Need

[Dann325]

Ok, I know its a broken recored for you guys hearing the same sotry over and over. But I cant read other problems and relate them to my own, becouse she is a very unique girl, and i think thats why i fell in love with her to start with. When we met we hung out alot, you could tell we both wanted more but had been hurt in the past and was scared, I was the one to start trying to get her, and when it looked like i never would she came on to me and we dated. I have never been so happy. I have never felt anything that was so perfect. We had a bump in the road a while back, the guy who broke her heart tried to come back in the picture and she left me abruptly and said she needed to focus on her carrier and get her mind focus about continuing college and that sort of thing. Witch didnt make sense why she would just want to do that. After a few days i called her and talked her into meeting me that night and talking about things. Thats when she confessed that he was trying to talk her into being with him again and she was really confused about life right now and needed space to try and figure things out. I didnt give her the space tho, instead i talked her into being with me. Witch now i see that was a mistake and she really did need some space then. Our relationship grew again tho and it went back to being perfect. Maybe even better. But i still battled the fact that she let him become involved again and i also began to battle personal issues that i haven't dealt with such as my mom and sister dying and the stress of a family business. She left me again. we was having a little argument the night befor. She said that things just wasnt right with us and she needed to focus on her carrier and needed some time and wanted to take a break. I tried to pressure her again and basically was begging. all this is buy text message. I told her i needed to call her to talk about it she said to call her later that she was at work and was getting irritated. so i did, when i talked to her i told her i didnt understand and we should be able to work threw this. Then she said you not understanding me, maybe you never have. Then the never mind i dont need a break i need this relashonship over with. she said i havent been happy and im a good faker. she said she couldnt talk becouse she was shaking and needed to go, the last thing she said was i still care and i have to do this for me, and maybe one day if you would like to see me again we can. I was in a bad place for the first day or two. still am really.. i need her back, i realize all these problems and i feel like i can fix them. i have texted her twice, the first time was a poem she wrote to me last month, then i told her i didnt understand what was going on but i miss her and love her and will always be hers. The second time i told her that i was understanding why this was happening and i agree that it really did need to happen, i was working on things and that it wouldnt be fair to ask her for another chance right now until things was worked out and out of our way, and i wasnt asking for that chance now but it is driving me crazy thinking that i might of lost her and that i wanted to be there for her if she needed me. My best friend has also call her the next day not knowing what happened, she called him back thinking that he was wanting to talk to her about it and he told her that it wasnt his business, then he said she just let it out this "she was vague, but basicly what i got was shes scared of commenment. She didnt say that but thats what i got, she said at first she was excited about moving in to your house with you but then realized she didnt want that. she says she wants to focus on her degree and career but cant when shes around you. she knows you will do anything for her and that great but she doesnt want u being miserable trying to make her happy, in turn that makes her miserable cause shes constantly thinking bout what your doing. not making yourself happy becouse your trying to make her happy. She doesnt want to settle now while things arent perfect in her life because if it dont work it will only be harder later. she also told him she had to be so harsh about it because i wasnt getting the point and that she loves me still she just feels like her feelings arnt as strong as they should be at this point.

 

now its day 5, this first msg i sent her was day 2, the seconded way day 4. I felt like i needed to give her space and didn't really wanna send the message on day 4 but she unfriended me on facebook out of nowhare whitch changed our relationship status of course, but her facebook still has our pictures and and picture of us on her main page. When she did that it scared me that she was doing everything in her power to move on so i told her i needed to talk to her, she said she was working but could text occasionally, when i sent her that last message she never responded.

 

i really feel like iv lost the once in a lifetime girl. Iv never ever felt this way. Last month we talked about getting married now its all gone . I dont think hes back in the picture, im not 100% but im pretty sure hes not.

 

Please advise

[geegirl]

I'm not sure what advice you need when she's being very upfront with you in that she does not want to be in a relationship with you.

 

I know you are hurt but you have to let go, feel your pain and move on. Stop trying to contact her because you're only driving her further and further away.

 

I'm sorry this is hard for you and you feel this is a once in a lifetime. As cliche as it sounds, this is not your once in a lifetime because you haven't even begun to live your life. It may seem like the end but this is just a little part of the years you have ahead of you.

 

PS: Please break your posts in paragraphs. It's very difficult to read and you will not get many responses because of that.

[Sososad]

Stop contacting her!!!!!!

Forget everything else and realise your annoying he now!

She's even stopped replying ...

This is a bad sign.. You need to get some dignity back.

Give her some space and yourself .

Give it even 2 weeks ..u can't change her mind only he can.

So give her time it might work but constantly texting is doing more damage.

If seeing her fb bothered u by been deleted she's done u a favour Facebook

Usually gets worse with pics and statuses you don't need to see!

