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I think I understand why its been hard for me to find someone (Version 2)


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Posted (edited)
Most guys I know would stay far away from any woman trying to pry into their credit rating or anything else ridiculous like that. You have some fantasy that "the men who jump through my hoops are the worthwhile ones." No. You drove away most of the worthwhile ones with your little tests.

 

Here's an idea - how about trying to be normal, and treat men like human beings instead of job candidates. And if you're having bad luck with loser men, change where you're looking.

 

Whatever. ' Losers' like things easy. That is what distinguishes a 'loser' from a non-loser.

 

... and while 'dating' isn't a job interview (because most of you are just looking for someone who is fun and DTF)... finding someone who you could spend your life with IS. You may not like it, but too bad.

 

You've just gotten used to women taking all the risks while you take none.

Edited by RedRobin
Posted (edited)

Robin, I have a little story for you, think of it as you wish.

 

On one side of my family, I had an aunt (now passed) who fell for someone rather unconventional. She was at the beach one day and met a man whom she had an instant connection with. While conversing in the beginning he told her he was homeless, she looked past it and continued going to see him. After a fair amount of time of seeing each other they fell in love. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. One day when he knew he had found the woman of his dreams in her, and realized she would stay by his side in the most dire of circumstances, he confessed - he was rich, very rich. The front he put on about being poor and homeless was a safe-guard against people who would judge him based on his wealth. Needless to say she was surprised, but didn't think any differently of him now knowing he was very financially well-off. They got married and had a great marriage from what I've been told (was too young to make social observations prior to his passing) and she lived out the rest of her life as a very kind and happy lady, regardless of the fact that she would never have a financial worry again. She had met her love, and it made her life complete. My favorite aunt on that side of the family, she was sincerely a wonderful person to be around and always had a smile on her face. I was there at the moment she died, and you could tell she lived a happy life.

 

Now to the other side of the family.

 

This side consists of a long line of filthy rich individuals. On this side, your worth is determined by the amount of money you bring in. They're mostly day-traders, doctors, and business owners. I was named after (middle name) a great great grandfather in the family, who was the inventor of the mammogram machine. Virtually everyone in the family has married rich, powerful, and/or famous individuals. To this day, the only one that is still married is the one who didn't, they married an average individual who they truly cared for and although they've had a rocky marriage at some points, they worked through it and are still together. Most of the rest of the family are on their 3rd and 4th marriages, (some were more pleasant then others) to strictly wealthy individuals. I've yet to hear of one who didn't have serious issues, aside from them all being highly superficial. I love the family, but their wealth-based sole motives in life has not played out well for them. Most are truly unhappy regardless of their wealth, to be sincere, I feel bad for them, there are times I wish I could show them how there's so much more to life to be happy about.

 

I understand your motives and reasoning, and I truly respect the fact that you're highly independent. You're a strong woman on the inside. It's also nice to see that you are looking to settle down and be committed to someone you intend to build a steady life with. Making sure your partner is tested for STDs is completely reasonable, but I feel as though coming on strong with the credit score questioning may have you coming off as a little superficial even though I know you're doing it for noble reasons (being realistic in financial matters regarding a life partner). I'm not here to make judgements on what's wrong or right. I just hope you don't miss out on a chance at true love due to the screening methods and lack of being open to being with regular people. Humans are still human. There's an old saying on the wealthy side of the family that goes "humans are all equal, It's just some are more equal then others" and it always bothered me. All people deserve a fair chance, and all people deserve to have love.

 

One last thing before I end this wall of text, should you marry, and use traditional vows, you're going to have to say something like this:

 

I ____, take ____ to be my lawfully wedded husband. For rich or for poor, in sickness and health, until death do us part.

 

And hopefully mean it.

Edited by iKING
  • Like 2
Posted

You've just gotten used to women taking all the risks while you take none.

 

Red, you have said this about a thousand times on LS, And I have to ask what makes you worth taking risks?

 

I mean, you say it's good to have boundaries (I agree), but as you present yourself on LS, you don't have boundaries, you have a security system equivalent to that of Fort Knox.

 

What innate qualities do you bring to the table, that would make the guys you want, climb over all the barriers you have put up?

  • Author
Posted
Robin, I have a little story for you, think of it as you wish.

