Beachbabe9109 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I don't know if this is nothing, it probably is, but I'm just asking anyways. My boyfriend & I have been dating 9 months. This morning when I checked Facebook, he had uploaded a few pictures. One of him, one if his best friend, and one of 2 girls. All pictures were taken at some restaurant. So I guess they all had dinner or drinks or something. But anyways, he uploaded those pictures and tagged everyone. Is that weird? Or nothing? And he takes pictures of me/us sometimes but doesn't really upload them or tag them often...
candie13 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 if he didn't want you to see them, he'd have hidden them from you. but 2 guys and 2 girls in a restaurant... like in a double date setting? I'd raise my eyebrows, but on the inside 2
Author Beachbabe9109 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 What do you mean raise my eyebrows but on the inside? And it wasn't like a double date, that other guy is seeing someone too. She wasn't one of the girls there. And he does have pictures of me/us on his Facebook too, just to add.
candie13 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I mean I'd be a bit suspicious, but I wouldn't raise hell for it. I'd prob ask, very calmly, if the opportunity came... they may be only friends / acquaintances, but I'd still ask questions about who those girls are . just to check 1
Leigh 87 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Geez. My boyfriend went on a short cruise with his best mate who gets all the women; they had NO phone reception for 90% of the time. The 10% of the time they had reception, a model who my boyfriend and best friend had been hanging around with, posted pictures of her and her model friend, along with my boyfriend and his friend:sick: Just my luck, that my boyfriend and his best friend ended up hanging out with two models for some of the time. How do you think I felt? Having no reception and having to see that sh*t! You have NOTHING to worry about. It turns out that I had nothing to worry about either, when I found out from multipple sources ( with no reason to lie to me) that he did not have eyes for other women and probably just checked them out and that was it. Seriously; I know how it feels to be worried, I really do. I just think your picture evidence has ZERO worry attached.... Lastly - your boyfriend is going to meet other women that he is attracted to. Very occasionally, he may meet one he has a crush on, but if he is invested enough in you, he will cut contact with a girl he knows he could develope true feelings for. Try not to get too jealous, I am working on it myself too; we need to take a risk to trust or boyfriends, and not get upset over silly things so much,
candie13 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Leigh... I'd die if that happened to me . Sorry, can't be that detached, if I care. When I get involved, yes, I want my man with me, I want to be reassured and if another woman breathes near him, well, I can't help it, can I? But I sure as hell won't like it. There is something called a "healthy doze of jealousy". I admit mine may be bigger than most other people's... but if my bf posted crazy sh*t like that, guess what, two can play that game... This sort of behavior, seeing one-on-one girls with other guys when the gfs aren't around only leads to trouble. IF his other friends were there, like a group, and a new girl would be around, what can you do, you suck up to it. Anything else... no... l am also a likeable person, why would I put up with this type of situations and behavior. 1
ASG Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 If he posted the photos and tagged everyone I doubt there's anything amiss. He clearly doesn't want to hide it. They're probably co workers or something like that. My question is... Why the hell did you come here to post about it instead of asking him??? We can't answer for him. And candie13... I'm sorry, but not allowing your BF to have female friends is NOT a "healthy dose of jealousy". It's downright jealous in the non healthy way! 4
candie13 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I never said he shouldn't have any female friends . But meeting random girls for dinner with another guy friend (who may or may not be a womaniser) is a no go, in my book. Friends - oh my God, for sure!!! But, chances are, if he meets a girl who can give him that sort of understanding he is seeking in a friend, he'd tell me about it, and I wouldn't have to go on fb to find out about it, would I !
candie13 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 To comment on the previous post: it all depends on the sort of relationship you have and if you've talked about this type of situations. Like are you exclusive yet or not, do you keep your social lives completely separate and all that. All this to say, that in the end, it's not about some random pics of fb. That can be totally innocent. What's important is to know if your partner is still looking around or not. And if he's not, what sort of behavior is "acceptable" and what's not. Personally, I don't want to be the "nice" stay-at-home gf while he is "out with the boys" and posting random pics of random women - who may be nothing more than friends or co-workers or even innocent flirts. If he continues to keep an eye out, not even looking, really... I'd like to know. Only fair, I think.
