What the hell is this???

[lovnlost]

So I have been no contact with my ex for 3 and half weeks now. I dumped her, realized what id done, tried to get her back , she chose someone else whom most people believe that its rebound now Im the dumpee....3 weeks of dating and bam GIGS (or so I think given her actions and words). Took me 3 months of courting...and its her ex boyfriends older brother who looks like me.....weird!!! Anyway....earlier this week I finally blocked my ex on fb and dumped all her family and friends so she could stop spiting me with certain pics and phrases or even checking on me. Got tired of seeing her post stuff elsewhere with her pretty new profile pic. Time to heal ya know.

 

I was suppose to hang out with her sister, boyfriend and son last weekend. I am close with most of her family. So I called up and said no thank you, despite our disposition I still care about my exes happiness and respect her decisions no matter what actions she chose or chooses. Said I still like them and will just have to take a rain check for a long while. Sucks saying goodbye to people you care for.

 

So a few days go by. My ex and her work together in the mornings a few days a week. The other day I get a fb message from the sister that I unfreinded saying she hoped I had a nice weekend at 7am!!!! (when they work). This person has never messaged me anything like this in two years. So what the hell is that? Is this a feeler? A probe? I believe my ex to be angry and hurting right now and she rushed into something that flat out isnt her. Her actions do not coincide with the person I know and loved and I do not believe people go from mad love to all of a sudden done. Emotions dont work quite like that....yes I know there are a few....but most dont, nor should. SO.....what is your opinion about this message? I am not opposed to reconciling still.....but it will be many many months until I have changed and reinvented the wheel before I am ready for that. Especially due to her rash actions.

 

Anyone else experience something like this before? I have not nor will I respond...it will do no good....but I cant help but wonder about it. I assure you, the wonder is not so bad that I am going to stop what I am doing. I got workouts and running races and doing a warrior dash soon. Lost 22lbs, doing good with work and my kiddo. Just wrestling like others here with the after math from time to time. For all others doing the same....keep it up and do for YOU....it does get a little easier every day. And dont give into contact as it only feeds your sense of rejection and that puts you back at square one. Stay strong!

[Survivor12]

First, ignore the message. Next, BLOCK your ex and those you previously deleted to avoid it happening again. If she ever really wants you back, she will find a better way to let you know than by baiting you on FB.

[lovnlost]

Bait? Fishing for a response by her sisters fb page? Like the two of them were talking and scheming? Very strange. People do crazy things post break up and even more so....when hurt or confused. What ever happened to common sense. This girl had a ton of it and it all just went right out the window.

[Chi townD]

 

So a few days go by. My ex and her work together in the mornings a few days a week. The other day I get a fb message from the sister that I unfreinded saying she hoped I had a nice weekend at 7am!!!! (when they work). This person has never messaged me anything like this in two years.

 

 

Dude, I think you're reading into this WAY TOO much. She probably just realized that you deleted her. She may understand why you had to do what you had to do and sent that message as to say, " Hey, I understand what you're going through. Just want you to know that there's no hard feelings between us."

 

Could be something as simple as that.

[lovnlost]

Your probably right...I am...Its still very strange though. Its hard though....every little thing is amplified and magnified in this stage of getting over when we still care for them so much despite their actions.

[NoLeafClover]

She didn't have GIGS , you did.

 

What is the moral of the story?

 

You don't break up with people if you're 100 sure that you don't want to be with them. When you BU with them, then they have every right to move on and forget about you.

 

You had a change of hearts and you wanted her back. She didn't have it and said F OFF I can do better and found someone. - This is not GIGS, this is her moving on. Whether her ex looks like you or Brat Pitt, has nothing to do with the fact that she found someone else.

 

It seems to me that you are looking for reasons and hoping she will be back by finding small things she does and relate it her wanting you back.

 

Perhaps her sister did think you are nice and sent that message early in the morning to see how you were doing.

Perhaps that message did come from your ex..Why should it matter?

Are you implying that you would take your ex back after knowing she has probably slept with someone else during the Break up period?

Kudos to you if that is the case. We had a thread on here just earlier last week and seemed like many of us could not take our ex's back knowing they had already been with someone else during the break up period.

 

I hope you learned a lesson from this. Unless she gave you a reason why to break up, then you should learn not to play with people's feelings and walk out on em as you please.

[lovnlost]

Dont think I had GIGS in the classical sense. I havent dated or slept with anyone since her. I am not interested in other women.

 

I left her for valid reasons. Some was her lack of interest in caring for my kid whom she said she loved. After she said she didnt want to be with a guy with a kid. Her newbie has a 4 year old daughter as well.

 

Other reasons; smothering me and not communicating with me properly as I asked for a bit more space time and time again so I can accomplish my senior term in college, as well as work two jobs. I kept assuring her it was for our future. She was insecure and fearful many times when she should not have been. I treated her great and I loved her. Things just built to a boiling point...and while I recognize your point of "never break up with someone until your 100% sure." Well.....we all make mistakes. I thought about it for a long time, worked out, lost weight, read and came up with better ways to be involved together and create a deeper bond that would be lasting. This after she promised me she would wait for me. Well.....she didn't wait lol. I don't blame her....just sucks. I haven't gave her guff or chased her since I found out they have been together. I have backed off completely as I said before.

 

And your right...I am looking for small things that relate to her wanting me back. Thats what many people are hear doing. I am not alone in that opinion I think.