 

On one side of my family, I had an aunt (now passed) who fell for someone rather unconventional. She was at the beach one day and met a man whom she had an instant connection with. While conversing in the beginning he told her he was homeless, she looked past it and continued going to see him. After a fair amount of time of seeing each other they fell in love. She wanted to spend the rest of her life with him. One day when he knew he had found the woman of his dreams in her, and realized she would stay by his side in the most dire of circumstances, he confessed - he was rich, very rich. The front he put on about being poor and homeless was a safe-guard against people who would judge him based on his wealth. Needless to say she was surprised, but didn't think any differently of him now knowing he was very financially well-off. They got married and had a great marriage from what I've been told (was too young to make social observations prior to his passing) and she lived out the rest of her life as a very kind and happy lady, regardless of the fact that she would never have a financial worry again. She had met her love, and it made her life complete. My favorite aunt on that side of the family, she was sincerely a wonderful person to be around and always had a smile on her face. I was there at the moment she died, and you could tell she lived a happy life.

 

Now to the other side of the family.

 

This side consists of a long line of filthy rich individuals. On this side, your worth is determined by the amount of money you bring in. They're mostly day-traders, doctors, and business owners. I was named after (middle name) a great great grandfather in the family, who was the inventor of the mammogram machine. Virtually everyone in the family has married rich, powerful, and/or famous individuals. To this day, the only one that is still married is the one who didn't, they married an average individual who they truly cared for and although they've had a rocky marriage at some points, they worked through it and are still together. Most of the rest of the family are on their 3rd and 4th marriages, (some were more pleasant then others) to strictly wealthy individuals. I've yet to hear of one who didn't have serious issues, aside from them all being highly superficial. I love the family, but their wealth-based sole motives in life has not played out well for them. Most are truly unhappy regardless of their wealth, to be sincere, I feel bad for them, there are times I wish I could show them how there's so much more to life to be happy about.

 

I understand your motives and reasoning, and I truly respect the fact that your highly independent. You're a strong woman on the inside. It's also nice to see that you are looking to settle down and be committed to someone you intend to build a steady life with. Making sure your partner is tested for STDs is completely reasonable, but I feel as though coming on strong with the credit score questioning may have you coming off as a little superficial even though I know you're doing it for noble reasons (being realistic in financial matters regarding a life partner). I'm not here to make judgements on what's wrong or right. I just hope you don't miss out on a chance at true love due to the screening methods and lack of being open to being with regular people. Humans are still human. There's an old saying on the wealthy side of the family that goes "humans are all equal, It's just some are more equal then others" and it always bothered me. All people deserve a fair chance, and all people deserve to have love.

 

One last thing before I end this wall of text, should you marry, and use traditional vows, you're going to have to say something like this:

 

I ____, take ____ to be my lawfully wedded husband. For rich or for poor, in sickness and health, until death do us part.

 

And hopefully mean it.

 

... that's a really nice story. Thank you very much for sharing that. :)

 

I do hear you about the dichotomy in the family. My ex-H was from old money and his family was paranoid as hell when we split. My parents and family are poor, but good hearted.

 

It really bothered me too, because he was a guy who was a hard core pot smoker in college who made his way through school on his parents $$... while I worked full-time and struggles he could never comprehend. I fell in love with him because he seemed to really value my hard work, and his family admired my persistence as well. In lots of ways, they were taking a chance on me too. I was the 'outsider' amongst them.

 

I put myself through school 100%, and supported him when he got his Master's degree... even before we were married.... I gave him a chance... and when I most needed him years later... he pulled the rug on me.... like the sorry, entitled, lazy 'loser' he was in college.

 

When we split... no one had to ask me... I signed over the rights to every penny of his inheritance... despite the fact that HE was the one divorcing me and the one who cheated on ME. It was his money and I didn't need it. Everything I have I've worked for myself.

 

So, when his dad had a little fissy one day after everything I'd done... I told him to go F*CK HIMSELF AND HIS MONEY. In hindsight, I forgave his parents. Lots of women would have taken him for all he was worth. His parents tried to convince him not to divorce me and to go to counseling... which he did only briefly. Lots of his idiot former pot-smoking friends telling him he deserved to be 'happy' and encouraging his affair.