Toddbt12y1 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Usually cheaters tend to hide their affaors. Not blantantly thrust it in their gfs faces. Until more info is discovered about these women...why jump the shark? 1
candie13 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 (edited) totally! it's not about that particular picture and those two women... it's about what that picture tells about his behavior when his gf is not around - not that he does not come clean about it. Edited March 1, 2013 by candie13
iKING Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 totally! it's not about that particular picture and those two women... it's about what that picture tells about his behavior when his gf is not around - not that he does not come clean about it. I have to agree with most of what you've stated thus far. I may sound insane for saying this, but a little jealousy is a good thing as long as it doesn't get spiteful. Then it just gets out of control. (You did this? Oh well I'll do that to show you how it made me feel!) And it just goes back and forth until it escalates into breakup/cheating. Confront your love on what is ok with you and what isn't should it arise so there's boundaries and mutual respect/trust. The reason I say a little jealousy is a good thing is because it shows the other party cares. It shows they still want you around. Each individual has to figure out where to draw the line and where jealousy is justifiable as opposed to where it isn't. 1
candie13 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 a little jealousy is a good thing as long as it doesn't get spiteful. Then it just gets out of control. (You did this? Oh well I'll do that to show you how it made me feel!). I'm with you on this one as well, especially at the beginning of a relationship, when you don't really know where you are with your partner, if he's really interested or just having a good time, for the moment. In the end, it's about self protection, nobody likes to be taken for a ride... handling insecurities and that dreaded grey zone... a whole art in itself. Not mine, obviously
man_in_the_box Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Being at the receiving end of a jealous partner is not fun no matter how healthy you think it is for a relationship. It sucks having to always think about everything you do and how it could possibly be misinterpretated. 3
iKING Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Being at the receiving end of a jealous partner is not fun no matter how healthy you think it is for a relationship. It sucks having to always think about everything you do and how it could possibly be misinterpretated. That's where boundaries come in and knowing what is justifiable and what isn't. Someone who over reacts is as bad as one who never reacts. I've been on the receiving end and when I was approached in a non-aggressive cute sort of way, and not a angry spiteful way, I listened, if it was justifiable (easy to tell with role-reversal), I would correct my actions and feel I was still wanted. It's another thing to freak out about every little thing. If there's anything I've learned from life it's to have balance, to try to avoid extremes, and to know when to use your heart and when to use your head.
man_in_the_box Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I agree, not caring at all about what your partner does with other people is not right either. I think I just always associate the word 'jealousy' with distrust, egotism and misplaced anger. It's like finding a reason to give way to your jealousy while the right thing would be if your partner does something weird you become concerned about them and try to find out.
iKING Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I agree, not caring at all about what your partner does with other people is not right either. I think I just always associate the word 'jealousy' with distrust, egotism and misplaced anger. It's like finding a reason to give way to your jealousy while the right thing would be if your partner does something weird you become concerned about them and try to find out. Agreed. And it can be associated with negative traits, to provide an outlet of sorts to other problems in the relationship. That's where it becomes problematic, if It's constantly walking on egg shells to avoid arguments or dealing with other problems. There are times when It's justifiable and times when it isn't, equally important is how they handle it. There is such thing as being too insecure, and there is also such thing as being too secure. Moderation is key. I've learned to never get too comfortable, but to know your worth, and be ok with walking away from something that just isn't going to work.
man_in_the_box Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Moderation indeed - it's what I usually apply to everything I do in life, sometimes succesfull, sometimes not I guess I'm a bit painted because me gf carried jealousy issues into our relationship as a result of an ex who never told what he did while away from her and basically tried to keep it as much a secret as he could.
iKING Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Moderation indeed - it's what I usually apply to everything I do in life, sometimes succesfull, sometimes not I guess I'm a bit painted because me gf carried jealousy issues into our relationship as a result of an ex who never told what he did while away from her and basically tried to keep it as much a secret as he could. Indeed so, the best we can do is try. When we like something we tend to cling to it and want to do that thing as much as possible. As well as being comfortable with something. Ah, so she's over compensating for her previous relationship problems. You may eventually have to confront her on the issue and have her learn to over come it. Remind her that she's your love and that you're not interested in other girls, that It's ok to get jealous sometimes but not all the time. Explain what you feel as though is rational jealousy and what's irrational and see how it fits her views on the same matter. Some things you just have to let go, instead of blowing up over everything. If you two have conflicting ideals on what's ok and what isn't, then compromise might be the next best solution. She could be insecure from her last relationship and doesn't know how to deal with it. 1
iKING Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 I see you missed the past tense in my post My apologies, I guess that makes it a little too late huh? I read "me gf carried issues into our relationship" and assumed it was present.
man_in_the_box Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Oh, yeah in that context it's not entirely clear. But yeah, we mostly worked through it. I think most of her, ahem, 'issues' have been fixed or otherwise improved tremendouly over the last 2 years of our relationship. But thanks anyway.
iKING Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 Oh, yeah in that context it's not entirely clear. But yeah, we mostly worked through it. I think most of her, ahem, 'issues' have been fixed or otherwise improved tremendouly over the last 2 years of our relationship. But thanks anyway. That's great to hear, I'm glad you guys worked through it. And no prob.
venusianx13 Posted March 1, 2013 Posted March 1, 2013 We don’t see the world as it is, we see the world as we are. In other words, we don’t see things “objectively,” because everything we see is by definition colored by what we tacitly read into it (usually driven by past experience). I think this idea appies to many situations, including this one, in relationships. 1
Author Beachbabe9109 Posted March 1, 2013 Author Posted March 1, 2013 Ok, so....he has deleted that picture. The others he uploaded are there, but the one of the 2 girls is gone. I find this a little weirder than just having the picture of them on there.. Thoughts...?
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