RandomBlackhat Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Hi everyone, this thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/367656-s-not-all-about-sex-but and the current problem in my relationship made me think. My last LTR which lasted about 5 years, basically the time at university + 1 year after, was with the woman I had considered the love of my life. Every ****ing aspect of our relationship was good. We laughed, we loved, we planned, solved problems together, as partners, as a team, as a (small) family...in short: we lived. So we got out of university and both had our careers started. Then it took just one sheet of paper to rip me apart. While I was making plans for our future, building a house, having a child, how we could handle to raise the child and still work, and so on she left me for good all of a sudden. She threw away everything because of this "irresistable job offer". From one moment to another it seemed like there were no feelings, no love, no intimacy, no urge to stay with the person anymore. Long story short, I was completely crushed several years, I did not allow any feelings for any woman. I did what others claim to be "having fun", had a lot of hookups and stuff. I sometimes used the women just for sex (or maybe they used me?? you never know), also had paid sex and tried quite a lot of stuff. There was no satisfaction in this lifestyle besides the short term orgasm... Now I'm back in a "real" relationship, with someone I knew for quite a while, with the intention of settling down. It seemed that everything was fine. But this time, after only 7 months of being together she has a significant drop in sexual interest. She obviously likes the idea of an apartment-sharing community with raising a child where sex is more like an annoying thing or something that "has to be done" to keep things straight. But for me this (sexual attraction) is the difference betweens loving partners and a partnership of convenience. So now I'm standing here again, clueless, helpless. I look around and I see a lot of bad relationships in my circle of acquaintances. From an outward perspective they play idyllic world but if you look behind the facade things sometimes get really ugly. This makes me wonder...is it just me? Am I expecting too much? Is every relationship always a tradeoff between several aspects of this relationship? Is love really just a word? I begin to develop an "ah whatever I don't care anymore" attitude. This scares the **** out of me as I'm just 32 and thought that I'd still have a lot to experience...
its a lifestyle Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I think there's different types of love.. Mediocre love with 2 people saying they love each other... but really they're just friends living together and having sex, it wouldn't take too much to pull them apart. Puppy love where 2 people fall in love with each other and build that real emotional connection.. or whatever. Crazy love, bonnie and clyde material, NOTHING and I mean NOTHING besides death itself will separate them, they will do ANYTHING for each other, him&her vs the world.. And others too... maybe all cases are unique, he might feel one of the above, she feels the other, vise versa. Obviously the ultimate love is to be with that person for life NO MATTER WHAT... and if that didn't happen in your relationship then there's better love to be found I guess..
Author RandomBlackhat Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 "It is funny how here love is being equated with sex... " it's funny that you either didn't read the whole posting or are unable to grasp the essence of it. I stated my definition of love pretty clear: "We laughed, we loved, we planned, solved problems together, as partners, as a team, as a (small) family...in short: we lived." I really don't see any reason why you would neglect physical intimacy or lower it in priority behind everything else in such a scenario. If that's good enough for you, fair enough. But for me, love is the whole package, pretty much what "its a lifestyle" said. And that led me to the question if I'm asking too much that I want it "all".
xxoo Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 "We laughed, we loved, we planned, solved problems together, as partners, as a team, as a (small) family...in short: we lived." I really don't see any reason why you would neglect physical intimacy or lower it in priority behind everything else in such a scenario. If that's good enough for you, fair enough. But for me, love is the whole package, pretty much what "its a lifestyle" said. And that led me to the question if I'm asking too much that I want it "all". I don't think you are asking too much. Low sex interest after 7 months? That does not bode well for a happy, well connected relationship!
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