a little too cramped in there with us....I almost put my face in her hair (thought about smelling it, lol j/k)....but they weren't making eye contact with us or anything or didn't seem engaging. They ordered their drinks, but continued to hang out ....too close for comfort-like. But they pretended that I wasn't even there, because they never made eye contact to say, "Excuse me" or anything, total snobs....yeah, they were attractive, but they figured they could take over our space because they were hot, then not even make eye contact or anything.. If you're close enough to me to be with centimeters of my body, the least you could do is engage in conversation with me.....lol
irc333 Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 FUNNY you mention this, I saw this personal ad, of a woman that SPECIFCIALLY stated...(one of the more unique "do not email me" lists) "Do not email me if you would not approach me in public." or something to that affect. Basically saying that if you're too shy to approach her out in public, and implying that men online, who would be MORE inclined to email her through that venue, as to approach in public, that would not be worthy of her? I don't really get that logic at all. I mean, how would she know whatever man that EMAILS her would NOT approach them in public? Also, chances are most men wouldn't approach her in public anyhow, because there are too many variables to consider. At least ONLINE you KNOW her intentions are "im single and on the prowl" WHereas in public, that might not be the case. Would that be due to the fact that there is more males along your age range being found grocery shopping as opposed to going out to a club or bar? And, for what it is worth, when a female does dress up like that, she does look like she is stricter when it comes to males who is worthy of her attention so it is possible that males just don't bother in fear of rejection. So, yeah, I would agree that you are more approachable when you are wearing nice clothes and bedroom shoes than when you are dressed up especially to shy males.
El Brujo Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 It's been my experience that one thing which will melt a lot of the cold-approach ice is when you and the man or woman already both know you have something in common... i.e., you're at a party for people who all share a certain kind of hobby. That's why Meetup groups have been "stealing" so many people from OLD.
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