William Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Let's stay focused on the issues raised by the thread starter as to why they offer the opinion 'it's been hard for me to find someone'. Thanks.
Author RedRobin Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 I find it rather humorous that some of the posters can take offense at the slightest thing... then call ME angry. Good one. When I think of a person who makes 'demands', I think of this... "Like a Boss" What I find sad for some of the guys on this thread, is that I have a pretty great example of a man who has found life-time love with a woman... my mom... and she with him. Both are strong, no BS people... but who are also loving and caring... ...and you actually believe that anyone should take your advice and gravitate towards or emulate men who behave in the opposite. Good one.
Author RedRobin Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) Here's a good one... Bugs Bunny. My favorite! You'll have to watch until about 6:21 to see how it relates to this thread [/url] Bugs Bunny - Bewitched Bunny [HQ] - YouTube Edited March 2, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited link to 6:21
Lonely Ronin Posted March 2, 2013 Posted March 2, 2013 Sorry red, I don't think you understand what anyone male of female on this thread has meant by respect......
Author RedRobin Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) Sorry red, I don't think you understand what anyone male of female on this thread has meant by respect...... I think I do... Starting with your last post... I hope you don't talk to your dates that way. If someone IRL said that to me... "Jesus, what's wrong with you?" I'd smile and politely excuse myself... then politely refuse more interaction with you. If I were feeling generous, I may tell you that I don't allow people to speak to me that way, THEN leave and wish you 'good luck'. Probably not though. IRL, I don't make a habit of training grownups how to speak to people unless I'm paid to do so. Here, I make a joke out of it and expect you to get the hint. Guess you didn't get the hint. .... but since you decided to 'raise your hand', I suppose you are as good an example as any... See, comments like your other post are the kind of belligerent, thoughtless comments thrown around by some clueless men on a regular basis in the dating world. And you've likely gotten used to some women smiling with a look of mild surprise, perhaps making it through the date, then not accepting your calls in the future or requests for future dates. Am I right? I can think of quite a handful of men I've dumped who decided to talk to me that way... Edited March 2, 2013 by RedRobin
Author RedRobin Posted March 2, 2013 Author Posted March 2, 2013 (edited) I know there are men "out there" who still value love and commitment, but of course they are picky about who they commit to. It does seem that RedRobin has built up some strong walls, and that will turn off a lot of relationship-minded men. When I meet a relationship-minded man, I'll let you know. In the past 5 years, I've gone on dates with maybe four. I had relationships with two of them, both of whom I broke up with. One of them is still a good friend of mine, and he is in a relationship that appears heading for marriage. The one before him I still work with closely in my community work. He got married about two years ago. The other two are former co-workers... and we only went on a date or two. They both married women much younger than them. I doubt I was a contender for that reason alone. They were on their second marriage... apparently looking for a trophy wife. That's not me. But that is ok... I still talk to them too. I didn't take it personally. ... and the guy I just dumped?? .... he was 'relationship minded'... meaning, he thought he could use me to climb his relationship ladder and up his dating cache so he could learn how to appeal to his 'dream' woman too. I imagine that he will get remarried someday... I certainly wasn't about to help him achieve that goal through me or on my time. Ugh. I don't normally go NC. But this last one I did. So, no, I don't believe my 'walls' are the problem. I believe that most men these days aren't interested in relationships or commitment... and I've gotten very good at filtering those out. Edited March 2, 2013 by RedRobin
Author RedRobin Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 This is the right time to post quotes from an email my lovely mother sent me “A successful man is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at him.” ― David Brinkley “When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.” ― Viktor E. Frankl “Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man. Sooner or later the man who wins is the man who thinks he can win.” ― Vince Lombardi 1
Woggle Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Things are rough these days for relationship minded people of either gender. I will never be one of these men who claim that women have it easy because I am fully aware that they have a host of problems but men who want a real relationship are struggling just as much. I have a number of friends who want nothing more than to find real love and are having no luck at all. 1
