James Clark Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I need some outside opinion on whose in fault and please don’t restrain from being brutally honest. I have some trust issues with a girlfriend how cheat on me at the beginning of the relation and she constantly lie about many things. These issues made me question the relation and after 3 years together I told her that she shouldn’t expect anything serious from this relation. Even though I love her I told her this because I want to clean my hands in case things didn’t work out. After this she became very cold and didn’t put any effort in the relation and on the fourth year I told her that I would leave her in one year. After a few months she broke up with me and I felt devastated and ask for another chance and told her that things will be different and we will have a serious relation and live together but she didn’t want anything anymore. During the last months we were together I believe that she was involved with someone else emotionally and then she broke with me when she thought things could work out with the other men. I also believe that most of the time she was looking for someone else before dumping me, because that is what she did with her previous boyfriend I feel very bad because I think I should have put more effort in the relation and that my actions were what causes all this. I need your opinion on whether I was wrong with my behavior or whether she was also wrong be allowing other men in. She is 33 years old and with two children. Thank you for your comments and taking the time to read this
Chi townD Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Well, is sounds like you never really forgave her for her cheating at the beginning of the relationship. You put up a wall and you never let her to the otherside where you were. But, she was with you because she wanted the relationship and would do any kind of penance to make it up to you. After being with you for years and having you tell her that you will never make it offical and never making a long term commitment; not even marriage. You even told her you were ending the relationship in a year......well....what did you expect to happen with that statement? What was the end result were you looking for with you saying that? A woman wants to feel wanted and desired. A woman wants to take care of her man if he treats her right. I mean, really dude? What end result were you looking for? 1
geegirl Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You either had to learn to trust her again and move on with the relationship or let it go completely if you knew you weren't able to handle the insecurities. Instead, you decided do a one foot in and one foot out to protect yourself. That is not how relationships work. Both feet in or you're out. There is no wrong or right behavior. You couldn't be yourself in the relationship and you couldn't let go of the betrayal. Understandable. If this wasn't working for you and there were still suspicions as to what she was doing while in the relationship, then you did the best thing that you could do to save your sanity. A relationship that consists of two people on the right path, doesn't and shouldn't be this hard. 1
Sososad Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 You pretty much told the girl she has no future with you That's pretty harsh to say the least .. Think her looking elsewhere Was almost to be expected... She must have felt you were stringing Her along and she to fed up... You can only push people away or so long till they don't come Bak I also learned this the hard way.... Sorry for been harsh..
ExpatInItaly Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 It sounds like you both brought this on yourselves: she cheated, and you told her you don't see a future with her. What other result could there be? You were betrayed by her before and were rightfully hurt by that. What did you expect her to do when you said you'd leave her?
Author James Clark Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Thank you all for your response. I know It was my fault and I did it because I feel that in this way I would be relieve of guilt if things didn't work out. But I agree that I have what I deserve and now I should pay the consequences
Chi townD Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 No one here is trying to bust on you ,dude. After she cheated on you, you had every right to be angry and upset. However, you put a wall around your heart after you decided to give it a chance. You never really fully committed back in the relationship. What should have happen way back when, you two should have went through couples counseling to work out these issues if you going to make a go of it. Sorry, dude. But, it is what it is.
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