mizreble Posted September 4, 2004 Posted September 4, 2004 I have procrastinated too long. You know when something becomes so comfortable that it seems easier to stay in it then change? Even though unhappiness clouds your eyes you hide every trace of misery. I'm hoping someone can relate to my situation and maybe even give some advice. Maybe how they got out? Let me explain. I met my former boyfriend at a bar. I have been told the bar is never a place to pick up any sort of quality guys, but figured-i think im a pretty quality person and occasionally I patronize such establishments-so that belief must not be entirely true. It was more like a party. The back of the bar had been fenced in and a couple turntables along with a very talented singer were out there makin music. I was dancing and we started dancing together (its very rare that i can groove with someone so perfectly) I took him home that morning and let him crash in my bed. The whole night he didn't touch me once-or for the next three week we spent glued to eachother's sides. We soon after started dating. When we made it official it felt like I had known him for years, or at least days of spending every free moment with him. 2 months later I became pregnant. Him being a not particularly responsible person and me in my 2nd year of college decided we couldn't raise a child. We decided to have an abortion-which did not have any effect on me but slightly hurt him emotionally. We still happily stuck together. Since then we have spent almost every day of our lives together and have gotten along quite well; considering. Today it had been about and a year a month and I still feel love this him. He has a deep place in my heart and he is one of my best friends. We live together in an awesome place for cheap and now have a kitty who's practically our child. Things seem great from the outside. I am utterly conflicted. He is a good guy with a great heart but i am far from satasfied. I am not at all intellectually, and far from sexually satasfied. I am not physically attracted to him and dread sex (which he begs for all day every day). He spends all his money at the bar and lives off the food I buy. He never cleans and I am always picking up after him. He gets jealous when I am at all close with any other of my friends-expecially women. He's afraid I will leave him for a woman (which I just might) but not those women. My grades went from a 3.9 to a 3.0 since I've been with him. He is extemely attached and suffers a complete emotional breakdown when I even mention the subject of being without me . This is why I haven't done it yet, along with the fact that I am afraid of change. I know he will flip if i do decide to leave and am afraid of what he'll do, especially when I try to take Kayden (our cat) with me even though I am the one who's paid all vet/food/litter everything and am way more attached then him. How do I get out?! I feel like I'm wasting both our lives but don't know how to end it! ALL ADVICE IS APPRECIATED. thank you in advance for taking the time to read and respond!
uriel Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 You just have to do it. Make a plan about whether you're going to move out or ask him to move out. Get your finances and plans in order. Then, have the talk. Be as kind as possible, but be firm. Set a deadline for the physical separation (moving out). Let him grieve, etc., but don't backslide. If he completely flips out and threatens suicide, tell him you'd like him to get help (you might call a friend to come over to be with him). However, you can't ultimately be responsible for his feelings. If you don't love him that way and don't want to be with him anymore, don't allow emotional blackmail to keep you there. You've made a mistake, but it doesn't have to be for life. -- uriel
WantanS4 Posted September 5, 2004 Posted September 5, 2004 Do you love him? Ask yourself, will anyone else love you like he does? Why don't you just let him know how you feel.... at night..... turn to him while you two are in bed..... look him straight in the eye... kiss him.... and tell him how you feel. Talk to his heart.. not to his head..... work it out. Give that unborn child some dignity/respect and try to work it out. Don't selfishly eject at the first sign of trouble/uneasiness, because later on in life it will be easier for you to do it again. In my case, she felt sorta the same way I suppose... but she didn't have the courage/honesty to tell me. She just couldn't do it, instead she just ended it. If only she would have said something, I would have done anything.
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