ltjg45 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I believe that most men these days aren't interested in relationships or commitment... and I've gotten very good at filtering those out. While I do agree with everything else, I don't agree with this. Most men out there do want relationships and commitment. What you want is "true love", which is one step higher than what most males (or even females) view as commitment. Society has made it now, even if you do get married, that if you get bored or you just don't want to stay in a relationship that you can back out of it at any time for any reason (or no reason at all). Society doesn't punish you for doing so unlike what would happen in the past. You don't want that. When you get married, you expect to stay married no matter what the cost if, for nothing else, strictly for love and respect to one another. You simply want something almost no one who was born since 1980 really wants. This is why I'm afraid of getting married strictly because almost no one wants to get married and stay married. How much time would it takes to find a woman that is willing to solve any problem, big or small, that may come to affect their life with one another? Maybe 50,000 at the most out of billions of people? It's so rare some people (like me and you) who wants it could probably never see it. While I do see your point completely, I can't agree that most males don't want commitment. They merely want commitment in the way society tells them to. In a way, that is still commitment. What you want is the "old-school" version of commitment, the kind your parents has that is basically obsolete in this day and age.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I think I do... Starting with your last post... I hope you don't talk to your dates that way. If someone IRL said that to me... "Jesus, what's wrong with you?" I'd smile and politely excuse myself... then politely refuse more interaction with you. If I were feeling generous, I may tell you that I don't allow people to speak to me that way, THEN leave and wish you 'good luck'. Probably not though. IRL, I don't make a habit of training grownups how to speak to people unless I'm paid to do so. Nope, you don't get it..... The only Time I have ever even come close to talk like that to a woman IRL, Is when I found her attitude overwhelmingly repulsive. I'm sure I will get in trouble with the mods, for not being nice, But the way you present yourself on LS, is more like a Narcissistic male d-bag than the gentile well mannered woman with southern roots you claim to be. Perhaps, that's why you have such a hard time finding someone that treats you well. Most normal guys are avoiding you, because they can't stand the "holier than thou" vibe you exude. That's also why I think so may of your past experiences with men are negative, the only ones who are willing to put up with your personality, are the ones who don't care about it, because they just want to get into your pants. See, comments like your other post are the kind of belligerent, thoughtless comments thrown around by some clueless men on a regular basis in the dating world. Lets review are interaction. You posted a comment about not demanding anything. I posted a comment saying that's atypical because most people(they key word) demand respect. You responded with what i consider a snarky comment. Men who make 'demands' show their inability to communicate and negotiate effectively as an adult and partner. I don't equate making 'demands' with manhood or an adult relationship. So yes, I'm going to respond back with a comment you aren't going to like, because I deemed yours disrespectful, and you taking a chance to take a swipe at men in general. You do this a lot red, any time a guy on ls says something you don't like you immediately go into attack mode, and start making comments about men in a derogatory fashion. That's why I specifically think you don't like men as a sex. When a man disagrees with you, you don't direct your response at the man in question you direct your negative response at men in general. It's no different than several guys on here complaining about women this and women that. And you've likely gotten used to some women smiling with a look of mild surprise, perhaps making it through the date, then not accepting your calls in the future or requests for future dates. Am I right? Nope, your not even close. I'm very well like by women I have dated, been in relationships with, female co-workers, friends, neighbors, even the bartender at my favorite restaurant. I will give you two examples from my personal life. Last night, while out with friends, I was given what I consider a very high compliment. I was talking to a female friend, and she was explaining her latest dating woes, and I was offering my opinions. Before she left she told me she really appreciated me as a friend, and that is was good to know that their are a lot of guys out their that aren't just trying to get between her legs. When I was at my lowest after my fiance and I separated a couple year back, one of the members of the group of friends who watched over me at first was a female co-worker of mine old enough to be my mother. To put it lightly we didn't like each other at all when we first started working together. One of the things she told me when i was really down one day, was that even though I infuriated her at times, I was one of the best people she ever worked with, because I was always honest and never pulled any punches. 1
xxoo Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 There were no "good old days" for marriage. There have always been some very happy marriages, just as there are some very happy marriages now. People may have been more likely to seek marriage and stay married in the past, but that doesn't mean the marriages were great. Marriage is less expected these days. IMO, that's a good thing for marriage. It may mean that fewer people are seeking marriage, but the people who are seeking it are more sincere about it. It's like that song "what's the matter with kids today?" Every generation thinks the former had it easier. Not likely!