 

Despite what happened to me and everything I went through with my marriage, I didn't give up on marriage. Nor did I give up on men... THAT process has taken a lot longer (the giving up part, that is). Alot of that we have OLD to thank.

 

Since then... I've opened the door to getting to know lots of men with varied backgrounds and life histories since then... the thing is.... there are reasons those things happen... that go very deep. Their credit fails, or they have a substance abuse problem, mental illness or whatever... I've decided I simply can't be anyone's fixer upper. I've worked too hard and sacrificed too much to take those kinds of chances again.

 

So I'm trying not to make the same mistake.

 

So that is my story...

 

I hear you and the others about how the credit thing sounds. I dunno. Tough times call for tough measures. I feel like I've tried every other thing.

 

You are very fortunate to be able to see both sides of things... and that money isn't all that it is cracked up to be.

 

... back to the instruments...

 

Very cool you can play the violin!!

Posted
... that's a really nice story. Thank you very much for sharing that. :)

 

I do hear you about the dichotomy in the family. My ex-H was from old money and his family was paranoid as hell when we split. My parents and family are poor, but good hearted.

 

It really bothered me too, because he was a guy who was a hard core pot smoker in college who made his way through school on his parents $$... while I worked full-time and struggles he could never comprehend. I fell in love with him because he seemed to really value my hard work, and his family admired my persistence as well. In lots of ways, they were taking a chance on me too. I was the 'outsider' amongst them.

 

I put myself through school 100%, and supported him when he got his Master's degree... even before we were married.... I gave him a chance... and when I most needed him years later... he pulled the rug on me.... like the sorry, entitled, lazy 'loser' he was in college.

 

When we split... no one had to ask me... I signed over the rights to every penny of his inheritance... despite the fact that HE was the one divorcing me and the one who cheated on ME. It was his money and I didn't need it. Everything I have I've worked for myself.

 

So, when his dad had a little fissy one day after everything I'd done... I told him to go F*CK HIMSELF AND HIS MONEY. In hindsight, I forgave his parents. Lots of women would have taken him for all he was worth. His parents tried to convince him not to divorce me and to go to counseling... which he did only briefly. Lots of his idiot former pot-smoking friends telling him he deserved to be 'happy' and encouraging his affair.

 

Despite what happened to me and everything I went through with my marriage, I didn't give up on marriage. Nor did I give up on men... THAT process has taken a lot longer (the giving up part, that is). Alot of that we have OLD to thank.

 

Since then... I've opened the door to getting to know lots of men with varied backgrounds and life histories since then... the thing is.... there are reasons those things happen... that go very deep. Their credit fails, or they have a substance abuse problem, mental illness or whatever... I've decided I simply can't be anyone's fixer upper. I've worked too hard and sacrificed too much to take those kinds of chances again.

 

So I'm trying not to make the same mistake.

 

So that is my story...

 

I hear you and the others about how the credit thing sounds. I dunno. Tough times call for tough measures. I feel like I've tried every other thing.

 

You are very fortunate to be able to see both sides of things... and that money isn't all that it is cracked up to be.

 

... back to the instruments...

 

Very cool you can play the violin!!

 

My pleasure :)

 

Thank you for telling your story as well as I now understand where you're coming from. I can't say I blame you for going about things the way you do. I'm truly sorry to hear you were treated poorly by your ex-H, and that he had no understanding of how difficult it is to make it on your own in this world. He clearly did not deserve someone as strong-willed and genuine as you are. It's rough putting everything on the line to have it all thrown in your face to say the least, while still being the bigger man (woman in your case) about it all. I've been there as well and it isn't easy to willingly put yourself on the chopping-block again. It's borderline foolish. Love, relationships, dating, they all qualify for being classified as text-book insanity. Attempting the same action a repeated number of times expecting a different result. Yet it doesn't stop us from trying it all again, this, in itself, is the human spirit.

 

I have never met you, and don't know you, but I have a lot of respect for you based on what you've posted regarding your story and life, I hope you know that. ;)

 

Thank you, among the skills I've professed over the years, it has to be one of my favorite. It's really neat that you play the piano, I'm a huge sucker for it and I would think most men with a sentimental side would be as well, so I can imagine it would come in handy. There's something about instruments that taps into the heart of creation itself, with beauty and grace, integrity and honor. It's something only musicians can understand. It can be very therapeutic. Much like singing in some cases.

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