Lastly and I don't mean to be heartless honest .. And I'm sorry if it appears that way but she's left you during really emotional and tough times..

That's not a good sign....

Your confused from the shock but I don't think your seeing logic right now..

I o hope your ok..

[Dann325]

after posting this and doing homework I did pick myself up off the floor, my feelings arnt any different I just feel Im think more logical, I havent contacted her. A mutal friend of ours and her hung out last night and it has put me in a bad spot becouse now things really dont make sence.

 

She said that my ex brought me up and asked how i was doing, she told her i missed her but i would trying to work on myself for me. My ex said well thats good that hes doing that for himself, then our friend so hes also doing it for hopes of a future with you. My ex then told her theres no way that will happen. They talked about other stuff and my exes phone rang and she was all giggly and then was texting someone. Our friend asked her if that was a new man and she said yes but not to tell anyone that only a few people knew and didnt want me to know. Then told her how amazing he was and that he swept her off her feet and she didnt see it coming. She even made a comment that if he was to ask me to marry him tommorow i would. that one hurts. Its litteraly been a week. Later my ex told her out of nowhare that if i really was working on me she would think about it but didnt want to give me false hope. She then wanted her to come meet this new guy shes talking too. And she did. And apparently hes a complete loser and is trashy a drunk and does alot of drugs, lives with friends, pos car. In crackville. And she has also had sex with him, and the story told was while another girl was in the bed and while they was having sex another guy came in and fingered the girl that was on the bed.

 

Im so lost and confused, i dont even know if i want her back, this isnt the girl i knew. But i still feel like i need to see her either way.. i wish i understood what was happening. She has went to the extreme and made a extreme 180 of a lifestyle choice

[Chi townD]

She said that my ex brought me up and asked how i was doing, she told her i missed her but i would trying to work on myself for me. My ex said well thats good that hes doing that for himself, then our friend so hes also doing it for hopes of a future with you. My ex then told her theres no way that will happen. They talked about other stuff and my exes phone rang and she was all giggly and then was texting someone. Our friend asked her if that was a new man and she said yes but not to tell anyone that only a few people knew and didnt want me to know. Then told her how amazing he was and that he swept her off her feet and she didnt see it coming. She even made a comment that if he was to ask me to marry him tommorow i would. that one hurts. Its litteraly been a week. Later my ex told her out of nowhare that if i really was working on me she would think about it but didnt want to give me false hope. She then wanted her to come meet this new guy shes talking too. And she did. And apparently hes a complete loser and is trashy a drunk and does alot of drugs, lives with friends, pos car. In crackville. And she has also had sex with him, and the story told was while another girl was in the bed and while they was having sex another guy came in and fingered the girl that was on the bed.

 

 

Oh, HELL NO!!! Dude, write this chick off!! Cheating on you, lying to you...Still trying to hide this new relationship with this loser from you because she KNOWS that the reasons for breaking up with you was BS and doesn't want you to think less of her. Please! Wow, this just pissed me off.

 

Dude, you deserve WAY much better. She got this bad boy thing she's got going on. But, one day she'll realize that if he acts badly, has a reputation of being bad. Sooner or later he's going to start treating her BADLY!!!! And when that happens, you'll notice that she'll probably start reaching out to you. Don't be her back up plan. Her fall back guy.

 

I mean, seriously? She's having sex with this guy with multiple people in the room. Classy....

 

Start making positive changes in your life and move on.

[Dann325]

yea, i know. its hurts really bad but your right... picking up the pieces. thanks guys.. man, this world im in sucks, hope i can get out of it soon.. she was one hell of a person tho, very unique. all i ever wanted, hope theres another out there like her

[Chi townD]

The best revenge you can get on anyone is to lead a damn good life.

 

Does NC suck? YEP! It sucks and it hurts. But, each day that goes by with No Contact is one day closer to fully healing from this relationship and moving on.

 

You need to make positive changes in your life. Go get a new haircut and a new wardrobe. Have your friend take you clothes shopping. You'd be like a big frickin Ken doll to her and will get you back to being fashionable. This is going to help your self esteem. When people see you and say, "DAMN DUDE!! You look sharp!"

 

Find a gym and get a membership. Then GO!!!! Run your ass off on the treadmill and push weight! This is going to help relieve the stress and frustrations that you are having AND give you that rock hard sexy bod. Again, helping your self esteem.

 

Then, get back into school. Get a degree or if you have one, then go to grad school. This is going to help you find a better job and a better financial status. Then, you can afford that kick ass ride that you've always wanted and That nice Townehome in a nice neighorhood without having any roomates to help you with the costs. It's all yours, and your standing on your two feet.