ltjg45 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 There were no "good old days" for marriage. There have always been some very happy marriages, just as there are some very happy marriages now. People may have been more likely to seek marriage and stay married in the past, but that doesn't mean the marriages were great. Marriage is less expected these days. IMO, that's a good thing for marriage. It may mean that fewer people are seeking marriage, but the people who are seeking it are more sincere about it. It's like that song "what's the matter with kids today?" Every generation thinks the former had it easier. Not likely! What I meant by that is, back in the past, when someone get married, they would stay married no matter their differences. Even if they don't solve their problems, they don't get divorced immediately. While there was less happy marriages, there was also far less divorces. Now? You get married, you can get divorced as soon as a day later if even one minor issue comes up that wasn't solved. People don't want to fix it among the male and female. Instead they would retreat and throw the marriage in the trash can without a second thought. It has got to the point where it is hard to even imagine seeing anyone actually getting married and expect it to stay that way because either one can fire off the divorce for any or no reason.
xxoo Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 What I meant by that is, back in the past, when someone get married, they would stay married no matter their differences. Even if they don't solve their problems, they don't get divorced immediately. While there was less happy marriages, there was also far less divorces. Now? You get married, you can get divorced as soon as a day later if even one minor issue comes up that wasn't solved. People don't want to fix it among the male and female. Instead they would retreat and throw the marriage in the trash can without a second thought. It has got to the point where it is hard to even imagine seeing anyone actually getting married and expect it to stay that way because either one can fire off the divorce for any or no reason. I think the people who divorce now would have been the "long miserably married" people a few generations ago. The thing is, you don't know which 20-something couples getting married in 2013 are going to be the sweet old couples of 2063. Some will!
Lonely Ronin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 What I meant by that is, back in the past, when someone get married, they would stay married no matter their differences. Even if they don't solve their problems, they don't get divorced immediately. While there was less happy marriages, there was also far less divorces. That was because in the past, it was next to impossible to get divorced. For once wiki actually has a good overview of the topic. Divorce - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia 1
Author RedRobin Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 The only Time I have ever even come close to talk like that to a woman IRL, Is when I found her attitude overwhelmingly repulsive. I'm sure I will get in trouble with the mods, for not being nice, But the way you present yourself on LS, is more like a Narcissistic male d-bag than the gentile well mannered woman with southern roots you claim to be. ... but that's ok, why? Because you are a guy and you are used to being rude and getting away with it? Like I said, IRL, I wouldn't give a guy with your attitude the time of day. You are quite common... pushing your weight around like you do.... and thinking it works. Find some other way to communicate. I guarantee it isn't effective.
Lonely Ronin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 (edited) ... but that's ok, why? Because you are a guy and you are used to being rude and getting away with it? I'm not trying to, nor do I want to get away with anything. It doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman, if a person does something That I feel is disrespectful, rude, or in some other way negative that I don't like, that person is going to hear about it. The severity of said persons action, is going to directly dictate how directly & bluntly I make my unhappiness known. It could be as simple as "excuse me?" in a more firm tone, to all the way up to very abrasive & openly combative. This is the last time I even got remotely combative with a woman. I have only had this(openly bashing men) happen to me once while on a date. Was watching a movies(cant remember what it was) at her place, and we where discussing it as we watched. A seen came up where a guy was being a real d-bag, and she said "all guys are lead around by their Dic**" and I was like what? After a little back and forth It became apparent that she meant it, so i got up put my coat on and walked towards the door. From behind i hear "what are you doing", I turned around looked at her, and said "you're right we are, and mine is leading me home, good night". Needless to say we didn't last very long after that. Like I said, IRL, I wouldn't give a guy with your attitude the time of day. You are quite common... pushing your weight around like you do.... and thinking it works. Find some other way to communicate. I guarantee it isn't effective. Red, IRL I would most likely be the same way towards you. What do you mean works? It seems as if your are suggesting an always be nice, turn the other cheek methodology, I'm sorry that's no one i follow. to quote a bad 80's movie, I believe in being nice until it's time to not be nice. Edited March 3, 2013 by Lonely Ronin
Author RedRobin Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 I believe in being nice until it's time to not be nice. Learn how to pick your battles. ... and since you don't know how to say much constructive or helpful, you will go on ignore now. Have a nice evening...
