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is it possible to turn this friendship into something more?


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Posted

I met a guy 3 years back whilst on holiday and we got together, he came to visit me for a weekend after that and then moved from Australia to Mongolia for work. We continued to IM each other on and off over the past 3 years. We have both had partners in that time and have never lived in the same country (I move around a lot for work). There were times I said I would visit him and then had to cancel a few weeks before. About a year ago our conversations got less frequent and less flirty but we still continued chatting on skype from time to time.

 

Recently I was going to Australia for work so I got in touch and asked if I could come and visit him. We hadnt seen each other for 3 years almost to the day. A few months before I had told him I still liked him and he had said he was not in a 'positon to commit for a while' as he plans to go overseas for work again for a year or so. Anyway when I suggested meeting up for a drink in Sydney he said 'not just for a drink, come and stay with me'. He is living with his parents whilst he saves some money. So I went and stayed and was put in the spare room. Anyway that first night we caught up and made out but i stopped it as I decided we were both too drunk. Also on a side note, I earn more money than him and am 4 years older which he might or might not find intimidating.

 

Anyway, the next day we went to a music festival with some of his friends, he basically left me with his friends all day and I hardly saw him. That night we slept together. I told him i was hurt that he didnt hang out with me at the festival and he apologised and said i was his partner whilst i was there and he didnt mean to do that and was looking forward to hanging out but thought i was having fun with his friends. His body language was quite cold though. He was hungover and his mum invited me shopping, I decided to go even though in the morning he said he had wanted me to stay with him, but I thought I could give him some time to sleep off the hang out. I wanted to give him space. That afternoon we went for a walk and he told me nothing could happen between us. He said that he enjoys talking to me and doesnt want to lose that. When I asked him why he would lose that he said because long distance relationships dont work (we live a 4 hour flight from each other in different countries). He said he is desperate to go and work overseas and will do that this year unless something comes up which will tie him down which he hopes wont happen.

Even though I was sad I felt quite relieved after we spoke as it broke the awkwardness a bit and I felt we could chat as friends and I could be more myself, as I was so nervous because I had built the meeting up in my head. After that I stayed for another 2 days though he was at work during the day, nothing happened between us but he seemed moody. I got a bit needy and probed a bit more about whether it was just the distance and he said to me that we had only met 3 times in 3 years so he doesnt feel like he knows me enough to make such a big commitment.

 

When we said good bye he said 'believe it or not I do want us to stay in touch, I like talking to you'. Also when I asked him if he found me attractive he said 'of course, dont ever doubt that'.

 

I feel like we do have a strong connection. I do want to remain his friend but also realise I have been needy and full on with him. It was left that I would skype with him when I got back home which also coincides with his birthday but I dont know whether by doing that I am being too heavy. Perhaps I should just back off altogether.

 

Advice appreciated!

Posted

Your situation is tough because you two live in two different countries. Long distance relationships are hard. He seems to like working abroad and moving around. The only solution would be to move where he is at if he wanted to have a relationship, but it sounds like he just wants to be friends. I would focus on finding someone near you who wants to date you. This guy doesn't, so I wouldn't waist anymore time with him. You can still be friends, but your going to cheat yourself of finding someone great if you wait for this guy.

 

I have a female friend, and her and I flirt on occasion. We both have kids and hang out together on occasion. We do talk through email almost every day and sometimes via text. Were both divorced with kids. We met through a divorce support site. I'm on the fence about getting involved with her because if we were ever to get together and it doesn't work out then I would lose her friendship. I don't know if I want to risk that. I don't do friends with ex's. It's never the same after you break up and try to be friends again. She lives an hour away also, and I dated someone that lived an hour away. I didn't like driving two hours there and back. She can't move due to sharing custody of her kids and neither can I since I also share custody of my son with my ex wife. Our children are under 10. I wish you luck.

Posted
I met a guy 3 years back whilst on holiday and we got together, he came to visit me for a weekend after that and then moved from Australia to Mongolia for work.

 

Is he a freelance yak herder?

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