 

Then, get some new hobbies. With anything that you're interested in, there's usually a club associated with that hobby somewhere in your community. Join a running club, or take dive lessons, or cycling club, or community theather. The point is, it gets you doing something you like and interacting with new people. Putting yourself out there, meeting new people and getting to know them.

 

And finally, TRAVEL!!! Go see the world! What you need to do is pick a place that you've always dreamed about visiting. Work a game plan, work a budget and save. When you have enough money to cover the cost of the trip, GO!!!!! Have fun! See new things, see different cultures and meet new people!

 

You make these changes for yourself. You and you alone. By doing these positive changes and keeping up with NC You're going to heal from this much quicker. Because you'll be keeping yourself so busy, you won't have time to think about your Ex.And you start to feel good about yourself again. That you don't need her because you discovered that you HAVE SELF WORTH!!

 

But, it would be nice if one day your mutual friend meets up with your Ex for coffee and she asks about you, you're mutual friend could say, "GIRL!!! You wouldn't even recongize him if you saw him. He is now a snappy dresser and he looks good!!! I saw him with his shirt off at the gym, he's got a six pack that won't quit. Broader shoulders than what you remember him with, pecks, biceps..all sweaty...I tell you what! If I wasn't his friend I would have been half tempted to put a dollar down his shorts! We were talking and we walked out to the parking lot together and I saw his new car, a nice red mustang convertable. He said he bought it for a treat after he got a raise. Oh, you didn't know he had a new job? Well, he did and he's kickin ass there and they're paying him well. He said that he had to go because he needed to pack. Oh, well he joined a diving club after he got his dive certification and they're all going on a dive trip to the Bahama's next week. He said a lot of the club members usually bring their girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives and just make a vacation of it........... So, hows the drug dealing boyfriend doing?"

[Dann325]

Lol thanks man.. I actually already started some of that.. before I had learned about this.. just hurts all over again.. one min I can't wait to move on. The next I'm thinking I'd still take her back.. emotions are going nuts. And she didn't cheat to clarify . I think its a rebound guy but she's taken it to the extreme.. I feel like I never really even knew her now.. like she was hiding who she was all along or something.. trying to get focused again. But right now its pretty hard.

[Chi townD]

And I'll clarify to you that she did cheat. Look, you've been broken up a week. Coming from a relationship that was heading in the direction of the altar. And one week after the break up, she's with someone else. Within that week, she's having sex with this guy. She cheated during your relationship.

 

You dont have to have sex to cheat on someone. There's something called an emotional affair. She got herself emotionally invested in this dude. So much so, that she kicked you to the curb and into his bed within days. There had to be something there in order for her to do that. So, sorry to break it to you. She cheated.

[todreaminblue]

this girl has soem major issues and even though the relationship you had at the beginning may have been beautiful i would say that she wasnt serious from the beginning......i cannot fathom the theory of having a 180 change in a relationship.....the degrees of change are already there to begin with they dont just pop out of the blue unknown and unthought of.....they are normally milling around in the background of a mind that is not committed....going what if what if ...do this yeah lets do it.....i think its shows a lack of understanding what a relaitonship is about......of what being in a relationship, its just not about self,its about the other person in the relationship too...shows a lack of experience on her behalf maybe, but to use fights to start those degrees of change is an example to me of an opportunist.......a person who takes advantage of opportunity to benefit themselves...which is what she did.......she isnt right for you...you sound like a caring committed person......you need to find someone who is headed in the same direction that you are....someone who has formulated in their mind they are ready to commit to a relationship....not just have one for the sake of having one.....best wishes....good luck.....deb

[na49]

Chi I always feel so much better about myself after I read your posts.

[Dann325]

To be honest based on taking a logical stand point. She was in a really long term one before me.. I think that's y she was so hard to get... I think she wanted to find herself again and I swooped her off her feet.. when the talk of marriage kicked in ( witch she was equally into) she eventually got scared and took a step back and is now confused on what she wants and who she is because she never had the time to find out. Now her feelings for me and her messed up feelings of not knowing who she really is has caused this.. I'm not trying to make an excuse for her because I understand that it doesn't matter and I have to find a way to scrape myself off the floor and move on hoping one day I'll find this again.. but its tough right now.. it really is.. hardest thing ever. But if I stand a chance at finding another girl of that caliber I will have to improve myself.. Not that I'm bad looking or bad job or anything.. becouse that's the real me. And I have to keep driving forward and not stepping backward. I know she will change her mind but I can't be that guy.. it would always haunt me if I took her back.. but damn if it don't hurt.. I gotta get myself going again and use this to my advantage if I stand a chance.. but to be honest if she showed up right now I'd take her back instantly.. hope this passes soon