Lonely Ronin Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Learn how to pick your battles. ... and since you don't know how to say much constructive or helpful, you will go on ignore now. Have a nice evening... Well, I think you missed, or ignored the criticism. Please refer back to my comments about you routinely make negative comments about men, instead of directing your comments at individuals. If you ponder that I think you will see how your views are most likely repelling the very men you want to attract. It's not at all dissimilar to the men on LS, who refuse to believe their negative opinions and general dislike of women seeps into their attempts at romantic interactions with women.
kaylan Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Im sure someones said it, but I know why OP has had a hard time. Its evident in her posts. Personally I think she holds double standards regarding what she feels shes allowed to do and a man is allowed to do in the early dating stages. Along with being a bit judgmental and somewhat close-minded regarding some things. And she can seem quite negative towards men at times. Thats just my opinion though. 2
Author RedRobin Posted March 3, 2013 Author Posted March 3, 2013 Personally I think she holds double standards regarding what she feels shes allowed to do and a man is allowed to do in the early dating stages. What double standards would those be? The opposite is true. I don't expect men to pay my way, I don't multi-date, and I don't sleep around.... Along with being a bit judgmental and somewhat close-minded regarding some things. And she can seem quite negative towards men at times. If being a 'man' means being 'demanding', sleeping with lots of women and multi-dating, then you are right, I don't like that. Although, I know plenty of men who don't act like that. They just aren't single and haven't been for quite a long time. ... and since I'm also not dating guys with criminal records, poor credit, or a history of substance abuse... Well, the pool would be quite small...
Soxfaninfl Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 What double standards would those be? The opposite is true. I don't expect men to pay my way, I don't multi-date, and I don't sleep around.... If being a 'man' means being 'demanding', sleeping with lots of women and multi-dating, then you are right, I don't like that. Although, I know plenty of men who don't act like that. They just aren't single and haven't been for quite a long time. ... and since I'm also not dating guys with criminal records, poor credit, or a history of substance abuse... Well, the pool would be quite small... I pay for women when I date. I get my self in trouble cause I spend too much on them. I'm generous I guess. It would be nice for a women to help out on occasion when paying for dates just not all the time. I never date two women at one time, and I've only been with 5 women in my lifetime. I'm 37. I'm not demanding, don't have a criminal record, have good credit or have a history of substance abuse, and I'm still single. Women say I'm cute.
ltjg45 Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 ... and since I'm also not dating guys with criminal records, poor credit, or a history of substance abuse... Well, the pool would be quite small... Yeah, that right there would eliminate me from being her ideal mate. I have no idea how long it would take before I get my credit back in order.
Green Light Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 Yeah, that right there would eliminate me from being her ideal mate. I have no idea how long it would take before I get my credit back in order. I wonder if she asks potential boyfriends for their SS number so she can pull their reports from all three credit reporting agencies? 2
Soxfaninfl Posted March 3, 2013 Posted March 3, 2013 I wonder if she asks potential boyfriends for their SS number so she can pull their reports from all three credit reporting agencies? I acctually tell women my full name when I'm dating online before we meet, so they can check me out to see that I don't have a criminal record. I want them to feel at ease. I have good credit so that would be a problem giving them my SS # lol.
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