youaremysunshine Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I've been dating a guy for about two months. We started sleeping together about two and a half weeks ago. I'm 23, he's 21. This is his first relationship. The first two times we had sex we slept together (once at his place, once at mine) but since then he's not wanted to. He says he sleeps better alone. That makes things difficult because we live on opposite ends of town and it's freazing cold. He also works 7 days a week 10 to 6. He feels 10 is early and wants a full sleep, in bed by 12. I'm used to staying up late and working early and need less sleep. With my work, we ussualy don't meet up until 9 so it feels like a short time together. Once we had sex and he asked me not to stay, sheepishly saying he's glad that he can be honest with me. Other times he's walked me home and then not come in. A few times, we were drinking and I would try to tempt him to come in for sex and he would say no. This makes me feel very clingy and unattrative. It happened last night and I feel like a fool. I also really enjoy sleeping beside someone I care about and waking up next to them. Both times we slept together we had some lovely morning sex. ARHG it's just annoying and makes me feel like he's not that into me. When I like someone, they make me want to say f#% it and stay up way to late, consequences be damned. What do you guys think?
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 The worst part is last night he didnt even kiss me!
soccerrprp Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 It sounds to me that he isn't "that" into you and trying to prevent becoming closer. How often do you see and communicate with him now? You should ask him what his feelings are about the relationship and the time spent with one another. I had a similar talk with my current gf and it's helpful. We decided to try to make more time, but the reality is that we can only do as much as we are able and willing. But, at least it's out there. I would hate for this guy keeping you around only until he finds someone better...using you for sex when he wants it. Just find some clarity on this...for your sake.
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 I'm worried he isn't that into me too. To be fair, he has never had a relationship or even what he would call a close friendship. So there are some intimacy issues there. He lost his virginity to me and he said it was a powerful and eye opening experience, that it made us closer. He held me that night. Also he is self employed, works alone and never ever gets a day off. He had the stomach flu and missed a day recently and his clients were pissed. So I get he's stressed out. Maybe that's why he's hung up on getting 8 hours? I wish he had a day off and we could spend the day relaxing and spending time together but I don't see that happening
todreaminblue Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 the majority of the post seems to be about having sex.......when you guys are together and it isnt sexual what do you do ...do you have fun and is he affectionate with you? Do you feel sometimes that you are clinging and wanting more in a short amount of time....you seem to have different lifestyles...you rely on less sleep he relies on more.....the fact you say consequences be damned sounds more like you arent ready to settle...consequences can sometimes not be worth that late night......especially if he works with machinery or has to drive for a length of time....sounds a bit archaic but wanting to sleep to get up to go to work is an attribute ..shows a sense of responsibility and drive........not a negative.. and as far as not sleeping over he might not be ready for that level of commitment it seems to revolve aroudn teh sex ...how do you feel and what do you want...besides the sex....it si a good thing you have an open honest relationship where he can tell you how he feels thats a good start...deb
spiderowl Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 He's not very committed at all. I feel he's just having sex with you and then opting out as quickly as possible without looking too cheap about it. I would try not to get too emotionally involved with this guy - where can a relationship go if he isn't prepared to spend the whole night with you?
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 Yes I agree we have differing lifestyles. He says I am the dean moriarty to his sal paradise. As in he is a observer, and writer and am more of a liver, though I am also a writer. He does not take my writing very seriously. He wants us to come to a profound, deep understanding, but he is s terrible comunicator. He waxes poetic about true love but I don't know I believe in love at all. I sense he knows I am not the one for him. He is very sheltered and I want to show him the world. I want to embrace life with him at my side
todreaminblue Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Yes I agree we have differing lifestyles. He says I am the dean moriarty to his sal paradise. As in he is a observer, and writer and am more of a liver, though I am also a writer. He does not take my writing very seriously. He wants us to come to a profound, deep understanding, but he is s terrible comunicator. He waxes poetic about true love but I don't know I believe in love at all. I sense he knows I am not the one for him. He is very sheltered and I want to show him the world. I want to embrace life with him at my side why do you want to show him the world with him by your side if you dont believe in love or the fact he may not be the one for you? Are you white knighting him because you think he has a sheltered life....what attracted you to him in the first place what is it about him now that you find attractive enough to want to stay with him? you say he waxes poetic so you dont think he is serious and more dreamy about love......so more about passionate words than passionate living...... you actually waxed poetic when you said...quote embrace life with him by my side endqiote its almost waxing lyrical..i could write a verse on that oen line......you might be more like him than you think....smilin...maybe......do you like poetry and words..what about him or what he does likes or feels makes you feel dreamy..deb
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 We do have a love of words, yet we can't seem to communicate. Both us, him Especialy are avid readers. I find his mind very attractive. He's also unlike any man I have ever met due to being home schooled. He's unusual and that facinates me. I think I may be guilty of making him a "white knight". I've had many intense, short relationships and I wouldn't trade that for the world but I guess I'm looking for something more stable. We have a lot in common as far as taste in literature and politics. I think the issue is he is and introvert and I am an extrovert. He told me he longs to bond with another person, as he feels he never truly has. I also struggle to make lasting bonds, friends and lovers come and go before I get the chance to truly know them. We want to bond but neither of us know how and we are so different
Author youaremysunshine Posted March 9, 2013 Author Posted March 9, 2013 An update! I asked him in the other night, not expecting him to want to, but he demanded we go to the 24 hour grocery and get toiletries hahaha. We made love all night and the next morning and had breakfast together Oh and he left the stuff in my medicine cabinet. Good sign?
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