 

And I have learned my lesson and I did not play with her feelings. I was straight up in how I ended things and told her that she wasnt getting 100% of my attention and that it wasnt fair to a woman of her caliber. I was being honest. I did crush her and tell her all the things that annoyed me about her. That would have been harsh. So when I wanted her back, I gave contact once a week where she kept agreeing to meet with me and talk about us and moving forward and then all of a sudden....tada. I am trying to not be bitter over it.....I am just sad. So I understand your point of view....there is no need to be so pointed about it though. I get it....and ya...Im still making mistakes even now as I am trying to move on and forward. But....I love and miss her....cant help that just yet.

[purplereigncb]

I'm very much like OP... Did the same thing and got burned. If I had discovered LS... before the events that unfolded it would have probably been a whole different story. I could have probably communicated all my fears, and who knows. You should move on though OP, any chance of getting her back will be far and away.

[NoLeafClover]

Dont think I had GIGS in the classical sense. I havent dated or slept with anyone since her. I am not interested in other women.

 

I left her for valid reasons. Some was her lack of interest in caring for my kid whom she said she loved. After she said she didnt want to be with a guy with a kid. Her newbie has a 4 year old daughter as well.

 

Other reasons; smothering me and not communicating with me properly as I asked for a bit more space time and time again so I can accomplish my senior term in college, as well as work two jobs. I kept assuring her it was for our future. She was insecure and fearful many times when she should not have been. I treated her great and I loved her. Things just built to a boiling point...and while I recognize your point of "never break up with someone until your 100% sure." Well.....we all make mistakes. I thought about it for a long time, worked out, lost weight, read and came up with better ways to be involved together and create a deeper bond that would be lasting. This after she promised me she would wait for me. Well.....she didn't wait lol. I don't blame her....just sucks. I haven't gave her guff or chased her since I found out they have been together. I have backed off completely as I said before.

 

And your right...I am looking for small things that relate to her wanting me back. Thats what many people are hear doing. I am not alone in that opinion I think.

 

And I have learned my lesson and I did not play with her feelings. I was straight up in how I ended things and told her that she wasnt getting 100% of my attention and that it wasnt fair to a woman of her caliber. I was being honest. I did crush her and tell her all the things that annoyed me about her. That would have been harsh. So when I wanted her back, I gave contact once a week where she kept agreeing to meet with me and talk about us and moving forward and then all of a sudden....tada. I am trying to not be bitter over it.....I am just sad. So I understand your point of view....there is no need to be so pointed about it though. I get it....and ya...Im still making mistakes even now as I am trying to move on and forward. But....I love and miss her....cant help that just yet.

Try not to take what i say to heart. You need to understand some of us here come from a BU where our partner broke things off then shortly after decided he/she wanted to get back together. GIGs or not, its not easy to say NO i won't go back and ignore breadcrumbs when thrown at you.

 

As the original Dumper I would suggest to keep your head up and think of the main reason why you broke things off. Perhaps what you did was the right thing after all ( id feel like crap if the person I was with didn't appreciate my kids If i had any) . Perhaps it's just the idea that you miss her being around as much as missing her period.

 

I'd say keep strong and don't look back because if she truly cared, she would of at least tried to get back with you or not let you go so easy.

If it's bothering you that much and truly thing she is throwing hints at you, feel free to confront her about it but be prepared for the worse.

 

Otherwise, avoid her and her friends. I know you are close with her peeps/sister and what not , but no matter what, sisters stick with sisters and if she was your best friend one day, she might be your worse enemy the other.

[lovnlost]

Correction....I meant to say "I DIDN'T crush her."

 

"purplereigncb"- I have not met a soul with a story similar mine that was so back and forth yet. Please.....tell me what happened to you.

 

"Noleafclover"- Great name btw- In the beginning I didnt know how to cope and came off relatively arrogant thinking it was her not me.....and I think I realize it goes both ways. I have betrayed her trust and no she has betrayed mine. As far as taking her back after being with someone else? Ya got me there.....Thats where purpleeigncb is right.....It would have to be "far and away" for me to consider it at this point. She has things to learn and healing to do.

 

She chased me for about 3 weeks off and on afterwards and I was still numb and stressed over the last 2 terms on winter break. She wasnt giving me the space I was still asking for. I was nice to her, didnt lead her on or try to sleep with her. I respected her and kept my distance a bit. I knew if we got back together it would have to be very different than the path we were currently taking. So...like I said I came up with some really incredible ideas to a new us....cause the second time around can never be the same as the first. I gave this to her in a letter. I completely took my armor off in that thing and after writing it truly understand my limitations in a relationship. Not just this one, but for the last 10 years. It was rewarding for me to write, however, it was to late for her to change her mind.

 

She started out being open to the idea of us reconciling then what was love she was expressing to me just got colder, and meaner, and hurtful. She became angry with me and pushed me away. So I let her, gave her space for a week again each time and then she has a new guy. I have been trying to understand her side of things and how it went from love to anger so fast to....well new love, rebound, relationship. Whatever it is she is in. It perplexes me as she is behaving in the exact opposite of everything she has ever spoke out against when it came to others relationships be it mom, sisters, or friends. And you are right....one sister who helped us mediate over my kiddo in the past has turned on me already. One who said she was neutral in our break up....she has already begun to support them after she swore allegence to me, I didnt ask her too btw, and now betrayed me with a conversation or two we have had post break up. I knew better.....Damn I knew better....was just curious though. People are not neutral in these things....ever.

 

There isnt anything to confront. These are breadcrumbs not worth acting over. It would have to be bog neon sign of reconciliation for me to communicate effectively with her again...and even then....communication, compromise, and seeing a long slow dating process with no sex. And then...maybe we will see if we can reforge something. But then I have that image of her with someone else in my head....and thats where it may be a no go. But if enough time passes. I may not worry. By then I may have moved on or be with someone else, or been able to forgive fully. Who knows....right now its day by day.

 

Today was a nice day here.....couples flaunting their love everywhere....made me ill lol.